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(Mother Nature Network)   Here's a recipe for the world's best vegan guacamole. As opposed to all the meat-based guac out there   (mnn.com) divider line 30
    More: Strange  
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3676 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Aug 2014 at 8:33 AM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-08-10 09:33:40 AM  
2 votes:
For the love of all that is good and holy - everyone who's angry that a website for crazy hippies has a recipe for vegan guacamole, please do a Google search for "guacamole recipe sour cream". That's what some people think guacamole is. Obviously they're wrong and bad people for abusing perfectly good guacamole like that, but the idea that guacamole has an animal product in it isn't crazy.
2014-08-10 08:56:53 AM  
2 votes:
Dear vegans: Shut up.

Seriously, if you know so little about your diet that you need people to tell you something is specially vegan, then you are doing it wrong. You don't need a vegan guacamole recipe, it is vegan by default. If you don't know that, and/or don't know what additives would make it not vegan then why the fark are you vegan?

I hate it when people pretend to be on some restrictive diet or another for trendy reasons. You wanna be vegan, fine, but it isn't farking hard. The rules, no animal flesh or products, are pretty damn simple.
2014-08-10 08:48:51 AM  
2 votes:
Just add bacon.
2014-08-10 08:41:54 AM  
2 votes:
Pickled jalapeño? That actually sounds disgusting--and I love pickled jalapeños.
Go with FRESH jalapeños, dear author.
2014-08-11 01:10:34 AM  
1 votes:

Gawdzila: Tomatillos in guacamole O_o ??? WTF. I've never heard of that in my life. It's guacamole, not salsa verde.


Meh. Mashed avocados is Guacamole if you want to get down to basics. anything else is like saying that Chicago deep dish pizza is better than thin sliced New York style pizza. Onion, salt, garlic, tomatoes, olives, even lime juice are all technically not Guacamole ingredients but I've seen them in what anyone reasonable would call a "Real" Mexican food joint.

Who cares as long as it tastes good and it doesn't give you the shiats.
2014-08-10 02:57:25 PM  
1 votes:

AngryDragon: Marisyana: Too late. I live in a very crunchy area of my city and EVERY SINGLE VEGAN broadcasts his/her status. If you don't, enjoy your singularity

This.

Pro-tip to all vegans: If someone asks you if you want to have a hamburger, the correct answer is "no thank you".  After asking a couple times and seeing you eat no meat, dairy, etc, we'll figure it out.  Also acceptable is a simple "I don't eat meat".  That statement will probably keep us from asking you about foods in general because we will realize you have a limited range of culinary preferences.

The moment you loudly and proudly proclaim your veganism, look at me in disgust while I eat, openly criticize what I am eating, or become militant about meat being murder, you are my adversary.  I don't care what you eat, why would you care what I eat?

For those of you who don't act like this, I apologize.  Better have a talk with your contemporaries though, because they are not helping.


YOU have a talk with them. You're the one who's hanging out with the people criticizing your choice in foods. Shockingly, not all vegans know each other, they can't tell each other on sight, and there's no secret handshake. Next time a vegan or vegetarian is giving you a hard time, try telling them calmly "I know you don't eat the same foods I do, but I've thought about my dietary choices and it's my choice. I don't want to talk about it with you." That's pretty much the line my wife (who's vegan) uses when someone tries to convince her to eat meat.
2014-08-10 02:09:11 PM  
1 votes:

MrEricSir: Technically regular guacamole doesn't have animal products, but it's just not the same if you aren't torturing a horse to death while you make it. That's how we always do it at my place, and trust me, we make the best guacamole you've ever tasted.


I use the blood of baby endangered animals* (which I normally save for The Blood God, but we all know blood for The Blood God has a short shelf life). And a little hot sauce, but that's redundant because I put hot sauce on everything.

*only the cute ones worth saving. No naked mole rats or something ridiculous.
2014-08-10 01:41:00 PM  
1 votes:
Technically regular guacamole doesn't have animal products, but it's just not the same if you aren't torturing a horse to death while you make it. That's how we always do it at my place, and trust me, we make the best guacamole you've ever tasted.
2014-08-10 12:38:13 PM  
1 votes:
2014-08-10 11:28:06 AM  
1 votes:

Jimmy's getting angry: Really? Because I was being facetious.
Those exist? That's an abomination. If you want sweet pepper, just use a bell pepper.
That being said, I use cayenne for heat in guacamole.


And put them in the fridge (as well as onions or garlic) for a day or three if you want them to go sweet. This works with Jalapenos or any other pepper just as well. All of the flavor with less heat. Not popular with the scoville  masochists but if you want the flavor that's the way to go.
2014-08-10 10:56:08 AM  
1 votes:

Fank: megarian: What, do they add cage free, free range, gluten free, cruelty free, organic, local, artisan smug-sh*t to it to make Officially Vegan?

I don't even think sh*t is vegan.

This recipe is a lie.

Please don't throw all vegans into one big pile as if we are all arrogant assholes. I know some are. So are some meat-eaters.


I understand that. That's why threw the cage free/free range/artsian/ stuff in there. None of that has to do with veganism.

It's all good, but when people start being twats about it, they're going to be made fun of.
2014-08-10 10:25:01 AM  
1 votes:

Rising_Zan_Samurai_Gunman: abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.

I'm not vegan and not a big guac fan so I don't pay that much attention to it, but I'm guessing some store bought guacamole may contain animal based gelatin or other animal based additives to act as preservatives and stabilizing agents.

And based on a quick google search, some people add Worchester sauce in their homemade version, which would also not be vegan.


This.  Pretty much every store bought sauce mix has some sort of gelatin.

mike_d85: I don't know about guacamole, but I know a great brand of gluten free rice.


I know you're joking, but check out any boxed rice mix.  They normally add some sort of wheat product.
2014-08-10 10:11:59 AM  
1 votes:

Lokkii: My all-time  favorite truthi-in-food-labeling was on a snack-bag of pork 'cracklings'  (Chicharrón  here close to Mexico) which had a bright orange sticker on it proudly proclaiming:

"Contains No Carbohydrates!"


I follow the Atkins lifestyle and I utilize pork rinds. Grind them and use them as bread crumbs.
2014-08-10 10:05:53 AM  
1 votes:
The secret ingredient in my guac is bacon -- a little bit of grease, a little bit cooked and chopped up. I spent 10 years on night shift with people demanding my guac because of it. It does make things awkward when vegetarians are around.
2014-08-10 10:04:26 AM  
1 votes:

TheOther: Just add bacon.


What took you so long?  The utter best quac I've ever had was made table side at a catina, the server pulled out this fistful of bacon.  I thought it was a mistake and half would be put back.  I was wrong.

I gave her a great tip.  So good.  Great, now I'm starving for bacon quac.
2014-08-10 09:54:10 AM  
1 votes:
My all-time  favorite truthi-in-food-labeling was on a snack-bag of pork 'cracklings'  (Chicharrón  here close to Mexico) which had a bright orange sticker on it proudly proclaiming:

"Contains No Carbohydrates!"
2014-08-10 09:25:23 AM  
1 votes:
Take good avacados, take some store bought salsa you like - mix and done - one minute.
2014-08-10 09:17:06 AM  
1 votes:

LemSkroob: That's actually legit labeling. You'd be amazed what has animal products in it. Lots of red dyes have Cochineal in it, which is a bug. As for booze, if anyone uses a cclarifying agent (to get hazy wine/beer/booze to clear fast), they often use Chitosan, which is made from ground seashells and crustacean casings. Hence the need to have kosher wine.


Isinglass is another clarifying agent commonly used in beer and wine, made from the swim bladder of fish.
2014-08-10 09:10:47 AM  
1 votes:
A lot of places use sour cream in guacamole to stretch it because avocados can be expensive.

That being said, don't use pickled jalapenos. Use a fresh serrano.
2014-08-10 09:10:47 AM  
1 votes:
I need to remember to pick up Vegan water, Vegan celery, Vegan parsley (like, a lot. I go through so much dang parsley), Vegan toilet paper, and Gluten Free toilet bowl cleaner when I go to the Super Extra Local grocery store today.
2014-08-10 09:10:04 AM  
1 votes:

Ima4nic8or: I saw a similarly funny vegan claim a few weeks ago when my vagina and I were visiting her parents in Weed, CA.  I decided to pick up a bottle of local beer called Lumerian Ale.  After marveling at the hippy dippy story on the label about beings made of light, called lumerians, that are rumored to inhabit Mt. Shasta I saw a few words at the bottle of the label that make me break down laughing: "vegan" and something along the lines of "no animal testing was performed in the making of this product."   Of course we all know that most beer is full of meat products and has to be tested on fluffy bunnies before being sold.


That's actually legit labeling. You'd be amazed what has animal products in it. Lots of red dyes have Cochineal in it, which is a bug. As for booze, if anyone uses a cclarifying agent (to get hazy wine/beer/booze to clear fast), they often use Chitosan, which is made from ground seashells and crustacean casings. Hence the need to have kosher wine.
2014-08-10 09:02:04 AM  
1 votes:

Rising_Zan_Samurai_Gunman: abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.

I'm not vegan and not a big guac fan so I don't pay that much attention to it, but I'm guessing some store bought guacamole may contain animal based gelatin or other animal based additives to act as preservatives and stabilizing agents.

And based on a quick google search, some people add Worchester sauce in their homemade version, which would also not be vegan.


Those store bought atrocities are an affront to every avocado ever grown..Guac is so easy to make, no one should have to ingest those vile pre-packaged chemical concoctions..
2014-08-10 08:58:47 AM  
1 votes:
Guac sucks.
That is all.
2014-08-10 08:51:42 AM  
1 votes:
pickled jalapeños

img.fark.net
2014-08-10 08:50:38 AM  
1 votes:
Meh, just smash the farking avocado and enjoy.  Enjoy the flavor without the added spice.  but if you have to - lime juice.
2014-08-10 08:46:02 AM  
1 votes:

abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.


I'm not vegan and not a big guac fan so I don't pay that much attention to it, but I'm guessing some store bought guacamole may contain animal based gelatin or other animal based additives to act as preservatives and stabilizing agents.

And based on a quick google search, some people add Worchester sauce in their homemade version, which would also not be vegan.
2014-08-10 08:42:32 AM  
1 votes:
4 avocados1 can Ro - Tel (drained)Big splash lime juiceBig pinch sea saltCouple shakes cayenne pepperCouple shakes black pepper
2014-08-10 08:37:15 AM  
1 votes:
WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.
2014-08-10 08:37:13 AM  
1 votes:
Let me know when they figure out how to make it gluten-free.
2014-08-10 01:36:38 AM  
1 votes:
I thought all guac was vegan,
 
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