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(Daily Express)   Got any plans for tomorrow? Scrap 'em - we're all going to die in a biblical supermoon deluge and ALL CAPS headlines   (express.co.uk) divider line 88
    More: Asinine  
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7213 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Aug 2014 at 9:51 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-09 08:17:16 AM  
So I won't have to go to work Monday?
 
2014-08-09 09:43:26 AM  
Its 50k km closer

Therefore Jesus is coming. Czechmate libs.
 
2014-08-09 09:54:39 AM  
Nice knowing you folks, see you on the other side.
 
2014-08-09 09:54:42 AM  
about damn time.
 
2014-08-09 09:56:39 AM  
Damn, and I just paid for a full year of TotalFark.
 
2014-08-09 09:57:00 AM  
Buried in the middle:

Tom Kerss, astronomer at the Royal Observatory Greenwich, explained there have been three supermoons so far this year, two in January and one in July.
If ancient prophecies don't come true and the world doesn't end on Sunday, there will be another next month, he added.


And then there's this:

He said: "A supermoon occurs during the moon's elliptical path when it is at it's closest to Earth.

I can't decide if Nathan Rao is a masterful satirist, taking Equal Time For Nutjobs to a ridiculous extreme or just bitter he's being published on Saturday.
 
2014-08-09 09:57:24 AM  
Time to call my broker and buy some tin foil stocks!
 
2014-08-09 09:58:43 AM  
For me, rain is forecast all weekend, and I won't be able to see the moon.  So I'm safe, right?
 
2014-08-09 09:58:46 AM  
It occurs when the moon's path of orbit leads it to sweep dangerously close to Earth causing tides to rise and the crust of the planet to shift.

dl.dropboxusercontent.com
 
2014-08-09 10:04:20 AM  
meh, I have a new bottle of watermelon moonshine, i'm good.
 
2014-08-09 10:06:29 AM  
Ebola has less than 24 hours to kill us all.
 
2014-08-09 10:06:40 AM  
Go back an re-read the article except every time they say "religious groups" replace it with "stupid people". It really works ... the article reads exactly the same but has more clarity.
 
2014-08-09 10:07:32 AM  
Does the end of mankind mean that whole ISIS threat to raise the flag of Islam over the White House is off?  This is the farking problem with religions; all they do is tease, tease, tease.
 
2014-08-09 10:08:04 AM  
"It occurs when the moon's path of orbit leads it to sweep dangerously close to Earth .."

Dangerously close!  Like it's done a couple hundred million times before!  But this time it's different!

//This is my rationale for being drunk all weekend?  Well, OK, I guess.
 
2014-08-09 10:09:42 AM  
It's supposed to get over 90 degrees here on Monday.  I HOPE the world ends first.
 
2014-08-09 10:09:50 AM  

Prey4reign: Does the end of mankind mean that whole ISIS threat to raise the flag of Islam over the White House is off?  This is the farking problem with religions; all they do is tease, tease, tease.


Wait, wait wait!  Doesn't the flag of Islam have a moon on it?  Whoa, that's what they meant!  I need to study this out.
 
2014-08-09 10:10:32 AM  
Anyone who actually believes that is clinically retarded.
 
2014-08-09 10:11:08 AM  
God damn it. I just finished mowing the lawn.
 
2014-08-09 10:11:27 AM  

talkertopc: Ebola has less than 24 hours to kill us all.


We got Ebola sweeping across the world, ISIS trying to establish a caliphate and the US bombing them, Russia maybe invading Ukraine for real, Israel bombing the shiat out of the Gazans, and now the Supermoon coming... This is some Lord of the Rings shiat. All that's missing now is the armies of Mordor moving against Gondor.
 
2014-08-09 10:11:31 AM  
"WE ALL 'GON DIE CUZ SUPERMOOOON!"
"Click here for pictures of the last time a super-moon happened and didn't kill us all"
 
2014-08-09 10:14:32 AM  
Days like this make me so happy that I deactivated my FB account around the time of the Derp Dynasty outrage.
 
2014-08-09 10:14:43 AM  
"will also coincide with the arrival of Storm Bertha currently hurtling across the Atlantic and due to rip into Britain"

Sheesh, what a bunch of weather care bears.
 
2014-08-09 10:14:47 AM  
cdn.snowboarding.transworld.net
 
2014-08-09 10:16:48 AM  
Oh my god, I just read the article. Is this satire?
 
2014-08-09 10:18:02 AM  
Well, I won't bother putting on pants before I go out.
 
2014-08-09 10:18:23 AM  
So, you're saying the sea won't be tranquil?
 
2014-08-09 10:21:28 AM  
There is a 'supermoon' (technical term, 'perigee') every month as the moon moves around us in its elliptical orbit.  The media get involved and the derpfests begin when the moon's perigee occurs at the same time as a full moon which is less common but certainly far from rare or surprising.   Any teeny-tiny extra tidal effects on Earth due to the slightly varying lunar distance occur every month and have done so for millions of years.

Science Journalism is in a sorry state...
 
2014-08-09 10:21:35 AM  

wildlifer: meh, I have a new bottle of watermelon moonshine, i'm good.


I only have a half a case of beer left - less actually.  Should I drive to the liquor store and stock up some more?

I'm only on my 9th beer, I can still drive if I can find my keys, right?

Or should I just continue to drink and then sleep and then hit the liquor store before it closes in another 16 hours?

I'd hate for the world to end with a DUI charge hanging over my head.  Worse still, I'd hate to face the end of the world from behind the bars of a jail cell.

Arkanaut: Damn, and I just paid for a full year of TotalFark.


Drew had better spend it fast then.  Don't worry, you won't need it where you're going.
 
2014-08-09 10:22:38 AM  

Great_Milenko: Anyone who actually believes that is clinically retarded.


If I didn't have a conscience, ( and more personal charisma ), I wonder how many rubes I could convince to give me MOAR MONEY, it being the "End of the World" and all......
 
2014-08-09 10:23:04 AM  
Super moon -> Super werewolves... Just as Jesus foretold.

img.fark.net
 
2014-08-09 10:25:58 AM  
I know a way to keep the end of the world from happening.

6 So then, we must not sleep, like the rest, but we must stay awake and be serious.
7 For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk are drunk at night.
8 But since we belong to the day, we must be serious and put the armor of faith and love on our chests, and put on a helmet of the hope of salvation.
9 For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ,


All we need to do is stay sober during Supermoon.
 
2014-08-09 10:28:50 AM  
I already survived the Mayan End of the World.  I think I'll survive the Supermoon End of the World.  Also everybody knows that you should only worry when people stop claiming "It's the end of the world as we know it!."
 
2014-08-09 10:33:31 AM  
Well, now I don't feel so bad about not setting up an IRA.
 
2014-08-09 10:37:02 AM  

Spanky McStupid: Well, now I don't feel so bad about not setting up an IRA.


I cashed mine in yesterday.  That way the IRS can't come after me for the penalties and taxes.

Brilliant!
 
2014-08-09 10:37:40 AM  
Batman Bin Suparmoon? I love that guy!
 
2014-08-09 10:38:52 AM  
Ok boys, let's prepare.
ccatthemovies.com
 
2014-08-09 10:48:43 AM  
Don't worry guys, I have it on good authority that there is a group of Wiccans that is going to be at a sacred lake this very night and I already told one of them about how the moon will look tonight.

\I am her official astronomer
 
2014-08-09 10:51:42 AM  
Sweet. No way am I scrubbing my toilet today.
 
2014-08-09 10:52:23 AM  

Prey4reign: Does the end of mankind mean that whole ISIS threat to raise the flag of Islam over the White House is off?  This is the farking problem with religions; all they do is tease, tease, tease.


They're happy when we're on our knees.

DDD G-G D
 
2014-08-09 10:52:58 AM  
Its about goddamned time!
img.fark.net
img.fark.net
 
2014-08-09 10:53:20 AM  
Bit of background from Subby: Nathan Rao is a British journalist renowned for his hysterical front-page stories - mostly about the weather - in the Express, a newspaper for frightened old people. He left their staff last week and went freelance. This is the result.

In December, he confidently predicted 90 days of snow that would leave Britain freezing in its coldest winter since records began. Number of actual days of snow = Zero days of snow.

Nathan Rao is brilliant.
 
2014-08-09 10:59:17 AM  
Didn't we just have a supe moon like 3 weeks ago?
 
2014-08-09 11:02:27 AM  
John (Fat Bastard) Hagee says this moon will change the course of history. And if it doesn't, he won't suffer any lose of faith from his followers. Ifthere were a God, He wouldn't allow Rev. PigBoy to get away with that shiat. I wish the moon would fall on his head.
 
2014-08-09 11:08:56 AM  
images.wikia.com

When Mandragora swallows the Moon...
 
2014-08-09 11:09:43 AM  
I know a way to keep the end of the world from happening.

6 So then, we must not sleep, like the rest, but we must stay awake and be serious.
7 For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk are drunk at night.
8 But since we belong to the day, we must be serious and put the armor of faith and love on our chests, and put on a helmet of the hope of salvation.
9 For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ,



All we need to do is stay sober during Supermoon.


Welp. We're boned. Nice knowing ya.
 
2014-08-09 11:17:37 AM  

cnocnanrionnag: There is a 'supermoon' (technical term, 'perigee') every month as the moon moves around us in its elliptical orbit.  The media get involved and the derpfests begin when the moon's perigee occurs at the same time as a full moon which is less common but certainly far from rare or surprising.   Any teeny-tiny extra tidal effects on Earth due to the slightly varying lunar distance occur every month and have done so for millions of years.

Science Journalism is in a sorry state...


I don't understand why the 'supermoon' is suddenly a thing.  Before a year ago, I don't think I'd ever heard the term before.  Now we get a day or two of major news coverage leading up to every time it happens.  What the fark started this?
 
2014-08-09 11:17:55 AM  

toraque: It's supposed to get over 90 degrees here on Monday.  I HOPE the world ends first.


LOL 90 degrees.

/carry on
 
2014-08-09 11:23:19 AM  
Ha!  I've got a crystal of moon kryptonite!
 
2014-08-09 11:24:54 AM  
Don't worry, God said he wouldn't flood the world twice. Pinky swear and everything.

/probably because it stopped being original after the first time
 
2014-08-09 11:42:48 AM  
Guys, the amount of light hitting the part of the moon facing us plays a major role in how much gravitational impact the moon has on us.  Totally.  It may get this close every month, but we can't SEE it coming.
 
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