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(Telegraph)   Are you tired of the endless fighting? The dinnertime brawls? The long uncomfortable silences around the home? Finally here is an article that will resolve all of those issues   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 77
    More: Interesting, ambient temperature, salad dresses, ambient  
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7353 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Aug 2014 at 4:36 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



77 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-08-07 10:09:35 PM  
Heinz is a monstrosity no one should have to use as a condiment.

cdn.shopify.com
 
2014-08-07 10:31:43 PM  
Sriracha is the only condiment that matters.
 
2014-08-07 11:01:36 PM  
Look, the Heinz reduced sugar and salt ketchup is a close enough product that I buy up all the bottles whenever it shows up at the store, but once opened, you have to refrigerate it. It gets a little rank once warm. But if you're diabetic, look for that shiat. Tastes like the real thing.
 
2014-08-07 11:37:23 PM  
Nobody in our household uses much ketchup so it goes in the fridge since a bottle can last well over 6 months.
 
2014-08-08 12:00:37 AM  

doyner: Sriracha is the only condiment that matters.


Well, do you refrigerate that stuff or not?

Had this conversation about hot sauces with someone just the other day in a TFD thread. I was hoping TFA would cover those.
 
2014-08-08 12:10:37 AM  

fusillade762: doyner: Sriracha is the only condiment that matters.

Well, do you refrigerate that stuff or not?

Had this conversation about hot sauces with someone just the other day in a TFD thread. I was hoping TFA would cover those.


Open the bottle just a touch so while it still ferments it won't spill juice down the side of the bottle, and you can leave it on the counter for a month without a problem. If you want it to stay thick it's better to stick it in the fridge. Otherwise just shake it up before you use it, but it will get thinner as it ages if you don't use it fast enough.
 
2014-08-08 04:20:28 AM  
Ketchup is disgusting.

And that's weird because other tomato-based condiments are typically delicious.
 
2014-08-08 04:42:33 AM  
I keep everything in the fridge. Even unopened stuff. What kind of demented asshole leaves this shiat out?
 
2014-08-08 04:48:27 AM  
Heinz ketchup in the USA is made with HFCS which gives it, to my palate, a cloying strange sweetness.

Canadian Heinz is the condiment of the gods.
 
2014-08-08 04:52:52 AM  
...and it goes in the fridge.
 
2014-08-08 05:01:18 AM  

Bill_Wick's_Friend: Heinz ketchup in the USA is made with HFCS which gives it, to my palate, a cloying strange sweetness.

Canadian Heinz is the condiment of the gods.


Heinz uses cane sugar.
 
2014-08-08 05:09:28 AM  

Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: Bill_Wick's_Friend: Heinz ketchup in the USA is made with HFCS which gives it, to my palate, a cloying strange sweetness.

Canadian Heinz is the condiment of the gods.

Heinz uses cane sugar.


Not according to their website they don't.

INGREDIENTS: TOMATO CONCENTRATE FROM RED RIPE TOMATOES, DISTILLED VINEGAR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CORN SYRUP, SALT, SPICE, ONION POWDER, NATURAL FLAVORING.

The ingredients on the ketchup that I just pulled out of the fridge are:

Tomato paste (made from fresh ripe tomatoes) liquid sugar, white vinegar, salt, onion powder, spices

Pate de tomate (fait de tomates mures bien fraiches) sucre liquide, vinaigre blanc, sel, oignion en poudre, espices

(now I'm hungry.  sammich time)
 
2014-08-08 05:14:41 AM  
I didn't laugh.
www.morethings.com
 
2014-08-08 05:15:28 AM  

Bill_Wick's_Friend: Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: Bill_Wick's_Friend: Heinz ketchup in the USA is made with HFCS which gives it, to my palate, a cloying strange sweetness.

Canadian Heinz is the condiment of the gods.

Heinz uses cane sugar.

Not according to their website they don't.

INGREDIENTS: TOMATO CONCENTRATE FROM RED RIPE TOMATOES, DISTILLED VINEGAR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CORN SYRUP, SALT, SPICE, ONION POWDER, NATURAL FLAVORING.

The ingredients on the ketchup that I just pulled out of the fridge are:

Tomato paste (made from fresh ripe tomatoes) liquid sugar, white vinegar, salt, onion powder, spices

Pate de tomate (fait de tomates mures bien fraiches) sucre liquide, vinaigre blanc, sel, oignion en poudre, espices

(now I'm hungry.  sammich time)


Try a newer bottle. They switched over recently.
 
2014-08-08 05:19:51 AM  
That's all well and good, but what about Catsup?
 
2014-08-08 05:24:45 AM  
Don't buy ketchup in the first place.  Problem solved.
 
2014-08-08 05:28:45 AM  

Bill_Wick's_Friend: Heinz ketchup in the USA is made with HFCS which gives it, to my palate, a cloying strange sweetness.

Canadian Heinz is the condiment of the gods.


Do you know that Heinz was going to completely shutter the Canadian Heinz plant this year? Rumor is that really wanted to close their plant in... Pittsburgh(?? I think) but that wouldn't have gone over well in the US for a few different reasons,  so they were all set to completely close the Ontario one.

The only thing that kept it open was that there's a law here saying tomato juice has to be made from whole tomatoes,  not paste like they do in the US.  So Heinz sold the plant to a private group so that it could keep making the juice for the Canadian market.

The town that the Canadian plant was in is small,  it's basically a Heinz plant and like a crap load of tomato greenhouses.

http://blogs.windsorstar.com/news/quirky-canadian-tomato-juice-regul at ion-may-help-former-heinz-plant

So I don't think you'll be getting to enjoy Canadian Heinz products anymore,  outside of tomato juice.

/only know this because my parents retired to that town about 2 years ago.
//the housing was cheap before the closure was announced,  it fell through the floor after that
 
2014-08-08 05:29:37 AM  
Ketchup hipsters.

/yes, you
 
2014-08-08 05:31:22 AM  

CarnySaur: That's all well and good, but what about Catsup?


Store in the trash can.
 
2014-08-08 05:32:16 AM  

Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: Bill_Wick's_Friend: Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: Bill_Wick's_Friend: Heinz ketchup in the USA is made with HFCS which gives it, to my palate, a cloying strange sweetness.

Canadian Heinz is the condiment of the gods.

Heinz uses cane sugar.

Not according to their website they don't.

INGREDIENTS: TOMATO CONCENTRATE FROM RED RIPE TOMATOES, DISTILLED VINEGAR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CORN SYRUP, SALT, SPICE, ONION POWDER, NATURAL FLAVORING.

The ingredients on the ketchup that I just pulled out of the fridge are:

Tomato paste (made from fresh ripe tomatoes) liquid sugar, white vinegar, salt, onion powder, spices

Pate de tomate (fait de tomates mures bien fraiches) sucre liquide, vinaigre blanc, sel, oignion en poudre, espices

(now I'm hungry.  sammich time)

Try a newer bottle. They switched over recently.


I spent way too long writing up my lil blurb about Heinz going bye-bye in Canada.

Bill is either going to be hoarding the older stuff or looking for a new ketchup soon.
 
2014-08-08 05:36:37 AM  
Oh and why the hell wasn't Nutella on that list?  WTF‽‽

They have marmite, lea and perrins, but not the silky nutty chocolate goodness that is Nutshell‽‽


/balls
 
2014-08-08 05:38:59 AM  
Nutshell? FARK YOU SPELL CHECK!

Nutella Nutella Nutella Nutella Nutella
 
2014-08-08 05:54:28 AM  
So to summarize the article: read the label
 
2014-08-08 06:02:34 AM  
Read the label, then add a month. Best Miracle Whip I've had aged for 6 months.
 
2014-08-08 06:12:40 AM  

Bob The Nob: CarnySaur: That's all well and good, but what about Catsup?

Store in the trash can.


or here.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-08-08 06:26:41 AM  
I like ketchup on hotdogs. There, I said it.
 
2014-08-08 06:26:46 AM  
Maybe Fark can settle something that's been argued over in my home. Peanut butter goes in the fridge or the pantry? Growing up we stored the it in the pantry. The wife's family used the fridge. She grew up with Peter Pan and I grew up with government peanut butter if that makes a difference.
 
2014-08-08 06:33:09 AM  

Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: Maybe Fark can settle something that's been argued over in my home. Peanut butter goes in the fridge or the pantry? Growing up we stored the it in the pantry. The wife's family used the fridge. She grew up with Peter Pan and I grew up with government peanut butter if that makes a difference.


TFA covered that.
 
2014-08-08 06:50:10 AM  

Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: Maybe Fark can settle something that's been argued over in my home. Peanut butter goes in the fridge or the pantry? Growing up we stored the it in the pantry. The wife's family used the fridge. She grew up with Peter Pan and I grew up with government peanut butter if that makes a difference.


I keep oily(as in you kinda have to stir before spreading) PB in the fridge. I keep other PB's(ie: low-quality mass-produced stuff with an astonishing number of perservatives) on the shelf. That's probably more of a psychological thing about something being visibly a suspension and another just being a relatively dry paste.
 
2014-08-08 06:50:37 AM  
Here. Let me sum up TFA for you...

"Store per label instructions"

/stupid farking article
 
2014-08-08 06:56:17 AM  
Regardless of the brand preferences stated in the thread... Failure to refrigerate a container of catchup that has been opened will result in it going bad.  Anyone who's worked in a restaurant learns this through direct observation.   Oh and just a quick tip, if you go to a restaurant that has condiments on the table, take a look at the lettering on the side of the label.  If for instance it's a Heinz brand and more than three letters have been scratched out or marked over, switch bottles with another table because that bottle has been recombined from other partial bottles at least three times.  If it's gotten all the way to the Z, you really don't want to use that catchup on anything you plan on eating, because it's at least a week old and hasn't been refrigerated at any point.  this is commonly referred to as the Heinz rule and is in common use in nearly every restaurant I've ever worked at.  The one restaurant I worked at which didn't handle condiments that way didn't have condiments on the table, refrigerated the bottles when not in use, and served them in ramekins as having a bottle on a table was just not done.
 
2014-08-08 06:56:56 AM  
1000words1000days.com
 
2014-08-08 07:28:43 AM  
what's the deal with Lea and Perrins ...
 
2014-08-08 07:33:07 AM  

Boo_Guy: Oh and why the hell wasn't Nutella on that list?  WTF‽‽

They have marmite, lea and perrins, but not the silky nutty chocolate goodness that is Nutshell‽‽


/balls


Nutella is evil bowel sticky stuff...

Long after the nuclear apocalypse, the only survivors will be cockroachs, cans of spam, and jars of Nutella.
 
2014-08-08 07:44:56 AM  
So their answer is 'put everything in the fridge'.

When someone says 'put soy sauce in the fridge' I know they're full of shiat.  And bread. They even say 'it will go stale faster but mold slower'.

Ketchup is full of enough salt and sugar that you could ship that shiat to Bangladesh in a dead camel's asshole and it wouldn't spoil.  I've kept my unrefrigerated for years, and never had any health issues or spoiled product, and I live in 100 degree/100% humidity Dallas/Houston, and often shut off my AC for 10+ hours in the day while I'm at work.

Now, if it's a taste/texture thing, that's a different argument.
 
2014-08-08 07:45:36 AM  

strangeluck: Boo_Guy: Oh and why the hell wasn't Nutella on that list?  WTF‽‽

They have marmite, lea and perrins, but not the silky nutty chocolate goodness that is Nutshell‽‽


/balls

Nutella is evil bowel sticky stuff...

Long after the nuclear apocalypse, the only survivors will be cockroachs, cans of spam, and jars of Nutella.


I'm not a fan either, but why (and this is by no means directed only at you) so much hate?
I tend to prefer Heinz products, but I don't run around telling people, other than my wife when she's buying, about my belief that Heinz Ketchup is the pinnacle of all condiments (I'm looking at you Sriracha true believers)
 
2014-08-08 07:56:34 AM  
Just make sure it's truly organic.....

i291.photobucket.com
 
2014-08-08 08:04:06 AM  

Boo_Guy: Oh and why the hell wasn't Nutella on that list?  WTF‽‽

They have marmite, lea and perrins, but not the silky nutty chocolate goodness that is Nutshell‽‽


/balls


Because this is a British article, and back in my homeland they have actual chocolate spread readily available to them that is made with chocolate and tastes of chocolate. Not the stuff that Hershey's try and claim is chocolate, and not the blasphemous hazelnut based poop-in-a-jar that is Nutella.

/not at all bitter that I can't find real chocolate spread in Virginia. Not at all.
 
2014-08-08 08:08:29 AM  

Shagbert: Boo_Guy: Oh and why the hell wasn't Nutella on that list?  WTF‽‽

They have marmite, lea and perrins, but not the silky nutty chocolate goodness that is Nutshell‽‽


/balls

Because this is a British article, and back in my homeland they have actual chocolate spread readily available to them that is made with chocolate and tastes of chocolate. Not the stuff that Hershey's try and claim is chocolate, and not the blasphemous hazelnut based poop-in-a-jar that is Nutella.

/not at all bitter that I can't find real chocolate spread in Virginia. Not at all.


I have a friend who moved to America and was sad that he couldn't find decent proper Jaffa Cakes, so I used to send some over, or take them with me when I went to visit. He's found his own source now, but all you need to do is phone someone from the old country and say "Oi, you wanker, send me some chocolate spread or i'll whack you on your bloody noggin!"

/gotta speak as a stereotype here, don't want anyone to suspect I'm not really English.
 
2014-08-08 08:10:02 AM  
I avoid all these unpleasant disagreements by living alone, and by not having ketchup in the house.
 
2014-08-08 08:12:19 AM  

Doubleodoug: strangeluck: Boo_Guy: Oh and why the hell wasn't Nutella on that list?  WTF‽‽

They have marmite, lea and perrins, but not the silky nutty chocolate goodness that is Nutshell‽‽


/balls

Nutella is evil bowel sticky stuff...

Long after the nuclear apocalypse, the only survivors will be cockroachs, cans of spam, and jars of Nutella.

I'm not a fan either, but why (and this is by no means directed only at you) so much hate?
I tend to prefer Heinz products, but I don't run around telling people, other than my wife when she's buying, about my belief that Heinz Ketchup is the pinnacle of all condiments (I'm looking at you Sriracha true believers)


I don't "hate" it, but not a fan of it, and my post was meant to be silly.
 
2014-08-08 08:14:45 AM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: I avoid all these unpleasant disagreements by living alone, and by not having ketchup in the house.


So you're in violation of the Equal Ketchup Fair Housing Act huh?

Let me guess, you prefer mustards only, huh?
 
2014-08-08 08:20:01 AM  

strangeluck: Pants full of macaroni!!: I avoid all these unpleasant disagreements by living alone, and by not having ketchup in the house.

So you're in violation of the Equal Ketchup Fair Housing Act huh?

Let me guess, you prefer mustards only, huh?


I keep mustards, bbq sauces and a bottle of sriracha (even though sriracha is officially Over).
 
2014-08-08 08:45:23 AM  

strangeluck: Doubleodoug: strangeluck: Boo_Guy: Oh and why the hell wasn't Nutella on that list?  WTF‽‽

They have marmite, lea and perrins, but not the silky nutty chocolate goodness that is Nutshell‽‽


/balls

Nutella is evil bowel sticky stuff...

Long after the nuclear apocalypse, the only survivors will be cockroachs, cans of spam, and jars of Nutella.

I'm not a fan either, but why (and this is by no means directed only at you) so much hate?
I tend to prefer Heinz products, but I don't run around telling people, other than my wife when she's buying, about my belief that Heinz Ketchup is the pinnacle of all condiments (I'm looking at you Sriracha true believers)

I don't "hate" it, but not a fan of it, and my post was meant to be silly.


Yeah, I figured, but I just wanted to use the opportunity to jump on a soapbox.  It's Fark after all, you can't let someone's opinion go unchallenged.
 
2014-08-08 08:45:51 AM  

Theory Of Null: I keep everything in the fridge. Even unopened stuff. What kind of demented asshole leaves this shiat out?


The British, apparently. Which explains a lot about their food.
 
2014-08-08 08:46:30 AM  
That was a terrible article that could have been replaced with "read the bottle, dipsh*t"

Question for you farkers that may technically be a threadjack: Do you think it tastes weird when a tomato gets ketchup on it?

When I make a hamburger that's my weird thing that annoys me.  Somehow ketchup touching the tomato makes a weird ketchup/tomato hybrid flavor that is like watered down ketchup and vinegary tomato.
 
2014-08-08 08:59:24 AM  

Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: Maybe Fark can settle something that's been argued over in my home. Peanut butter goes in the fridge or the pantry? Growing up we stored the it in the pantry. The wife's family used the fridge. She grew up with Peter Pan and I grew up with government peanut butter if that makes a difference.


baconbeard: Pantry? Hey fella's the Paaantry. Well ooh la-di-da Mr. Frenchman.
Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: Well what do you call it?
baconbeard: A food hold!

/got nuthin'
 
2014-08-08 09:31:44 AM  
Why would you go to the Brits for food storage advice? I don't think most households even have refridgeration. And they like their toast cold. Beans on their eggs. Fried fish in newspaper. They call a sandwich a bap. A BAP! "Would you care for a bap, old chap?" No! Get away from me, you pervert.
 
2014-08-08 09:37:31 AM  

Schmerd1948: Why would you go to the Brits for food storage advice? I don't think most households even have refridgeration. And they like their toast cold. Beans on their eggs. Fried fish in newspaper. They call a sandwich a bap. A BAP! "Would you care for a bap, old chap?" No! Get away from me, you pervert.


I thought a bap was a breast and a sandwich was a buttie.
 
2014-08-08 09:41:13 AM  
I've been using this lately:

www.auroraimporting.com

Tastes just like ketchup, but at thrice the price!
 
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