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(When On Earth)   Attention tourists: If you're visiting the United States there are some things you can do to blend in, including adding ice to every drink, call football soccer, and brag about being dumb   (whenonearth.net) divider line 331
    More: Obvious, strict rules  
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10726 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2014 at 7:23 AM (4 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-12 03:38:59 AM
When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.
 
2014-08-12 05:13:50 AM
Why would anyone call Football "Soccer"?  They're completely different sports.
 
2014-08-12 06:50:26 AM
warosu.org
 
2014-08-12 07:16:05 AM
Meh,I love me some good Americuh-bashing but that was underwhelming.
 
2014-08-12 07:26:36 AM
Why come you go american site and bash american? Oh well no time to fight, 'batin.
 
2014-08-12 07:28:38 AM
I'd call it pathetic, but it didn't quite rise to that level.
 
2014-08-12 07:28:56 AM
middlefinger.jpg
 
2014-08-12 07:29:16 AM

OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.


My brother went to Thailand several years ago. He brought back some of their version of Red Bull. It is really a concentrated syrup with enough caffeine to kill a horse, and they drink it at room temperature. Which means around 90 degrees Fahrenheit in Thailand.

Ugh. That shiat is nasty enough here.
 
2014-08-12 07:30:24 AM
The only thing that Americans love more than sports, politics, cars, and food is complaining about them. Visit any household or sports bar on a Sunday afternoon and watch as grown men scream and throw things while their favorite athlete tries to play a game.

Cause soccer fans around the world are so mature, civil and well behaved.
 
2014-08-12 07:31:12 AM
Well, that was an article.

I guess.
 
2014-08-12 07:31:17 AM
I'm guessing the sarcasm was intentional here.
 
2014-08-12 07:33:08 AM
Having spent the weekend at an amusement park, I would also add "not wearing a bra if you are obese, definitely wearing tank tops and bathing suit tops if you are obese, lycra shorts are OK even if your shirt does not cover your ass."

Holy hell, America.
 
2014-08-12 07:33:29 AM
Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.
 
2014-08-12 07:37:05 AM

magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export.


Indiana.
 
2014-08-12 07:37:25 AM
And those credit cards aren't going to use themselves.  Buy, buy and bye bye.
 
2014-08-12 07:37:36 AM

abhorrent1: The only thing that Americans love more than sports, politics, cars, and food is complaining about them. Visit any household or sports bar on a Sunday afternoon and watch as grown men scream and throw things while their favorite athlete tries to play a game.

Cause soccer fans around the world are so mature, civil and well behaved.


It's always been my experience at the game itself that American sports fans are much tamer than European sports fans.  Americans are always sitting down, cheering only periodically, but otherwise being rather orderly.  The Euros, at least in the Ultras sections, will be singing, chanting, jumping u-and-down, setting off fireworks, etc. the entire game.  It's only recently that places like Wisconsin are bringing some of that "hey, let's do more than just sit and watch" spirit to American stadiums.

Perhaps my perception is colored by the fact that I have never been to a Philadelphia stadium...
 
2014-08-12 07:37:57 AM

magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.


A couple of the times I was in Italy, mostly the Piedmont, people thought I was German.

The rudest people I met in Paris were other Americans.
 
2014-08-12 07:38:27 AM
Miller lite... On the rocks...  USA USA USA
 
2014-08-12 07:39:26 AM
Hate random groups of people - make up a reason.
Feel sorry for a random cause because of - make up a reason.
Drink the worst beer in the world and treat it like a fine wine.
 
2014-08-12 07:39:41 AM

magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.


I think it's an exchange program like cab drivers.  My understanding is German tourists are like that in any country.  Old, Fat and naked.
 
2014-08-12 07:40:00 AM
No way this wasn't written by an American. Word Series?
 
2014-08-12 07:40:05 AM

magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.


There used to be a factory in Kansas but they shut it down and moved the work to Taiwan.
 
2014-08-12 07:41:36 AM

OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.


When I was in Sacramento I ordered a coke with no ice, the guy looked at me like I was insulting his mother and said "Is that the way they do things in Europe?" I said "yes...". Very bewildered that it was even a thing. I say no ice over here too because ice is assumed. I just like my drink to not be diluted by the end, I didn't mean to insult anyone. I did deliberately insult him later though, because I figured why the fark not, in for a penny in for a pound. If someone's going to dislike me I at least want to deserve it.
 
2014-08-12 07:42:24 AM

Wendy's Chili: magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export.

Indiana.


I've wondered if when airlines estimate the fuel they need if they choose average weight of passenger based on location. I thought of this at the airport in Indianapolis.
 
2014-08-12 07:42:32 AM
Your blog sucks.
 
2014-08-12 07:42:41 AM

magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.


When people visit the US, they stick with NY, Miami, and LA. When Americans visit other countries, you get a broad sample.
 
2014-08-12 07:42:51 AM

FullMetalPanda: I think it's an exchange program like cab drivers. My understanding is German tourists are like that in any country. Old, Fat and naked.


Also, they travel in packs.  And they seem to be in some kind of war with the British about waking up early and claiming beach chairs.
 
2014-08-12 07:44:10 AM

fireclown: FullMetalPanda: I think it's an exchange program like cab drivers. My understanding is German tourists are like that in any country. Old, Fat and naked.

Also, they travel in packs.  And they seem to be in some kind of war with the British about waking up early and claiming beach chairs.


Dude, you're not suppose to mention the war.
 
2014-08-12 07:45:33 AM
We'll start calling American football "hand egg" just as soon as you Europeans start calling your version of football "flop ball."
 
2014-08-12 07:45:38 AM

Slaxl: OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.

When I was in Sacramento I ordered a coke with no ice, the guy looked at me like I was insulting his mother and said "Is that the way they do things in Europe?" I said "yes...". Very bewildered that it was even a thing. I say no ice over here too because ice is assumed. I just like my drink to not be diluted by the end, I didn't mean to insult anyone. I did deliberately insult him later though, because I figured why the fark not, in for a penny in for a pound. If someone's going to dislike me I at least want to deserve it.


...you think he disliked you because you did not want ice? Aww, buddy. C'mere. You obviously need some reassurance.
 
2014-08-12 07:46:04 AM
Also note that you don't notice the non-annoying Americans in other countries. We just walk around, take pictures of stuff and have polite conversations.
 
2014-08-12 07:46:14 AM
1. The English mostly use metric and the US doesn't use the all same common measurements as the old English/Imperial system and some units are very different quantities in the US. America uses the "US System". Own it.

2. When you complain about people bragging about being dumb you might want avoid complaining about how the "word series" only has teams from one country.

3. The US really got into the last world cup.
 
2014-08-12 07:47:23 AM

Lando Lincoln: We'll start calling American football "hand egg" just as soon as you Europeans start calling your version of football "flop ball."


Start calling your firearms "rooty-tooty-point-and-shooties" and it's a deal.
 
2014-08-12 07:47:32 AM
While most of the world uses the metric system, Americans find it to be too difficult ... English measurements don't use easy numbers like 10, 100, or 1,000.

Riiight. Metric's too tough for us dumb Americans, so we use a more difficult system.

And it gets stupider from there, very quickly dropping the pretense of getting by in American society and moving on to just insults.
 
2014-08-12 07:48:05 AM
I've offered to swap stereotypes with a couple of my Euro-buddies from the net.

I want a Parisian hipster - beret, Marcel Marceau-style striped shirt, comically large cigarette, and maybe a Monty Python-esque french accent. I'm willing to trade a fat American in a scooter who always talks about world war 2.
 
2014-08-12 07:48:10 AM
static.fjcdn.com
 
2014-08-12 07:48:22 AM

LaurenAguilera: Having spent the weekend at an amusement park, I would also add "not wearing a bra if you are obese, definitely wearing tank tops and bathing suit tops if you are obese, lycra shorts are OK even if your shirt does not cover your ass."

Holy hell, America.


It is fair (state and county) season.  Good lord the people you see on the midway.  It is embarrassing

He_Hate_Me: .  It's only recently that places like Wisconsin are bringing some of that "hey, let's do more than just sit and watch" spirit to American stadiums.


Got to a Texas A&M game.  They stand through the entire thing, since at least 2000 (probably longer then that, I have just know about it since 2000)

eye-on-college-football.blogs.cbssports.com
 
2014-08-12 07:48:27 AM
I thought we were off to a good start with the photo of the bacon and handgun breakfast, but absolutely nothing lived up to it.
 
2014-08-12 07:48:57 AM
i just love the opening picture--of course i have a gun next to my plate of bacon.  you touch my bacon, i take you out.

understand?

good!!
 
2014-08-12 07:50:42 AM

Burr: LaurenAguilera: Having spent the weekend at an amusement park, I would also add "not wearing a bra if you are obese, definitely wearing tank tops and bathing suit tops if you are obese, lycra shorts are OK even if your shirt does not cover your ass."

Holy hell, America.

It is fair (state and county) season.  Good lord the people you see on the midway.  It is embarrassing

He_Hate_Me: .  It's only recently that places like Wisconsin are bringing some of that "hey, let's do more than just sit and watch" spirit to American stadiums.

Got to a Texas A&M game.  They stand through the entire thing, since at least 2000 (probably longer then that, I have just know about it since 2000)


Texas also knows how to throw a good bonfire!
 
2014-08-12 07:52:34 AM
You can't troll Americans by talking about Soccer. We really really really don't care.

Nobody puts ice in beer but it should be served as cold as possible.

Unfortunately everything else is pretty spot on.
 
2014-08-12 07:53:07 AM
Yeah our sports fans are out of control. Maybe we need a few massive stadium crushings mixed with a dash of vile racism to be sophisticated like our European superiors.
 
2014-08-12 07:53:46 AM
Kind of funny.  Replace that with an article about the biggest stereotypes of a race or member of a religion, and it would have had limited distribution on hate-blogs.

...and though I am sure it has happened, somewhere, I've personally never seen anyone put ice in beer.
 
2014-08-12 07:55:07 AM

Yanks_RSJ: Yeah our sports fans are out of control. Maybe we need a few massive stadium crushings mixed with a dash of vile racism to be sophisticated like our European superiors.


How about a take that's newer than 1985?
 
2014-08-12 07:56:23 AM
I lived in southern France for three months.  I blended in the best I could, just didn't speak the language.  A pair of German tourists thought I was a local one time until I told them I wasn't.

It was pretty easy to do, but my conversation with non English speakers was limited to "Bonjour, Bonsoir, Merci, De Rien, S'il vous plaît" and "Baguette"
 
2014-08-12 07:57:04 AM

macadamnut: No way this wasn't written by an American. Word Series?


Yeah, that and while he's right that calling it a World Series (or Word Series) is a stretch... The Toronto Bluejays aren't from the US.

So, you know, it's a World Series in that the only two countries in the world that matter play in it.

Plus a good portion of the players aren't *from* the US.
 
2014-08-12 07:57:34 AM

cameroncrazy1984: How about a take that's newer than 1985?


It's been a while since there's been a stadium crushing (due to some extreme precautionary measures), but the other half is alive and well.  I bet there's a banana in the air somewhere as we speak.....
 
2014-08-12 07:59:53 AM

macross87: Texas also knows how to throw a good bonfire!


Dude, my wife (not at the time of course) was almost involved in that (she got called into work at the last minute).
 
2014-08-12 08:00:52 AM

GDubDub: Kind of funny.  Replace that with an article about the biggest stereotypes of a race or member of a religion, and it would have had limited distribution on hate-blogs.

...and though I am sure it has happened, somewhere, I've personally never seen anyone put ice in beer.


I think I've put ice in beer once. When I was young and foolish and didn't want to wait for a cold beer. But I was drinking nasty beer anyway, so ice really didn't really hurt the experience.
 
2014-08-12 08:00:55 AM

Target Builder: 1. The English mostly use metric and the US doesn't use the all same common measurements as the old English/Imperial system and some units are very different quantities in the US. America uses the "US System". Own it.

2. When you complain about people bragging about being dumb you might want avoid complaining about how the "word series" only has teams from one country.

3. The US really got into the last world cup.


Even Europe thinks Canada is the 51st state
 
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