Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Mother Nature Network)   Here's a recipe for the world's best vegan guacamole. As opposed to all the meat-based guac out there   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
•       •       •

3916 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Aug 2014 at 8:33 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-08-10 08:39:04 AM  
7 votes:

abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.

Well, I sometimes add the blood of innocents, but it's not really a necessity.
2014-08-10 08:37:13 AM  
7 votes:
Let me know when they figure out how to make it gluten-free.
2014-08-10 09:52:29 AM  
6 votes:

Mister Peejay: I May Be Crazy But...: For the love of all that is good and holy - everyone who's angry that a website for crazy hippies has a recipe for vegan guacamole, please do a Google search for "guacamole recipe sour cream". That's what some people think guacamole is. Obviously they're wrong and bad people for abusing perfectly good guacamole like that, but the idea that guacamole has an animal product in it isn't crazy.

Ah, but what about "sour cream" that is vegetable oils and xanthan gum?  Kind of the white-goop equivalent of Cheez Whiz.

Good point. Stay away from vegan sour cream - it's terrible. The best way I can think of to describe it is eating sadness while someone whispers "sour cream" in your ear.
2014-08-10 01:32:08 AM  
3 votes:
pfft....without the raw ground chicken it's just not guacamole
2014-08-10 10:18:03 AM  
2 votes:
2014-08-10 09:10:47 AM  
2 votes:
I need to remember to pick up Vegan water, Vegan celery, Vegan parsley (like, a lot. I go through so much dang parsley), Vegan toilet paper, and Gluten Free toilet bowl cleaner when I go to the Super Extra Local grocery store today.
2014-08-10 02:47:03 PM  
1 vote:
Here's my recipe for vegan guacamole:


Die Eier Von Satan

Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker
Ein Viertel Teeloffel Salz
Eine Messerspitze turkisches Haschisch
Ein halbes Pfund Butter
Ein Teeloffel Vanillenzucker
Ein halbes Pfund Mehl
Einhundertfunfzig Gramm gemahlene Nusse
Ein wenig extra Staubzucker
... und keine Eier

In eine Schussel geben
Butter einruhren
Gemahlene Nusse zugeben und
Den Teig verkneten

Augenballgro?e Stucke vom Teig formen
Im Staubzucker walzen und
Sagt die Zauberworter
Simsalbimbamba Saladu Saladim

Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen und
Bei zweihundert Grad fur funfzehn Minuten backen und

Bei zweihundert Grad fur funfzehn Minuten backen und
Keine Eier.
2014-08-10 02:09:11 PM  
1 vote:

MrEricSir: Technically regular guacamole doesn't have animal products, but it's just not the same if you aren't torturing a horse to death while you make it. That's how we always do it at my place, and trust me, we make the best guacamole you've ever tasted.

I use the blood of baby endangered animals* (which I normally save for The Blood God, but we all know blood for The Blood God has a short shelf life). And a little hot sauce, but that's redundant because I put hot sauce on everything.

*only the cute ones worth saving. No naked mole rats or something ridiculous.
2014-08-10 01:41:00 PM  
1 vote:
Technically regular guacamole doesn't have animal products, but it's just not the same if you aren't torturing a horse to death while you make it. That's how we always do it at my place, and trust me, we make the best guacamole you've ever tasted.
2014-08-10 11:37:02 AM  
1 vote:
If you're going to hate on a group of people, it helps to be educated enough about them to make cogent points that don't make you look like an ignorant fool.

Is it really so difficult to understand that a lot of foods, even foods that are primarily plant based, might still contain certain ingredients that come from animals (any animals, yes that includes insects). Or is it that you simply don't know that there's a significant difference between vegetarians (generally means you don't eat meat, but other animal products are fine) and vegans (no non-human animal products)? Oh, I get it, you're just too cool to give a crap.

Sorry, I had to take a moment to let my eyes stop rolling.
2014-08-10 09:54:10 AM  
1 vote:
My all-time  favorite truthi-in-food-labeling was on a snack-bag of pork 'cracklings'  (Chicharrón  here close to Mexico) which had a bright orange sticker on it proudly proclaiming:

"Contains No Carbohydrates!"
2014-08-10 09:16:19 AM  
1 vote:

loonatic112358: Rising_Zan_Samurai_Gunman: abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.

I'm not vegan and not a big guac fan so I don't pay that much attention to it, but I'm guessing some store bought guacamole may contain animal based gelatin or other animal based additives to act as preservatives and stabilizing agents.

And based on a quick google search, some people add Worchester sauce in their homemade version, which would also not be vegan.

Why the hell would you add Worcestershire sauce, that's just not right

Because kicking puppies just isn't evil enough for you any more, and you're looking for a new way to get that illicit thrill.
2014-08-10 09:10:04 AM  
1 vote:

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: vegan means no animal products--no dairy.

no sour cream, no mayo, no cheese, no eggs, no roast beef, no flounder, no goose liver, no duck fat, no duck feet, no fun of any kind in your guacamole.

And it sure as shiat means you don't farking roll on Shabbos!
2014-08-10 09:02:51 AM  
1 vote:
I saw a similarly funny vegan claim a few weeks ago when my vagina and I were visiting her parents in Weed, CA.  I decided to pick up a bottle of local beer called Lumerian Ale.  After marveling at the hippy dippy story on the label about beings made of light, called lumerians, that are rumored to inhabit Mt. Shasta I saw a few words at the bottle of the label that make me break down laughing: "vegan" and something along the lines of "no animal testing was performed in the making of this product."  Of course we all know that most beer is full of meat products and has to be tested on fluffy bunnies before being sold.
2014-08-10 08:51:42 AM  
1 vote:
pickled jalapeños
2014-08-10 08:44:18 AM  
1 vote:
Some paragraph breaks might come in handy too as Firefox for Android seems to have eaten all mine.
2014-08-10 08:41:03 AM  
1 vote:
Make sure you use the "hot variety" jalapenos.
2014-08-10 08:39:59 AM  
1 vote:
I make guacamole by feeding avocado to ocelots and collecting the product. You can't beat it. But I suppose if you were picking nits it's not really vegetarian since it's kind of an animal product
Displayed 18 of 18 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.