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(Telegraph)   US customs geniuses ruin New Zealand cricketer's bat by drilling it full of holes in a search for drugs   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 41
    More: Dumbass, New Zealand, Americans, customs officer  
•       •       •

1340 clicks; posted to Sports » on 08 Aug 2014 at 1:56 PM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



41 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-08-08 10:26:30 AM  
Merica don't give a shiat about your cricket.
 
2014-08-08 10:34:28 AM  
Assholes.
 
2014-08-08 10:35:58 AM  
Sorry we drilled holes. Our bad.

*cricket*
 
2014-08-08 10:45:10 AM  
This is America & we play baseball here, not some silly game that uses a broomstick shoved into a 2x4 to hit the ball.  If it takes drilling holes into the 'bat' to keep that 'game' from getting a foothold here, then by God that's exactly what we're going to do.... (And we certainly don't want our pitchers dancing around like a little fairy when they throw the ball.  Seems more like a 'catcher' if you know what I mean.... )

'Murica woo hoo

/Sadly I could see this in the back of the rocket surgeon's 'mind' (for lack of a better word) as he kept us all safe from the tiny amount of drugs that could in theory be hidden in the bat
 
2014-08-08 10:46:43 AM  
Now they're going to run away and shout apologies from a safe distance.
 
2014-08-08 10:48:53 AM  

Recoil Therapy: This is America & we play baseball here, not some silly game that uses a broomstick shoved into a 2x4 to hit the ball.  If it takes drilling holes into the 'bat' to keep that 'game' from getting a foothold here, then by God that's exactly what we're going to do.... (And we certainly don't want our pitchers dancing around like a little fairy when they throw the ball.  Seems more like a 'catcher' if you know what I mean.... )

'Murica woo hoo

/Sadly I could see this in the back of the rocket surgeon's 'mind' (for lack of a better word) as he kept us all safe from the tiny amount of drugs that could in theory be hidden in the bat


Hey... that GED was working its ass off

/show some respect
 
2014-08-08 10:55:25 AM  
If only we could invent a machine that would let us skip drilling into solid objects to see what's inside.
 
2014-08-08 11:26:29 AM  

edmo: If only we could invent a machine that would let us skip drilling into solid objects to see what's inside.


I did wonder if the X-Ray machine showed something inside the bat, and that's why they drilled it.  I don't know if cricketers cork (or otherwise alter) their bats, or if that's even illegal to do in cricket, but that may be part of the story.
 
2014-08-08 11:31:52 AM  
If there was only some device that would allow people to see inside other things...
 
2014-08-08 12:08:33 PM  
How much is a bat like that worth? Amazon has bats listed anywhere from $50 to $150, but I'm assuming those are nowhere near the quality bat one would have if one was playing international level cricket.

/regularly flies with bowling equipment
//customs is OK with it as long as the balls are drilled
///so to speak
 
2014-08-08 01:37:05 PM  
Thank god he wasn't travelling with his newborn son.
 
2014-08-08 02:25:33 PM  
thumb-ovp.piksel.com

If he complains he gets a finger up his arse next time.
 
2014-08-08 02:36:31 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: edmo: If only we could invent a machine that would let us skip drilling into solid objects to see what's inside.

I did wonder if the X-Ray machine showed something inside the bat, and that's why they drilled it.  I don't know if cricketers cork (or otherwise alter) their bats, or if that's even illegal to do in cricket, but that may be part of the story.


There is no real need. The laws of the game only specify a maximum width and length so you can have it weighted as you like and no real altering goes on as an unpredictable bat is bad as you can't control the ball as well.

So the bats are made out of consistent lumps of willow that behave exactly like the batsmen want.
 
2014-08-08 02:41:23 PM  
He wasnt trying to prevent the drugs from entering the country, he was looking for drugs to steal.
 
2014-08-08 02:44:14 PM  

SurfaceTension: How much is a bat like that worth? Amazon has bats listed anywhere from $50 to $150, but I'm assuming those are nowhere near the quality bat one would have if one was playing international level cricket.

/regularly flies with bowling equipment
//customs is OK with it as long as the balls are drilled
///so to speak


When I was playing in Australia a decent bat for a serious cricketer was $600-$1000 there (~$550-$920 in USD). But that was the kind of bat someone trying to make it pro/at a top amateur level would be looking at. An international cricketer would almost certainly have a bat sponsorship (from a bat maker), so they don't have to pay for bats.

/But they can pay for one if they really like a bat that isn't made by their sponsor
//Just need to put their sponsor's stickers on the bat
///And generally not tell anyone about it
 
2014-08-08 02:48:41 PM  
"Holey Batman, Batman."
-Robin
 
2014-08-08 03:01:31 PM  
Drillin' holes in a cricket bat?

www.hadafewbeers.com
 
2014-08-08 03:22:19 PM  

edmo: If only we could invent a machine that would let us skip drilling into solid objects to see what's inside.


slayer199: If there was only some device that would allow people to see inside other things...


Norfolking Chance: So the bats are made out of consistent lumps of willow that behave exactly like the batsmen want.


But they aren't all willow, the handle is cane.  It's possible they did x-ray it and saw the seams, so they thought the handle was detached and drugs poured inside.

Either way, that's not cricket, mate.
 
2014-08-08 03:22:31 PM  

Giltric: He wasnt trying to prevent the drugs from entering the country, he was looking for drugs to steal.


He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal.
 
2014-08-08 04:22:24 PM  
Is that legal?  It is my understanding that drug enforcement agents, cops etc. are not allowed to destroy property without a warrant.  Taking a drill to someone property, any property seems to be:

1) Incredibly stupid.

2) The kind of thing that get's you fired

3) The kind of thing where you/your department are legally required to compensate someone, so your boss says "HELL NO" when you ask permission to do it.
 
2014-08-08 04:23:12 PM  

Snarfangel: Giltric: He wasnt trying to prevent the drugs from entering the country, he was looking for drugs to steal.

He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal.


The boy said well Im a TSA Agent too and I bet yer bottle of H2O against this Dildo to say Im better than you.
 
2014-08-08 04:45:50 PM  

flynn80: "Holey Batman, Batman."
-Robin


What if Batman was playing cricket as an officer's servant in the British army in WWI, then Robin could exclaim, "Holy Batman, batman batman!"?
 
2014-08-08 04:47:14 PM  
What a country.
 
2014-08-08 05:16:58 PM  

tarkin1: Is that legal?  It is my understanding that drug enforcement agents, cops etc. are not allowed to destroy property without a warrant.  Taking a drill to someone property, any property seems to be:

1) Incredibly stupid.

2) The kind of thing that get's you fired

3) The kind of thing where you/your department are legally required to compensate someone, so your boss says "HELL NO" when you ask permission to do it.


Border Police can do just about anything they want to anyone prior to approving their entrance into the country.
 
2014-08-08 05:35:26 PM  
power tools? are custom agents allowed to handle those? dimwits
 
2014-08-08 05:43:57 PM  

Norfolking Chance: Benevolent Misanthrope: edmo: If only we could invent a machine that would let us skip drilling into solid objects to see what's inside.

I did wonder if the X-Ray machine showed something inside the bat, and that's why they drilled it.  I don't know if cricketers cork (or otherwise alter) their bats, or if that's even illegal to do in cricket, but that may be part of the story.

There is no real need. The laws of the game only specify a maximum width and length so you can have it weighted as you like and no real altering goes on as an unpredictable bat is bad as you can't control the ball as well.

So the bats are made out of consistent lumps of willow that behave exactly like the batsmen want.


Well - baseball players cork their bats to lower the weight and increase the springiness of the response when they contact the ball.  I was wondering if cricketers might do the same - add weight in certain places to balance them differently or change responsiveness.
 
2014-08-08 06:22:39 PM  

northguineahills: flynn80: "Holey Batman, Batman."
-Robin

What if Batman was playing cricket as an officer's servant in the British army in WWI, then Robin could exclaim, "Holy Batman, batman batman!"?


And what if he was a chicken of a certain small breed, then Robin could exclaim, "Holy Batman, batman bantam batman!"?
 
2014-08-08 06:39:07 PM  
Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo...

/Got nuthin'
 
2014-08-08 07:43:28 PM  

skrame: northguineahills: flynn80: "Holey Batman, Batman."
-Robin

What if Batman was playing cricket as an officer's servant in the British army in WWI, then Robin could exclaim, "Holy Batman, batman batman!"?

And what if he was a chicken of a certain small breed, then Robin could exclaim, "Holy Batman, batman bantam batman!"?


...and said chicken was in a city in Java, Robin would explain, "Holy Batman, batman bantam batman in Bantam."
 
2014-08-08 07:52:04 PM  
Why would anyone be smuggling drugs from New Zealand?

Or did his flight originate from somewhere else?
 
2014-08-08 08:30:07 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Norfolking Chance: Benevolent Misanthrope: edmo: If only we could invent a machine that would let us skip drilling into solid objects to see what's inside.

I did wonder if the X-Ray machine showed something inside the bat, and that's why they drilled it.  I don't know if cricketers cork (or otherwise alter) their bats, or if that's even illegal to do in cricket, but that may be part of the story.

There is no real need. The laws of the game only specify a maximum width and length so you can have it weighted as you like and no real altering goes on as an unpredictable bat is bad as you can't control the ball as well.

So the bats are made out of consistent lumps of willow that behave exactly like the batsmen want.

Well - baseball players cork their bats to lower the weight and increase the springiness of the response when they contact the ball.  I was wondering if cricketers might do the same - add weight in certain places to balance them differently or change responsiveness.


Balls go roughly half the distance with a corked bat.
 
2014-08-08 09:43:54 PM  
Don't snort coke of your bat and the drug dogs won't alert on it.
 
2014-08-08 10:43:47 PM  
Good batsmen regularly bat (with the same bat) for over an hour or two. Legendary batsmen will sometimes bat (with the same bat) for over a day or two (in tests, anyway).

I've only seen a couple of bats break during play (and both of those broke where the handle meets the blade).

I think they're built pretty solid. Solid enough to bash a zombie or two (with the same bat) over the course of a funny movie.

I love cricket. Ever since Dish screwed up the cricket package, I don't get to see it anymore. (I ain't gonna pay $15 a month for TEN Cricket when I used to get three channels, including TEN, for $20.)
 
2014-08-08 11:22:38 PM  

northguineahills: skrame: northguineahills: flynn80: "Holey Batman, Batman."
-Robin

What if Batman was playing cricket as an officer's servant in the British army in WWI, then Robin could exclaim, "Holy Batman, batman batman!"?

And what if he was a chicken of a certain small breed, then Robin could exclaim, "Holy Batman, batman bantam batman!"?

...and said chicken was in a city in Java, Robin would explain, "Holy Batman, batman bantam batman in Bantam."


...and if he was the Bluth holding the family together, Robin would say "Holy Batman, bantam batman Bateman Batman in Bantam!".
 
2014-08-08 11:34:11 PM  

skrame: northguineahills: skrame: northguineahills: flynn80: "Holey Batman, Batman."
-Robin

What if Batman was playing cricket as an officer's servant in the British army in WWI, then Robin could exclaim, "Holy Batman, batman batman!"?

And what if he was a chicken of a certain small breed, then Robin could exclaim, "Holy Batman, batman bantam batman!"?

...and said chicken was in a city in Java, Robin would explain, "Holy Batman, batman bantam batman in Bantam."

...and if he was the Bluth holding the family together, Robin would say "Holy Batman, bantam batman Bateman Batman in Bantam!".


Ok, we're getting silly now, but you win. hahahaha!  Anyone else?
 
2014-08-09 08:23:58 AM  

aaronx: I love cricket. Ever since Dish screwed up the cricket package, I don't get to see it anymore


Depending on whether how you get your internet, you might get ESPN3.com streaming, and they've had a decent smattering (the whole T20 World Cup earlier this year).
 
2014-08-09 09:27:20 AM  
I can just see some dumb redneck TSA agent laying eyes on it and asking "What's this for? I don't see no canoe!".  And when he's told it's a cricket bat, the idiot's eyes light up thinking he just made employee of the month:  "Ha! You made that up! There ain't no such "sport"! Ya think I'm dumb?!  Ooh... yer in trouble now boy! Hey Vern! Hand me that power drill over there, watch, I'll bet coke just comes POURIN' outta this thing!!!....*whrrrrr* .... *whrrr*..... *whrrrrrrr*   Eh, you got lucky this time stranger! But don't try and sneak that crap through my line again, y'ahear?"

Somedays, I hate my country.....
 
2014-08-09 04:40:10 PM  
Good to know our customs and border patrol agents are laser focused on the real threat: South Pacific cricketers.
 
2014-08-09 04:50:06 PM  
I lived in China for a while as a teacher, and I remember coming back on a Chinese airline. We went through customs at LAX. My girlfriend and I were the only Americans - really, the only non-Chinese - on the flight. At customs, of course, we get pulled out of line and given the third degree for almost an hour. By the time we got back in line, there were maybe 10 passengers from the flight left to go through. Of about 200 passengers. We were pissed. What did they ask about? Drugs. Who smuggles drugs on an airplane FROM a communist country?

//And this was pre-9/11, almost 20 years ago.
 
2014-08-09 05:02:55 PM  

Dr.Gonzo7719: I lived in China for a while as a teacher, and I remember coming back on a Chinese airline. We went through customs at LAX. My girlfriend and I were the only Americans - really, the only non-Chinese - on the flight. At customs, of course, we get pulled out of line and given the third degree for almost an hour. By the time we got back in line, there were maybe 10 passengers from the flight left to go through. Of about 200 passengers. We were pissed. What did they ask about? Drugs. Who smuggles drugs on an airplane FROM a communist country?

//And this was pre-9/11, almost 20 years ago.


China White?
 
2014-08-10 01:18:00 AM  

ongbok: Dr.Gonzo7719: I lived in China for a while as a teacher, and I remember coming back on a Chinese airline. We went through customs at LAX. My girlfriend and I were the only Americans - really, the only non-Chinese - on the flight. At customs, of course, we get pulled out of line and given the third degree for almost an hour. By the time we got back in line, there were maybe 10 passengers from the flight left to go through. Of about 200 passengers. We were pissed. What did they ask about? Drugs. Who smuggles drugs on an airplane FROM a communist country?

//And this was pre-9/11, almost 20 years ago.

China White?


Wikipedia suggests that China exports ephedrine and pseudoephedrine for making meth, and also MDMA. Generally speaking, China is known for exporting precursor chemicals used to make drugs, it seems.
 
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