An unstealable car would detect thieves moving near it, and then it would emit a deafening series of oscillating sounds for several minutes.

It would be most effective in densely populated urban areas, late at night, or anytime the owner is nowhere near. Yes.

make some sort of device that detects if the wheels are more than 4 feet off the ground and if so, automatically self destructs the vehicle.

A friend of mine has a system like that installed in his truck, which has a 1.5 mile communication range with a little handset that shows what alarm is going off. It can detect unwanted motion and attempts to start the car without the proper code. If you combine enough naughty things it fries the electrical system with an ass load of juice.

Why is it that the police have plenty of time to nail teens for having a gram of grass, but no time at all to pursue the theft of what, for most people, is the second most or most valuable thing owned?

I mean, Honda never called these cars "theft-proof", this guy did. He was only fooling himself. Hell, Mercedes and BMW have been "theft-proof" for years and they still get stolen consistantly. Wake up, buddy...

The Pantera CD is an obvious clue.

Beavis and Butthead stole the car.

Nanookanano

Why is it that the police have plenty of time to nail teens for having a gram of grass, but no time at all to pursue the theft of what, for most people, is the second most or most valuable thing owned?


There's another idea: Emit pot smoke out of the back of the car when stolen, that should get the cops' attention.

maybe it was Larry that stole it.

My classic Mercedes has a kill chip embedded in the ignition. I have a key fob with a matching chip, and if I don't hold the fob over my lower dash, it won't start (2 beeps signal the reactivation of the ignition). Of course, as the company that made the chip has since gone out of business, I'm hoping I never lose the keys as I only have that one fob...

(knocking on my wood dash tomorrow morning)

Because the grass makes the kids HIPPIE PINKOS Nanookanano , HIPPIE PINKOS!

This car is theft-proof and Microsoft is secure.

The ftp roof car?

I have a theft-proof car. It's a '93 Sunbird that barely runs and has a factory stereo. The most valuable part of the car is the $500 parking sticker in the window. No, really.

I have a white car too, named "Cracker." And a black car named... Uh, never mind.

You would think the car dealers would log when they make replacement keys and shiat. Enough with the shenanigans.

How about leaving some bags with this in your car in plain view:

Wow, real irony! A first on Fark?

I found a recording of the conversation with the cops:

Got any leads?

Isn't that where everyone puts their spare keys?

Well I'm pretty sure my spare key is behind my aquarium. But I'm not certain. I guess my non-theft proof car will be safe from any neighbors knowing I'm on vacation.

This isn't . Now, if the car was actually theftproof, and it had been stolen, that would be ironic. But since the car was stolen, it wasn't theftproof, therefore: not ironic.

QED

Should have driven the Chameleon XLE... they may tow it away but they'll never steal it

El-Kabong!: I'd say you're right. Although, I do know of a trick that some car thieves who turned into repo men later in life told me, which basically lets you start any car that requires a laser key with an a simple item that costs next to nothing.

But, I seriously doubt that anyone who is just joyriding is going to have that kind of knowledge. Besides, it's something that not everyone knows about.

Is the true irony that this low-emission car now stinks of cigs?

shiat biatch. i stole the muthafarka. Now izz gonna take a pic of my badass stealin it for da cops to fin latr.

werd

if you don't want to have your car stolen do what i do. drive around until you find a couple of bmw's or mercedes and park near them. all of a sudden your econo-car ain't so tempting.

Some speak of the Heart of Gold in hushed tones, some of the starship Bistromath.

Many speak of the legendary and gigantic starship Titanic, a majestic and luxurious cruise liner launched from the great shipbuilding asteroid complexes of Artrifactovol some hundreds of years ago now, and with good reason.

It was sensationally beautiful, staggeringly huge and more pleasantly equipped than any ship in what now remains of history (see page 110 [on the Campaign for Real Time]) but it had the misfortune to be built in the very earliest days of Improbability Physics, long before this difficult and cussed branch of knowledge was fully, or at all, understood.

The designers and engineers decided, in their innocence, to build a prototype Improbability Field into it, which was meant, supposedly, to ensure that it was Infinitely Improbable that anything would ever go wrong with any part of the ship.

They did not realize that because of the quasi-reciprocal and circular nature of all Improbability calculations, anything that was Infinitely Improbable was actually very likely to happen almost immediately.

The starship Titanic was a monstrously pretty sight as it lay beached like a silver Arcturan Megavoidwhale among the laser-lit tracery of its construction gantries, a brilliant cloud of pins and needles of light against the deep interstellar blackness; but when launched, it did not even manage to complete its very first radio message - an SOS - before undergoing a sudden and gratuitous total existence failure.

Should have used the Club.

Nanookanano, cigarettes smell good. You just have to get used to it. Unless you have a dog's nose...

Smoker bashing-free zone

My dentist is named Dr. Honkee. I wonder if this was his car...

Now, if the car was actually theftproof, and it had been stolen, that would be ironic. But since the car was stolen, it wasn't theftproof, therefore: not ironic.

No shiat, buddy. You're really reaching to challenge this [IRONIC] tag. The first situation you described is impossible. It's easier for someone to just say "theftproof" than "described as theftproof." Still ironic.

I just prey someone steals my car :)

Wasserspeier,
You could get in alot of trouble for that and the police would still let the public do all the work. Try telling the police there was a dozen Winchell's donuts in the back seat and two hot coffees in the cupholder. They will find it before that coffee is body temperature.

Sent to the guys email address at end of article:

Well, from the article, and all of the clues, I think I finally
figured it out.

You must have had an argument with your wife, gotten drunk, bought
some Pantera CDs and decided to hit the beach. You got SO drunk in
fact, that you forgot you even drove to the beach, and walked the
short distance home.

The next day, probably hungover, you might have realized what you had
done.. but facing the shame of admitting it, decided to cover it up
with a tale of how it must've gotten stolen. Knowing that the car was
very secure, and that there were no signs of forced entry or tampering
with the column/ignition.. you decided to confront this part first in
your story, and even go so far as to pull "an OJ" and call in the
professional security techs.

No doubt you won't bother to install the kill switch that had been
recommended to you, because you have already solved the mystery and
aren't really worried.

In case you really did blackout, and don't remember what happened..
well then "you're welcome" in advance for solving your mystery.

Yours truly,
Detective Michael Norton - Spc. Investigator, SFPD Blackout Division

*ToAd*

How to prevent thieves from lifting cars onto flatbeds :

make some sort of device that detects if the wheels are more than 4 feet off the ground and if so, automatically self destructs the vehicle.

Have fun getting your oil changed or anything under your car worked on at a garage.

Someone tried the "kid in car" thing. The cops found the car all right ... then threw the person in jail for filing a false report. They should have considered that maybe if people are going to those extremes, they (the cops) need to start actually doing something about the public image of "the cops don't care".

That said, my VW does just about the same thing as the recent Hondas do. All VWs now have encoded keys that will refuse to allow the car to run for more than a few seconds if the key isn't authorized. However, since said keys use a special blank that has to be special-ordered, and can only be cut on an uncommon machine (maybe even over in Germany), you can't just walk into a dealership and get a new key. Plus: Makes it hard for thieves to pull this stunt. Minus: If I ever lose the key, it's $300 to get a new one.

I read 'thespian-proof' car. Hmm.

The best rule of thumb is to simply never use the word ironic. I've heard of instructors who will "F" you for using the word at all, even correctly.

"If you have to actually tell someone that something is ironic, then it isn't."

Just my $.02

want a theft proof car - do what I did:

buy one if these:

I read 'thespian-proof' car. Hmm.

Now that's useful. Damn thespians. They're always, you know, all up in my heezy.

They should get the chair for leaving a perfectly good Pantera album in the car. That's just wrong.

Wasserspeier:

You know, if you really want action from the police on getting a car back just say you saw a child abducted and they stole you car. I bet you get your car back pretty fast when they put its description on the Amber alerts.

And once they figure out there was no abducted child, you can count on heading to jail for making a false complaint to the police. Oh, you can also count on pissing off anyone who a parent.

Real swift thinking there.

I have a theft proof car .Its a 76 ford courier with more dents than a virgins cherry on her first date.I mean it is junkyard camoflaged .Or astheticly challenged would work also.

My VW seems pretty hard to steal. I've never worried about it walking away. However, I was surprised to find someone attempting to steal the wheels off of it at 2:00 am one morning - while it was sitting in a police station parking lot.

?

It obviously wasn't this car

/owns 82 Trans Am

Maybe they liked the sound of the horn...so they named it Honky, the fact that it is a white car is purely coincidental. Maybe?

lindseyp, you're right, that's what you have the first amendment for, isn't it?