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(Oregon Live)   Naked, intoxicated, masturbating man falls into river, has to be rescued by police   (oregonlive.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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2660 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2014 at 2:56 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



29 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-08-05 12:26:56 AM  
Oregon City/West Linn Arch bridge

Less than 15 miles from my house. So proud.
 
2014-08-05 12:30:30 AM  
Because this man has never made any poor life decisions:

media.oregonlive.com
 
2014-08-05 01:17:13 AM  
 
2014-08-05 01:54:02 AM  
Naked, intoxicated and masturbating is actually a way to go through life, son.
 
2014-08-05 02:15:49 AM  

bdub77: Because this man has never made any poor life decisions:

[media.oregonlive.com image 384x480]


Reminds me a little of Jason Biggs.
 
2014-08-05 03:02:48 AM  
So he was rescued from masturbating, then?
 
2014-08-05 03:07:23 AM  

Old Man Winter: Naked, intoxicated and masturbating is actually a way to go through life, son.


Not for long if you are by a river apparently.
 
2014-08-05 03:09:34 AM  

Old Man Winter: Naked, intoxicated and masturbating is actually a way to go through life, son.


Darn.

/'well that's no way to go through life, son'.
//pretty low hanging, I admit.
 
2014-08-05 03:10:02 AM  
What's his Fark handle?
 
2014-08-05 03:31:56 AM  
Those first three terms pretty much describe all of my weekends
 
2014-08-05 03:54:34 AM  
...Dad!?
 
2014-08-05 05:36:50 AM  
Don't bother throwing him a life preserver Lou, he'll just try to f*ck it.
 
2014-08-05 06:02:05 AM  
3 words into reading the headline and I thought it was another TotalFark plug.
 
2014-08-05 06:26:06 AM  
i.ytimg.com

Ole man penis, he just keeps jerking.
That ole man penis it sure beats working.
That ole man penis, he just keeps pulling along.

Jack that barge, hump that bale.
Get a little drunk and you end up jerking in jail.
 
2014-08-05 06:45:44 AM  

bdub77: media.oregonlive.com


That mugshot just screams "Yeah, I dood it, so what?"
 
2014-08-05 07:37:11 AM  
He probably jumped into the water with a boner on purpose so he could float down the river on his back and yell "Open the drawbridge!"
 
2014-08-05 08:07:43 AM  
No fool. I said go to the river and learn to be a master BAITER!
 
2014-08-05 08:28:58 AM  
Story and mugshot both look like an Adam Sandler script/character.
 
2014-08-05 08:32:57 AM  
This SO could have happened to me last night.
 
2014-08-05 08:48:55 AM  

farkerts: This SO could have happened to me last night.


there, but for the grace of god...
 
2014-08-05 10:38:40 AM  

hillary: Felony public indecency? Felony? So you can get prison time for being drunk and pulling it?

Really?


Yes, and not just in the US.

You forgot about: Think Of The Children!!!!!
 
2014-08-05 10:54:19 AM  
Was it the Snake River?
 
2014-08-05 11:35:02 AM  
So.......did he?
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-08-05 11:44:32 AM  
Jack: (looking through the blinds in Liz's office) Oh, my. There appears to be a gentleman making passionate, angry love to himself.
Liz: Yeah, I know. That's why I closed the blinds in the first place.
Jack: Right in his office. Huh.
(Turns away). Lemon, I like to think of myself as a winner; I like to surround myself with winners. I see potential in you. Let me be your Jack Welsh. Let me be your mentor.
Liz: No, thank you.
Jack: That is unfortunate. (Turns around and looks through blinds again) You've, uh, got to admire his persistence and stamina, though. Am I wrong or is he in the middle of a staff meeting?
Liz: Maybe you should be his mentor.
Jack: Obviously he doesn't need one. He's got it all figured out.
 
2014-08-05 12:50:42 PM  
That story was a lot more heartwarming the way Frank Capra told it.
 
2014-08-05 01:35:05 PM  
Near the span, Down by the river.
 
2014-08-05 03:17:25 PM  

hillary: opiumpoopy: hillary: Felony public indecency? Felony? So you can get prison time for being drunk and pulling it?

Really?

Yes, and not just in the US.

You forgot about: Think Of The Children!!!!!

You grab the kids and walk away, all the while yelling at them that if they ever grow up and do something stupid like that, you'll eat their chilled brains from their skulls with an ice-cream scooper. That's all a kid has to know, because you want to keep them from pointing and laughing. They are not as trauma-tizable as most people seem to think.


Given I've got to look forward to future talks with my three boys about the Mysteries of Girls, the Realism of Porn etc - the Why Is That Man Playing With His Penis chat would seem to be quite straightforward.
 
2014-08-05 03:57:51 PM  
but did he finish?
 
2014-08-05 09:13:52 PM  
fap fap fap
 
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