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(Onion AV Club)   In 1979, Disney sent a generation of children into hell courtesy of the epic science fiction classic The Black Hole   (avclub.com) divider line 123
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4698 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 Aug 2014 at 11:08 AM (11 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-01 08:03:42 AM  
Grow up, kid, it was just a movie.
 
2014-08-01 08:06:46 AM  
It also was the first time the title of the porn parody was exactly the same as the source film
 
2014-08-01 08:09:28 AM  
That was a pretty farked up movie, at least for a Disney movie obviously cashing in on Star Wars. The zombie crew was freaky. I'm not sure that was literally Hell at the end though.
 
2014-08-01 08:22:39 AM  
I think I remember seeing a bit of that movie in the last few years. Doesn't hold up well at all.
 
2014-08-01 08:25:22 AM  

SurfaceTension: I think I remember seeing a bit of that movie in the last few years. Doesn't hold up well at all.


It didn't hold up well then.  I saw it when it came out, when I was still a kid (12) and it was crap compared to Star Wars.
 
2014-08-01 08:30:36 AM  
Had to be a hell of a rewrite from the original script: "The Apple Dumpling Gang Goes to Hell."

Tim Conway was cool with it, but Don Knotts flat-out refused to have his character raped by a demon.
 
2014-08-01 09:01:43 AM  

SurfaceTension: I think I remember seeing a bit of that movie in the last few years. Doesn't hold up well at all.


No, it doesn't. The score music is great, though.
 
2014-08-01 09:22:02 AM  
38.media.tumblr.com

A better Disney movie imho.
 
2014-08-01 09:27:07 AM  
Awesome movie.
 
2014-08-01 09:28:38 AM  
2 years later, they really did it (again?)

coronacomingattractions.com
 
2014-08-01 09:49:20 AM  
When my kids need a good scare I'll pop in The Last Starfighter.
 
2014-08-01 10:04:27 AM  

SurfaceTension: I think I remember seeing a bit of that movie in the last few years. Doesn't hold up well at all.


Visually I think it was pretty well done considering they weren't using Lucas' ILM.
 
2014-08-01 10:41:24 AM  
We're getting pretty damned loose with that "classic" sobriquet, aren't we?

/that movie sucked right to the event horizon
 
2014-08-01 11:11:31 AM  
The theater where I saw The Black Hole is now a sex shop.
 
2014-08-01 11:15:27 AM  
CSB

I buy toys in lots at auctions and yard sales sometimes. One lot had some Black Hole merchandise, carded figures, some kind of comic or something, other items along those lines.

I listed them on Ebay, as I'd never seen the Black Hole, and they didn't mean anything to me. (Still haven't/don't).

Someone in Italy bought them, so i bundled them up and shipped them off.

eventually the buyer stated they never received them, and i got left holding the bag for the cost of the items and the shipping cost, even though I had proof of shipment and all that.

So, thus far, the entirety of my experience with the Black Hole is to lose about $50 on it. I don't think I'll expand upon it for any reason.

/csb
 
2014-08-01 11:17:25 AM  
In 2013, Disney sent sci-fi fans into hell again when they bought Star Wars and messed with the story arch.


Should've made Heir to the Empire into a movie.
 
2014-08-01 11:20:56 AM  

Wellon Dowd: The theater where I saw The Black Hole is now a sex shop.


So, you can still see the black hole there?
 
2014-08-01 11:23:00 AM  

Fank: In 2013, Disney sent sci-fi fans into hell again when they bought Star Wars and messed with the story arch.
Should've made Heir to the Empire into a movie.


Because, forty years after the original was released, we want to see a film with.... furry force-eating snakes, recycled Mos Eisley jokes, and a clone who mispronounces his own name.

The Zahn books may be king of the crap pile, but it's still a crap pile.
 
2014-08-01 11:23:52 AM  

Fank: In 2013, Disney sent sci-fi fans into hell again when they bought Star Wars and messed with the story arch.


Should've made Heir to the Empire into a movie.


Disney messed with a few decent stories and a lot of glorified fan fiction. "Heir to the Empire" was okay. I remember snapping it up because I was starved for a new "Star Wars" story, but it was decidedly okay at best.
 
2014-08-01 11:24:17 AM  
I remember seeing that in the theater and being disappointed as hell. Maximillian was cool though.
 
2014-08-01 11:24:50 AM  

Fank: Should've made Heir to the Empire into a movie.


Yeah, all they would have had to do was make everyone look a mere 30 years younger. The upside being that Luuuke battling the furry Force eating worms would have made midichloreans look like genius sci-fi by comparison.
 
2014-08-01 11:24:51 AM  

Wellon Dowd: The theater where I saw The Black Hole is now a sex shop.


Called the "Black Glory Hole"
 
2014-08-01 11:26:34 AM  

Fank: Should've made Heir to the Empire into a movie.


God no. Those Zahn books are overrated pieces of shiat. The only reason people remember them fondly is because they were all we had as far as new Star Wars went for many years. They are not good books by any stretch of the imagination otherwise. Cringe-worthy.
 
2014-08-01 11:26:45 AM  

Mad_Radhu: Called the "Black Glory Hole"


That was the civil war movie with Matthew Broderick.
 
2014-08-01 11:29:13 AM  

Confabulat: Fank: Should've made Heir to the Empire into a movie.

God no. Those Zahn books are overrated pieces of shiat. The only reason people remember them fondly is because they were all we had as far as new Star Wars went for many years. They are not good books by any stretch of the imagination otherwise. Cringe-worthy.


I agree, absolutely terrible and unfairly praised.
 
2014-08-01 11:30:05 AM  
I remember liking that movie and thinking I liked Yvette Mimieux but wasn't sure why.
 
2014-08-01 11:31:49 AM  
Black Hole was my favorite film as a child, yes I liked it more than Star Wars
 
2014-08-01 11:34:03 AM  

Waxing_Chewbacca: I remember liking that movie and thinking I liked Yvette Mimieux but wasn't sure why.


Giggity

venturegalleries.com
 
M-G
2014-08-01 11:36:12 AM  
I saw it at a drive-in, when I would have been about 5.  I should really watch it again some time and see if any of it rings a bell.
 
2014-08-01 11:37:36 AM  
"...epic science fiction classic The Black Hole"

Said Subby, with his tongue sticking out thru his cheek.
 
2014-08-01 11:38:40 AM  
I watched 2001 : A Space Odyssey when I was 7. Now that was messed up.
 
2014-08-01 11:38:41 AM  

Mugato: That was a pretty farked up movie, at least for a Disney movie obviously cashing in on Star Wars. The zombie crew was freaky. I'm not sure that was literally Hell at the end though.


Hey a Disney sci-fi movie, sweet!  Even has a cute robot in it!  Hey, what's with the red robot dude with the spinning blades?  Aaaahhhh! Sweet baby Jesus!

/not my actual words, but close to the reaction I had when I first saw it as a kid
 
2014-08-01 11:41:38 AM  
I never got to see that movie as a kid. One of these days I will have to try and catch it streaming somewhere. I had a kid's book for the movie, so my entire knowledge about it is based on a book I read almost 40 years ago.
 
2014-08-01 11:41:54 AM  
As a kid, The Black Hole, The Last Starfighter, and The Wrath of Khan were three of my favorites. Scenes of terror mixed with space action? Done.

I'll give you two guesses as to which one I still watch, and the first guess doesn't count.
 
2014-08-01 11:42:19 AM  

tzzhc4: Waxing_Chewbacca: I remember liking that movie and thinking I liked Yvette Mimieux but wasn't sure why.

Giggity


Ah... That's why!
 
2014-08-01 11:43:05 AM  

syberpud: Hey a Disney sci-fi movie, sweet!  Even has a cute robot in it!  Hey, what's with the red robot dude with the spinning blades?  Aaaahhhh! Sweet baby Jesus!


He just sliced up Norman Bates! Oh the humanity!
 
2014-08-01 11:48:03 AM  
Loved the movie as a kid, but as an adult it's pretty weak... You have to admit that the Cygnus was one awesome looking ship, though:

alittleboysblog2.ru
 
2014-08-01 11:51:31 AM  
When you gaze long into The Black Hole,The Black Hole doesn't really return the favor.

A fitting sentence to end the article. Almost as contrived and pretentious as the film it criticizes.
 
2014-08-01 11:55:33 AM  

dj_spanmaster: When you gaze long into The Black Hole,The Black Hole doesn't really return the favor.

A fitting sentence to end the article. Almost as contrived and pretentious as the film it criticizes.


Still not as pretentious as Star Trek: The Motionless Picture. Which I still liked but it was somewhat tedious.

/this is where someone says to go watch a Transformers movie
//ST:TMP was ponderous, you know it to be true
 
2014-08-01 11:56:22 AM  
I love The Black Hole.  Is it perfect? no.  and even as a child of 7 when I saw it in theaters, I thought it had been made in the 50's-60's as it had the same basic feel as 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
 
2014-08-01 12:02:44 PM  

amd1433: Loved the movie as a kid, but as an adult it's pretty weak... You have to admit that the Cygnus was one awesome looking ship, though:

[alittleboysblog2.ru image 850x478]


What about ol Maximillian with Dr. Reinhards eyes.

3.bp.blogspot.com

As much as I loved Star Wars as a kid you cannot beat George Clintons theme to the Black Hole.  All about tapping that ass from the back.

A toast to the booty
Feel that, do that
For how else can you capture a boogie
If you don't attack from the back
To the rear, march
My name is the one
Some people call me the funk
Here's a toast to the boogie!
Said my name is the one
Some people call me the funk, oh
I'll toast to that
And when I find a vacant booty
I move right in on the rump, ooh
I'm like a camel
Humpin' to please
I'm up to my hump in funk, yeah
Here's a toast to the boogie
I've got jam in my legs
And I'm ready to spread
All around the world for the funk
I'll toast to that
We don't cut in
We just butt in
So baby, may I have this dance?
Here's a toast to the boogie
We'll funk to that
Bottoms up
I'll toast to that
I'll toast to that
Bottoms up!
Here's a toast to the boogie
We'll funk to that, bottoms up
Here's a toast to the boogie
We'll funk to that, bottoms up
Oww, my name is the one
Some people call me the funk
Here's a toast to the boogie
Said my name is the one
Some people call me the funk
I'll toast to that
And when I find a vacant booty
I move right in on the rump
(Move in on the rump)
I'm like a camel
Double-humpin' to please
I am up to my hump in my funk
Here's a toast to the boogie
I've got jam in my legs
And I'm ready to spread
All around the world for the funk
All around the world for the funk
I am Sir Nose
D'Voidoffunk
(Double-humpin' to please)
And I will never dance
Prepare to meet your end, Starchild
For a tail is nothing but a long booty
And this is a tale that I win in the end
And I have pinned the tail on the funky
And you shall dwell in the face of the mule forever, Starchild
Oh, mule-mug, oh donkey-puss, Starchild
Ahhhhahahaha
Humdrum, tweedle-dee dum, Starchild
And I have made a jackass out of the funk
Oh, mule-mug, oh donkey-puss
I, Sir Nose D'Voidoffunk
Shall never dance!
Yo ho, yourself, Starchild
Where's your flash light?
Where's your bop gun?
Where's the Doctor, Starchild?
Better tell the Doctor you need a house call, Starchild
Oh, mule-mug, oh donkey-puss
 
2014-08-01 12:03:22 PM  
Disney also hired Jack Kirby to do the comic book adaptation. It's better than I remembered, especially considering that Kirby could by a little hit & miss by 1979.

http://marswillsendnomore.wordpress.com/2012/11/11/scenes-from-jack- ki rbys-black-hole-adaptation/
 
2014-08-01 12:05:41 PM  
The interesting part is I read that. although they included the Dante's Inferno sequence in the British release, they cut out the Cathedral sequence because they were afraid of the effect it would have on British children.

The Inferno/Cathedral sequence only exists the Yvette's character's mind.  Watch as the Inferno sequence begins, the camera zooms into her eye.  It's how her mind is interpreting the experience of the entering the black hole. And remember, she wished the evil doctor into Hell with Max in a scene or two before the Inferno sequence.  Wish fulfillment basically.
 
2014-08-01 12:12:19 PM  
filmesegames.com.br

Maximillian was renamed 'Alpha' in Up!

Both films were variations on '20,000 Leagues Under The Sea'
 
2014-08-01 12:16:26 PM  

Confabulat: Fank: Should've made Heir to the Empire into a movie.

God no. Those Zahn books are overrated pieces of shiat. The only reason people remember them fondly is because they were all we had as far as new Star Wars went for many years. They are not good books by any stretch of the imagination otherwise. Cringe-worthy.


This. At the time we were desperate for anything for our Star Wars fix. And compared to splinter of the mind's eye and the Christmas special, or the droids cartoon, it was like Proust.
 
2014-08-01 12:18:21 PM  

Fano: Confabulat: Fank: Should've made Heir to the Empire into a movie.

God no. Those Zahn books are overrated pieces of shiat. The only reason people remember them fondly is because they were all we had as far as new Star Wars went for many years. They are not good books by any stretch of the imagination otherwise. Cringe-worthy.

This. At the time we were desperate for anything for our Star Wars fix. And compared to splinter of the mind's eye and the Christmas special, or the droids cartoon, it was like Proust.


I had the Lando and Han Solo books. My god, the one with the goddamned space rabbit...
 
2014-08-01 12:19:58 PM  
For some reason I have a memory of it originally being rated G, simply because it was a Disney movie.  And then later they changed it to PG?  Or whatever it is?

This could be a false memory but I swear I remembering convincing my parents to let me see it at age 8 BECAUSE it was rated G
 
2014-08-01 12:22:02 PM  

buntz: For some reason I have a memory of it originally being rated G, simply because it was a Disney movie.  And then later they changed it to PG?  Or whatever it is?

This could be a false memory but I swear I remembering convincing my parents to let me see it at age 8 BECAUSE it was rated G


No. It was always PG. It was newsworthy at the time because it was the first PG-rated Disney flick EVER.
 
2014-08-01 12:24:01 PM  

tzzhc4: Waxing_Chewbacca: I remember liking that movie and thinking I liked Yvette Mimieux but wasn't sure why.

Giggity

[venturegalleries.com image 792x1024]


I'd eat that like a starving morlock.
 
2014-08-01 12:25:43 PM  

amd1433: Loved the movie as a kid, but as an adult it's pretty weak... You have to admit that the Cygnus was one awesome looking ship, though:

[alittleboysblog2.ru image 850x478]


That ship bugged the hell out of me as a kid.  Glass everywhere vs. the vacuum of space?
 
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