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(Mother Nature Network)   Here's a recipe for the world's best vegan guacamole. As opposed to all the meat-based guac out there   (mnn.com) divider line 136
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3649 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Aug 2014 at 8:33 AM (7 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-10 01:32:08 AM
pfft....without the raw ground chicken it's just not guacamole
 
2014-08-10 01:36:38 AM
I thought all guac was vegan,
 
2014-08-10 08:37:13 AM
Let me know when they figure out how to make it gluten-free.
 
2014-08-10 08:37:15 AM
WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.
 
2014-08-10 08:39:04 AM

abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.


Well, I sometimes add the blood of innocents, but it's not really a necessity.
 
2014-08-10 08:39:59 AM
I make guacamole by feeding avocado to ocelots and collecting the product. You can't beat it. But I suppose if you were picking nits it's not really vegetarian since it's kind of an animal product
 
2014-08-10 08:40:55 AM

Guuberre: Let me know when they figure out how to make it gluten-free.


I don't know about guacamole, but I know a great brand of gluten free rice.
 
2014-08-10 08:41:03 AM
Make sure you use the "hot variety" jalapenos.
 
2014-08-10 08:41:24 AM
What, do they add cage free, free range, gluten free, cruelty free, organic, local, artisan smug-sh*t to it to make Officially Vegan?

I don't even think sh*t is vegan.

This recipe is a lie.
 
2014-08-10 08:41:44 AM
I sometimes add sour cream to mine. It's fine without it though.
 
2014-08-10 08:41:54 AM
Pickled jalapeño? That actually sounds disgusting--and I love pickled jalapeños.
Go with FRESH jalapeños, dear author.
 
2014-08-10 08:42:03 AM
It's a just silly marketing ploy like "gluten free", "All natural",:"light" and "low sodium", keeping "Mad Men" employed.
Be smart - don't get fished in.
 
2014-08-10 08:42:32 AM
4 avocados1 can Ro - Tel (drained)Big splash lime juiceBig pinch sea saltCouple shakes cayenne pepperCouple shakes black pepper
 
2014-08-10 08:44:18 AM
Some paragraph breaks might come in handy too as Firefox for Android seems to have eaten all mine.
 
2014-08-10 08:46:02 AM

abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.


I'm not vegan and not a big guac fan so I don't pay that much attention to it, but I'm guessing some store bought guacamole may contain animal based gelatin or other animal based additives to act as preservatives and stabilizing agents.

And based on a quick google search, some people add Worchester sauce in their homemade version, which would also not be vegan.
 
2014-08-10 08:48:51 AM
Just add bacon.
 
2014-08-10 08:50:38 AM
Meh, just smash the farking avocado and enjoy.  Enjoy the flavor without the added spice.  but if you have to - lime juice.
 
2014-08-10 08:51:42 AM
pickled jalapeños

img.fark.net
 
2014-08-10 08:56:53 AM
Dear vegans: Shut up.

Seriously, if you know so little about your diet that you need people to tell you something is specially vegan, then you are doing it wrong. You don't need a vegan guacamole recipe, it is vegan by default. If you don't know that, and/or don't know what additives would make it not vegan then why the fark are you vegan?

I hate it when people pretend to be on some restrictive diet or another for trendy reasons. You wanna be vegan, fine, but it isn't farking hard. The rules, no animal flesh or products, are pretty damn simple.
 
2014-08-10 08:57:12 AM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-08-10 08:58:47 AM
Guac sucks.
That is all.
 
2014-08-10 09:02:04 AM

Rising_Zan_Samurai_Gunman: abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.

I'm not vegan and not a big guac fan so I don't pay that much attention to it, but I'm guessing some store bought guacamole may contain animal based gelatin or other animal based additives to act as preservatives and stabilizing agents.

And based on a quick google search, some people add Worchester sauce in their homemade version, which would also not be vegan.


Those store bought atrocities are an affront to every avocado ever grown..Guac is so easy to make, no one should have to ingest those vile pre-packaged chemical concoctions..
 
2014-08-10 09:02:16 AM
vegan means no animal products--no dairy.

no sour cream, no mayo, no cheese, no eggs, no roast beef, no flounder, no goose liver, no duck fat, no duck feet, no fun of any kind in your guacamole.
 
2014-08-10 09:02:51 AM
I saw a similarly funny vegan claim a few weeks ago when my vagina and I were visiting her parents in Weed, CA.  I decided to pick up a bottle of local beer called Lumerian Ale.  After marveling at the hippy dippy story on the label about beings made of light, called lumerians, that are rumored to inhabit Mt. Shasta I saw a few words at the bottle of the label that make me break down laughing: "vegan" and something along the lines of "no animal testing was performed in the making of this product."  Of course we all know that most beer is full of meat products and has to be tested on fluffy bunnies before being sold.
 
2014-08-10 09:10:04 AM

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: vegan means no animal products--no dairy.

no sour cream, no mayo, no cheese, no eggs, no roast beef, no flounder, no goose liver, no duck fat, no duck feet, no fun of any kind in your guacamole.


And it sure as shiat means you don't farking roll on Shabbos!
 
2014-08-10 09:10:04 AM

Ima4nic8or: I saw a similarly funny vegan claim a few weeks ago when my vagina and I were visiting her parents in Weed, CA.  I decided to pick up a bottle of local beer called Lumerian Ale.  After marveling at the hippy dippy story on the label about beings made of light, called lumerians, that are rumored to inhabit Mt. Shasta I saw a few words at the bottle of the label that make me break down laughing: "vegan" and something along the lines of "no animal testing was performed in the making of this product."   Of course we all know that most beer is full of meat products and has to be tested on fluffy bunnies before being sold.


That's actually legit labeling. You'd be amazed what has animal products in it. Lots of red dyes have Cochineal in it, which is a bug. As for booze, if anyone uses a cclarifying agent (to get hazy wine/beer/booze to clear fast), they often use Chitosan, which is made from ground seashells and crustacean casings. Hence the need to have kosher wine.
 
2014-08-10 09:10:47 AM
I need to remember to pick up Vegan water, Vegan celery, Vegan parsley (like, a lot. I go through so much dang parsley), Vegan toilet paper, and Gluten Free toilet bowl cleaner when I go to the Super Extra Local grocery store today.
 
2014-08-10 09:10:47 AM
A lot of places use sour cream in guacamole to stretch it because avocados can be expensive.

That being said, don't use pickled jalapenos. Use a fresh serrano.
 
2014-08-10 09:13:59 AM

Rising_Zan_Samurai_Gunman: abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.

I'm not vegan and not a big guac fan so I don't pay that much attention to it, but I'm guessing some store bought guacamole may contain animal based gelatin or other animal based additives to act as preservatives and stabilizing agents.

And based on a quick google search, some people add Worchester sauce in their homemade version, which would also not be vegan.


Why the hell would you add Worcestershire sauce, that's just not right
 
2014-08-10 09:16:19 AM

loonatic112358: Rising_Zan_Samurai_Gunman: abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.

I'm not vegan and not a big guac fan so I don't pay that much attention to it, but I'm guessing some store bought guacamole may contain animal based gelatin or other animal based additives to act as preservatives and stabilizing agents.

And based on a quick google search, some people add Worchester sauce in their homemade version, which would also not be vegan.

Why the hell would you add Worcestershire sauce, that's just not right


Because kicking puppies just isn't evil enough for you any more, and you're looking for a new way to get that illicit thrill.
 
2014-08-10 09:17:06 AM

LemSkroob: That's actually legit labeling. You'd be amazed what has animal products in it. Lots of red dyes have Cochineal in it, which is a bug. As for booze, if anyone uses a cclarifying agent (to get hazy wine/beer/booze to clear fast), they often use Chitosan, which is made from ground seashells and crustacean casings. Hence the need to have kosher wine.


Isinglass is another clarifying agent commonly used in beer and wine, made from the swim bladder of fish.
 
2014-08-10 09:19:56 AM

abhorrent1: WTF is in regular guacamole that's not vegan? Farking stupid.


It's even more stupid than the people who cannot say "guacamole".  "Guac" sounds like someone throwing up.

/which is somewhat appropriate if you think the stuff is gross
/isn't it just mashed avocado?  BFD
 
2014-08-10 09:20:48 AM
If the pig that the bacon came from only ate vegetables, then isn't the bacon vegan?
 
2014-08-10 09:22:32 AM
meh... I use fresh serrano peppers instead of pickled jalapenos. I also add a clove or two of fresh garlic depending on the size of the cloves. Sometimes I'll substitute a few tablespoons of store bought mild salsa for the fresh tomatoes.

It's pretty hard to make a bad guacomole if you have good avocados.
 
2014-08-10 09:25:23 AM
Take good avacados, take some store bought salsa you like - mix and done - one minute.
 
2014-08-10 09:28:04 AM

holybull99: Take good avacados, take some store bought salsa you like - mix and done - one minute.


But then how do you add a sanctimonious title?!
 
2014-08-10 09:29:53 AM

jehovahs witness protection: Guac sucks.
That is all.


stoplikingwhatidon'tlike.jpg
 
2014-08-10 09:32:57 AM

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: vegan means no animal products--no dairy.

no sour cream, no mayo, no cheese, no eggs, no roast beef, no flounder, no goose liver, no duck fat, no duck feet, no fun of any kind in your guacamole.


My grandma always makes sure to put extra duck feet in hers because she knows that's how I like it.
 
2014-08-10 09:33:40 AM
For the love of all that is good and holy - everyone who's angry that a website for crazy hippies has a recipe for vegan guacamole, please do a Google search for "guacamole recipe sour cream". That's what some people think guacamole is. Obviously they're wrong and bad people for abusing perfectly good guacamole like that, but the idea that guacamole has an animal product in it isn't crazy.
 
2014-08-10 09:35:50 AM

I May Be Crazy But...: For the love of all that is good and holy - everyone who's angry that a website for crazy hippies has a recipe for vegan guacamole, please do a Google search for "guacamole recipe sour cream". That's what some people think guacamole is. Obviously they're wrong and bad people for abusing perfectly good guacamole like that, but the idea that guacamole has an animal product in it isn't crazy.


Ah, but what about "sour cream" that is vegetable oils and xanthan gum?  Kind of the white-goop equivalent of Cheez Whiz.
 
2014-08-10 09:52:29 AM

Mister Peejay: I May Be Crazy But...: For the love of all that is good and holy - everyone who's angry that a website for crazy hippies has a recipe for vegan guacamole, please do a Google search for "guacamole recipe sour cream". That's what some people think guacamole is. Obviously they're wrong and bad people for abusing perfectly good guacamole like that, but the idea that guacamole has an animal product in it isn't crazy.

Ah, but what about "sour cream" that is vegetable oils and xanthan gum?  Kind of the white-goop equivalent of Cheez Whiz.


Good point. Stay away from vegan sour cream - it's terrible. The best way I can think of to describe it is eating sadness while someone whispers "sour cream" in your ear.
 
2014-08-10 09:54:10 AM
My all-time  favorite truthi-in-food-labeling was on a snack-bag of pork 'cracklings'  (Chicharrón  here close to Mexico) which had a bright orange sticker on it proudly proclaiming:

"Contains No Carbohydrates!"
 
2014-08-10 09:54:14 AM

I May Be Crazy But...: For the love of all that is good and holy - everyone who's angry that a website for crazy hippies has a recipe for vegan guacamole, please do a Google search for "guacamole recipe sour cream". That's what some people think guacamole is. Obviously they're wrong and bad people for abusing perfectly good guacamole like that, but the idea that guacamole has an animal product in it isn't crazy.


Guacamole most foul.

I put pico in mine with a splash of lime, salt and pepper.
 
2014-08-10 09:58:06 AM

theknuckler_33: meh... I use fresh serrano peppers instead of pickled jalapenos. I also add a clove or two of fresh garlic depending on the size of the cloves. Sometimes I'll substitute a few tablespoons of store bought mild salsa for the fresh tomatoes.

It's pretty hard to make a bad guacomole if you have good avocados.


This might sound crazy but Walmart always seems to have nicest avocados. That and bananas.
 
2014-08-10 10:01:04 AM

TheOther: Just add bacon.


Thinking about it, crumbling some bacon on top could be really tasty. Guacamole stands up well to stronger flavored meats, and goes well with, for example, beef enchiladas.
 
2014-08-10 10:04:26 AM

TheOther: Just add bacon.


What took you so long?  The utter best quac I've ever had was made table side at a catina, the server pulled out this fistful of bacon.  I thought it was a mistake and half would be put back.  I was wrong.

I gave her a great tip.  So good.  Great, now I'm starving for bacon quac.
 
2014-08-10 10:05:53 AM
The secret ingredient in my guac is bacon -- a little bit of grease, a little bit cooked and chopped up. I spent 10 years on night shift with people demanding my guac because of it. It does make things awkward when vegetarians are around.
 
2014-08-10 10:06:14 AM
Anyjuan jave eh VEGAN riceapee 4 whater?
 
2014-08-10 10:11:59 AM

Lokkii: My all-time  favorite truthi-in-food-labeling was on a snack-bag of pork 'cracklings'  (Chicharrón  here close to Mexico) which had a bright orange sticker on it proudly proclaiming:

"Contains No Carbohydrates!"


I follow the Atkins lifestyle and I utilize pork rinds. Grind them and use them as bread crumbs.
 
2014-08-10 10:12:25 AM
I like my guacamole with a pound of shredded pork, thankyouverymuch!!!!

now how about a recipe for vegan steak?
 
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