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(Slate)   What it's like to be a doctor at a Supermax facility. Spoiler alert: It's f*cking terrifying   (slate.com ) divider line
    More: Scary, epileptic seizures, Business Insider  
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16469 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Aug 2014 at 1:34 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



80 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2014-08-09 12:29:22 AM  
Why would Superman need a doctor?
 
2014-08-09 01:06:36 AM  

fusillade762: Why would Superman need a doctor?


Well, Clark Kent and Dick Superman from Superman III were wrestling around at the junkyard, and Dick Superman was still kind of drunk on Johnnie Walker Red, and bing boom bam, Clark gets Super AIDS.
 
2014-08-09 01:39:09 AM  
why do convicts need doctors? Pour some whiskey on it and send them back to breaking rocks
 
2014-08-09 01:41:55 AM  
"It's kind of like pulling a thorn out of a lion's paw."

No, doc, it's not.  When you pull a thorn out of a lion's paw you know that someday when you need him to, the lion will protect you against your foes to return the favor.

In this case, the convict will stab and rape you at the first opportunity.
 
2014-08-09 01:44:27 AM  
Marvin Gay was a white supremacist?
 
2014-08-09 01:46:34 AM  
What's weird is watching re-runs of past seasons of Lockup on MSNBC and to know most all of them are still in there despite the episode being years old.
 
2014-08-09 01:50:09 AM  
I wonder how many butt-holes he has stitched.
 
2014-08-09 01:53:30 AM  

ReverendJynxed: I wonder how many butt-holes he has stitched.


Or the things he has had to remove from buttholes.
 
2014-08-09 01:53:46 AM  
I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day
 
2014-08-09 01:54:34 AM  

gfid: "It's kind of like pulling a thorn out of a lion's paw."

No, doc, it's not.  When you pull a thorn out of a lion's paw you know that someday when you need him to, the lion will protect you against your foes to return the favor.

In this case, the convict will stab and rape you at the first opportunity.


I'm not sure you have much lion behavioral expertise if you really think that. I think the comparison is quite apt since whether you dethorn a lion or a con, they're still going to bite you if they get a chance.

Also, is there any job at a Supermax that isn't terrifying? You're talking about the worst of the worst and it's your job to provide service to people that, quite literally, might not care about killing you.
 
2014-08-09 01:56:45 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day


Why is there a dick poker in jail?
 
2014-08-09 01:57:22 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day


So did it clear up or do you have it for life now?
 
2014-08-09 01:59:57 AM  
I remember watching a documentary about a supermax gulag in Siberia.The guards kept talking about how in American prisons the inmates run the prison and how in theirs that is not the case. Every time they transport an inmate they are hooded,shackled bent over with 2 guards and an attack dog feet away.I remember they had a lot of other precautions too but it's been awhile. I always wonder why they can't do that here.
 
2014-08-09 02:03:32 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day


400 inmates, yet only 300 dicks?  Hmm....
 
2014-08-09 02:05:08 AM  

styckx: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

Why is there a dick poker in jail?


No but, inmates from state prisons would be transfered to Cook county to await trial in Cook county jail for other crimes. i swear they would have some in Hannibal Lector types of masks. It was one dude that would poke other guys on their ass with his finger. For some reason the State prisoners would always as for "Hispanic punks" (gays)
 
2014-08-09 02:05:29 AM  

sleeper2995: I remember watching a documentary about a supermax gulag in Siberia.The guards kept talking about how in American prisons the inmates run the prison and how in theirs that is not the case. Every time they transport an inmate they are hooded,shackled bent over with 2 guards and an attack dog feet away.I remember they had a lot of other precautions too but it's been awhile. I always wonder why they can't do that here.


sounds kinky.
 
2014-08-09 02:06:17 AM  

sleeper2995: I remember watching a documentary about a supermax gulag in Siberia.The guards kept talking about how in American prisons the inmates run the prison and how in theirs that is not the case. Every time they transport an inmate they are hooded,shackled bent over with 2 guards and an attack dog feet away.I remember they had a lot of other precautions too but it's been awhile. I always wonder why they can't do that here.


Maybe it's because we pride ourselves on not doing the whole "cruel and unusual" punishment thing
 
2014-08-09 02:07:41 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: styckx: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

Why is there a dick poker in jail?

No but, inmates from state prisons would be transfered to Cook county to await trial in Cook county jail for other crimes. i swear they would have some in Hannibal Lector types of masks. It was one dude that would poke other guys on their ass with his finger meaning you're his(this was in max dentention, I had min. For some reason the State prisoners would always ask for "Hispanic punks" (gays)

 
2014-08-09 02:09:23 AM  

sleeper2995: I remember watching a documentary about a supermax gulag in Siberia.The guards kept talking about how in American prisons the inmates run the prison and how in theirs that is not the case. Every time they transport an inmate they are hooded,shackled bent over with 2 guards and an attack dog feet away.I remember they had a lot of other precautions too but it's been awhile. I always wonder why they can't do that here.


Too dangerous (e.g. expensive)

/for profit prisons... Evilist greed there is.
 
2014-08-09 02:11:07 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: styckx: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

Why is there a dick poker in jail?

No but, inmates from state prisons would be transfered to Cook county to await trial in Cook county jail for other crimes. i swear they would have some in Hannibal Lector types of masks. It was one dude that would poke other guys on their ass with his finger. For some reason the State prisoners would always as for "Hispanic punks" (gays)


Dude, tell me you have another dong or violated butthole story.

You have piqued my interest.
 
2014-08-09 02:11:31 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat.


I hear the oatmeal at the Cook County slammer is pretty bad, but better than the cabbage rolls at the Terre Haute Federal Pen.
 
2014-08-09 02:11:46 AM  
www.oocities.org

Approves
 
2014-08-09 02:13:18 AM  
g/f is a nurse at the local jail.  every day there are stories.
 
2014-08-09 02:16:23 AM  

fusillade762: Why would Superman need a doctor?


He's always picking up boats, trains, catching planes.  The dude has a super hernia
 
2014-08-09 02:17:31 AM  

veale728: sleeper2995: I remember watching a documentary about a supermax gulag in Siberia.The guards kept talking about how in American prisons the inmates run the prison and how in theirs that is not the case. Every time they transport an inmate they are hooded,shackled bent over with 2 guards and an attack dog feet away.I remember they had a lot of other precautions too but it's been awhile. I always wonder why they can't do that here.

Maybe it's because we pride ourselves on not doing the whole "cruel and unusual" punishment thing


Well we don't really pride ourselves on it anymore... but thank God its still in the brochure.
 
2014-08-09 02:17:32 AM  

sleeper2995: I remember watching a documentary about a supermax gulag in Siberia.The guards kept talking about how in American prisons the inmates run the prison and how in theirs that is not the case. Every time they transport an inmate they are hooded,shackled bent over with 2 guards and an attack dog feet away.I remember they had a lot of other precautions too but it's been awhile. I always wonder why they can't do that here.


I don't think I saw that one, but I saw a documentary about Russian prisons - I think it's on Netflix.  They showed 3 prisons.  One of them didn't really seem that bad except for the cold.  That was for small time drug offenders and petty thieves.  Then they showed the opposite extreme.  The prison where they keep their Jeffrey Dahmers and Hannibal Lecters.  The dogs were huge and whenever they moved the prisoners they made them walk bent over so they couldn't see exactly where they were.  They didn't even let the prisoners lie down during the day.  The prisoners they showed were all obedient and complied with the guards orders.  I imagine that they'd been beaten into submission, probably numerous times.
 
2014-08-09 02:19:31 AM  

Guilty_plea_bargain: drjekel_mrhyde: styckx: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

Why is there a dick poker in jail?

No but, inmates from state prisons would be transfered to Cook county to await trial in Cook county jail for other crimes. i swear they would have some in Hannibal Lector types of masks. It was one dude that would poke other guys on their ass with his finger. For some reason the State prisoners would always as for "Hispanic punks" (gays)

Dude, tell me you have another dong or violated butthole story.

You have piqued my interest.


When I went to court the second day, they hand cuffed me to a guy I went to high school with. He damn near broke his neck trying to check out a transformer, so much he was pulling the shiat out of my arm damn near out the socket. The third and last day of my lock up, a female guard came in to give out pencils and this guy was farking beating off under a sheet(the guy came in the same time as I). People would put their luncheon meat in the toilet by a string to keep it cold.
 
2014-08-09 02:20:43 AM  

veale728: sleeper2995: I remember watching a documentary about a supermax gulag in Siberia.The guards kept talking about how in American prisons the inmates run the prison and how in theirs that is not the case. Every time they transport an inmate they are hooded,shackled bent over with 2 guards and an attack dog feet away.I remember they had a lot of other precautions too but it's been awhile. I always wonder why they can't do that here.

Maybe it's because we pride ourselves on not doing the whole "cruel and unusual" punishment thing


Russia's system may not be a shining example of modern liberalisim, but FWIW they do have significantly lower (@15-20%) recidivisim and incaceration rates than the USA.
 
2014-08-09 02:20:49 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: Guilty_plea_bargain: drjekel_mrhyde: styckx: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

Why is there a dick poker in jail?

No but, inmates from state prisons would be transfered to Cook county to await trial in Cook county jail for other crimes. i swear they would have some in Hannibal Lector types of masks. It was one dude that would poke other guys on their ass with his finger. For some reason the State prisoners would always as for "Hispanic punks" (gays)

Dude, tell me you have another dong or violated butthole story.

You have piqued my interest.

When I went to court the second day, they hand cuffed me to a guy I went to high school with. He damn near broke his neck trying to check out a transformer, so much he was pulling the shiat out of my arm damn near out the socket. The third and last day of my lock up, a female guard came in to give out pencils and this guy was farking beating off under a sheet(the guy came in the same time as I). People would put their luncheon meat in the toilet by a string to keep it cold.


I guess the short name transsexual is filtered
 
2014-08-09 02:25:04 AM  
Cold toilet string lunch meat.

That is seriously farking gross but hilarious!
 
2014-08-09 02:26:16 AM  

Jack Lambert's Missing Teeth: I'm not sure you have much lion behavioral expertise if you really think that. I think the comparison is quite apt since whether you dethorn a lion or a con, they're still going to bite you if they get a chance.


Stop ruining my childhood stories!
 
2014-08-09 02:32:04 AM  

Guilty_plea_bargain: Cold toilet string lunch meat.

That is seriously farking gross but hilarious!


What's insane is that, they are super farking strict on everyone taking showers(one man to the shower at a time). One more funny thing is that the guards would play bootleg movies on the main TV. One person I know seen a Jet Li movie in the county jail 3 months before it hit the US.
 
2014-08-09 02:32:29 AM  

charlesmartel11235: why do convicts need doctors? Pour some whiskey on it and send them back to breaking rocks


Because treating prisoners like the people they still are is what a farking civilized society does.
 
2014-08-09 02:38:23 AM  

meatofmystery: g/f is a nurse at the local jail.  every day there are stories.


g/f of a friend of mine is a c.o. at a county jail.  she's a farking idiot.
 
2014-08-09 02:45:12 AM  

Grapple: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

400 inmates, yet only 300 dicks?  Hmm....


half of the woman's wing were traps.
 
2014-08-09 02:47:32 AM  

Grapple: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

400 inmates, yet only 300 dicks?  Hmm....


Some that been there before would say no to it.
 
2014-08-09 02:54:38 AM  
eventhorizon.CR2
 
2014-08-09 03:19:54 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: styckx: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

Why is there a dick poker in jail?

No but, inmates from state prisons would be transfered to Cook county to await trial in Cook county jail for other crimes. i swear they would have some in Hannibal Lector types of masks. It was one dude that would poke other guys on their ass with his finger. For some reason the State prisoners would always as for "Hispanic punks" (gays)


I'm still not understanding this story. So is this guy actually checking dude's butts to see if they have stuff up them? Why is he also the dick doctor and why are dicks out? Or is there another thing happening here with dick holes? I need some more dick butt information here.
 
2014-08-09 03:21:24 AM  

ReverendJynxed: butt


If it's a Supermax facility, none. Inmates are in solitary confinement.
 
2014-08-09 04:08:48 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: drjekel_mrhyde: Guilty_plea_bargain: drjekel_mrhyde: styckx: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

Why is there a dick poker in jail?

No but, inmates from state prisons would be transfered to Cook county to await trial in Cook county jail for other crimes. i swear they would have some in Hannibal Lector types of masks. It was one dude that would poke other guys on their ass with his finger. For some reason the State prisoners would always as for "Hispanic punks" (gays)

Dude, tell me you have another dong or violated butthole story.

You have piqued my interest.

When I went to court the second day, they hand cuffed me to a guy I went to high school with. He damn near broke his neck trying to check out a transformer, so much he was pulling the shiat out of my arm damn near out the socket. The third and last day of my lock up, a female guard came in to give out pencils and this guy was farking beating off under a sheet(the guy came in the same time as I). People would put their luncheon meat in the toilet by a string to keep it cold.

I guess the short name transsexual is filtered


The censorbot adds so much unintended hilarity...
 
2014-08-09 04:21:58 AM  
This is what happens when we use our prisons as mental health facilities.
/brother is with Corrections
//24 years
///the stories, oh the stories
 
2014-08-09 04:42:17 AM  
"I Was Scared to Death"
 And yet here you are.

"The prisoners in CSP were "almost universally" sociopaths devoid of feeling empathy for anyone else, Wright said. "These guys aren't ashamed of what they've done. They're pissed that they got caught, but they don't really have much understanding about why they're in prison, because to them they're just doing what they should be doing.""

I'm not generally for death penalties but if these people really are diagnosed sociopaths and psychopaths is there any hope of them ever being "fixed"?  Is there any possibility of them ever not being killers and rapers without empathy?  It'd be nice if in the future we can just put these people in "storage"until a way to help them is found.  Have some giant facility somewhere kinda like a Yucca Mountain for people and keep them in stasis.  I suppose killing them would almost be the same thing though wouldn't it.

It just seems that the way of doing things currently are isn't really helping anyone except the private prison industry.  What do you do with permanently broken people?
 
2014-08-09 04:46:00 AM  

Alison Hendrix's Craft Room: drjekel_mrhyde: styckx: drjekel_mrhyde: I went to Cook County jail for 3 days in 01' for some dumb shiat. I swear the worst job in the world had to be the dick doctor. This guy sits there and tells you to pull out your dick and poke your hole with dead accuracy. This guy did this for 8 hours straight. The look on his face was just sad. there had to be be 400 inmates coming in during his shift.
/that's 300 dicks you have to poke a day

Why is there a dick poker in jail?

No but, inmates from state prisons would be transfered to Cook county to await trial in Cook county jail for other crimes. i swear they would have some in Hannibal Lector types of masks. It was one dude that would poke other guys on their ass with his finger. For some reason the State prisoners would always as for "Hispanic punks" (gays)

I'm still not understanding this story. So is this guy actually checking dude's butts to see if they have stuff up them? Why is he also the dick doctor and why are dicks out? Or is there another thing happening here with dick holes? I need some more dick butt information here.


I have a friend who spent time in Cook County in around the same time as Mr Hyde.

What he explained was the guy poking the butts was to make sure nothing was in there. The Dick Dr would use a cotton swab and put it in the dick hole to test for STDs and I think to make sure that nothing was up there.

That's what he said it was for. It may or may not be some version of the truth.
 
2014-08-09 04:50:45 AM  
Wright sought the position at CSP because it was different from anything he'd done before, and he even thought it would be fun.

What is this I don't even... *headdesk*
 
2014-08-09 04:53:11 AM  

rewind2846: This is what happens when we use our prisons as mental health facilities.
/brother is with Corrections
//24 years
///the stories, oh the stories


I've disparaged (power-hungry, a-hole) cops on many a FARK thread, but those who work in Corrections have my genuine sympathy.

/ someone has to do that job
// and that someone isn't me, I don't have the patience & tolerance for it...
 
2014-08-09 04:59:22 AM  
"In order to perform his duties as best he could, Wright remained professional toward the inmates, avoiding discussing anything beyond their medical conditions. "I think probably the thing that helps the most is I treat them with respect. It's always 'Mr. So-and-So' and I never give them any grief about anything," Wright said. "It's just strictly professional, and if I show them respect, they show respect back, and that works out pretty well.""

Who'da thunk it eh?  The rest of the time they're treated like caged animals so they act like it,  who'da thunk it.
 
2014-08-09 05:29:50 AM  

corq: The censorbot adds so much unintended hilarity...


I'm pretty sure it's intended.

Not to mention that some people find transformer to be offensive - I don't really know why it's offensive.
 
2014-08-09 06:03:03 AM  

Boo_Guy: Who'da thunk it eh? The rest of the time they're treated like caged animals so they act like it, who'da thunk it.


They may return respect with respect, but don't be fooled. If they saw any benefit in killing you, even if the benefit was just their personal entertainment, they would do it with a smile on their face.
 
2014-08-09 06:15:15 AM  

CruiserTwelve: Boo_Guy: Who'da thunk it eh? The rest of the time they're treated like caged animals so they act like it, who'da thunk it.

They may return respect with respect, but don't be fooled. If they saw any benefit in killing you, even if the benefit was just their personal entertainment, they would do it with a smile on their face.


Oh I'm sure that they would,  I don't expect to turn into dapper gentlemen or anything. =)
 
2014-08-09 06:18:05 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: ReverendJynxed: butt

If it's a Supermax facility, none. Inmates are in solitary confinement.



i131.photobucket.com

Dr. Ian Malcolm: John,, the kind of control you're attempting simply is... it's not possible. If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it's that penis will not be contained. penis  breaks free, it expands to new territories and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously, but, uh... well, there it is.

John Hammond: [sardonically] There it is.

Henry Wu: You're implying that a group composed entirely of male animals,  in solitary confinement,will... breed?

Dr. Ian Malcolm: No, I'm, I'm simply saying that penis, uh... finds a way.
 
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