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(Gawker)   Cop gets job back after claiming boner cream tainted his drug test. Riiiiiiight   (gawker.com) divider line 69
    More: Amusing, Miami Beach  
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3736 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jul 2014 at 11:43 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-31 08:28:04 PM  
no wonder cops seem so pissed off all the time, they have limp dicks. it all makes sense now.
 
2014-07-31 08:39:07 PM  
Detective Reinaldo Casas said he got the sex aid cream from a friend who, he testified, told him it "would help him in his sexual liaisons."

Ummmmm, yeah, coke will do that.

/what a crock of shiat
//that story wouldn't get anyone but a cop out of trouble.
 
2014-07-31 08:52:01 PM  
The tough part was explaining why the cream was in his mouth...
 
2014-07-31 09:12:33 PM  
Time's a'wasting and talk is cheap. I bought a bag of blow with my pay for the week.
 
2014-07-31 09:22:12 PM  
"There is no evidence in the record to show that [Casas] was aware the cream contained a controlled substance,"

So does that mean I can legally ingest anything I want as long as no one tells me what's in it?


A Miami Beach cop

WHAR "FLORIDA" TAG?
 
2014-07-31 09:25:17 PM  

Barfmaker: The tough part was explaining why the cream was in his mouth...


blakesnow.com
 
2014-07-31 09:53:19 PM  

some_beer_drinker: no wonder cops seem so pissed off all the time, they have limp dicks. it all makes sense now.


Nope. They're just quick to shoot, and embarrassed about it.
 
2014-07-31 10:09:16 PM  
Watch out, Nancy!
cdn2.content.compendiumblog.com

/Closest I could find.
 
2014-07-31 11:48:08 PM  

some_beer_drinker: no wonder cops seem so pissed off all the time, they have limp dicks. it all makes sense now.


'Juicing' shrinks them.
 
2014-07-31 11:50:40 PM  
justcomedies.com
Gene: Now, we need to make 8 gallons of bug juice by snack hour; do you know where the powder packets are?
Gary: [irritated] Yeah.
Gene: In the pantry, above the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream... Uh, wait, forget that last part.
nerdapproved.com
Gary: Did you say dick cream?
Gene: No! I said next to my... stick... team, you know, stick team! Stickball! Go away, leave me alone!
 
2014-07-31 11:58:53 PM  
I was baffled, perplexed and confused

so I consulted a thesaurus.
 
2014-08-01 12:01:59 AM  
Yeah, real nice story.. bookmarked.
Going to pour a couple shots of Jim Beam in with some coco butter and Vaseline, stir well and seal it up.  Ever get any damned BS DUI charge, will just say I was rubbing one out before I left and "must have been my jerkin` cream I got from a flea market and the fleas never told me what was in it.. JUST LIKE THAT COP!" and make them analyze it.

/farkin asshats
//now wondering if JB would burn your junk  LMAO
 
2014-08-01 12:03:29 AM  
Coke being a topical will make your quick cumming ass stay hard cause you cant feel shiat.

But in miami, it should be the home of the cheap viagra.  Because in Colombia I can get 100 mg viagra for 4 bucks for two pills, liquid or pill form...
 
2014-08-01 12:03:48 AM  

some_beer_drinker: no wonder cops seem so pissed off all the time, they have limp dicks. it all makes sense now.


That type of cream is used to keep an erection, not get one.
 
2014-08-01 12:08:36 AM  
It's nice they're giving him a retest.
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
But this time, no accordion.
 
2014-08-01 12:12:41 AM  

theflatline: Coke being a topical will make your quick cumming ass stay hard cause you cant feel shiat.

But in miami, it should be the home of the cheap viagra.  Because in Colombia I can get 100 mg viagra for 4 bucks for two pills, liquid or pill form...


Colombian women must be hideous.
 
2014-08-01 12:16:53 AM  
farkingismybusiness: Colombian women must be hideous.

media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com

"Well ... she's a guy ... soooo ..."
 
2014-08-01 12:21:03 AM  

Danger Avoid Death: farkingismybusiness: Colombian women must be hideous.

[media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com image 736x414]

"Well ... she's a guy ... soooo ..."


Khakis.
 
2014-08-01 12:26:57 AM  

farkingismybusiness: Danger Avoid Death: farkingismybusiness: Colombian women must be hideous.

[media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com image 736x414]

"Well ... she's a guy ... soooo ..."

Khakis.


From now until the day I die, every time I read the word "hideous" I will hear that woman's voice in my head saying it.
 
2014-08-01 12:33:46 AM  
I must be the only dumbass that couldn't get a job at walmart because i failed a drug screen i never took.
 
2014-08-01 12:40:01 AM  

farkingismybusiness: theflatline: Coke being a topical will make your quick cumming ass stay hard cause you cant feel shiat.

But in miami, it should be the home of the cheap viagra.  Because in Colombia I can get 100 mg viagra for 4 bucks for two pills, liquid or pill form...

Colombian women must be hideous.



actually colombian women are friggin hot... but everyone in the country is  a freak.
 
2014-08-01 12:41:58 AM  
Wouldn't this still be use of a controlled substance?
 
2014-08-01 12:44:39 AM  

Danger Avoid Death:From now until the day I die, every time I read the word "hideous" I will hear that woman's voice in my head saying it.

Everytime I hear khakis it's in his voice.

theflatline: farkingismybusiness: theflatline: Coke being a topical will make your quick cumming ass stay hard cause you cant feel shiat.

But in miami, it should be the home of the cheap viagra.  Because in Colombia I can get 100 mg viagra for 4 bucks for two pills, liquid or pill form...

Colombian women must be hideous.


actually colombian women are friggin hot... but everyone in the country is  a freak.


I'm sure Sophia Vergara is just average there. If only she didn't have fake boobs. Amirite?

/nah, I'm just farking with you. In my experience Colombians can be quite hot.
 
2014-08-01 12:57:48 AM  
"An old cuban guy" is the most reputable pharmacist in Miami.
 
2014-08-01 12:58:25 AM  

TheMega: Yeah, real nice story.. bookmarked.
Going to pour a couple shots of Jim Beam in with some coco butter and Vaseline, stir well and seal it up.  Ever get any damned BS DUI charge, will just say I was rubbing one out before I left and "must have been my jerkin` cream I got from a flea market and the fleas never told me what was in it.. JUST LIKE THAT COP!" and make them analyze it.

/farkin asshats
//now wondering if JB would burn your junk  LMAO


If you're pissing into the breathalyzer you're doing it wrong.
 
2014-08-01 01:06:04 AM  
"I was baffled, perplexed  and confused"

Was he also hoodwinked, bamboozled, and lead astray?
 
2014-08-01 01:15:21 AM  
 
2014-08-01 01:16:52 AM  

some_beer_drinker: no wonder cops seem so pissed off all the time, they have limp dicks. it all makes sense now.


Irrelevant. They have guns. GUNS.
 
2014-08-01 01:21:43 AM  

Ex-Texan: /Oblig
https://screen.yahoo.com/steve-martins-penis-beauty-creme-^C3. ht ml


Damn you! Oh, well...

ib3.huluim.com
 
2014-08-01 01:26:04 AM  

kling_klang_bed: "I was baffled, perplexed  and confused"

Was he also hoodwinked, bamboozled, and lead astray?


You forgot
static.fjcdn.com
 
2014-08-01 01:27:58 AM  
I'm going to guess that they tested the creme and found it contained cocaine.

Stupid but not deliberate drug use.
 
2014-08-01 01:32:03 AM  

EdNortonsTwin: Wouldn't this still be use of a controlled substance?


Exactly what I was thinking.  He's copped(ha) to having contraband,  when does he get charged?  Ignorance is no excuse.

/charged,  ha
//I'll kick your ass kill you and get away with it.
 
2014-08-01 01:33:24 AM  

Loren: I'm going to guess that they tested the creme and found it contained cocaine.

Stupid but not deliberate drug use.


Irrelevant. Zero tolerance. That's possession and use of a controlled substance (cocaine). And just like any other gang-banger he should get the max sentence.
 
2014-08-01 01:34:45 AM  

Boo_Guy: EdNortonsTwin: Wouldn't this still be use of a controlled substance?

Exactly what I was thinking.  He's copped(ha) to having contraband,  when does he get charged?  Ignorance is no excuse.

/charged,  ha
//I'll kick your ass kill you and get away with it.


If you aren't cop, you're little people.
 
2014-08-01 01:38:57 AM  
You Freaking Farkers...You can get ONE get out of jail free card if you understand this medical situation.
Lidocaine, ponticaine (Novacaine), benzocaine all are in the same family of cocaine.
If you visit a dentist or doctor and they use any of the above... including a plastic surgeon who may use cocaine in some surgical procedures you will show up positive for cocaine.
The drug testers don't use the most expensive drug tests they use the cheapest ones they can find.
The cheapest ones can't tell the difference between them all.
Benocaine is available as a "dick ointment". it's purpose is to reduce sensation and maintain an erection.
It's available over the counter WITHOUT A PRESCRIPTION.
The cops "good buddy" mixed benzocaine with the ointment.
Your one get out of jail card is if you can prove you have benzocaine available.
The liability then falls on the drug testers to prove they used the very expensive test.
 
2014-08-01 01:42:40 AM  

Barfmaker: The tough part was explaining why the cream was in his mouth...


Am I the only one who noticed the photo is of one of those little tiny jars of Carmex lip balm?
 
2014-08-01 01:46:47 AM  

kling_klang_bed: "I was baffled, perplexed  and confused"

Was he also hoodwinked, bamboozled, and lead astray?


Lead astray? Bullets flying hither and yon?
 
2014-08-01 01:53:15 AM  

theflatline: Coke being a topical will make your quick cumming ass stay hard cause you cant feel shiat.

But in miami, it should be the home of the cheap viagra.  Because in Colombia I can get 100 mg viagra for 4 bucks for two pills, liquid or pill form...


I'm sorry you know this.
 
2014-08-01 02:03:52 AM  
Back pay? That's a bit much. Gotta love law enforcement union attorneys.
 
2014-08-01 02:27:01 AM  
Dick creams actually contain cocaine-based products.

Welcome to science. Also the porn industry.
 
2014-08-01 03:24:30 AM  

Loren: I'm going to guess that they tested the creme and found it contained cocaine.

Stupid but not deliberate drug use.


Tested? Why? He's a cop- would NEVER lie...
 
2014-08-01 03:37:10 AM  

fusillade762: "There is no evidence in the record to show that [Casas] was aware the cream contained a controlled substance,"

So does that mean I can legally ingest anything I want as long as no one tells me what's in it?


A Miami Beach cop

WHAR "FLORIDA" TAG?


Knowledge and intent are involved in more than a few laws.

Did you not know this?
 
2014-08-01 03:40:13 AM  
ecx.images-amazon.com

Doubt that you can get high from it
 
2014-08-01 03:43:37 AM  

krackpipe: Back pay? That's a bit much. Gotta love law enforcement union attorneys.


IF he deserves his job back because he should not have been fired then he deserves back pay.

Why wouldn't he? There is no legal standard of 'hey we can see you snuck by on a technicality so you are gonna be treated as half innocent' anywhere else afaik, but ianal.
 
2014-08-01 03:57:45 AM  

TheMega: Yeah, real nice story.. bookmarked.
Going to pour a couple shots of Jim Beam in with some coco butter and Vaseline, stir well and seal it up.  Ever get any damned BS DUI charge, will just say I was rubbing one out before I left and "must have been my jerkin` cream I got from a flea market and the fleas never told me what was in it.. JUST LIKE THAT COP!" and make them analyze it.

/farkin asshats
//now wondering if JB would burn your junk  LMAO


You've given a whole new meaning to the term whiskey dick.
 
2014-08-01 04:05:40 AM  

EdNortonsTwin: Wouldn't this still be use of a controlled substance?


Indeed. Seeing as we can and do arrest and prosecute based on possession being detected in blood, breath or urine, it would stand to reason that this would constitute the same. Possession charges are not based on said possession being deliberate. The often heard "naw these aint my pants, these is my cousins pants" doesn't hold water on the street and it would stand to reason that it wouldn't here. Whether he knew he was using some form of cocaine or not, he did. And as a detective with I presume a number of years of police work, I would expect him to be even more aware than the average citizen not to ingest or use substances without knowing what they are.
 
2014-08-01 04:25:46 AM  
I know it's available in many forms, but why anyone would ever, *ever* smear some form of -ocaine on their dicks, I don't know.
 
2014-08-01 04:31:40 AM  

taurusowner: EdNortonsTwin: Wouldn't this still be use of a controlled substance?

Indeed. Seeing as we can and do arrest and prosecute based on possession being detected in blood, breath or urine, it would stand to reason that this would constitute the same. Possession charges are not based on said possession being deliberate. The often heard "naw these aint my pants, these is my cousins pants" doesn't hold water on the street and it would stand to reason that it wouldn't here. Whether he knew he was using some form of cocaine or not, he did. And as a detective with I presume a number of years of police work, I would expect him to be even more aware than the average citizen not to ingest or use substances without knowing what they are.


I believe you are wrong about possession laws.

http://criminal.findlaw.com/criminal-charges/drug-possession-overview . html


Also as amusing as these aint my pants is on the cops shows, a criminal defense lawyer is absolutely going to use it if he can actual show those weren't his pants.

Knowledge is even more important when you go from simple to constructive possession.

When, as you claim, do we prosecute solely based on physical detection in the body? You must be referring to operating under the influence I guess? That is different than a possession charge and is not relevent to this cop's situation.


Fwiw I would bet he did that shiat knowingly, but it would never occur to me as an average citizen to send everything I "use or ingest" to a lab - and how else could you really know what was in it? Not that I use cremes on my weiner, but if someone gave a homemade skin care cream I would never even consider worrying about my drug test.
 
2014-08-01 04:32:36 AM  

Coming on a Bicycle: I know it's available in many forms, but why anyone would ever, *ever* smear some form of -ocaine on their dicks, I don't know.


1. They might not know.
2. As per this thread, to last longer in the sack.
 
2014-08-01 04:52:44 AM  
I hate insomnia. Here is more.

http://statelaws.findlaw.com/florida-law/florida-drug-possession-laws . html

"To establish the elements of drug possession, a Florida state prosecutor must show:The illegal nature of the controlled substance: The prosecutor must present evidence that the seized material is a controlled substance as defined by Florida law. This element generally requires scientific analysis by a crime lab.

The defendant's knowledge of the drug: The prosecutor must show that the defendant actually knew or should have known about the illicit nature of the controlled substance and its presence.

Etc"

That would be pretty damn hard to show from a simple drug test eh?

What this cop did should be an example to us all: never admit guilt and hire a lawyer.
 
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