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(International Business Times)   Commercial airplane passengers could soon be issued parachutes along with their boarding passes. You know, just because   (ibtimes.co.uk) divider line 68
    More: Scary  
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4696 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Aug 2014 at 9:59 AM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



68 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-08-01 08:36:16 AM  
"Scary" tag my arse - How about "Fail" or "Stupid," or at the very least, "Dumbass?"
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-08-01 09:08:00 AM  
Better not to give them parachutes. The bodies are easier to clean up when they are all in one place.
 
2014-08-01 09:13:38 AM  
In an incident like MH17, this would be only be useful for people who are ejected/fall out. Passengers aren't going to get up and walk to the door of any airliner there is a real reason to jump out of.
 
2014-08-01 09:15:00 AM  
For a modest $50 "Hope You Don't Go Splat" fee, of course.
 
2014-08-01 09:46:23 AM  
Hell, this was standard operating procedure in the earlier days of air travel.
Now, however, I wouldn't trust a parachute given to me by an airline. It would be made by the same supplier who makes those awful paper-thin blankets on Delta.

Plus, how on earth do you suppose passengers (even if they weren't panicking) could possibly vacate a failing aircraft? It wouldn't be through the windows and the exits are unopenable during flight.
 
2014-08-01 10:01:30 AM  
I imagine some training is required to use a parachute. It's probably not as easy as jump and pull the cord.
 
2014-08-01 10:01:40 AM  
Because I want to watch sharks circling over the mid-Atlantic while I slowly descend to a bloody death.
 
2014-08-01 10:03:33 AM  

costermonger: In an incident like MH17, this would be only be useful for people who are ejected/fall out. Passengers aren't going to get up and walk to the door of any airliner there is a real reason to jump out of.


At 30,000 feet, the parachutes are only going to soft land corpses.
 
2014-08-01 10:03:52 AM  
Oh good, more useless shiat whose cost we get to subsidize.
 
2014-08-01 10:05:26 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org
Approves.
 
2014-08-01 10:06:07 AM  

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: Because I want to watch sharks circling over the mid-Atlantic while I slowly descend to a bloody death.


If TV has taught me anything is that sharks can get you anywhere.
 
2014-08-01 10:07:32 AM  

BigNumber12: Oh good, more useless shiat whose cost we get to subsidize.


And less storage.  Buh-bye overhead bins!
 
2014-08-01 10:07:35 AM  
I was just thinking why this wasn't being done already.
 
2014-08-01 10:08:06 AM  
Why, have the rebels requested more target practice?
 
2014-08-01 10:09:15 AM  
FTFA: Carbon aerogel weighs just 0.16mg per cubic cm ... if a 300-seat Boeing 777 jet was fitted with aerogel parachutes for all passengers, they would only add 60kg to the aeroplane's estimated 300 tonne take-off weight.

Meaning it would occupy 375 cubic meters.  According to Boeing, a 777 only has a cargo capacity of 202 cubic meters.

Density, how does it work?
 
2014-08-01 10:09:54 AM  

Mangoose: I was just thinking why this wasn't being done already.


And the you read the thread and found out?
 
2014-08-01 10:09:59 AM  
You know, of all of the possible uses for this material it seems to me that making parachutes for airline passengers with it must certainly be in the top five stupid things.
 
2014-08-01 10:10:47 AM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: costermonger: In an incident like MH17, this would be only be useful for people who are ejected/fall out. Passengers aren't going to get up and walk to the door of any airliner there is a real reason to jump out of.

At 30,000 feet, the parachutes are only going to soft land corpses.


But at least I'll still be a three dimensional corpse!
 
2014-08-01 10:10:53 AM  

GungFu: Approves.


I came looking for the DB Cooper reference. Leaving satisfied.
 
2014-08-01 10:10:56 AM  

TwistedIvory: Hell, this was standard operating procedure in the earlier days of air travel.
Now, however, I wouldn't trust a parachute given to me by an airline. It would be made by the same supplier who makes those awful paper-thin blankets on Delta.

Plus, how on earth do you suppose passengers (even if they weren't panicking) could possibly vacate a failing aircraft? It wouldn't be through the windows and the exits are unopenable during flight.


I feel like they'd need to bring back an  Aft Airstair you can open during flight.  But then you open yourself up to the D.B. Cooper's of the world.
 
2014-08-01 10:11:05 AM  
$10 says he owns a tap out shirt
 
2014-08-01 10:11:29 AM  

DubyaHater: I imagine some training is required to use a parachute. It's probably not as easy as jump and pull the cord.


Yeah, I was going to say something about that. We sometimes hear about skydiving planes crashing with everybody still on board, and while that's good for a laugh (tragedy + (time or distance)) there's usually a reason why the people on the plane couldn't or didn't jump out.
 
2014-08-01 10:11:41 AM  
Some people smirk when I get on a plane in my parachute pants... I just laugh at them knowing I have a chance if the plane goes down.
 
2014-08-01 10:13:39 AM  
I don't see how this would work, the cruising altitude of a modern jetliner is far above the altitude where one could jump without oxygen (12,500ft AGL iirc) Any higher and reserve oxygen tanks are required.
 
2014-08-01 10:14:32 AM  
1) Airliners aren't designed to be jumped out of. Most jumpers wouldn't survive.

2) It takes some training to skydive. More than can be provided with a quick peptalk by the flight attendants before takeoff.

3) In the event of an emergency, 200 people couldn't put on bulky parachutes and jump out of an airliner before it crashed.

4) Are they expected to wear them throughout the flight? I hope the airlines factor that into their seating arrangements and aisle widths.

5) Most accidents happen on takeoff or landing. The altitude is not great enough to allow people to jump.

6) At 30,000 feet, you'd be too oxygen deprived to think about pulling a ripcord.
 
2014-08-01 10:14:45 AM  
Is this what passes for journalism these days?

I've seem better research on a buzzfeed list.
 
2014-08-01 10:14:55 AM  

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: Because I want to watch sharks circling over the mid-Atlantic while I slowly descend to a bloody death.


Well, sharks circling over the Mid-Atlantic is one of the great wonders of the natural world, so it'd be a hell of a sight to go out on.

/or you're experiencing a sharknado
 
2014-08-01 10:16:37 AM  
Pretty stupid idea considering most plane crashes happen on take off and landings, and at 30,000 feet you would be dead before you got to the door.
 
2014-08-01 10:17:12 AM  

costermonger: In an incident like MH17, this would be only be useful for people who are ejected/fall out. Passengers aren't going to get up and walk to the door of any airliner there is a real reason to jump out of.


That, and they might well not be able to.  The g-forces associated with a tumbling, falling aircraft can easily overpower a person's ability to move out of their seat.  That's why ejection seats have to be so powerful, to launch the pilot away from the aircraft with enough force to overcome any g-forces the plane might be experiencing.  It seems to me that parachutes for airline passengers are useless unless you also go ahead and include ejection seats as well.
 
2014-08-01 10:18:10 AM  
my google-fu is weak today, but I have seen a design for a ejection and parachute system for the entire cabin portion of an aircraft.  Not useful if a SAM just hit you, however.
 
2014-08-01 10:22:18 AM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: costermonger: In an incident like MH17, this would be only be useful for people who are ejected/fall out. Passengers aren't going to get up and walk to the door of any airliner there is a real reason to jump out of.

At 30,000 feet, the parachutes are only going to soft land corpses.


which could get caught up in a tornado causing a corpsenado!

/Premiering next week on the sci fi channel.
 
2014-08-01 10:23:03 AM  

LoneDoggie: my google-fu is weak today, but I have seen a design for a ejection and parachute system for the entire cabin portion of an aircraft.  Not useful if a SAM just hit you, however.


Only way I'd think that could work aside from small planes (like, for example, the CR-22) is explosive blots to disconnect the wings and tail.  Not the kind of thing you really want to be flying around with as insurance against the very small possibility of a mishap in which the fuselage is intact but the plane can't make it back to a runway safely.
 
2014-08-01 10:26:39 AM  

akya: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: costermonger: In an incident like MH17, this would be only be useful for people who are ejected/fall out. Passengers aren't going to get up and walk to the door of any airliner there is a real reason to jump out of.

At 30,000 feet, the parachutes are only going to soft land corpses.

which could get caught up in a tornado causing a corpsenado!

/Premiering next week on the sci fi channel.


You should pitch it. You could make a lot of money.

expertaviator.com

Science. How the fark does it work?
 
2014-08-01 10:27:59 AM  
Great, like the overhead bins aren't full enough already.
 
2014-08-01 10:28:11 AM  
Yawn..... Call me when he builds an Aerogel Martin Baker Zero-Zero ejection seat.
 
2014-08-01 10:28:30 AM  
Airliners just need ejection seats for each passenger. Just picture that.
 
2014-08-01 10:32:27 AM  

Deep Contact: Airliners just need ejection seats for each passenger. Just picture that.


i.imgur.com
 
2014-08-01 10:33:40 AM  

HMS_Blinkin: That, and they might well not be able to.  The g-forces associated with a tumbling, falling aircraft can easily overpower a person's ability to move out of their seat.  That's why ejection seats have to be so powerful, to launch the pilot away from the aircraft with enough force to overcome any g-forces the plane might be experiencing.


Yeah, that's what I mean. It's hard enough to move around in moderate turbulence.

HMS_Blinkin: It seems to me that parachutes for airline passengers are useless unless you also go ahead and include ejection seats as well.


Which would be awesome. My office overlooks an airline ramp. They'd be going off like popcorn.
 
2014-08-01 10:42:37 AM  

hardinparamedic: akya: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: costermonger: In an incident like MH17, this would be only be useful for people who are ejected/fall out. Passengers aren't going to get up and walk to the door of any airliner there is a real reason to jump out of.

At 30,000 feet, the parachutes are only going to soft land corpses.

which could get caught up in a tornado causing a corpsenado!

/Premiering next week on the sci fi channel.

You should pitch it. You could make a lot of money.

[expertaviator.com image 850x440]

Science. How the fark does it work?


flight 370 was at 35,000 feet. Huh.
 
2014-08-01 10:45:35 AM  
FTFA:  ".....as one measuring 20 sq m with a thickness of 50cm......

Damn, that's a thick parachute!
 
2014-08-01 10:48:34 AM  
It would make way more sense to try to make one of these for a commercial airliner than to outfit individuals with parachutes.  The complexities involving jumping at altitude and at speed would make this impossible for most advanced skydivers, let alone some soccer mom on her way to Des Moines with 3 crotchfruit in tow.
 
2014-08-01 10:49:39 AM  
"Everybody got a chute? ... whoa, not so fast there, Barack .."
 
2014-08-01 10:52:29 AM  

hardinparamedic: akya: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: costermonger: In an incident like MH17, this would be only be useful for people who are ejected/fall out. Passengers aren't going to get up and walk to the door of any airliner there is a real reason to jump out of.

At 30,000 feet, the parachutes are only going to soft land corpses.

which could get caught up in a tornado causing a corpsenado!

/Premiering next week on the sci fi channel.

You should pitch it. You could make a lot of money.



Science. How the fark does it work?


High altitude jumpers are on 100% oxygen the entire time they are above 10,000 ft, and during the jump. And are trained and healthy. I'd imagine getting panicking airline travelers to do anything related to a jump in a decompressed plane would be futile.

And as I'm sure you know, there are other effects to oxygen deprivation besides losing consciousness. Not to mention exposure, injury, etc.

Citation: FM 3-05.311
 
2014-08-01 10:58:30 AM  
MONEY GRAB!
 
2014-08-01 11:01:52 AM  

costermonger: Which would be awesome. My office overlooks an airline ramp. They'd be going off like popcorn.


It would be hilarious.  Maybe they could come with the option to launch the person one seat in any direction around you---you know, for when you're REALLY sick of that kid kicking your seat when you're trying to fly home from a bachelor party while hungover.
 
2014-08-01 11:03:27 AM  
'Lower than the density of Helium."?

WTF?
 
2014-08-01 11:04:20 AM  
Obviously each seat needs to be enclosed with an ejection pod capable of withstanding any height and supplied with oxygen and drinks.
 
2014-08-01 11:04:30 AM  

costermonger: In an incident like MH17, this would be only be useful for people who are ejected/fall out. Passengers aren't going to get up and walk to the door of any airliner there is a real reason to jump out of.


I disagree.  If it's tumbling through the sky of course the average person can't get to the door.  However, if the threat is fire or simply that it's going down over rough terrain jumping would be an option.

There are some other problems, though:

1)  Aerogel is light.  That's not the same as strong.  You could make a chute out of it but it would turn to confetti with the opening shock.  And that's assuming you could ever fold it up into a backpack in the first place.

2)  Lets say you're at cruise, the SAM explodes and the plane is on fire.  Can you jump?  To jump the plane must be decompressed.  You can use oxygen masks to move about the plane but not for the jump itself.  You're going to be relying on an automatic deployment device to pull your chute because the odds are good you'll be out of it by the time it's time to pull.  (If you pull as soon as you jump the lack of oxygen is far more serious.)  (There's a military pilot that actually did this.  He punched out at 35,000 with the canopy still in place--the least bad choice in the situation.  He came through unscathed but lost his oxygen mask.  He barely kept himself going while falling and shedding his supersonic bailout speed and did black out after pulling his chute.  That's a guy in good shape and trained to deal with the situation.  He also got down faster than the average Joe because the plane was pointed down at a 45 degree angle when he punched.)

3)  I don't think you can jump unless the pilot is able to slow the plane a lot.  Even if there wasn't the danger of impact with the plane the wind is simply too great.  (The impact problem could be solved by putting a jump tube in the floor that would drop you out of the bottom of the plane where there's no tail or the like.)

TwistedIvory: Plus, how on earth do you suppose passengers (even if they weren't panicking) could possibly vacate a failing aircraft? It wouldn't be through the windows and the exits are unopenable during flight.


Decompress the plane and the exits can be opened if the airspeed is low enough.  Safely jumping past the wings/tail is another matter...

AnonymooseFarker: I don't see how this would work, the cruising altitude of a modern jetliner is far above the altitude where one could jump without oxygen (12,500ft AGL iirc) Any higher and reserve oxygen tanks are required.


The jump is survivable with an automatic deployment device.  I suspect they would design different chutes that deploy slowly so you're less likely to end up tangled because you were tumbling when it popped.
 
2014-08-01 11:12:44 AM  
Yeah, I'm going to trust something like that made in China.

A more practical investment maybe some sort of anti missile tech on flights that pass over areas where people may fire one at you.

Then again it's happened only a few times in history and there are how many thousands of flights a day?
 
2014-08-01 11:15:51 AM  
Can't they just have everyone wear those MC Hammer pants?
 
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