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(Jezebel)   Uptight vegan demands to know how it is possible to "love an adult who eats like a child." Because apparently putting ketchup on hot dogs, ketchup on eggs, only wanting cheese pizza, and eating lettuce only on a salad is "childish"   (jezebel.com) divider line 273
    More: Fail, Cheez Whiz, knowledge bases, chicken fingers, Decemberists  
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8934 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Aug 2014 at 5:30 PM (16 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-02 01:39:17 PM  
901 replies to this nonsense. I'm in the wrong business.
 
2014-08-02 01:42:52 PM  
NEW FLASH!
ONLY DATE A VEGAN IF YOU ARE A VEGAN

This is not rocket science. I love food. I love sharing my meals.
The few vegans that I have dated made this impossible.

me: "Try a bite of my steak, it is amazing!"
her: "Baby killer"

Her: "try my fake blah blah blah with extra blah"
me: takes like cardboard, if you wanted something that tastes like bacon, isnt it safer to eat bacon, rather than chemically altered whatever this is?"
her: "BABY KILLER"

/atkins forever
 
2014-08-02 01:50:32 PM  

Mugato: 901 replies to this nonsense. I'm in the wrong business.


I tried to reply to them, but Chrome and reply doesnt let me log into way too many sites. Some strange bug.
 
2014-08-02 01:52:42 PM  
Solids?  How grown-up of you.

*Goes back to feasting on Wetnurse's Funbags*
 
2014-08-02 02:37:11 PM  
Uptight vegan?  Isn't that a tautology?
 
2014-08-02 02:38:32 PM  

Prey4reign: Uptight vegan?  Isn't that a tautology?


How do you know someone is a vegan?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
 
2014-08-02 02:46:46 PM  
Lettuce on a salad?
 
2014-08-02 03:03:01 PM  
This just in: no matter what you eat, you're going to die anyway.
 
2014-08-02 03:27:41 PM  
I've heard so many things about 'Love', "True Love', 'Soul Mates' and 'Matches Made In Heaven' that I want to barf.

Most of the time I see a pretty woman paired up with a guy who looks like a scumbag and acts like a jackass. You know, the type who chews his toenails off, wears jeans until they can stand on their own, has a love affair with his tools and has to be reminded to take that darn, grubby baseball cap with the bent brim off before he climbs into bed.

I watched a parade of young women come through the ER when I worked at a hospital, following their men who got drunk and the shiat beat out of them and who loudly vowed, even as we stitched them up, to go back and get the sumbiatch! These loving, loyal ladies stood right by their men, worried over their pain, agreed with them in their drunken ravings and, now and then, arrived with them sporting a new shiner of their own.

I've seen intelligent, nice young men paired up with nasty dumbshiate chicks, watched couples scream at each other in the beaches, the parks, in stores and parking lots.

I've heard that the differences between lovers can be the spice of life, the things which makes their relationship interesting. He's conservative, she likes to dress semi-goth and he loves it. Opposites often attract.

He loves liver and onions and it makes her want to puke, but she'll make it for him and eat tuna salad next to him. She's an optimist and he's a pessimist and they actually level each other out.

The secret, I've been told, is deeply caring for each other. Being there with hot soup when your lover gets the flue. Showing up with unexpected flowers or something delightful when they're down. Listening is of great importance. Empathy also.

Couples who haven't lasted are those who avoid the other when sickness is involved. Who talk about themselves by the hour but get glassy eyed and bored when their partner opens up. Nothing rattles a lovers heart more than, when telling your cherished one, something deep and meaningful about yourself, you get this blank look and asked 'why are you telling me this?'

I think these things are a bit more important that who eats what and why. I despise raw oysters and clams. Yet I have no problem with my girlfriend of the time slurping them down happily.

The only thing I've actually learned is that love is blind and pairings often inexplicable.
 
2014-08-02 03:35:32 PM  
An omnivore dating a herbivore is like an atheist dating a fundamentalist Christian.  It's not just that the herbivore or Christian has different beliefs, but they think the other person is just wrong/sinful.

The only herbivore I agreed with told me her reason for avoiding animal meat - "It's gross."  Can't argue with that reasoning.
 
2014-08-02 03:42:30 PM  

Rik01: I've heard so many things about 'Love', "True Love', 'Soul Mates' and 'Matches Made In Heaven' that I want to barf.

Most of the time I see a pretty woman paired up with a guy who looks like a scumbag and acts like a jackass. You know, the type who chews his toenails off, wears jeans until they can stand on their own, has a love affair with his tools and has to be reminded to take that darn, grubby baseball cap with the bent brim off before he climbs into bed.

I watched a parade of young women come through the ER when I worked at a hospital, following their men who got drunk and the shiat beat out of them and who loudly vowed, even as we stitched them up, to go back and get the sumbiatch! These loving, loyal ladies stood right by their men, worried over their pain, agreed with them in their drunken ravings and, now and then, arrived with them sporting a new shiner of their own.

I've seen intelligent, nice young men paired up with nasty dumbshiate chicks, watched couples scream at each other in the beaches, the parks, in stores and parking lots.

I've heard that the differences between lovers can be the spice of life, the things which makes their relationship interesting. He's conservative, she likes to dress semi-goth and he loves it. Opposites often attract.

He loves liver and onions and it makes her want to puke, but she'll make it for him and eat tuna salad next to him. She's an optimist and he's a pessimist and they actually level each other out.

The secret, I've been told, is deeply caring for each other. Being there with hot soup when your lover gets the flue. Showing up with unexpected flowers or something delightful when they're down. Listening is of great importance. Empathy also.

Couples who haven't lasted are those who avoid the other when sickness is involved. Who talk about themselves by the hour but get glassy eyed and bored when their partner opens up. Nothing rattles a lovers heart more than, when telling your cherished one, something deep and m ...


What good is hot soup in a chimney?
 
2014-08-02 04:32:15 PM  
I had a work dinner with a recent hire and he ordered normal food, but he loudly smacked his lips as he ate with his mouth open. At one point he lamented not having a girlfriend.
 
2014-08-02 04:46:13 PM  

img.fark.net

 
2014-08-02 05:00:57 PM  

syrynxx: An omnivore dating a herbivore is like an atheist dating a fundamentalist Christian.  It's not just that the herbivore or Christian has different beliefs, but they think the other person is just wrong/sinful.

The only herbivore I agreed with told me her reason for avoiding animal meat - "It's gross."  Can't argue with that reasoning.


Eh, I've dated two vegetarians, even lived with one of them for four years. It was no big deal in either case. Neither of them ever gave me any shiat for eating meat. People who are just picky because they're finicky and don't like to try new things bother me more than vegetarians who do it for health or environmental reasons.

The sanctimonious "Meat is murder" crowd, however, is a WHOLE different story.
 
2014-08-02 05:33:51 PM  
That sounds like my diet, but hold the ketchup and salad.
 
2014-08-02 05:36:02 PM  
static.fjcdn.com
 
2014-08-02 05:36:30 PM  

fusillade762: syrynxx: An omnivore dating a herbivore is like an atheist dating a fundamentalist Christian.  It's not just that the herbivore or Christian has different beliefs, but they think the other person is just wrong/sinful.

The only herbivore I agreed with told me her reason for avoiding animal meat - "It's gross."  Can't argue with that reasoning.

Eh, I've dated two vegetarians, even lived with one of them for four years. It was no big deal in either case. Neither of them ever gave me any shiat for eating meat. People who are just picky because they're finicky and don't like to try new things bother me more than vegetarians who do it for health or environmental reasons.

The sanctimonious "Meat is murder" crowd, however, is a WHOLE different story.


Cant you argue that by eating vegetables, that you are stealing food from the herbivores that would normally be eating plants that grew on that land, and you are responsible for indirectly killing off those animals?! 
HAH

/and no, I really dont care ... leave me alone to eat what I want. If you think you should decide what I eat, well then you might as well want to live in a theocracy.
 
2014-08-02 05:37:26 PM  
Listen, toots, let's just settle on eating pussy.
 
TWX
2014-08-02 05:37:51 PM  
Heh. My wife used to be on a yellow-food diet, chicken, potatoes of various types, pasta, breads, etc. She uses a lot of ketchup though, except on the chicken, where she uses honey mustard or spicy mustard. The biggest exception to that diet has been bacon, which to her is its own food group.

/has the shirt, "I put ketchup on my ketchup"
//means it
///buys "Simply Heinz" variety at Costco monthly
 
2014-08-02 05:38:43 PM  

lohphat: [static.fjcdn.com image 500x347]


that is so awesome


PLUS, how did you not know that the person you were dating eats like a MORON?!
Your first couple of dates included going to dinner.
Didnt you think it was strange that they could ONLY EAT ONE THING?

And then later they started eating with their feet or off the floor?
RUN AWAY
 
2014-08-02 05:39:50 PM  
My most recent ex was a vegetarian, and I eat very little fruits and veg, yet we dated for three years and it was never an issue.  We could both always find something to eat at any restaurant we went to, and most dinners in we made something we both could eat or made our own.  No biggie.  Sometimes we'd both have rice and she'd have eggplant and I'd have chicken.

Not hard.  Not important.

/vegans don't count
//for anything
 
2014-08-02 05:39:56 PM  
ketchup is the blood of innocent tomatoes.
 
2014-08-02 05:43:37 PM  

Plant Rights Activist: ketchup is the blood of innocent tomatoes.


Tofu is baby harp-seal fat!
 
2014-08-02 05:43:54 PM  
As much as I loathe vegans, she's right about this.

Ketchup is for children. The flavour is simple, sweet, and overpowers whatever you put it on.
 
2014-08-02 05:45:28 PM  
CruJones: /vegans don't count

saw a vegan at the bar a while back having an intense internal struggle. He had sipped his friend's beer, which was made with smoked bacon, of which he was unaware. Oh the tears flowed when he found out. I sat there, dumbfounded and in awe of this pathetic display. Not only did he violate his convictions, but I think he actually liked it.
 
2014-08-02 05:45:46 PM  

syrynxx: An omnivore dating a herbivore is like an atheist dating a fundamentalist Christian.  It's not just that the herbivore or Christian has different beliefs, but they think the other person is just wrong/sinful.

The only herbivore I agreed with told me her reason for avoiding animal meat - "It's gross."  Can't argue with that reasoning.


It depends on why they're a herbivore. I'm an omnivore who dated a herbivore but it was mostly because for health reasons for her. I'm too skinny as it is so she knew that I had to eat meat or I'd die. But we both agreed that hunting only for sport, like assholes who would pose with a dead deer while grinning maniacally was on a totally different level that wandered into psychosis.
 
2014-08-02 05:45:49 PM  
Since this is Jezebel, I bet it is the cisgendered, heterosexual white man's fault

i.imgur.com
 
2014-08-02 05:46:07 PM  
How I imagine the alone thoughts of all people involved in that article where it concerns every single one of their relationships:

img.fark.net

...and they don't even realize that they're The Devil.
 
2014-08-02 05:47:08 PM  
If you like ketchup on eggs, try ketchup and a little steak sauce (A1 or equivalent).
 
2014-08-02 05:47:45 PM  

rustypouch: As much as I loathe vegans, she's right about this.

Ketchup is for children. The flavour is simple, sweet, and overpowers whatever you put it on.


Can't make lemon wasabi cocktail sauce without ketchup?  Or decent meatloaf?  I agree with you to a point, but the ingredient has its' places.
 
2014-08-02 05:47:55 PM  
rustypouch: Ketchup is for children. The flavour is simple, sweet, and overpowers whatever you put it on.

not real ketchup

pics.campl.us
 
2014-08-02 05:48:54 PM  
Jezebel, this is for you. Enjoy.
i1280.photobucket.com
 
2014-08-02 05:49:22 PM  
I'll give you the ketchup on eggs one.
 
2014-08-02 05:51:52 PM  
What is her stance on EABOD?
 
2014-08-02 05:51:53 PM  
If a vegan weren't involved I'd wonder if this was about The English Major
 
2014-08-02 05:52:01 PM  
I always ask vegans why they make their food look like meat but no one ever tries to make meat look like vegetables.
 
2014-08-02 05:52:34 PM  
I don't think it's childish....however I do think it's incredibly boring.  That said, to each their own.  I draw the line at ketchup on eggs, though.  I draw the line at ketchup on anything.  Yuck.
 
2014-08-02 05:54:11 PM  

rustypouch: As much as I loathe vegans, she's right about this.

Ketchup is for children. The flavour is simple, sweet, and overpowers whatever you put it on.


I put ketchup on two things and two things only.

Quiche, and rusty iron/steel.

Quiche, because somehow the ketchup complements it, and rusty ferrous metals, because a saturated mix of salt in vinegar is a pretty good derusting agent.  So are fruit acids.  Ketchup has both.

/rusty ketchup stinks to high heaven, too, so put it in a Ziploc
 
2014-08-02 05:54:36 PM  
Vegetarian since for 23 years.  Fiancee eats meat.  We've been together 12 years.  It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Because I am not a judgmental asshat like the author is.
 
2014-08-02 05:54:41 PM  
I bought some balsamic ketchup the other day. Very la-de-da.
 
2014-08-02 05:55:08 PM  
Probably as easy as dating someone so vapid and immature they think this is a serious issue would be.
 
2014-08-02 05:55:37 PM  
jcolon188.edublogs.org

yum.
 
2014-08-02 05:55:53 PM  
I like ketchup on eggs because f*k you.

I also like salsa on eggs.

/meat eating kity is meat eater
 
2014-08-02 05:56:30 PM  
Ketchup is gross, IMO. Although I like salsa. Go figure. Just as I hate cheese on anything but pizza.
 
2014-08-02 05:56:58 PM  

Coco LaFemme: I don't think it's childish....however I do think it's incredibly boring.  That said, to each their own.  I draw the line at ketchup on eggs, though.  I draw the line at ketchup on anything.  Yuck.


Syrup on eggs on the other hand.

Ketchup of all things I can't eat. I can eat anything tomato based, except ketchup.  Ketchup requires pepto-abysmal I mean bismol in response.

With that said, even when I did eat it. I once swore off it for a year after working at McDonald's.  After seeing a 300 pound man grab all the fries out of his super-size fry in one big handful and smear it through the lake of ketchup he had on a wrapper. Following which he proceeded to gnaw on it for 5 minutes.  I couldn't stand the thought of tasting ketchup.  Then a few years after I started eating again, I couldn't.
 
2014-08-02 05:57:09 PM  

Old Man Winter: Probably as easy as dating someone so vapid and immature they think this is a serious issue would be.


I'm highly skeptical that anyone even remotely associated with "Jezebel" is attractive enough (physically, emotionally, or personality-wise) for human beings to want to date.
 
2014-08-02 05:57:14 PM  
Plants produce life-giving oxygen and prevent soil erosion. Animals produce methane and tear up the environment. If you're committed to only eating plants and preserving all animals, why do you hate the planet?

/single tear rolls down cheek
 
2014-08-02 05:57:28 PM  

tripleseven: Vegetarian since for 23 years.  Fiancee eats meat.  We've been together 12 years.  It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Because I am not a judgmental asshat like the author is.


I've been in that same boat, and you know what?  You can't make good headlines with it.  "I don't eat meat or other animal products, and she does.  We get along just fine."  It's so lame, even The Onion couldn't make a story out of it, and they one time ran a story about "Local Woman Feels Kind Of Meh".
 
2014-08-02 05:57:59 PM  

cwolf20: Coco LaFemme: I don't think it's childish....however I do think it's incredibly boring.  That said, to each their own.  I draw the line at ketchup on eggs, though.  I draw the line at ketchup on anything.  Yuck.

Syrup on eggs on the other hand.

Ketchup of all things I can't eat. I can eat anything tomato based, except ketchup.  Ketchup requires pepto-abysmal I mean bismol in response.

With that said, even when I did eat it. I once swore off it for a year after working at McDonald's.  After seeing a 300 pound man grab all the fries out of his super-size fry in one big handful and smear it through the lake of ketchup he had on a wrapper. Following which he proceeded to gnaw on it for 5 minutes.  I couldn't stand the thought of tasting ketchup.  Then a few years after I started eating again, I couldn't.


eating  ITagain. *sigh*
 
2014-08-02 05:58:07 PM  
A Vegan is to weak to squeeze the ketchup bottle.
 
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