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(io9)   Parents give their son a jump start on having his own superhero lair   (io9.com) divider line 58
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12491 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Aug 2014 at 1:35 AM (5 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-10 06:39:29 PM
Oh.  I was thinking they staged a mugging in which they literally died.
 
2014-08-10 07:14:07 PM
Then it really sank in. "A secret treasure room! I like this room so much," he jumped up and down. "Thank you father and mother."

British?

Whatever, that kid is going to be looking at a lot of internet porn in that room by the time he's a teenager.
 
2014-08-10 08:29:52 PM
Grow room?
 
2014-08-10 08:42:02 PM
A map of the world seems more suited to the global domination supervillian vibe, but it could go either way.
 
2014-08-10 09:39:38 PM

abb3w: A map of the world seems more suited to the global domination supervillian vibe, but it could go either way.


That's what I was thinking. Needs some Christmas lights behind it to show where he's fomenting dissent and anger.
 
2014-08-11 12:01:43 AM
For years, they concealed the room's entrance with a dresser, waiting for the perfect moment

Should have waiting till he was naughty and told him that's where the monsters live.
 
2014-08-11 01:39:35 AM
Isn't this how Ariel Castro got started?
 
2014-08-11 01:42:27 AM
By age 15 that room will be where he gets to high at
 
2014-08-11 01:43:54 AM
This kid may have a sense of entitlement as he gets older. What's he going to expect for his fifth birthday?
 
2014-08-11 01:44:03 AM
Cute story, overladen with product placement.
 
2014-08-11 01:44:45 AM
Or a great place for his friends to hotbox in his teens. Unfortunately he appears to be one of those weirdos who calls his parents "mother" and "father," so he might not have friends.
 
2014-08-11 01:49:14 AM
The house next to mine sold a couple years ago.  They put a lot into renovating it and making it their own.  When my house was up for sale, the new owners let my agents (who also handled their sale) take my buyers thru their house to show what they'd done with their home of similar size/vintage.  One of the quirks that I never knew about that house is that the original owners built a play attic for the kids back in the late 60s/early 70s.  Ran something like 30-40' long and 10' across with about 5' of clearance in the middle.  Each of the bedrooms has a little door above the closet that doesn't really stand out unless you know to look for it.  Climb up a ladder and you're in a secret kids' world.
 
2014-08-11 01:50:37 AM
They should have put the dresser on wheels for starters. Then use foam or whatever it is they use and sculpt/paint that to look like rock so the room resembles a cave. Maybe make the light fixture look like a torch and make the chest look like an old timey pirate chest.

/just sayin'
 
2014-08-11 01:53:25 AM
I'm doing a house remodel soon and I'll be doing something like this for our kids room under the eaves. Super cool to see it done.
 
2014-08-11 01:58:44 AM
My childhood weekend house in Vermont had originally been a one-room schoolhouse that various inhabitants had added on to and built strange room configurations in (think about the Simpson's episode where the townsfolk attempt to rebuild Flanders' house, with Escher-esque features). When we lived there the quirks were a child's dream, including a secret tunnel that led from the back of my closet to the staircase, and various childsized cubbyholes throughout the home.
 
2014-08-11 02:30:12 AM
They're just giving him a future place to hide his porn...and the bodies.
 
2014-08-11 02:37:03 AM
Kids these days. My parents never built me my own masturbatorium. I had to construct it myself out of papier mache Sears and JC Penneys lingerie catalogs and wadded up tissues.
 
2014-08-11 02:44:14 AM
wow that's amazing you can turn a small unfinished space into a small finished space with drywall and paint I can't believe it this is really a discovery of historic proportions  maybe there's a Pritzker prize in the future for these people unbelievable
 
2014-08-11 03:05:09 AM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-08-11 03:21:37 AM
In 5-6 years when "The Boy" starts running away from home,because his parents are smothering him, they can easily convert the secret room into a cute little secret prison space!
 
2014-08-11 06:17:41 AM

just_another_asshole/jaa: In 5-6 years when "The Boy" starts running away from home,because his parents are smothering him, they can easily convert the secret room into a cute little secret prison space!


I think they spilled the beans on this too quickly.  they could have him hide in there for days at a time, report him kidnapped,  and rake in the international attention and financial support from well-wishers. Then just let him out and run to the police station saying he showed up.  Bam!  Easy fifteen minutes of fame.

Hmmm...  May have been done before.
 
2014-08-11 06:19:22 AM
Wow, a yarn hair braid, a flower lei, a patterned quilt and a quilted treasure chest, do they not realize their child is a boy or are they going all in on the future serial killer thing and are going to start dressing him in girls' clothes too. Maybe they'll go in there one day and find a girl suit made out of real girls.
adventurecampradio.com
 
2014-08-11 06:39:05 AM
Won't they feel silly when he tries to move that dresser and it falls over and crushes him to death.
 
2014-08-11 06:59:54 AM
You know who else got a jump start?

2.bp.blogspot.com

Mal and Wash.
 
2014-08-11 07:14:05 AM

Guilty_plea_bargain: This kid may have a sense of entitlement as he gets older. What's he going to expect for his fifth birthday?


Hookers and blow.
 
2014-08-11 07:33:57 AM
I would have waited until he was a bit older, maybe five or six. I don't think he'll remember the awesome reveal past childhood.
 
2014-08-11 07:44:35 AM


Sound like dialogue from a Winnie-the-Pooh book. Who talks like that?
 
2014-08-11 08:20:03 AM
I was going to do something similar, but a retired firefighter I know that has found and/or removed the bodies of many dead children told me that he discourages people from creating hiding places for kids.  Kids will often go to them when they are scared, and firefighters won't know to look.
 
2014-08-11 08:34:58 AM

DrBrownCow: I was going to do something similar, but a retired firefighter I know that has found and/or removed the bodies of many dead children told me that he discourages people from creating hiding places for kids.  Kids will often go to them when they are scared, and firefighters won't know to look.


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-08-11 08:39:04 AM

DrBrownCow: I was going to do something similar, but a retired firefighter I know that has found and/or removed the bodies of many dead children told me that he discourages people from creating hiding places for kids.  Kids will often go to them when they are scared, and firefighters won't know to look.


I bet you walk around popping balloons and knocking over ice cream cones.
 
2014-08-11 08:41:29 AM
My parents had a secret room behind a dresser, too.
But I don't think is was a treasure room.
 
2014-08-11 08:46:00 AM
Way to go, now it isn't a secret.  Present totally ruined.
 
2014-08-11 08:54:58 AM
Your wife, is she a Goer?  Nudge nudge wink wink .  Say no more.

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-08-11 08:58:35 AM
Heroes don't have lairs subby. They have halls of justice, batcaves, etc. But villains have lairs.
 
2014-08-11 09:22:46 AM

DrBrownCow: I was going to do something similar, but a retired firefighter I know that has found and/or removed the bodies of many dead children told me that he discourages people from creating hiding places for kids.  Kids will often go to them when they are scared, and firefighters won't know to look.


Did he also tell you about the time his dad dressed up as Santa Claus and broke his neck climbing down the chimney, and they found his smelly corpse on Christmas eve?
 
2014-08-11 09:32:38 AM

Wolf892: I know how hard it is to keep a secret, but could you imagine if they'd kept quiet after fixing it up and just let him discover it on his own one day when he was about 7 years old? I bet he would have shiat himself to discover a "hidden" room just waiting for him. If he took too long to discover it then maybe the parents could start giving little hints like "dust behind your dresser, it's filthy!"


At least we're in before some parent craps on this because it makes them feel bad, but after the article I was thinking with a little patience they could have really built up a dramatic flourish by waiting a couple more years. Even setting up a treasure hunt type scenario with his birthday cake inside or something.
 
2014-08-11 09:32:48 AM
2.bp.blogspot.com

Oooh! A sheecret room!  Sank you so much, Maja and Faja!
 
2014-08-11 09:44:37 AM
After my divorce, the only home I could afford was a 2 bedroom townhouse. My children were small so sharing a bedroom wasn't a big deal, but there wasn't much room to play. I made the closet under the stairs their "lair". It was huge and turned a corner, making it seem even more secret lair-like. I remarried and sold the townhouse just a few years later, moving up a couple of times to bigger and better homes/yards over the years -- but the kids (now in their late 20's) will tell you their favorite childhood play space was that silly lair.
 
2014-08-11 11:07:10 AM
I know, I know, welcome to Fark. But some of you are just massive misanthropes. 

Very cute story.
 
2014-08-11 11:14:05 AM
For the parents:
www.robgroove.com
That's pretty damned awesome.  If my house was arranged that way, I'd do it for my son.
 
2014-08-11 11:34:29 AM
TFA mentioned Costco, and Ikea twice. I'm guessing it's a sponsored job.
 
2014-08-11 11:38:55 AM

DrBrownCow: I was going to do something similar, but a retired firefighter I know that has found and/or removed the bodies of many dead children told me that he discourages people from creating hiding places for kids.  Kids will often go to them when they are scared, and firefighters won't know to look.


There is a simple solution for this:

Build a way-cool THUNDERBIRDS-like escape slide.

Duh!
 
2014-08-11 12:05:56 PM

fusillade762: For years, they concealed the room's entrance with a dresser, waiting for the perfect moment

Should have waiting till he was naughty and told him that's where the monsters live.


See, it's remarks like this that forced me to favorite you a long, long time ago.

Thanks for the Monday morning laugh.
www.sitcomsonline.com
 
2014-08-11 12:22:10 PM

styckx: By age 15 that room will be where he gets to high at


I had a room for that very purpose, it was great. It had a beanbag, television, joint making paraphernalia, and a big "Please hammer don't hurt 'em" chug-a-jug, an ashtray, and not much else. I used to go up there after dinner, lie there all night watching tv and getting stoned. Childhood really is a magical time.
 
2014-08-11 12:28:05 PM

abb3w: A map of the world seems more suited to the global domination supervillian vibe, but it could go either way.


I don't think it will be so bad.  He'll probably just use the room to work out final solutions to his problems.
 
2014-08-11 12:30:15 PM
Stupid parents ruined a perfectly awesome secret room. They should have put peg board up to cover the exposed insulation and left it alone.

If it looks like refuse happened to make it, kids will love it. If it looks like a contractor and a decorator set it up, adults will like it.
 
2014-08-11 12:38:20 PM

Cormee: styckx: By age 15 that room will be where he gets to high at

I had a room for that very purpose, it was great. It had a beanbag, television, joint making paraphernalia, and a big "Please hammer don't hurt 'em" chug-a-jug, an ashtray, and not much else. I used to go up there after dinner, lie there all night watching tv and getting stoned. Childhood really is a magical time.


I outfitted a walk-in closet the exact same way, plus a GameCube.

/Started leaving the light on after I had a seizure.
//Damn Nintendo.
 
2014-08-11 01:11:53 PM
I read the entire article, and then realized I know the family.  I was thinking this would be awesome to do for my son, except there's no room like that attached to his. Bummer...
 
2014-08-11 01:31:37 PM
Hey, there was a tiny door accessing the crawl space under the eaves in my old bedroom, too. But there was never anything in there but hornets' nests and loose fiberglas insulation.

Thanks for nothing, Mom and Dad, you  assholes.
 
2014-08-11 01:37:49 PM

mhedstrom: I read the entire article, and then realized I know the family.  I was thinking this would be awesome to do for my son, except there's no room like that attached to his. Bummer...


then just put a doorknob on the wall and maybe paint a line to represent the 'door'... and tell him that it's a 'magical' door and he must open it with his mind... that should buy you a few years of peace and quiet.
 
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