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8612 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 06 Aug 2014 at 1:46 PM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-06 10:37:30 AM  
I can't stand country music and that is just patently offensive for no good reason.
 
2014-08-06 10:43:34 AM  
Article summed up: they don't sound like what I think country should sound like so they are horrible
 
2014-08-06 10:56:52 AM  
10. Toby Keith - Not so sure about douchebag - I think somewhere around puberty he went through that and out the other side to raging asshole.
9. Charles Kelley - Who?  Oh yeah - that guy.  Douche.
8. Dan + Shay - Who?
7. Garth Brooks - it's odd.  The most kick-ass singer of the 90s is also the biggest douchebag, under the name Chris Gaines.
6. Jerrod Niemann - GAWD he wants to be cool so bad.  Douche.
5. Taylor Swift - not sure you can call a girl a douchebag.  But whatever the female equivalent is, she's it, yes.
4. Kenny Chesney - does anyone not know he's gay?  Seriously?  He spends enough time trying to convince us otherwise to make it a mortal lock.
3. Florida Georgia Line - Poster boys for the unkempt, sweaty, greasy-haired, inked-up, "born to raise hell" skinny redneck bad-boy look.  Douchebags.
2. Luke Bryan - Deserves the #1 spot, hands down.  Supremely punchable face, top performer in the bro-country genre, and actually said that today's country "artists" are grittier and edgier than the old dudes, so they (Cash, Jennings, etc.) are like totally done, bro.  Boring.  Irrelevant, now that he and his bros are on the scene.  Past douchebag, and past asshole, really.
1. Rascal Flatts - Douchebags.  Always have been, but now they're aging, washed-up douchebags.  So many goddamn curlicues around notes, they should dress in paisley.  WTF were people thinking, creating a country boy-band? (And by the way - where the hell is Brad Paisley on this list?)
 
2014-08-06 11:13:22 AM  
If your song involves...

Your dog died.

You're drunk at 2am.

or Someone somewhere is burning an American flag...


...you suck no matter who you are.
 
2014-08-06 11:26:15 AM  
These two are going to eventually challenge Taylor Swift for the female country douchebag spot, if they last that long:

wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net
 
2014-08-06 12:08:40 PM  
No Hank Williams Jr.?

I thought he ws the king of red neck noise douche bags.
 
2014-08-06 12:37:27 PM  
Modern country reminds me of 80's glam metal.
/It all sucked.
 
2014-08-06 12:56:43 PM  

Rabid Badger Beaver Weasel: These two are going to eventually challenge Taylor Swift for the female country douchebag spot, if they last that long:

[wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net image 600x400]


Whoever they are, bathe them and send  them to my quarters.
 
2014-08-06 01:45:23 PM  
The only one that might be considered country on that list is Toby Keith.

The rest? Lame '80s pop with violins in the background. Can't call 'em "fiddles" anymore, because that would be too "country" for the demographic, which is now mostly mini-van driving soccer moms.
 
2014-08-06 01:53:45 PM  
Taylor Swift? But she's such a lovely, young lady.

i.imgur.com
 
2014-08-06 01:57:02 PM  

TommyymmoT: No Hank Williams Jr.?

I thought he ws the king of red neck noise douche bags.


Yeah seriously, a one hit wonder who's been desecrating his fathers corpse his entire career.

At least they didn't pull some bullshiat and put Willy on there.
 
2014-08-06 01:57:30 PM  
Country music hate aside (and yes, a lot of pop-country sucks major ass)....TFA is two FARKING months old.  Way to stay relevant.
 
2014-08-06 01:57:34 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: 10. Toby Keith - Not so sure about douchebag - I think somewhere around puberty he went through that and out the other side to raging asshole.
9. Charles Kelley - Who?  Oh yeah - that guy.  Douche.
8. Dan + Shay - Who?
7. Garth Brooks - it's odd.  The most kick-ass singer of the 90s is also the biggest douchebag, under the name Chris Gaines.
6. Jerrod Niemann - GAWD he wants to be cool so bad.  Douche.
5. Taylor Swift - not sure you can call a girl a douchebag.  But whatever the female equivalent is, she's it, yes.
4. Kenny Chesney - does anyone not know he's gay?  Seriously?  He spends enough time trying to convince us otherwise to make it a mortal lock.
3. Florida Georgia Line - Poster boys for the unkempt, sweaty, greasy-haired, inked-up, "born to raise hell" skinny redneck bad-boy look.  Douchebags.
2. Luke Bryan - Deserves the #1 spot, hands down.  Supremely punchable face, top performer in the bro-country genre, and actually said that today's country "artists" are grittier and edgier than the old dudes, so they (Cash, Jennings, etc.) are like totally done, bro.  Boring.  Irrelevant, now that he and his bros are on the scene.  Past douchebag, and past asshole, really.
1. Rascal Flatts - Douchebags.  Always have been, but now they're aging, washed-up douchebags.  So many goddamn curlicues around notes, they should dress in paisley.  WTF were people thinking, creating a country boy-band? (And by the way - where the hell is Brad Paisley on this list?)


I've heard female douchebags referred to as baguettes.
 
2014-08-06 02:02:45 PM  
Garth Brooks?  Seriously?  Considering the number of bro-country "artists" these days, you'd think it'd be easier to fill out a top 10 country artist douchebag list.
 
2014-08-06 02:03:36 PM  
Remember when Garth Brooks was the guest and Chris Gaines the musical guest on SNL?
 
2014-08-06 02:03:42 PM  
SIGNS YOU MAY BE A COUNTRY DOUCHEBAG:

*You use the word 'britches' unironically.
*You often utter the phrase 'awwwwwwwwww yeah!'
*You work the details of your car/truck into your lyrics ("this brand new Chevy with a lift kit")
*You basically throw anyone under the bus that doesn't stick to banjos, fiddles, cowboy hats and heavily-drawled singing voices. Because music genres aren't allowed to mingle, don't you know that?
 
2014-08-06 02:04:05 PM  
There is lots of great country music. None of it is played on the radio.
 
2014-08-06 02:04:14 PM  
Oh look, time for some lib media jerk offs to do some male bashing.

Feel better now, kids? Gosh, you're so progressive.
 
2014-08-06 02:06:32 PM  
Jesus Christ, I tried to watch whatever that thing was last night for the guitar porn, and I had to turn it off. What a load of crap they are putting out today.
 
2014-08-06 02:16:31 PM  
dancingsausage.net
 
2014-08-06 02:18:47 PM  
The comments are more amusing than the article. "Blah blah left coast blah blah real Americans blah blah southern hard working blah blah"
 
2014-08-06 02:22:59 PM  
I blame Travolta.
 
2014-08-06 02:25:01 PM  
Country music sucks all the way around, so they are all douchebags as far as I am concerned.
 
2014-08-06 02:25:53 PM  
Country is literally the worst.
 
2014-08-06 02:26:33 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: 10. Toby Keith - Not so sure about douchebag - I think somewhere around puberty he went through that and out the other side to raging asshole.
9. Charles Kelley - Who?  Oh yeah - that guy.  Douche.
8. Dan + Shay - Who?
7. Garth Brooks - it's odd.  The most kick-ass singer of the 90s is also the biggest douchebag, under the name Chris Gaines.
6. Jerrod Niemann - GAWD he wants to be cool so bad.  Douche.
5. Taylor Swift - not sure you can call a girl a douchebag.  But whatever the female equivalent is, she's it, yes.
4. Kenny Chesney - does anyone not know he's gay?  Seriously?  He spends enough time trying to convince us otherwise to make it a mortal lock.
3. Florida Georgia Line - Poster boys for the unkempt, sweaty, greasy-haired, inked-up, "born to raise hell" skinny redneck bad-boy look.  Douchebags.
2. Luke Bryan - Deserves the #1 spot, hands down.  Supremely punchable face, top performer in the bro-country genre, and actually said that today's country "artists" are grittier and edgier than the old dudes, so they (Cash, Jennings, etc.) are like totally done, bro.  Boring.  Irrelevant, now that he and his bros are on the scene.  Past douchebag, and past asshole, really.
1. Rascal Flatts - Douchebags.  Always have been, but now they're aging, washed-up douchebags.  So many goddamn curlicues around notes, they should dress in paisley.  WTF were people thinking, creating a country boy-band? (And by the way - where the hell is Brad Paisley on this list?)


What?  No Lee Greenwood?

The fact that Greenwood wrote that jingoistic and obnoxious song "God Bless the USA" alone should qualify him to have a douchenozzle shoved up his ass, followed by a slow session of him getting drawn and quartered.  Greenwood wearing his special "Stars and Stripes" jacket during said event would be optional.
 
2014-08-06 02:27:25 PM  

Summoner101: Garth Brooks?  Seriously?  Considering the number of bro-country "artists" these days, you'd think it'd be easier to fill out a top 10 country artist douchebag list.


Maybe they just complain about his "will he or won't he" comeback tour talk.
 
2014-08-06 02:34:14 PM  
The only country that I listen to regularly is Hank, Johnny Cash and Buck Owens.

Lots of friends that are "modern country" fans seem invested in trying to get me to "update" my tastes.  Can't say I find much they suggest that interests me.

I seem to do fine with those three.  When i get tired of listening to them they seem to have plenty of suggestions I can start wading through.
 
2014-08-06 02:38:38 PM  

TommyymmoT: No Hank Williams Jr.?

I thought he ws the king of red neck noise douche bags.


It's no longer 1989, so no.
 
2014-08-06 02:38:42 PM  

Skarekrough: The only country that I listen to regularly is Hank, Johnny Cash and Buck Owens.

Lots of friends that are "modern country" fans seem invested in trying to get me to "update" my tastes.  Can't say I find much they suggest that interests me.

I seem to do fine with those three.  When i get tired of listening to them they seem to have plenty of suggestions I can start wading through.


I asked our resident BroCountry fan if he could tell the difference between any of these guys just by listening to them, and he admitted that he could not.
 
2014-08-06 02:39:07 PM  

Lord_Dubu: Remember when Garth Brooks was the guest and Chris Gaines the musical guest on SNL?


I respected him more for trying to do something different.
 
2014-08-06 02:40:19 PM  

Skarekrough: The only country that I listen to regularly is Hank, Johnny Cash and Buck Owens.

Lots of friends that are "modern country" fans seem invested in trying to get me to "update" my tastes.  Can't say I find much they suggest that interests me.

I seem to do fine with those three.  When i get tired of listening to them they seem to have plenty of suggestions I can start wading through.


I strongly recommend Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys.  That's old, old school country.
 
2014-08-06 02:43:20 PM  

MFAWG: Skarekrough: The only country that I listen to regularly is Hank, Johnny Cash and Buck Owens.

Lots of friends that are "modern country" fans seem invested in trying to get me to "update" my tastes.  Can't say I find much they suggest that interests me.

I seem to do fine with those three.  When i get tired of listening to them they seem to have plenty of suggestions I can start wading through.

I asked our resident BroCountry fan if he could tell the difference between any of these guys just by listening to them, and he admitted that he could not.


If you can tell the difference between hair products at 30 yards by smell then you're not someone whose opinions I can trust.
 
2014-08-06 02:43:45 PM  

Gary-L: Skarekrough: The only country that I listen to regularly is Hank, Johnny Cash and Buck Owens.

Lots of friends that are "modern country" fans seem invested in trying to get me to "update" my tastes.  Can't say I find much they suggest that interests me.

I seem to do fine with those three.  When i get tired of listening to them they seem to have plenty of suggestions I can start wading through.

I strongly recommend Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys.  That's old, old school country.


Eh, he was around at the same time Hank Sr. was. Not much of a difference in eras, just in styles.

Now, old, old school country would be Jimmie Rodgers (the Yodeling Brakeman, not the pop singer from the 50s) or the Carter Family. Roy Acuff would also fit the bill.

/Acuff on Columbia, not the Hickory stuff.
 
2014-08-06 02:45:33 PM  
The only station that plays real and/or good country music is Rebel Radio in GTA V.

/whiskey river FTW
 
2014-08-06 02:48:41 PM  
Wow.

Judging from the comments in this thread, Williamsburg hipsters have nothing on old school country fans,
do they?
 
2014-08-06 02:49:22 PM  
I saw some reality show preview the other day about some bumpkin who apparently combines country music and rap. He's just a good ol' country rapper! That sounds awfully douchy but I don't think he's on the list.
 
2014-08-06 02:51:46 PM  
#1: whoever the fark wrote that goddamn "Soldiers and Jesus" song.
 
2014-08-06 02:56:59 PM  

DjangoStonereaver: Wow.

Judging from the comments in this thread, Williamsburg hipsters have nothing on old school country fans,
do they?


ding ding ding...we have a winnah!!
 
2014-08-06 03:00:53 PM  
Wow! What a well thought out and well written article.
 
2014-08-06 03:05:09 PM  
I read that and nothing there is douchbaggery.

In fact I think Toby Keith is a hero for what he did to the Dixie Chicks.
 
2014-08-06 03:05:39 PM  

Summoner101: Garth Brooks?  Seriously?  Considering the number of bro-country "artists" these days, you'd think it'd be easier to fill out a top 10 country artist douchebag list.


I was surprised to find out recently that he is the third top selling musician of all time and has yet to release his music digitally. When he does he surpass the other 2 by a wide margin

/thanks Cracked
 
2014-08-06 03:11:33 PM  

Empty H: Lord_Dubu: Remember when Garth Brooks was the guest and Chris Gaines the musical guest on SNL?

I respected him more for trying to do something different.


The story at the time was, someone had written a Chris Gaines movie, convinced Garth Brooks to star in it and write and produce the music and accompanying album, Garth did his part, got his label to go along with it, and made the album.  The movie got shelved and Garth's label released the album.

/Might be a BS story but that is what was said on Country Radio at the time.
 
2014-08-06 03:13:31 PM  
I always thought Johnny Horton was the biggest douchbag in country music .. ever.

/Still like the songs though ..
 
2014-08-06 03:14:01 PM  

CMYK and PMS: I was surprised to find out recently that he is the third top selling musician of all time and has yet to release his music digitally. When he does he surpass the other 2 by a wide margin


He is releasing his music digitally, however he is doing it through his website and will only sell the entire albums, not individual songs, because he intended for people to listen to the entire album when he made it, Or something like that.
 
2014-08-06 03:28:11 PM  
No Blake Shelton? Why not? He sucks at least as bad as whoever those other guys are.
 
2014-08-06 03:30:32 PM  

Skarekrough: The only country that I listen to regularly is Hank, Johnny Cash and Buck Owens.

Lots of friends that are "modern country" fans seem invested in trying to get me to "update" my tastes.  Can't say I find much they suggest that interests me.

I seem to do fine with those three.  When i get tired of listening to them they seem to have plenty of suggestions I can start wading through.


Might I suggest Sturgill Simpson's "Metamodern Sounds in Country Music".

I can't stand pop-country but love the outlaw subgenre, and I love that record.

Guy sounds kinda like Waylon but is still pretty unique to himself.
 
2014-08-06 03:33:03 PM  

Wellon Dowd: Taylor Swift? But she's such a lovely, young lady.

[i.imgur.com image 467x1455]


/ Giggity
 
2014-08-06 03:33:09 PM  

Tom_Slick: CMYK and PMS: I was surprised to find out recently that he is the third top selling musician of all time and has yet to release his music digitally. When he does he surpass the other 2 by a wide margin

He is releasing his music digitally, however he is doing it through his website and will only sell the entire albums, not individual songs, because he intended for people to listen to the entire album when he made it, Or something like that.


He could probably do that on the web.  For a lot of the prog stuff I like on Amazon digital, the 10+ minute epics are  unavailable as a single.  Example citation, the latest Dream Theater. http://www.amazon.com/Dream-Theater/dp/B00F2LIV4E/ref=sr_1_1_bnp_1_mu s ?ie=UTF8&qid=1407353481&sr=8-1&keywords=dream+theater
 
2014-08-06 03:38:37 PM  

jaytkay: There is lots of great country music. None of it is played on the radio.


 Amen to that.  As someone who was taken, against his will, to a performance at The Grand Ole Opry, in the 80's, I came out of there very impressed by the caliber and comradery  of the performers.
 
2014-08-06 03:39:36 PM  

Mateorocks: I saw some reality show preview the other day about some bumpkin who apparently combines country music and rap. He's just a good ol' country rapper! That sounds awfully douchy but I don't think he's on the list.


Big Smo?
 
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