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(Salt Lake Tribune)   The Book of Love says that after calling your new girlfriend by your ex-wife's name you should promptly throw her pet raccoon against the nearest wall   (sltrib.com ) divider line 54
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3685 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Aug 2014 at 12:01 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-02 09:28:11 PM  
No word on the condition of the raccoon, which was the only thing I really cared about.
 
2014-08-02 09:40:02 PM  

fusillade762: No word on the condition of the raccoon, which was the only thing I really cared about.


Came to say the exact same thing
 
2014-08-02 10:05:40 PM  

fusillade762: No word on the condition of the raccoon, which was the only thing I really cared about.


Rocky didn't like that? ;p
 
2014-08-02 10:21:41 PM  
Kevin Rose?
 
2014-08-02 10:27:00 PM  
I've said it before and I'll say it again, don't call people you're intimate with by their real names. Baby, sweetheart, darling, etc ... work just as well and will avoid problems like this. Won't somebody think of the racoons!
 
2014-08-02 10:48:36 PM  

Philbb: I've said it before and I'll say it again, don't call people you're intimate with by their real names. Baby, sweetheart, darling, etc ... work just as well and will avoid problems like this. Won't somebody think of the racoons!


You wrote the book of love?
 
2014-08-02 10:59:34 PM  

Candygram4Mongo: Philbb: I've said it before and I'll say it again, don't call people you're intimate with by their real names. Baby, sweetheart, darling, etc ... work just as well and will avoid problems like this. Won't somebody think of the racoons!

You wrote the book of love?


No, but I did collaborate on the unofficial addendum.
 
2014-08-02 11:39:35 PM  

Philbb: Candygram4Mongo: Philbb: I've said it before and I'll say it again, don't call people you're intimate with by their real names. Baby, sweetheart, darling, etc ... work just as well and will avoid problems like this. Won't somebody think of the racoons!

You wrote the book of love?

No, but I did collaborate on the unofficial addendum.


Well then, who-oo-ooh, who did?
 
2014-08-03 12:01:21 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Philbb: Candygram4Mongo: Philbb: I've said it before and I'll say it again, don't call people you're intimate with by their real names. Baby, sweetheart, darling, etc ... work just as well and will avoid problems like this. Won't somebody think of the racoons!

You wrote the book of love?

No, but I did collaborate on the unofficial addendum.

Well then, who-oo-ooh, who did?


William Kotzwinkle ?
 
2014-08-03 12:03:30 AM  
Nothing at all about the status of the raccoon. I hope it's OK.
 
2014-08-03 12:04:01 AM  

fusillade762: No word on the condition of the raccoon, which was the only thing I really cared about.


Raccoons are horrible animals.
 
2014-08-03 12:05:01 AM  

Candygram4Mongo: Philbb: I've said it before and I'll say it again, don't call people you're intimate with by their real names. Baby, sweetheart, darling, etc ... work just as well and will avoid problems like this. Won't somebody think of the racoons!

You wrote the book of love?


No, but he probably has faith in God above if the Bible tells him so.
 
2014-08-03 12:06:59 AM  

fusillade762: No word on the condition of the raccoon, which was the only thing I really cared about.


A hedgehog was also killed.
 
2014-08-03 12:07:15 AM  
Don't call her by an ex's name, but in Utah it's ok to use any of the four current wives' names.
 
2014-08-03 12:08:32 AM  
Is the raccoon gonna be okay?
 
2014-08-03 12:08:40 AM  
img.fark.net
Not amused.
 
2014-08-03 12:10:33 AM  
The Manual of Love

Don't assume a woman will initiate with you just because she finds you interesting. Any such contact would involve a conscious act on her part, involving the pain and disappointment associated with such acts, and this has historically proven to be too much to expect of women.

Treat a woman's feelings and thoughts as so trivial as to be non-existent. this as "being treated like a woman". You must be the one to initiate contact with her precisely because her feelings and thoughts are trivial. If she is dating another man tell her that he is useless and is no for yourself. Tell her that she must have had a lapse of judgment.


Be subtle. Say one thing, but do another. A woman can any kind of a lie as subtle, so this will make you seem more interesting.


Act like you have no pride in yourself. Work out, dress well, and be popular. These are signs to a woman that you are without morals and that you want a woman and are a serious contender.

Don't think of anything except sex in the first place and don't be too choosy. You need to go through quantity to find quality. You have nothing to lose except your pride and pride is only for losers.
Importantly if you show that you have high standards this will alienate women, because they know deep down that they are no different to all other women. If you have loved many women then any individual woman will feel as though you love her personally.


Behave like you find all women attractive and that all women find you attractive. Because a woman doesn't think for herself she will only find you of value if she thinks other women find you to be of value.

Act like you know what you are doing and use the time honoured ways of humiliation and diminution. Tell a woman that her dress is plain but her hair looks wonderful. Tell her that you're going to have to teach her how to dress and kiss properly.

When in doubt - make the move. Ask her out, kiss her, touch her, gently pull her hand and guide her into your bedroom. Women are waiting for you to give them a life. If you find yourself wondering if you should, chances are very good that she is wondering why you don't. This is a test of self-confidence that almost all women demand of men before they will take them seriously. If you think women have a mind of their own then women will think you are a fool.

Realize that rejection isn't that big a deal. If a woman rejects you it means no more than the wind wasn't blowing in the right direction at that particular time.
If you fear rejection you will make women feel as though they are actually making choices, and they will despise you for that. No woman wants to be made to feel that she could possibly make choices that have consequences.

like numbers. Proposition three women and you will get one acceptance. Women feel honoured if you treat them in this easy-going manner.
 
2014-08-03 12:11:57 AM  
The woman eventually left, went to her ex-husband's motor home

Now it makes sense.
 
2014-08-03 12:12:05 AM  

listernine: [img.fark.net image 318x159]
Not amused.


Dammit.
 
2014-08-03 12:29:13 AM  

jsmilky: The Manual of Love

Don't assume a woman will initiate with you just because she finds you interesting. Any such contact would involve a conscious act on her part, involving the pain and disappointment associated with such acts, and this has historically proven to be too much to expect of women.

Treat a woman's feelings and thoughts as so trivial as to be non-existent. this as "being treated like a woman". You must be the one to initiate contact with her precisely because her feelings and thoughts are trivial. If she is dating another man tell her that he is useless and is no for yourself. Tell her that she must have had a lapse of judgment.


Be subtle. Say one thing, but do another. A woman can any kind of a lie as subtle, so this will make you seem more interesting.


Act like you have no pride in yourself. Work out, dress well, and be popular. These are signs to a woman that you are without morals and that you want a woman and are a serious contender.

Don't think of anything except sex in the first place and don't be too choosy. You need to go through quantity to find quality. You have nothing to lose except your pride and pride is only for losers.
Importantly if you show that you have high standards this will alienate women, because they know deep down that they are no different to all other women. If you have loved many women then any individual woman will feel as though you love her personally.


Behave like you find all women attractive and that all women find you attractive. Because a woman doesn't think for herself she will only find you of value if she thinks other women find you to be of value.

Act like you know what you are doing and use the time honoured ways of humiliation and diminution. Tell a woman that her dress is plain but her hair looks wonderful. Tell her that you're going to have to teach her how to dress and kiss properly.

When in doubt - make the move. Ask her out, kiss her, touch her, gently pull her hand and guide her into your be ...


Well I fell dirty just reading the first bit. Excuse me I'm going to go shower and avoid women in case any of the misogyny of that infected me and I lash out.
 
2014-08-03 12:31:44 AM  
From the article comments: "This is perhaps the most cowardly example of raccoon abuse I've ever encountered."

I...I have no response to that.  Who the hell keeps a raccoon as a pet anyway?
 
2014-08-03 12:39:19 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: fusillade762: No word on the condition of the raccoon, which was the only thing I really cared about.

Came to say the exact same thing


Although I am curious about the back story how she became an ex wife of the man she ran for cover too.
 
2014-08-03 12:41:14 AM  

Eriond: From the article comments: "This is perhaps the most cowardly example of raccoon abuse I've ever encountered."

I...I have no response to that.  Who the hell keeps a raccoon as a pet anyway?


Same folks that keep skunks, ocelots, deer and other animals as pets that should be outside, not in.
 
2014-08-03 12:41:23 AM  
"The man had called her by his ex-wife's name, and when she asked him about that, he allegedly grabbed her by her arms and threw her into a wall."

I'm sure she just calmly asked him about it too.
 
2014-08-03 12:41:28 AM  

jsmilky: The Manual of Love

Don't assume a woman will initiate with you just because she finds you interesting. Any such contact would involve a conscious act on her part, involving the pain and disappointment associated with such acts, and this has historically proven to be too much to expect of women.

Treat a woman's feelings and thoughts as so trivial as to be non-existent. this as "being treated like a woman". You must be the one to initiate contact with her precisely because her feelings and thoughts are trivial. If she is dating another man tell her that he is useless and is no for yourself. Tell her that she must have had a lapse of judgment.


Be subtle. Say one thing, but do another. A woman can any kind of a lie as subtle, so this will make you seem more interesting.


Act like you have no pride in yourself. Work out, dress well, and be popular. These are signs to a woman that you are without morals and that you want a woman and are a serious contender.

Don't think of anything except sex in the first place and don't be too choosy. You need to go through quantity to find quality. You have nothing to lose except your pride and pride is only for losers.
Importantly if you show that you have high standards this will alienate women, because they know deep down that they are no different to all other women. If you have loved many women then any individual woman will feel as though you love her personally.


Behave like you find all women attractive and that all women find you attractive. Because a woman doesn't think for herself she will only find you of value if she thinks other women find you to be of value.

Act like you know what you are doing and use the time honoured ways of humiliation and diminution. Tell a woman that her dress is plain but her hair looks wonderful. Tell her that you're going to have to teach her how to dress and kiss properly.

When in doubt - make the move. Ask her out, kiss her, touch her, gently pull her hand and guide her into your bedroom. Women are waiting for you to give them a life. If you find yourself wondering if you should, chances are very good that she is wondering why you don't. This is a test of self-confidence that almost all women demand of men before they will take them seriously. If you think women have a mind of their own then women will think you are a fool.

Realize that rejection isn't that big a deal. If a woman rejects you it means no more than the wind wasn't blowing in the right direction at that particular time.
If you fear rejection you will make women feel as though they are actually making choices, and they will despise you for that. No woman wants to be made to feel that she could possibly make choices that have consequences.

like numbers. Proposition three women and you will get one acceptance. Women feel honoured if you treat them in this easy-going manner.


You skipped, when you go to make out, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
 
2014-08-03 12:43:09 AM  

Eriond: From the article comments: "This is perhaps the most cowardly example of raccoon abuse I've ever encountered."

I...I have no response to that.  Who the hell keeps a raccoon as a pet anyway?


I had a pet possum once

/he was actually pretty lovable
//you can't housebreak them, though
 
2014-08-03 12:45:13 AM  

ReapTheChaos: "The man had called her by his ex-wife's name, and when she asked him about that, he allegedly grabbed her by her arms and threw her into a wall."

I'm sure she just calmly asked him about it too.


Yeah, she forgot to mention the part where she kicked him in the nuts.
 
2014-08-03 12:46:51 AM  
Was he also hard on her beaver?
 
2014-08-03 12:50:28 AM  
The man had called her by his ex-wife's name, and when she asked him about that, he allegedly grabbed her by her arms and threw her into a wall, according to the statement.

Gonna have to call complete and total bullshiat on that part of the article/reporting right there.  A female does not, at any point in time, under any circumstances, on this planet, ever "ask him about that" ONCE, then something happens... more like "asked him about it approximately 1,500 to 1,600 times over the course of the next 3 hours, without pause," then things escalated.

As for the raccoon, don't come sneaking around a corner wearing a mask and that shiat wouldn't happen!
 
2014-08-03 12:52:04 AM  
The answer is, when you get caught calling your gal the wrong name, play it off as roll-play.

"Tiffany? Yeah, Tiffany. And you call me Conando."

/never called a GF or wife by the wrong name, but I did once call a GF's teddy bear the name of an ex's teddy bear
 
2014-08-03 12:55:08 AM  

mcmnky: The answer is, when you get caught calling your gal the wrong name, play it off as roll-play.

"Tiffany? Yeah, Tiffany. And you call me Conando."

/never called a GF or wife by the wrong name, but I did once call a GF's teddy bear the name of an ex's teddy bear


So you're admitting to dating at least two women that name their teddy bears?
 
2014-08-03 01:09:27 AM  

jekfark: mcmnky: The answer is, when you get caught calling your gal the wrong name, play it off as roll-play.

"Tiffany? Yeah, Tiffany. And you call me Conando."

/never called a GF or wife by the wrong name, but I did once call a GF's teddy bear the name of an ex's teddy bear

So you're admitting to dating at least two women that name their teddy bears?


I'm admitting to dating at least two women who had teddy bears. All were over the age of consent. They could legally drink even. (Well there was that one I had to wait for her to turn 21)

Anyway, they didn't name the bears. The bears come with names. They're like cabbage patch dolls or hurricanes.
 
2014-08-03 01:16:08 AM  
Oh, Rita.

Nancy!

Whatever.
 
2014-08-03 01:26:48 AM  

mcmnky: jekfark: mcmnky: The answer is, when you get caught calling your gal the wrong name, play it off as roll-play.

"Tiffany? Yeah, Tiffany. And you call me Conando."

/never called a GF or wife by the wrong name, but I did once call a GF's teddy bear the name of an ex's teddy bear

So you're admitting to dating at least two women that name their teddy bears?

I'm admitting to dating at least two women who had teddy bears. All were over the age of consent. They could legally drink even. (Well there was that one I had to wait for her to turn 21)

Anyway, they didn't name the bears. The bears come with names. They're like cabbage patch dolls or hurricanes.


Never said anything about underage girls. Perhaps you've said too much?
 
2014-08-03 01:37:06 AM  

jekfark: mcmnky: jekfark: mcmnky: The answer is, when you get caught calling your gal the wrong name, play it off as roll-play.

"Tiffany? Yeah, Tiffany. And you call me Conando."

/never called a GF or wife by the wrong name, but I did once call a GF's teddy bear the name of an ex's teddy bear

So you're admitting to dating at least two women that name their teddy bears?

I'm admitting to dating at least two women who had teddy bears. All were over the age of consent. They could legally drink even. (Well there was that one I had to wait for her to turn 21)

Anyway, they didn't name the bears. The bears come with names. They're like cabbage patch dolls or hurricanes.

Never said anything about underage girls. Perhaps you've said too much?


Those bears told me they were 18!

There was fur grass on the field
 
2014-08-03 01:43:21 AM  

Eriond: From the article comments: "This is perhaps the most cowardly example of raccoon abuse I've ever encountered."

I...I have no response to that.  Who the hell keeps a raccoon as a pet anyway?


I think there's a farker with a pet raccoon.  When i was living out in the country our vet would refuse to treat people with pet raccoons because they don't make very good pets most of the time.
 
2014-08-03 01:46:09 AM  
That's some weird foreplay.

No spatula?
 
2014-08-03 02:10:42 AM  

TheMega: As for the raccoon, don't come sneaking around a corner wearing a mask and that shiat wouldn't happen!


*snrk* Nice.
 
2014-08-03 02:14:58 AM  

Lsherm: I think there's a farker with a pet raccoon.  When i was living out in the country our vet would refuse to treat people with pet raccoons because they don't make very good pets most of the time.


I think most vets refuse to treat people, but some of them probably make good pets.
 
2014-08-03 03:37:24 AM  
Well,...

That was just a "White Trash Christmas" of a little article, now wasn't it?

Isn't that special?

Do you know who else threw raccoons against the wall...?

Was it, SATAN?

/Churchlady.jpeg
 
2014-08-03 03:43:53 AM  

baconbeard: fusillade762: No word on the condition of the raccoon, which was the only thing I really cared about.

Raccoons are horrible animals.


While I agree with you, throwing one against a wall is not a very merciful way of dispatching them. That's what bullets are for.

/The raccoon was probably fine
//They're tough SOBs
 
2014-08-03 05:11:07 AM  
The man had called her by his ex-wife's name, and when she asked him about that, he allegedly grabbed her by her arms and threw her into a wall, according to the statement.

Why would he track down his ex and throw her in to a wall just because his GF gingerly asked him about a simple name mix-up?

There's... probably more to this story.
 
2014-08-03 06:31:22 AM  
That's odd, I recall being told that the book of love was long and boring...
 
2014-08-03 07:27:51 AM  
I know who wrote the Book of Love. It was an idiot. It was a fool. A babbling fool with a speech defect and a shaking hand./But it should have been David Byrne or somebody.
 
2014-08-03 07:59:48 AM  

baconbeard: fusillade762: No word on the condition of the raccoon, which was the only thing I really cared about.

Raccoons are horrible animals.


I know a web cam babe with a raccoon tail butt plug; so that's good...

By the way is this GF hot or not? We need pix of her and maybe of the ex wife too... Color photography, hint hint, winks as good as a nod...
 
2014-08-03 08:05:51 AM  

thatboyoverthere: jsmilky: The Manual of Love

Don't assume a woman will initiate with you just because she finds you interesting. Any such contact would involve a conscious act on her part, involving the pain and disappointment associated with such acts, and this has historically proven to be too much to expect of women.

Treat a woman's feelings and thoughts as so trivial as to be non-existent. this as "being treated like a woman". You must be the one to initiate contact with her precisely because her feelings and thoughts are trivial. If she is dating another man tell her that he is useless and is no for yourself. Tell her that she must have had a lapse of judgment.


Be subtle. Say one thing, but do another. A woman can any kind of a lie as subtle, so this will make you seem more interesting.


Act like you have no pride in yourself. Work out, dress well, and be popular. These are signs to a woman that you are without morals and that you want a woman and are a serious contender.

Don't think of anything except sex in the first place and don't be too choosy. You need to go through quantity to find quality. You have nothing to lose except your pride and pride is only for losers.
Importantly if you show that you have high standards this will alienate women, because they know deep down that they are no different to all other women. If you have loved many women then any individual woman will feel as though you love her personally.


Behave like you find all women attractive and that all women find you attractive. Because a woman doesn't think for herself she will only find you of value if she thinks other women find you to be of value.

Act like you know what you are doing and use the time honoured ways of humiliation and diminution. Tell a woman that her dress is plain but her hair looks wonderful. Tell her that you're going to have to teach her how to dress and kiss properly.

When in doubt - make the move. Ask her out, kiss her, touch her, gently pull her hand and guide her into your be ...

Well I fell dirty just reading the first bit. Excuse me I'm going to go shower and avoid women in case any of the misogyny of that infected me and I lash out.


He would be saying, in effect, that when choosing his victim -- I'm sorry, there really is no other word -- his approach should be the same as buying a head of lettuce at the supermarket. Just grab one from the lettuce bin -- they all taste the same, no thought given to which to choose -- and toss it in the cart. When it's used up, go back and get another.

What a sad way to go through life.
 
2014-08-03 08:43:52 AM  

Candygram4Mongo: thatboyoverthere: jsmilky: The Manual of Love

Don't assume a woman will initiate with you just because she finds you interesting. Any such contact would involve a conscious act on her part, involving the pain and disappointment associated with such acts, and this has historically proven to be too much to expect of women.

Treat a woman's feelings and thoughts as so trivial as to be non-existent. this as "being treated like a woman". You must be the one to initiate contact with her precisely because her feelings and thoughts are trivial. If she is dating another man tell her that he is useless and is no for yourself. Tell her that she must have had a lapse of judgment.


Be subtle. Say one thing, but do another. A woman can any kind of a lie as subtle, so this will make you seem more interesting.


Act like you have no pride in yourself. Work out, dress well, and be popular. These are signs to a woman that you are without morals and that you want a woman and are a serious contender.

Don't think of anything except sex in the first place and don't be too choosy. You need to go through quantity to find quality. You have nothing to lose except your pride and pride is only for losers.
Importantly if you show that you have high standards this will alienate women, because they know deep down that they are no different to all other women. If you have loved many women then any individual woman will feel as though you love her personally.


Behave like you find all women attractive and that all women find you attractive. Because a woman doesn't think for herself she will only find you of value if she thinks other women find you to be of value.

Act like you know what you are doing and use the time honoured ways of humiliation and diminution. Tell a woman that her dress is plain but her hair looks wonderful. Tell her that you're going to have to teach her how to dress and kiss properly.

When in doubt - make the move. Ask her out, kiss her, touch her, gently pull her hand and guide her into your be ...

Well I fell dirty just reading the first bit. Excuse me I'm going to go shower and avoid women in case any of the misogyny of that infected me and I lash out.

He would be saying, in effect, that when choosing his victim -- I'm sorry, there really is no other word -- his approach should be the same as buying a head of lettuce at the supermarket. Just grab one from the lettuce bin -- they all taste the same, no thought given to which to choose -- and toss it in the cart. When it's used up, go back and get another.

What a sad way to go through life.


So you're saying guys shouldn't lower their standards to get a date? Because all I've ever heard is the opposite.
 
2014-08-03 08:47:11 AM  
i hate that group. seriously, when are you going to give your cash, where it belongs, to a decent American artist like myself!
 
2014-08-03 09:33:41 AM  
Next time this guy goes home at night

www.fritriac.de

/old photoshop is old
 
2014-08-03 10:39:38 AM  

fanbladesaresharp: Eriond: From the article comments: "This is perhaps the most cowardly example of raccoon abuse I've ever encountered."

I...I have no response to that.  Who the hell keeps a raccoon as a pet anyway?

Same folks that keep skunks, ocelots, deer and other animals as pets that should be outside, not in.


24.media.tumblr.com
 
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