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(WISHTV)   In America, most of us love our Jesus but we're also thankful he wasn't born here cause the headline woulda' certainly read, "Woman arrested for leaving newborn baby in trash can of business," and that woulda been awkward   (wishtv.com) divider line 50
    More: Sad, United Technology Carrier Corporation, Briana Holland, Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department, Department of Child Services  
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3001 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Aug 2014 at 12:03 AM (21 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-08-02 08:32:55 PM  
Well, thank goodness the baby is okay (well, physically). I mean, there's no way an easy life awaits him, but ffs, at least he'll get the chance of which this coward tried to rob him.

/turns off the computer to go snuggle his newborn girl
 
2014-08-02 08:40:47 PM  
Mary would have been arrested for child endangerment

/goddamn place wasn't fit for farm animals
 
2014-08-02 08:57:11 PM  
It's a tough start for the child, but as a baby he's not likely to remember the whole thing so I think it's a little insensitive to name him Oscar.
 
2014-08-02 09:01:41 PM  
"Vagrant and pregnant wife arrested for violating new laws prohibiting 'trespassing on property owned by farmers, ranchers, or any other stockyard'".
--Baby to be placed with Child Protective Services pending extradition to Jerusalem, while parents are to be held on unpaid tax charges in Bethlehem.
 
2014-08-02 09:30:30 PM  
What is United Technology Carrier Corporation and why are they letting people use their bathroom? Was she a customer?
 
2014-08-02 09:41:46 PM  
What the f*ck does this headline mean?

The only thing I can think of is that you think this lady is the Virgin Mary.
 
2014-08-03 12:05:26 AM  
Jesus Loves You.
Everyone else thinks you're an asshole
 
2014-08-03 12:06:42 AM  
"leaving baby in trash can of business"?

That's some fine journalism there, Lou.
 
2014-08-03 12:07:08 AM  

Four Horsemen of the Domestic Dispute: Jesus Loves You.
Everyone else thinks you're an asshole


Even Jesus thinks I'm an asshole.
 
2014-08-03 12:09:37 AM  

That Guy What Stole the Bacon: Well, thank goodness the baby is okay (well, physically). I mean, there's no way an easy life awaits him, but ffs, at least he'll get the chance of which this coward tried to rob him.

/turns off the computer to go snuggle his newborn girl


Don't snuggle too tight.

/damn baby stories get to me
 
2014-08-03 12:09:40 AM  
Judging by the photo she probably didn't throw out a perfectly good white boy.
 
2014-08-03 12:10:29 AM  

Gyrfalcon: "leaving baby in trash can of business"?

That's some fine journalism there, Lou.


The company usually leaves it's employees in the trash can of business, so it's just allowing others to outsource their perceived burdens too.
 
2014-08-03 12:10:35 AM  
This is a surprise? Babies are assholes. Everyone knows this.
 
2014-08-03 12:31:14 AM  

macross87: That Guy What Stole the Bacon: Well, thank goodness the baby is okay (well, physically). I mean, there's no way an easy life awaits him, but ffs, at least he'll get the chance of which this coward tried to rob him.

/turns off the computer to go snuggle his newborn girl

Don't snuggle too tight.

/damn baby stories get to me


No worries, I'm very careful. Much as I wish I could give her a big hug, she's just too darn tiny right now. Also, if I hold her too close, she starts looking for boobs and ends up frustrated and cranky (something to which many of us can probably relate).
 
2014-08-03 12:36:52 AM  

jaylectricity: What the f*ck does this headline mean?


This.

Also, I find it hard to believe in this day and age people still don't know you can give a baby to the authorities with no questions asked.
 
2014-08-03 12:42:52 AM  

ReapTheChaos: Also, I find it hard to believe in this day and age people still don't know you can give a baby to the authorities with no questions asked.


Ummm, no.

They wouldn't take my neighbors loud ugly baby. I tried. Trust me, they asked plenty of questions.
 
2014-08-03 12:49:19 AM  

jaytkay: ReapTheChaos: Also, I find it hard to believe in this day and age people still don't know you can give a baby to the authorities with no questions asked.

Ummm, no.

They wouldn't take my neighbors loud ugly baby. I tried. Trust me, they asked plenty of questions.


**golf clap**
 
2014-08-03 12:50:56 AM  
You know there is a part three to the bible!?
 
2014-08-03 12:54:04 AM  
The most surprising part of this story. Her name wasn't Shaniqua, Shadynasty or something more ghetto.
 
2014-08-03 01:01:46 AM  

fusillade762: What is United Technology Carrier Corporation and why are they letting people use their bathroom? Was she a customer?


It's the A/C manufacturer started by the guy who invented modern air conditioning. Division of UT now.
 
2014-08-03 01:17:23 AM  

whatshisname: Judging by the photo she probably didn't throw out a perfectly good white boy.


snl.jt.org

"He's sort of... off-white".
 
2014-08-03 01:23:10 AM  
Is a god damn filthy manger that much better than a modern day garbage can, anyway?
 
2014-08-03 01:27:19 AM  
She can't be Jesus' mother, she's...black! Ain't no Lord and Saviour who's...black They're the ones what need lordin' and saviourin'.
 
2014-08-03 01:28:23 AM  
As someone going through the adoption process, I wanna tell all these pregnant girls to drop your kid off on my doorstep. Way easier.
 
2014-08-03 01:34:13 AM  

That Guy What Stole the Bacon: Well, thank goodness the baby is okay (well, physically). I mean, there's no way an easy life awaits him, but ffs, at least he'll get the chance of which this coward tried to rob him.

/turns off the computer to go snuggle his newborn girl


24.media.tumblr.com

/Anime on the brain today
 
2014-08-03 01:39:54 AM  

jaytkay: ReapTheChaos: Also, I find it hard to believe in this day and age people still don't know you can give a baby to the authorities with no questions asked.

Ummm, no.

They wouldn't take my neighbors loud ugly baby. I tried. Trust me, they asked plenty of questions.


F*cking awesome comment. I already rewrote it for a joke you could tell on stage.

People are under the impression that you can just bring your unwanted baby to the police station no questions asked.
To those people I say, "Haha, umm, no."
They wouldn't take my neighbor's baby. They asked plenty of questions. Trust me...I tried.


Just need to set up the joke somehow. But as far as punchlines go...you don't need to describe the baby.
 
2014-08-03 01:40:15 AM  
Whar burf surtiffacad, whar!?
 
2014-08-03 01:44:53 AM  
I have some neighbors a block up, a lovely older couple, they've got about 4 or 5 foster kids. The kids all seem happy, and the "parents" seem to dote on them, 3 or 4 are Black, and when they're out front in their little electric cars, I make sure to drive by slowly. Saw then once at the Home Depot the other day, 3 baskets of well mannered kids. I think the kids behave better than a lot of kids with their "real" parents.
 
2014-08-03 02:04:09 AM  

Ex-Texan: I have some neighbors a block up, a lovely older couple, they've got about 4 or 5 foster kids. The kids all seem happy, and the "parents" seem to dote on them, 3 or 4 are Black, and when they're out front in their little electric cars, I make sure to drive by slowly. Saw then once at the Home Depot the other day, 3 baskets of well mannered kids. I think the kids behave better than a lot of kids with their "real" parents.


That's terribly, unimaginably cool.  I've know a Foster couple who only had 1 kid at a time, and the kids always got adopted out, and it was tears all around.  I can't imagine what being that generous to have 4-5 would be like.  I wonder if their kids come around years later to say "Hey".
 
2014-08-03 02:16:18 AM  
I see a woman in the night
With a baby in her hand
Under an old street light
Near a garbage can
Now she puts the kid away,
and she's gone to get a hit
She hates her life,
and what she's done to it
 
2014-08-03 02:16:59 AM  

Gyrfalcon: "leaving baby in trash can of business"?

That's some fine journalism there, Lou.


Drop kick me, Jesus, through the trashcan of business.
 
2014-08-03 02:17:40 AM  

Ex-Texan: I think the [foster] kids behave better than a lot of kids with their "real" parents.


Maybe they know when they've got it good, and when they don't.
 
2014-08-03 02:19:18 AM  
Sounds vaguely familiar...

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kRj-S8Aklcw
 
2014-08-03 02:26:31 AM  

The One True TheDavid: Ex-Texan: I think the [foster] kids behave better than a lot of kids with their "real" parents.

Maybe they know when they've got it good, and when they don't.


I'm sure that's what's going through their minds.  Not discipline or love or compassion or nurturing.  "We got it better now so let's not act up and fark this gig up", because children are always mercenary at heart.
 
2014-08-03 02:36:13 AM  

baconbeard: Four Horsemen of the Domestic Dispute: Jesus Loves You.
Everyone else thinks you're an asshole

Even Jesus thinks I'm an asshole.


You're an asshole.
 
2014-08-03 02:51:56 AM  
Dear 7.8oz dumpster baby Jebus.  Please bless this food.  Thank you.
 
2014-08-03 03:11:04 AM  
Subby seems to know the story of Jesus in the bible about as well as most Americans. Pretty farking sad considering most of us suggest we're Christian.

/lame ass green light as well, this shiat happens once a month in America.
 
2014-08-03 03:19:12 AM  

Aquapope: The One True TheDavid: Ex-Texan:

I think the [foster] kids behave better than a lot of kids with their "real" parents.

Maybe they know when they've got it good, and when they don't.

I'm sure that's what's going through their minds.  Not discipline or love or compassion or nurturing.  "We got it better now so let's not act up and fark this gig up", because children are always mercenary at heart.


Yes, they are. Compassion takes years of nurturing to develop (which is why unloved kids grow up to be assholes), and only masochists value "discipline" being inflicted on them.

Maybe I'm wrong again, but I sense sarcasm on your part. If so maybe you popped out fully-grown already stuffed with idealistic delusions? Or maybe you just don't recall being a kid yourself?

Face it: love is never free.
 
2014-08-03 03:20:58 AM  

squirrelflavoredyogurt: Subby seems to know the story of Jesus in the bible about as well as most Americans. Pretty farking sad considering most of us suggest we're Christian.

/lame ass green light as well, this shiat happens once a month in America.


Which story of Jesus does Subby not know?  Most Americans more than suggest they're Christians, they flat out claim it.  And they'd  mostly say the baby was put in a manger.  A manger isn't a dumpster, of course, because you want your hoof stock to eat hay and whatnot, not Jewish babies.  But apart from that, not a bad headline...  So what's your point?  I suppose the bible story doesn't include a manger, but since when does the bible have anything to do with Christianity?
 
2014-08-03 03:27:28 AM  

The One True TheDavid: Aquapope: The One True TheDavid: Ex-Texan:

I think the [foster] kids behave better than a lot of kids with their "real" parents.

Maybe they know when they've got it good, and when they don't.

I'm sure that's what's going through their minds.  Not discipline or love or compassion or nurturing.  "We got it better now so let's not act up and fark this gig up", because children are always mercenary at heart.

Yes, they are. Compassion takes years of nurturing to develop (which is why unloved kids grow up to be assholes), and only masochists value "discipline" being inflicted on them.

Maybe I'm wrong again, but I sense sarcasm on your part. If so maybe you popped out fully-grown already stuffed with idealistic delusions? Or maybe you just don't recall being a kid yourself?

Face it: love is never free.


No, you're wrong and a sociopath.  Compassion from a parent or Foster or anybody will be met almost immediately by compassion from a child.  You have to really fark up a kid to reduce them to unloving assholes (attachment disorder).  Discipline doesn't mean physical abuse, it means boundaries and occasionally punishment and only a sociopath would confuse parental discipline with masochistic discipline.

I had you flagged in Gray 5 as Monumentally Stupid but I responded anyway.  That was my bad.
 
2014-08-03 03:31:16 AM  
Dummy should have used the dumpster behind Planned Parenthood. Just would've gotten mixed in with the other ones.
 
2014-08-03 06:19:52 AM  

Debeo Summa Credo: (favorite: CEO fellator)

 Dummy should have used the dumpster behind Planned Parenthood. Just would've gotten mixed in with the other ones.

Look, just because the word "business" is in the headline is no reason for you to come out from under that bridge.
 
2014-08-03 06:42:56 AM  
I really hope Fark headlines don't get any more complex than this one.
 
2014-08-03 07:22:48 AM  
Aye, right. Like you could find three wise men and a virgin in America.
 
2014-08-03 07:49:05 AM  
Mary and Joseph never abandoned their baby.
 
2014-08-03 08:47:18 AM  

Guilty_plea_bargain: The most surprising part of this story. Her name wasn't Shaniqua, Shadynasty or something more ghetto.


Racist asshole.
 
2014-08-03 09:37:06 AM  

StreetlightInTheGhetto: Guilty_plea_bargain: The most surprising part of this story. Her name wasn't Shaniqua, Shadynasty or something more ghetto.

Racist asshole.


With an account a whole 2 weeks old!
 
2014-08-03 11:07:12 AM  
who greenlit this headline? it was moses, not jesus, who was left unattended.  come on.
 
2014-08-03 01:05:46 PM  

jaylectricity: jaytkay: ReapTheChaos: Also, I find it hard to believe in this day and age people still don't know you can give a baby to the authorities with no questions asked.

Ummm, no.

They wouldn't take my neighbors loud ugly baby. I tried. Trust me, they asked plenty of questions.

F*cking awesome comment. I already rewrote it for a joke you could tell on stage.

People are under the impression that you can just bring your unwanted baby to the police station no questions asked.
To those people I say, "Haha, umm, no."
They wouldn't take my neighbor's baby.  Trust me...I tried.   They asked plenty of questions.

 

Just need to set up the joke somehow. But as far as punchlines go...you don't need to describe the baby.

Is it better this way?  I don't know, needs something.
 
2014-08-03 02:17:48 PM  

Aquapope: squirrelflavoredyogurt: Subby seems to know the story of Jesus in the bible about as well as most Americans. Pretty farking sad considering most of us suggest we're Christian.

/lame ass green light as well, this shiat happens once a month in America.

Which story of Jesus does Subby not know?  Most Americans more than suggest they're Christians, they flat out claim it.  And they'd  mostly say the baby was put in a manger.  A manger isn't a dumpster, of course, because you want your hoof stock to eat hay and whatnot, not Jewish babies.  But apart from that, not a bad headline...  So what's your point?  I suppose the bible story doesn't include a manger, but since when does the bible have anything to do with Christianity?


Actually, it's a terrible analogy.  Most unplanned babies don't end up in trash cans.  They either get aborted long before they develop into a baby, or the mother gives birth and keeps the baby or gives him up for adoption in a more legitimate way.

She and Joseph ended up staying in the manger for shelter when she gave birth.  Mary intended to keep the baby and care for him in the best way that her circumstances allowed.  That's not "dumping" the baby in the manger.

If this story were to be set today, Jesus would not have been thrown into a trash can: he would have been raised by Mary and Joseph: in poverty, maybe, but with loving parents who would try their best to provide for him.
 
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