Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Mental Floss)   So, remember the time the United States tried to buy Greenland?   (mentalfloss.com ) divider line
    More: Interesting, Greenland, territories of the United States, iStock  
•       •       •

2521 clicks; posted to Politics » on 06 Aug 2014 at 7:48 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



71 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2014-08-06 06:21:15 AM  
$8 and a candy bar?
 
2014-08-06 07:01:14 AM  
We offered $100,000,000 right after the war, when Denmark was trying to rebuild after WWII, I'm A. Surprised they didn't take it, B. Stunned we didn't offer more when they turned us down, and C.  Shocked we didn't just keep it, seeing we'd been occupying it since 1941, rather than let the Germans have it.
 
2014-08-06 07:28:51 AM  

devildog123: We offered $100,000,000 right after the war, when Denmark was trying to rebuild after WWII, I'm A. Surprised they didn't take it, B. Stunned we didn't offer more when they turned us down, and C.  Shocked we didn't just keep it, seeing we'd been occupying it since 1941, rather than let the Germans have it.


Who do you think we are? Russians?
 
2014-08-06 07:49:12 AM  

gopher321: $8 and a candy bar?


That's an old-school Fark reference right there
 
2014-08-06 08:01:47 AM  
Denmark sold us the Virgin islands but kept Greenland.  What were they thinking?
 
2014-08-06 08:04:06 AM  
To keep the unemployed?
surbrook.devermore.net
 
2014-08-06 08:07:17 AM  
The world is fond of calling us Imperialists...

Here we have a nice little island, with a bunch of easily ignorable science nerds "living" on it, and we don't even bother just colonizing it for the LOLs?

"Ooops, sorry, didn't realize anyone was here... Anyway, Welcome to America!"
 
2014-08-06 08:07:43 AM  
weknowmemes.com
 
2014-08-06 08:11:47 AM  
Sure its all great until we actually get there and discover that "Greenland" is blatantly false advertising.
 
2014-08-06 08:24:56 AM  

Catlenfell: Sure its all great until we actually get there and discover that "Greenland" is blatantly false advertising.


Hey! Some Lichens are green.

www.gardeninggonewild.com

/hot
//unlike Greenland
 
2014-08-06 08:27:15 AM  
If only Denmark didn't have a flag...
 
2014-08-06 08:34:04 AM  
I bet property in Greenland would be a great investment to buy now for your grandchildren... a bit of a gamble as to what exactly you'll end up with, but I'm betting those uncomfortably frozen bits will start looking more attractive at +4C or so.
 
2014-08-06 08:37:10 AM  
"At the time, Greenland was a Danish colony of roughly 600 people."

later

"Assuming Greenland ever became a proper state, it'd currently be both America's largest (at 1.26 times the size of Alaska) and her least-populous (with a scant 56,370 residents)."


They got busy.
 
2014-08-06 08:40:05 AM  
The shiatty part is that now all the mineral resources are under Dutch rule.
 
2014-08-06 08:43:41 AM  

Vlad_the_Inaner: "At the time, Greenland was a Danish colony of roughly 600 people."

later

"Assuming Greenland ever became a proper state, it'd currently be both America's largest (at 1.26 times the size of Alaska) and her least-populous (with a scant 56,370 residents)."


They got busy.


Like there's anything else more interesting to do in the cold?
 
2014-08-06 08:49:38 AM  
It's too bad, it would have made one hell of a penal colony.
 
2014-08-06 08:51:18 AM  

wildcardjack: The shiatty part is that now all the mineral resources are under Dutch rule.


It's not too late.

We just need to have some (ehhem) "Elections" (wink-wink) where we formally "discover" that the denizens of "Greenland" wish to throw off the shackles of their Danish oppressors and become peace-loving, tax-paying US Citizens, .

Hey, its either us or the Soviets "Russians".

/"air-quotes"
 
2014-08-06 08:55:05 AM  

Destructor: The world is fond of calling us Imperialists...

Here we have a nice little island, with a bunch of easily ignorable science nerds "living" on it, and we don't even bother just colonizing it for the LOLs?

"Ooops, sorry, didn't realize anyone was here... Anyway, Welcome to America!"


A little Island populated by science nerds? What are you talking about?
 
2014-08-06 08:57:27 AM  
Came for the PRINCESS BRIDE reference.

Leaving happy.
 
2014-08-06 08:58:00 AM  
After reading This Cold Heaven by Gretel Ehrlich, I think Greenland would be a groovy place to visit for a few months.
 
2014-08-06 08:59:33 AM  

Destructor: wildcardjack: The shiatty part is that now all the mineral resources are under Dutch rule.

It's not too late.

We just need to have some (ehhem) "Elections" (wink-wink) where we formally "discover" that the denizens of "Greenland" wish to throw off the shackles of their Danish oppressors and become peace-loving, tax-paying US Citizens, .

Hey, its either us or the Soviets "Russians".

/"air-quotes"


In 2008 Greenlanderthals voted for independence from Denmark in a nonbinding referendum (77% yes, 23% no).  The US can just wait for independence then invade.
 
2014-08-06 09:02:31 AM  

Dansker: A little Island populated by science nerds? What are you talking about?


That was back in the day when we put a bid on the joint... Before Greenland got "Greener".

The only people there were weather nerds and science-type explorers... protected by a thin military contingent.
 
2014-08-06 09:04:45 AM  

Muta: n 2008 Greenlanderthals voted for independence from Denmark in a nonbinding referendum (77% yes, 23% no). The US can just wait for independence then invade.


That sounds like a great plan! But don't use the word "invade". That's hard for marketing to cope with.

"Unite" or "Partner" might be better.
 
2014-08-06 09:06:13 AM  

Destructor: Dansker: A little Island populated by science nerds? What are you talking about?

That was back in the day when we put a bid on the joint... Before Greenland got "Greener".

The only people there were weather nerds and science-type explorers... protected by a thin military contingent.


Greenland is a huge island, mostly populated by Inuit, today as it was in the fifties.
 
2014-08-06 09:16:20 AM  

Destructor: Muta: n 2008 Greenlanderthals voted for independence from Denmark in a nonbinding referendum (77% yes, 23% no). The US can just wait for independence then invade.

That sounds like a great plan! But don't use the word "invade". That's hard for marketing to cope with.

"Unite" or "Partner" might be better.


They'd welcome us as liberators!
 
2014-08-06 09:29:15 AM  
I looked my map, Greenland is huge, bigger than South America
 
2014-08-06 09:31:12 AM  

Destructor: Muta: n 2008 Greenlanderthals voted for independence from Denmark in a nonbinding referendum (77% yes, 23% no). The US can just wait for independence then invade.

That sounds like a great plan! But don't use the word "invade". That's hard for marketing to cope with.

"Unite" or "Partner" might be better.


Mutual Defense Alliance
 
2014-08-06 09:37:52 AM  
The proposal to purchase (or annex) Cuba in the 1850s makes for a more interesting "what if" scenario.
 
2014-08-06 09:38:12 AM  

Dansker: Greenland is a huge island


In fact, the largest island.
 
2014-08-06 09:38:15 AM  
Buy it? Hell, Norway tried to take it in 1931... Didn't work out so well. Should have belonged to Norway anyways - it did back in the Middle Ages, when Norway united with Denmark. They weren't paying attention and lost it in 1814.
 
2014-08-06 09:43:41 AM  
Just imagine the Queen of Derp that might have come from the State of Greenland.
 
2014-08-06 09:43:56 AM  

EvilEgg: I looked my map, Greenland is huge, bigger than South America


The Waterman Butterfly disagrees with your Mercator trolling.
 
2014-08-06 09:45:02 AM  

devildog123: We offered $100,000,000 right after the war, when Denmark was trying to rebuild after WWII, I'm A. Surprised they didn't take it, B. Stunned we didn't offer more when they turned us down, and C.  Shocked we didn't just keep it, seeing we'd been occupying it since 1941, rather than let the Germans have it.


a) Denmark nationalism had never been higher right at that point in history. Had we asked any other time they might have said yes. It would have been like France asking to buy Arizona right after the Civil War.
b) There's really not much in Greenland even today. The US wanted it almost entirely for its strategic position. When Denmark was OK with building US military bases there the US got everything it wanted and saved a cool $100mil.
c) Again, the only thing thing wanted was the military access. Letting Denmark keep it preserves good relations while US occupation would only get us a lot of ice and a handful of fisherman while at the same time being a PR disaster.
 
2014-08-06 09:48:48 AM  

wildcardjack: The shiatty part is that now all the mineral resources are under Dutch rule.


There are only two things I can't stand in this world....



img.fark.net
 
2014-08-06 10:29:11 AM  
What???

The Vikings discovered No. America? Get out!

So now we can blame all the world's problems on Northern/Western Europeans; and their descendants!

Or do we pretend Greenland is a part of Europe!
 
2014-08-06 10:35:12 AM  

Vlad_the_Inaner: "At the time, Greenland was a Danish colony of roughly 600 people."

later

"Assuming Greenland ever became a proper state, it'd currently be both America's largest (at 1.26 times the size of Alaska) and her least-populous (with a scant 56,370 residents)."


They got busy.


"home to roughly 600 Danish citizens"

Critical reading skills, man. 600 Danish citizens. Lots more natives at the time. Also, the idea of Greenland being a state (in the article) is laughable.
 
2014-08-06 10:48:45 AM  
"Assuming Greenland ever became a proper state, it'd currently be both America's largest (at 1.26 times the size of Alaska) and her least-populous (with a scant 56,370 residents)."


If it became part of the US I'm betting the population would be larger. Maybe not as many residents as Alaska but probably still more than under control of the disinterested Danish.

I've seen mentioned before that when the Soviet Union was starting to fall apart that Gorbachev offered to sell us Siberia for a couple trillion. That is an interesting alternate timetime to ponder.

/Yes, Disinterested Danish would be a good band name
 
2014-08-06 10:49:04 AM  
Can they get a bronze plan?
 
2014-08-06 11:08:15 AM  

theorellior: Dansker: Greenland is a huge island

In fact, the largest island.


www.google.com
 
2014-08-06 11:09:40 AM  
If anyone gets Greenland it should be Canada.
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-08-06 11:11:17 AM  

Vlad_the_Inaner: theorellior: Dansker: Greenland is a huge island

In fact, the largest island.

[www.google.com image 272x187]


Australia isn't considered an island, but a continent.
 
2014-08-06 11:13:47 AM  

Mouldy Squid: If anyone gets Greenland it should be Canada.
[upload.wikimedia.org image 259x989]


Good thinking!

...And then we grab Canada.
 
2014-08-06 11:16:41 AM  

Mouldy Squid: Vlad_the_Inaner: theorellior: Dansker: Greenland is a huge island

In fact, the largest island.

[www.google.com image 272x187]

Australia isn't considered an island, but a continent.


images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-08-06 11:20:46 AM  
To The Escape Zeppelin!:
b) There's really not much in Greenland even today. The US wanted it almost entirely for its strategic position. When Denmark was OK with building US military bases there the US got everything it wanted and saved a cool $100mil.
c) Again, the only thing thing wanted was the military access. Letting Denmark keep it preserves good relations while US occupation would only get us a lot of ice and a handful of fisherman while at the same time being a PR disaster.


Though it would have been worthless back then, it probably isn't worthless now.  We now have the technology to start extracting Greenland's considerable mineral resources.  And according to Wikipedia, a USGS survey found that the waters around Greenland could have as much as 110 billion barrels of oil (the whole US has about 25 billion barrels of proven liquid reserves).
 
2014-08-06 11:25:55 AM  

Destructor: Mouldy Squid: If anyone gets Greenland it should be Canada.
[upload.wikimedia.org image 259x989]

Good thinking!

...And then we grab Canada.


Bring it. You'll be gone after the first winter.
 
2014-08-06 11:39:32 AM  
Mouldy Squid


Bring it. You'll be gone after the first winter.


i.imgur.com
 
2014-08-06 12:24:21 PM  
Drinking allowed me to commune with Darryl [Strawberry] and Kevin Mitchell, who was a funny, but very wild and sometimes very dangerous guy. I liked Mitch, but I knew better than to ever fark with him. I'd heard stories about his background in San Diego, some of which included rumors that he'd hurt some people in gang-related violence. I don't know about that, but I got to witness, firsthand, Mitch's temper.

I dropped by his house along with Meade Chassky, a card show-and-events entrepreneur with whom I became good friends over the years. Meade and I had had lunch at my house, and we decided to pay Mitch an unannounced visit. That was a mistake.

When we got there, I realized Kevin was both drunk and angry, a dangerous combination. He was holding a twelve-inch knife in his hands, having an argument with his live-in girlfriend. Kevin was right in the girl's face, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"I told you not to fark with me, but you don't want to farkin' listen to me, do you?" Mitch said.

I saw this and started to turn around, but then Mitch wheeled on me and Meade. Now that we'd walked in, we were fair game..

"Sit the fark down, the two of you. You're not going anywhere."

He was serious. I could tell. I wouldn't have wanted Mitch mad at me without a knife. With it, all he had to do was say jump, and I'd say, How high?

Somehow, Mitch got it in his head that Meade and I were being followed by the cops and they were outside, staking him out. So he told us to barricade the doors. We looked at him like he was crazy, which, at that moment, he was.

"You think I'm kidding? Do what I tell you," Mitch shouted.

Poor Meade; he was so scared, I swear he peed in his pants. I can't say I blamed him, either, because I was worried about how crazy Mitch might get. His temper was one thing; but that knife in his hand was another. I had no choice but to barricade the front door. We put a couch in front of it, then stacked two chairs on top of the couch. After that, Mitch ordered us to pull the blinds down on all the windows, then he ripped the phone out of the wall.

Finally, I tried to plead with him.

"Mitch, listen to me. It's okay, there's nobody out there," I said gently.

"You calling me a liar, motherfarker?" he shouted. He met my eyes with a glaze so fierce, I had to look away.

His girlfriend tried reasoning with Mitch, too.

"Kevin, stop acting so crazy, these people are your friends," she said. With that, Mitch turned to her and raised his anger to yet another level. Still holding the knife in his right hand, he grabbed his girlfriend's little cat, who had the misfortune to be walking near his feet at that very moment.

In one awful sweep of his hand, Mitch pulled the cat's head back, exposing its throat.

"You think I'm kidding when I say don't ever fark with me?" he shouted. Before the girl could answer, Mitch took the knife to the cat, and cut its head off.

Clean.

I was horrified by the sight: Mitch was still holding the cat's head in one hand, while the body dropped to the floor, blood pouring out from where the head once was, limbs still twitching.

The girl was practically out of control, screaming so loud I'm shocked the cops didn't actually show up. Meade tried to run for the door, but Mitch wasn't about to become reasonable yet.

"Sit the fark down, Meade. You and Doc, sit down on that couch and don't move," he said.

Considering he had a severed cat's head and a knife in his hands, he didn't get an argument from either one of us.

We sat down. So did the girlfriend. And Mitch sat across from us, shooting darts at us with his eyes. Sort of like a modern-day Mexican standoff. We remained like this for almost two hours, no one saying a word, until Mitch finally started to nod off.

He'd start to close his eyes, then open them quickly, almost like he was testing us. Finally, for some reason, the dark cloud over him moved on. Mitch half smiled and said, "You guys can go."

We left, in about a half second, of course. The next day at the ballpark, I approached Mitch and asked, "You feeling okay?"

Looking straight ahead, he said, "Yesterday never happened." And we never mentioned it again.


From the book. Strawberry wasn't there, how would he know?
 
2014-08-06 12:25:47 PM  
goodness gracious wrong thread
 
2014-08-06 12:26:53 PM  

Mouldy Squid: Vlad_the_Inaner: theorellior: Dansker: Greenland is a huge island

In fact, the largest island.

[www.google.com image 272x187]

Australia isn't considered an island, but a continent.


img.fark.net

Your wikipedia cite does not make the distinction.  It does however mention "In 1984, W. Filewood suggested the name Meganesia, meaning 'great island' "
 
2014-08-06 12:31:52 PM  

orclover: Mouldy Squid


Bring it. You'll be gone after the first winter.

[i.imgur.com image 850x726]


Now that  is funny.
 
Displayed 50 of 71 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report