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(24 Dash)   "Summertime and the living is easy. Unless your colleagues are away on holiday and you're having to cover for the lazy bastards. Which colleague annoys you the most? It's the Wednesday Whinge Guide to Annoying Workmates"   (24dash.com ) divider line
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335 clicks; posted to FarkUs » on 06 Aug 2014 at 12:07 PM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-08-06 08:35:47 AM  
None of these characters sound nearly as annoying as the Bible-thumper I have to tolerate at work.

/ ....maybe the UK doesn't have them.
// they all emigrated to the USA....
 
2014-08-06 09:19:25 AM  
Better than having to cover for them while they're actually here.
 
2014-08-06 09:30:41 AM  
A micro-managing boss who's constantly checking on you every 15 minutes because he doesn't trust anyone to do the job they've known for years.

Also, Mr Poopy No-Flush in the john.
 
2014-08-06 09:54:15 AM  
If you use speakerphone to check your voicemail, you are a total asshole.
 
2014-08-06 09:58:57 AM  
I have a guy who comes to me regularly for help, then never does what I tell him.  I'm very tempted to highlight this fact the next time he comes calling for assistance.

I presume the reason he does this is because he's lazier than I previously thought.  I give him an answer or action plan, he fails to follow through.

Example:  My team supports several products.  He doesn't support all of them.  On a service request he asks, "Is this an issue for one of your products?"  I review and say, "Yes.  Absolutely. Make an internal update that I approved it for transfer to my members who support that product."

I later found out he just closed it and told the customer they were unsupported.  And he got a crappy survey as a result (which drags the team numbers down).  I don't understand why he did that - I gave him a farking out and said he could get rid of it.  Why?  I assume too lazy to process the transfer.
 
2014-08-06 11:50:11 AM  
The one I hate the most is the coworker who doesn't shower. I know it's an industrial plant, but when your funk overpowers the odors of a wastewater facility, it's time for the farking hose.

/Difficulty: Boss doesn't care because he's an overtime/special projects hound.
 
2014-08-06 12:30:02 PM  
We have a new-ish manager who just loves to take credit for other's work.  He was hired because he supposedly had mad project management skills which we have yet to see.   Oh and he is a total dick to our contractors and interns.
 
2014-08-06 12:43:48 PM  
My employee who I have to check on every 15 minutes because I can't trust him to do the job even though he says he's known that job for years.
 
2014-08-06 12:45:18 PM  

aoktrouble: We have a new-ish manager who just loves to take credit for other's work.  He was hired because he supposedly had mad project management skills which we have yet to see.   Oh and he is a total dick to our contractors and interns.


What do "mad project management skills" look like? Would that be someone who knows what all the acronyms mean? Someone like that could be really useful.
 
2014-08-06 01:12:38 PM  
I have 3 Marks and a Barry to deal with every day.

But the worst by far is the "listen to what my ADORABLE SMART CHILDREN did last night/this past weekend/on our two week vacation/whatever"!  "I have PICTURES RIGHT HERE ON MY PHONE! LOOK!"

I hate her.  Ok, not hate HER.  I hate the way that she tries to monopolize MY time with HER life.
 
2014-08-06 01:22:53 PM  

rumpelstiltskin: aoktrouble: We have a new-ish manager who just loves to take credit for other's work.  He was hired because he supposedly had mad project management skills which we have yet to see.   Oh and he is a total dick to our contractors and interns.

What do "mad project management skills" look like? Would that be someone who knows what all the acronyms mean? Someone like that could be really useful.


The first encouraging sign to look for is that they don't treat project management software like a simple calendar.

"Ooops!  We had a delay.  Time to adjust the baseline's end date."

*pmbok headsmack*
 
2014-08-06 01:45:55 PM  

Rev.K: If you use speakerphone to check your voicemail, you are a total asshole.


Call their phone from another desk.  Shout a graphic stream of obscenities.  Turn up the volume on their phone.
 
2014-08-06 01:47:50 PM  
This 'project management planning' expert doesn't even go back and update the plan. I wish he knew the acronyms. Steps that are key to the process are just left out, and the so-called plan hasn't seen the light of day for a few months.
 
2014-08-06 01:49:30 PM  
Found out a little while ago I'd been working with a known pathological liar.  She became so infamous for it that there's a hashtag of (hername)gate on Twitter, as wells as a few industry blog posts (and I think a UK newspaper article, for some reason) about what she got up to.

Someone even tried to start a meme of inserting her picture into shots of famous people  (something she herself did to convince people she was friends with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg).  Kinda wish that had taken off more.

In a completely unrelated note, do my fellow Farkers know of any identity protection services that are especially worth the money?
 
2014-08-06 01:53:52 PM  
I'm going to say those that want to come in my office and talk and don't get the hint it's time for the conversation to end so I can actually get some work done
 
2014-08-06 02:08:48 PM  

aoktrouble: This 'project management planning' expert doesn't even go back and update the plan. I wish he knew the acronyms. Steps that are key to the process are just left out, and the so-called plan hasn't seen the light of day for a few months.


A 'plan' that isn't released until after the events would be a history wouldn't it?
 
2014-08-06 02:31:54 PM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: I hate her.  Ok, not hate HER.  I hate the way that she tries to monopolize MY time with HER life.


THIS.  It's a her, and it's my boss.  Oh, how I want to nuke Broadway and Old Hollywood from orbit so I don't have to hear about showtunes, old movies I'm never going to watch under any circumstances, EVER, art, plays... it never, EVER ends.  On a good day, it's only 15 minutes.  When I can't demonstrate work to be done, it can last hours.
 
2014-08-06 02:33:14 PM  

Forbidden Doughnut: None of these characters sound nearly as annoying as the Bible-thumper I have to tolerate at work.



I have a Libertarian working across the aisle.  He "knows" everything.
 
2014-08-06 02:50:59 PM  

rumpelstiltskin: aoktrouble: We have a new-ish manager who just loves to take credit for other's work.  He was hired because he supposedly had mad project management skills which we have yet to see.   Oh and he is a total dick to our contractors and interns.

What do "mad project management skills" look like? Would that be someone who knows what all the acronyms mean? Someone like that could be really useful.


I worked with a guy who was good at project management.  He was about to get busy, uninterested people in various departments affected by the project to give the information needed for the project to move forward.  His technique was like Columbo's.  He'd go over the status of the project and as he was walking out the door, he'd go, "Oh wait, one more thing.  We had questions about ..." and the people would work with him to resolve that "last" thing.  He was also quick to say, "now I don't your job, could you clarify ...".  Lastly he is also good about documenting what is said so everyone's feed back is included and he doesn't ask the same question twice.
 
2014-08-06 03:37:51 PM  
The neurotic project manager with ADHD, a shrew of a wife, a meddling mother and mother-in-law.  He can't make the same decision from project to project even though they're basically the exact same thing.
 
2014-08-06 04:01:03 PM  

ModernPrimitive01: I'm going to say those that want to come in my office and talk and don't get the hint it's time for the conversation to end so I can actually get some work done


People are too self-absorbed to read a room.

If my eyes don't leave the monitor and my fingers do not stop typing, I'm trying to politely convey "I don't have the time right now."
 
2014-08-06 04:02:02 PM  

Diogenes: ModernPrimitive01: I'm going to say those that want to come in my office and talk and don't get the hint it's time for the conversation to end so I can actually get some work done

People are too self-absorbed to read a room.

If my eyes don't leave the monitor and my fingers do not stop typing, I'm trying to politely convey "I don't have the time right now."


OK.  It can also mean "Good Fark thread" but they don't need to know that.
 
2014-08-06 04:06:05 PM  

Diogenes: ModernPrimitive01: I'm going to say those that want to come in my office and talk and don't get the hint it's time for the conversation to end so I can actually get some work done

People are too self-absorbed to read a room.

If my eyes don't leave the monitor and my fingers do not stop typing, I'm trying to politely convey "I don't have the time right now."


This just happened to me not an hour ago.  I'm deep in thought, trying to respond to and unravel a topic, tippity tapping away, not looking up, not looking around, just concentrating...and I get "hey! did you get the email that there's bagels at _____'s desk?"

DO I LOOK LIKE I AM INTERESTED IN A FARKING BAGEL RIGHT NOW?????

I grunted/mumbled something and kept typing.
 
2014-08-06 04:51:13 PM  
I hate the one's that say they can't work late because they have to go pick up their children.
Since I don't have kids, apparently I can't understand planning and talking to a spouse/relative/friend/neighbor/babysitter to run an errand in a pinch.  And since I don't have a family to go home to, I can work late since I can't have plans to go out or have a flight to catch.
 
2014-08-06 05:18:21 PM  

gopher321: Also, Mr Poopy No-Flush in the john.


Yeah, WTF is up with that?  Unclear on how a toilet functions or just being a dick?
 
2014-08-06 09:02:49 PM  
The guy I can't stand at my office is the guy in the mirror.  Seriously.  Why does he follow me into the bathroom and stare at me while I am washing my hands?

\kidding.
\\Though there really is one guy who will use the bathroom, flush like a good boy... then wash his hands in the other room because we have an air dryer but no towels.  So his unwashed hands go on the bathroom door handle and onto the break room sink knobs.  WTF dude.  Get some towels on the way INTO the bathroom, you sick, inconsiderate farkhead.
 
2014-08-06 09:36:12 PM  
Where to begin with this one.....?
I have an employee who is also my cube-mate because nobody else will sit near him.
He goes about 275 and is diabetic...he always reminds me of this as he takes 4 pieces of cake any time we have an office party or takes candy out of a jar on a co-workers desk.
He has Tourette's,scratches his head like a maniac when he's stressed and talks back to the radio while he's wearing headphones...
Works a later shift than me...barely speaks to me all day until I start locking my desk and comes up with:
"People have asked me if Gettysburg is the most important battle in the Civil War..I've given it some thought...I'd have to say no, and here's why..."

Yeah, sorry...I have a life to live, see you tomorrow.
 
2014-08-06 10:09:08 PM  

Tricky Chicken: Rev.K: If you use speakerphone to check your voicemail, you are a total asshole.

Call their phone from another desk.  Shout a graphic stream of obscenities.  Turn up the volume on their phone.


The solution I read about somewhere was to arrange a luscious phone sex call from one of those corny services to their number (don't know how you do this but it could probably be arranged), lots of cooing and grunting and other funny noises.

I would surmise that would turn the trick.

/What did I say?
 
2014-08-06 10:28:34 PM  

Ryker's Peninsula: I hate the one's that say they can't work late because they have to go pick up their children.
Since I don't have kids, apparently I can't understand planning and talking to a spouse/relative/friend/neighbor/babysitter to run an errand in a pinch.  And since I don't have a family to go home to, I can work late since I can't have plans to go out or have a flight to catch.


This is a key reason why the multinationals abroad LOVE to employ unmarried professional women - often in "heavy lifting" jobs like accountancy, marketing etc.

No kids or hubby to go home to? Then work and work till dawn and beyond.

Here, have a bonus and a soft loan for a car & condo and a fancy title. Want some more money? Sure, here you go. Just don't leave the premises.
 
2014-08-06 11:04:45 PM  
The folks I work with are unbelievable.
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the farking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big farking dog to work. Every farking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single farking day.
Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.
 
2014-08-07 02:37:45 AM  
 
2014-08-07 05:14:06 AM  
I get on with everybody at work. So I figure I'm probably the arsehole that everybody else hates.
 
2014-08-07 08:33:40 AM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: DO I LOOK LIKE I AM INTERESTED IN A FARKING BAGEL RIGHT NOW?????


We occasionally get free bagels brought in.
5 minutes after the phones go live.
/Work in a call center.
//Got here early to nuke the one I made monday afternoon.
 
2014-08-07 08:34:31 AM  

Diogenes: And he got a crappy survey as a result (which drags the team numbers down)


we tune up co-workers in the parking lot after work that do that.
 
2014-08-07 08:43:30 AM  

Bob Down: I get on with everybody at work. So I figure I'm probably the arsehole that everybody else hates.


I'm definitely the person who talks to people while they're trying to work. I can't help it, there are way too many "are you fricking kidding me?" moments in my job that I have to share with someone.
 
2014-08-07 04:15:54 PM  
Dude shut up, my gf housesat for someone for a weekend and we f*cked in their master bed.

/and both of her roommates' beds
//and other stuff you can't imagine
 
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