Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Local)   Woman finds IKEA bags stuffed with 80 human skeletons. No word on if she was able to assemble them without having to call the support line   (thelocal.se) divider line 74
    More: Scary  
•       •       •

6526 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Aug 2014 at 11:00 PM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



74 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-08-01 08:43:17 PM  
"How would you feel if it was your grandmother or grandfather?" she wrote.

What a dizzbrained, whineyass, crybaby busybody. TFA says some of the skeletons are over 500 years old, so I might feel the Spanish Inquisition if it were my grandmother or grandfather. The church can't rebury them for legal complications. It's a cool story and all, but you need to get laid lady, a nice orgasm will send some feelgood oxytocin to you and make you forget how whiny your life is now. Dr. Phil has spoken.
 
2014-08-01 08:50:14 PM  
♫ Toe bone connected to the foot bone. Foot bone connected to the heel bone. Heel bone connected to the ankle bone, repeat for left side assembly... ♫
 
2014-08-01 09:01:33 PM  
The directions indicate that there should have been 81 skeletons. Now it's going to wobble
 
2014-08-01 09:08:27 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: ♫ Toe bone connected to the foot bone. Foot bone connected to the heel bone. Heel bone connected to the ankle bone, repeat for left side assembly... ♫


Came in for this
 
2014-08-01 09:19:53 PM  
s2.quickmeme.com
 
2014-08-01 09:58:27 PM  
"There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.
 
2014-08-01 11:03:14 PM  

fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.


It can make a pretty cool throne though.
 
2014-08-01 11:08:36 PM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

It can make a pretty cool throne though.


A Throne of Bones.
 
2014-08-01 11:09:36 PM  
although not quite HOTY material, this is a perfectly cromulent specimen of the species
 
2014-08-01 11:09:40 PM  
Now that's metal.
 
2014-08-01 11:11:40 PM  
Did they come with a little Allen wrench and a bag of plastic fasteners?
 
2014-08-01 11:12:01 PM  

fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.


Regardless, I'm surprised she bothered to count at least 80 of them. I would've just said "There were a lot of them."
 
2014-08-01 11:13:07 PM  
Those bags are awesome -- what else can you buy for $0.59 that's so useful.
 
2014-08-01 11:13:07 PM  
Once they're assembled, what the hell are we gonna do with 80 Allen wrenches?
 
2014-08-01 11:13:43 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Did they come with a little Allen wrench and a bag of plastic fasteners?


*shakes fist*
 
2014-08-01 11:14:03 PM  
oh. those are mine. thanks for finding them.

um. can I have them back please?
 
2014-08-01 11:14:30 PM  

SithLord: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

It can make a pretty cool throne though.

A Throne of Bones.


Hey baby wanna sit on my bone throne?
 
2014-08-01 11:16:58 PM  

Fart_Machine: Now that's metal.


Nah, mineral -calcium
 
2014-08-01 11:19:40 PM  

SithLord: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

It can make a pretty cool throne though.

A Throne of Bones.


I think the Ikea name for that is Skeltar
 
2014-08-01 11:20:17 PM  
SKELETÖN
 
2014-08-01 11:21:39 PM  

bearded clamorer: MaudlinMutantMollusk: ♫ Toe bone connected to the foot bone. Foot bone connected to the heel bone. Heel bone connected to the ankle bone, repeat for left side assembly... ♫

Came in for this


I was guessing the Homer Simpson version, but either one will get you an F on that Anatomy 101 final.
 
2014-08-01 11:22:08 PM  

Fluid: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

Regardless, I'm surprised she bothered to count at least 80 of them. I would've just said "There were a lot of them."


That's as many as four twentys.  And that's terrible.
 
2014-08-01 11:22:26 PM  

markb289: SithLord: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

It can make a pretty cool throne though.

A Throne of Bones.

I think the Ikea name for that is Skeltar


Skåltør.

lindalouwho: Fart_Machine: Now that's metal.

Nah, mineral -calcium


Calcium's a metal.  A metal you can cut with a knife, but a metal nonetheless.
 
2014-08-01 11:22:57 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-08-01 11:23:09 PM  

Bondith: Calcium's a metal. A metal you can cut with a knife, but a metal nonetheless.


Except in bones it's not in the knifeable elemental form.

/did I just pedant myself?
 
2014-08-01 11:23:09 PM  
Ah, Ikea. The store that translates instructions from Swedish to Chinese to English (I swear, they cant be that bad... I have better luck with the Swedish!).

Garbage.
 
2014-08-01 11:23:23 PM  
You came close to owing me a new iPad keyboard, subster.
 
2014-08-01 11:26:17 PM  
Does this kneecap go on the left or right?
 
2014-08-01 11:26:29 PM  
Has anyone ever actually called the IKEA support line?

I imagine that if someone ever does, there will be a bunch of people somewhere in Sweden staring at some phone in amazement and confusion.
 
2014-08-01 11:31:08 PM  

baconbeard: Has anyone ever actually called the IKEA support line?

I imagine that if someone ever does, there will be a bunch of people somewhere in Sweden staring at some phone in amazement and confusion.


Munke
 
2014-08-01 11:35:02 PM  

Bondith: markb289: SithLord: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

It can make a pretty cool throne though.

A Throne of Bones.

I think the Ikea name for that is Skeltar

Skåltør.

lindalouwho: Fart_Machine: Now that's metal.

Nah, mineral -calcium

Calcium's a metal.  A metal you can cut with a knife, but a metal nonetheless.


That is Awesome. I didn't know how to use the o with the line through it.
 
2014-08-01 11:36:48 PM  

Bondith: markb289: SithLord: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

It can make a pretty cool throne though.

A Throne of Bones.

I think the Ikea name for that is Skeltar

Skåltør.

lindalouwho: Fart_Machine: Now that's metal.

Nah, mineral -calcium

Calcium's a metal.  A metal you can cut with a knife, but a metal nonetheless.


I have you farkied as "science guy" so I'm not even gonna look it up.

themoreyouknow.jpg
 
2014-08-01 11:40:51 PM  

fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.


If there were 80 skulls, there were 80 skeletons.
 
2014-08-01 11:41:05 PM  

Bondith: Bondith: Calcium's a metal. A metal you can cut with a knife, but a metal nonetheless.

Except in bones it's not in the knifeable elemental form.

/did I just pedant myself?


You did, and we watched.
 
2014-08-01 11:41:12 PM  

BitwiseShift: Those bags are awesome -- what else can you buy for $0.59 that's so useful.


In Austin you have to bring your own bags to the grocery store because green. I can put a week's groceries in an IKEA sack. Best thing ever.
Fark those one-item plastic store bags anyway. They are a dumbass idea. You can't even pick up dog shiat with them without getting shiat on your hand because the farkers are about an angstrom thick and anything heavier than hummingbird breast down pokes a hole in them that you don't see until there's dog shiat on your hand and your wife laughs her ass off.
 
2014-08-01 11:41:18 PM  

BitwiseShift: Those bags are awesome -- what else can you buy for $0.59 that's so useful.


How long does it take you to assemble each bag?
 
2014-08-01 11:43:06 PM  

markb289: That is Awesome. I didn't know how to use the o with the line through it.


Alt-0248.  I wrote a short story called Erik the Lemming for a creative writing class in undergrad and made liberal use of gratuitous mock-Swedish (except apparently that letter is Norwegian, not Swedish).

lindalouwho: I have you farkied as "science guy" so I'm not even gonna look it up.

themoreyouknow.jpg


Never be afraid to look it up anyway, since I corrected myself in the next post.

/I think that's the first time someone's farkied me.  You never forget your first.
 
2014-08-01 11:44:16 PM  
"How would you feel if it was your grandmother or grandfather?" she wrote.

Wouldn't care. Mostly because a pile of bones is\n't and never was my grandmother or grandfather. My grandmother and grandfather are dead; what's left is just what they lived in. No more a big deal what happens to that than, say, what happens to some of their old clothes, or the building they lived in in Brooklyn.

/people need to get over it
 
2014-08-01 11:46:23 PM  

Bondith: Except in bones it's not in the knifeable elemental form.


People, and their calcium-rich skeletons, are very knifeable.
 
2014-08-01 11:49:28 PM  

Gyrfalcon: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

If there were 80 skulls, there were 80 skeletons.


There were not complete skeletons.
"The collection was mostly skulls and longer bones."
 
2014-08-01 11:50:50 PM  

fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.


I was about to say that Ikea must be making bigger bags if you could fit that much of anything in one bag.
 
2014-08-01 11:51:37 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: "How would you feel if it was your grandmother or grandfather?" she wrote.

Wouldn't care. Mostly because a pile of bones is\n't and never was my grandmother or grandfather. My grandmother and grandfather are dead; what's left is just what they lived in. No more a big deal what happens to that than, say, what happens to some of their old clothes, or the building they lived in in Brooklyn.

/people need to get over it


You sound Klingon.

/did you do the death howl?
 
2014-08-01 11:54:39 PM  
What do you think the meatballs are made of?
i759.photobucket.com
That's not chicken.
 
2014-08-01 11:54:57 PM  

eq2imora: Ah, Ikea. The store that translates instructions from Swedish to Chinese to English (I swear, they cant be that bad... I have better luck with the Swedish!).

Garbage.


slm-assets3.secondlife.com
 
2014-08-01 11:55:00 PM  
Headline challenge accepted.

img.fark.net
 
2014-08-01 11:55:57 PM  

baronbloodbath: What do you think the meatballs are made of?
[i759.photobucket.com image 500x374]
That's not chicken.


*skerps tiny der*
 
2014-08-01 11:56:22 PM  

Bondith: markb289: That is Awesome. I didn't know how to use the o with the line through it.

Alt-0248.  I wrote a short story called Erik the Lemming for a creative writing class in undergrad and made liberal use of gratuitous mock-Swedish (except apparently that letter is Norwegian, not Swedish).

lindalouwho: I have you farkied as "science guy" so I'm not even gonna look it up.

themoreyouknow.jpg

Never be afraid to look it up anyway, since I corrected myself in the next post.

/I think that's the first time someone's farkied me.  You never forget your first.


I don't know when or the circumstance though. Should I feel ashamed? Lol

Being a mineral befuddles me now, because I'm about to get an infusion of Reclast - seems so odd.
 
2014-08-01 11:57:08 PM  
 
2014-08-01 11:58:33 PM  
Those $1 bags they sell at the check-out line at IKEA are useful for all sorts of things.

/including storing dead relatives, apparently
 
2014-08-02 12:01:05 AM  

pushcart: BitwiseShift: Those bags are awesome -- what else can you buy for $0.59 that's so useful.

In Austin you have to bring your own bags to the grocery store because green. I can put a week's groceries in an IKEA sack. Best thing ever.
Fark those one-item plastic store bags anyway. They are a dumbass idea. You can't even pick up dog shiat with them without getting shiat on your hand because the farkers are about an angstrom thick and anything heavier than hummingbird breast down pokes a hole in them that you don't see until there's dog shiat on your hand and your wife laughs her ass off.


Really?  Because I use Walmart and Publix plastic bags to pick up my 80 lb dogs large dumps and do not get shiat on my hands.

Maybe your wife pokes holes in the bags so they break because she likes to see you with shiat on your hands.
 
2014-08-02 12:04:13 AM  

theflatline: pushcart: BitwiseShift: Those bags are awesome -- what else can you buy for $0.59 that's so useful.

In Austin you have to bring your own bags to the grocery store because green. I can put a week's groceries in an IKEA sack. Best thing ever.
Fark those one-item plastic store bags anyway. They are a dumbass idea. You can't even pick up dog shiat with them without getting shiat on your hand because the farkers are about an angstrom thick and anything heavier than hummingbird breast down pokes a hole in them that you don't see until there's dog shiat on your hand and your wife laughs her ass off.

Really?  Because I use Walmart and Publix plastic bags to pick up my 80 lb dogs large dumps and do not get shiat on my hands.

Maybe your wife pokes holes in the bags so they break because she likes to see you with shiat on your hands.


Possibly. I am an insufferable bastard.
 
2014-08-02 12:10:15 AM  

pushcart: theflatline: pushcart: BitwiseShift: Those bags are awesome -- what else can you buy for $0.59 that's so useful.

In Austin you have to bring your own bags to the grocery store because green. I can put a week's groceries in an IKEA sack. Best thing ever.
Fark those one-item plastic store bags anyway. They are a dumbass idea. You can't even pick up dog shiat with them without getting shiat on your hand because the farkers are about an angstrom thick and anything heavier than hummingbird breast down pokes a hole in them that you don't see until there's dog shiat on your hand and your wife laughs her ass off.

Really?  Because I use Walmart and Publix plastic bags to pick up my 80 lb dogs large dumps and do not get shiat on my hands.

Maybe your wife pokes holes in the bags so they break because she likes to see you with shiat on your hands.

Possibly. I am an insufferable bastard.


Great answer my friend!
 
2014-08-02 12:19:21 AM  
How did they die?

Someone put a hex on them.
 
2014-08-02 12:25:08 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Fluid: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

Regardless, I'm surprised she bothered to count at least 80 of them. I would've just said "There were a lot of them."

That's as many as four twentys.  And that's terrible.


I don't know what's worse, that joke, or the fact I actually got it.

/tips my Lex Luthor collectable hat to you.
 
2014-08-02 12:47:59 AM  

Stoj: eq2imora: Ah, Ikea. The store that translates instructions from Swedish to Chinese to English (I swear, they cant be that bad... I have better luck with the Swedish!).

Garbage.

[slm-assets3.secondlife.com image 403x345]


Yours was funnier.
 
2014-08-02 12:53:52 AM  
Some whiny busy-body complained.
Not news, not even Fark.
 
2014-08-02 01:57:59 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: ♫ Toe bone connected to the foot bone. Foot bone connected to the heel bone. Heel bone connected to the ankle bone, repeat for left side assembly... ♫


The ankle bone is connected to part # 104338 with bolt # 204522 using the included hex wrench.
 
2014-08-02 02:01:33 AM  

pushcart: BitwiseShift: Those bags are awesome -- what else can you buy for $0.59 that's so useful.

In Austin you have to bring your own bags to the grocery store because green. I can put a week's groceries in an IKEA sack. Best thing ever.
Fark those one-item plastic store bags anyway. They are a dumbass idea. You can't even pick up dog shiat with them without getting shiat on your hand because the farkers are about an angstrom thick and anything heavier than hummingbird breast down pokes a hole in them that you don't see until there's dog shiat on your hand and your wife laughs her ass off.


LoL
 
2014-08-02 02:45:25 AM  
If you can't assembly ikea products without calling the support line, I'm surprised you can feed yourself. If that's not the case, just have your caretaker assemble it for you.
 
2014-08-02 02:55:37 AM  

pushcart: theflatline: pushcart: BitwiseShift: Those bags are awesome -- what else can you buy for $0.59 that's so useful.

In Austin you have to bring your own bags to the grocery store because green. I can put a week's groceries in an IKEA sack. Best thing ever.
Fark those one-item plastic store bags anyway. They are a dumbass idea. You can't even pick up dog shiat with them without getting shiat on your hand because the farkers are about an angstrom thick and anything heavier than hummingbird breast down pokes a hole in them that you don't see until there's dog shiat on your hand and your wife laughs her ass off.

Really?  Because I use Walmart and Publix plastic bags to pick up my 80 lb dogs large dumps and do not get shiat on my hands.

Maybe your wife pokes holes in the bags so they break because she likes to see you with shiat on your hands.

Possibly. I am an insufferable bastard.


I don't have a dog but this would explain a few recurring episodes and my GFs random laughter
 
2014-08-02 03:09:29 AM  
Is this lady threatening to kill my grandparents?
 
2014-08-02 03:41:14 AM  
You just know that after all of this is over they're going to end up with small bones that don't fit anywhere.
 
2014-08-02 03:57:28 AM  

lindalouwho: Gyrfalcon: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

If there were 80 skulls, there were 80 skeletons.

There were not complete skeletons.
"The collection was mostly skulls and longer bones."


But if there were 80 skulls, there HAD been 80 skeletons.
 
2014-08-02 05:50:10 AM  
Worst use of the scary tag I've ever seen on Fark.

Me: "Ooh that does sound scary."
*click*
"Oh... That's just lame and not at all scary..."


I expected an axe murderer with no leads or you know.... actual scariness... Not just some soccer mom whining about a graveyard being re-located.
 
2014-08-02 07:15:45 AM  
SKULLS FOR THE SKULL DESK!
 
2014-08-02 07:33:36 AM  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvKFCGqdNeM guess not all were as lucky as him
 
2014-08-02 08:03:36 AM  

Gyrfalcon: lindalouwho: Gyrfalcon: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

If there were 80 skulls, there were 80 skeletons.

There were not complete skeletons.
"The collection was mostly skulls and longer bones."

But if there were 80 skulls, there HAD been 80 skeletons.


Yes, but not necessarily 80 skeletons in the bags. In fact, there could easily have been 352 skeletons and 80 skulls. Or pieces of 957 skeletons and 80 skulls. Or 80 skulls and one femur. 80 skulls were certainly attached to 80 skeletons at some point, but this lady isn't flipping out that skeletons exist, only that they were in her homeless woman costume.
 
2014-08-02 08:34:41 AM  
I figure every Ikea has such a collection. It's hard to figure out how to leave those stores. Surely, some don't ever make it out, and eventually die of meatball poisoning.
 
2014-08-02 08:35:31 AM  

Gyrfalcon: lindalouwho: Gyrfalcon: fusillade762: "There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80,"

80 bones does not 80 skeletons make.

If there were 80 skulls, there were 80 skeletons.

There were not complete skeletons.
"The collection was mostly skulls and longer bones."

But if there were 80 skulls, there HAD been 80 skeletons.


Why yes, of course.

How did this become a thing?
Ooooh, you're the murderer and you want credit for all 80 kills.

I see. *cough* police *cough*
 
2014-08-02 09:04:51 AM  
I didn't complain when it turned out that they put horse meat in my Swedish meatballs. This time, however, I am NOT HAPPY.
 
2014-08-02 09:55:47 AM  
Everyone loves Ikea
 
2014-08-02 10:03:55 AM  
fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net
 
2014-08-02 11:19:22 AM  
New furniture line

www.halloweenforum.com

/Some assembly required
 
2014-08-02 03:35:34 PM  
I thought Sweden didn't have any concentration camps that could supply decomposed skeletons.
(Actually, they may have had one - allegedly, Jerry Lewis filmed his "lost" movie  "The Day the Clown
Cried" in Sweden.  That's the movie in which Lewis played a clown incarcerated in a Nazi stalag.)
 
Displayed 74 of 74 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report