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(Rolling Stone)   Ten things we learned from Sharknado 2: The Second One   (rollingstone.com) divider line 51
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3023 clicks; posted to FarkUs » on 31 Jul 2014 at 9:21 AM (13 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-31 07:55:40 AM  
That was so bad that I couldn't turn away.
 
2014-07-31 08:25:59 AM  
2 inches an hour?  what kind of threat is a shark that moves that slow?
 
2014-07-31 09:04:45 AM  
Truly a masterpiece of modern film making.
 
2014-07-31 09:33:41 AM  
Needs to move to the big screen with the Expendables cast
 
2014-07-31 09:47:17 AM  
Can anyone post the list? I've clicked on the link twice and it gets hijacked by Yahoo.

thanks!
 
2014-07-31 09:48:10 AM  
I was thoroughly entertained.
 
2014-07-31 09:49:27 AM  

PenguinCam: Can anyone post the list? I've clicked on the link twice and it gets hijacked by Yahoo.

thanks!


1. You don't need to have seen Sharknado to follow the story of Sharknado 2.
I know - it was my biggest concern, too! It had been a while since I'd watched the original film, in which Ian Ziering and Tara Reid played an estranged couple - he's a surfer, she's, I dunno, a doctor or something - who reunited in a Los Angeles inundated with tornadoes carrying sharks, which they defeated by bombing the tornadoes, as one does. Would I remember enough of its complex narrative to understand Sharknado 2's expansion of the Sharknado mythos? Fortunately, the opening scenes catch you up: They're trying to get back together, they're reeling from the effects of post-sharknado fame, they're hawking a book called How to Survive a Sharknado, they're visiting family in New York played by b-movie starlet Kari Wuhrer and Sugar Ray doofus Mark McGrath, they're very good at detecting and combating freak storms with sharks in them. Got it!

2. When touching down in New York City, sharknadoes and Midwestern tourists have the same itinerary.
From the excitement of a Mets game at Citi Field to the living history of the Statue of Liberty. From the hustle and bustle of Times Square to the comfort and luxury of a hotel with convenient access to Times Square. From the studio of The Today Show to the studio of Live with Regis and Kelly. Yes, Sharknado 2 really made the most of that on-location New York City shoot, showing off all the local character you can find within convenient walking distance of the 7 train.

3. Climate change is real, and sharknadoes are the proof.
Along with rich character work and intricate worldbuilding, scathing political commentary on the perils of anthropogenic climate change is a constant in both of the Sharknado films. In this installment, we see New York City at the center of wild weather patterns - tropical storms moving in from one direction, unseasonal summer blizzards from the other. In addition to creating optimal conditions for a sharknado, these unstable climatic conditions recall the snowstorm that followed Hurricane Sandy in 2012, further devastating the New York metropolitan area. Or maybe it's just a crass and thoughtless way for the movie to explain why half the time there's an outdoor scene, there's snow on the sidewalks and you can see the actors' breath even though it takes place in July. Either way!

4. Watching sharks attack annoying celebrities isn't as much fun as you'd think.
When the first shark soars through the aisle of an airplane and bites off Kelly Osbourne's head, it's funny. When another one chows down on nerd-media icon Wil Wheaton, it's amusing. By the time Perez Hilton shows up on a subway platform, you're just counting down the seconds till an unconvincing splash of CGI bloodspray signals his departure from your TV screen. Hell, several of the most irritating d-listers who show up - Andy Dick, Billy Ray Cyrus, Subway's Jared - don't even give us the satisfaction of dying.

5. Watching sharks attack actually pretty cool celebrities isn't that much fun either.
Shot on a shoestring and intended to be just another widget cranked out by the Syfy Originals schlock factory, the first Sharknado had a cast to match its ambition. When the dust settled and the sharks landed, it's not like the careers of Ian Ziering and Tara Reid were gonna take a huge hit - only Sopranos and Home Alone veteran John Heard was gonna have to answer to his god for appearing in that thing. This time around? Comedians-slash-character-actors Richard Kind, Judd Hirsch, and Robert Klein all get fake shark blood on their hands, as do bona fide hip-hop legends Sandra "Pepa" Denton and Biz Markie. (Stick with Yo Gabba Gabba!, Biz.) If you've ever wanted to watch Robert Klein make stage chatter with WWE Superstar Kurt Angle while they play the Mayor of New York and the Chief of the FDNY respectively, or see Pepa get squashed by a whale shark while riding a Citibike, this is your big day, you weirdo.

6. The Today Show is awkward even when it's being attacked by sharks.
Ukraine, Gaza, ebola, sharknado. In these troubled times, we turn to trusted news anchors like Matt Lauer, who has almost as much Sharknado 2 screentime as Tara Reid. At one point, he and genial weather guru Al Roker have a weirdly passive-aggressive back and forth about whether to call them "shark storms" or "sharknados," arguably the most uncomfortable morning-TV moment since Lauer asked Anne Hathaway about her wardrobe malfunction. Later, the pair stab a shark to death live on camera, handling its exit just slightly better than Ann Curry's.

7. Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan are way too good at this.
Of all the celebrities who subject themselves to Sharknado 2, the hosts of Live with Kelly and Michael are the only ones who don't come out smelling like last week's seafood. Whether it's their eerily convincing banter when discussing the plane crash that kept Tara Reid's character from her scheduled interview on the show ("Our prayers are with the families of Flight 209," Strahan deadpans) or their instinctive reactions when the studio is assaulted by flying sharks (Strahan decks one; Ripa stabs one in the brain with a stiletto heel), they make it look charming. If it weren't for a shark eating longtime Live producer Michael Gelman, it'd almost seem like just another episode.

8. It's terrifyingly easy to gain access to makeshift weapons in Mayor Robert Klein's New York.
Midtown delis sell road flares and cans of lighter fluid. Pizzerias run by Biz Markie have a supply of propane tanks. The trunks of random motorists are full of machetes, pitchforks, and machine guns. (Okay, those weapons aren't so makeshift.) "This is the Big Apple," the comedy legend turned mayor of America's largest metropolis tells Fin before his people run wild through the streets, slaughtering anything with gills. "When something bites us, we bite back." Eat it, DeBlasio!

9. Vivica A. Fox cuts some sharks apart with a sword.
I mean, there's not much more to say about that. Is it too late for Quentin Tarantino to make all those Kill Bill prequels and sequels he was talking about?

10. During "an EF5 sharknado," sharks can come down at a rate of up to "two inches an hour."
Even in a movie with the premise that sharks can be sucked into waterspouts by the thousands and dropped, alive and biting, into a major American city, this is goddamn gibberish.
 
2014-07-31 09:51:54 AM  
Thank you, eagles95, I appreciate that.
 
2014-07-31 09:57:47 AM  

serial_crusher: 2 inches an hour?  what kind of threat is a shark that moves that slow?


I swear they took a real weathercast about a blizzard and replaced dubbed "shark" over "snow"
 
2014-07-31 10:15:36 AM  

GardenWeasel: serial_crusher: 2 inches an hour?  what kind of threat is a shark that moves that slow?

I swear they took a real weathercast about a blizzard and replaced dubbed "shark" over "snow"


Why do you hate the environment? Reuse, recycle. Only way to prevent another sharknado.
 
2014-07-31 10:21:06 AM  

GardenWeasel: serial_crusher: 2 inches an hour?  what kind of threat is a shark that moves that slow?

I swear they took a real weathercast about a blizzard and replaced dubbed "shark" over "snow"


Plus, the one cut where they were showing a  shark front moving into the city, not sharknadoes.
 
2014-07-31 10:22:03 AM  
I caught bits and pieces. I'll watch the whole thing later on my dvr.
 
2014-07-31 10:34:56 AM  
That a deli owner(biz markie) in NY had everything Fin needed to take on the flying sharks

That's right he was just a friend, and he got what he needs
 
2014-07-31 10:36:41 AM  

PenguinCam: Thank you, eagles95, I appreciate that.


Waves chainsaw in your direction
 
2014-07-31 10:40:38 AM  
11. Farkers and people like them are the ones that give shiat syfylis channel movies like this enough ratings for them to keep making them instead of focusing on decent sci-fi shows.
 
2014-07-31 10:41:26 AM  

Dingleberry Dickwad: 11. Farkers and people like them are the ones that give shiat syfylis channel movies like this enough ratings for them to keep making them instead of focusing on decent sci-fi shows.


I didn't watch

but the sickos in my family did

hopefully the cold or flu or whatever moves on before it takes me
 
2014-07-31 10:45:11 AM  
What I found most amusing Tara Reid's arm recovered from the shark near the end. Somehow it had grown from just the hand to a full blown arm in the time it spent in the shark's mouth.
 
2014-07-31 10:45:57 AM  
I still don't get it.
 
2014-07-31 10:50:28 AM  
You know, the best thing that syfy could have done was provided RIFFTRAX as secondary audio programming
 
2014-07-31 11:00:03 AM  
Sharknado 3: Orca-nado
 
2014-07-31 11:05:48 AM  
I may have peed a bit when I saw Wil Wheaton III.
 
2014-07-31 11:12:48 AM  
I tried to watch the first one, it was just bad.  Not funny-bad, just boring and stupid.  But then again, maybe I'm old and not in the target audience.
 
2014-07-31 11:24:41 AM  

serial_crusher: 2 inches an hour?  what kind of threat is a shark that moves that slow?


Something, something, your mom, something something
doinitrite?
 
2014-07-31 11:32:26 AM  

loonatic112358: You know, the best thing that syfy could have done was provided RIFFTRAX as secondary audio programming


I never listened to rifftrax, but the mst3k model really only works with movies that tried to take themselves seriously.  No point in making jokes about something that was already intended to be one big joke in and of itself.
 
2014-07-31 11:34:40 AM  

GardenWeasel: serial_crusher: 2 inches an hour?  what kind of threat is a shark that moves that slow?

I swear they took a real weathercast about a blizzard and replaced dubbed "shark" over "snow"


They kept talking about snow. It made even less sense than anything else.

And by that one weather forecast, all of NJ and half of PA were also covered in sharks.
 
2014-07-31 11:36:32 AM  
List fails without "People will watch pretty much anything you put on the teevee box."
 
2014-07-31 11:37:33 AM  
Striker?  Striker Striker Striker Striker Striker STRIKER!
 
2014-07-31 11:44:32 AM  
Aah, good old RFC 1178. I tend to stick with Final Fantasy summons for my network: Diabolos, Doomtrain, Tonberry, Cactuar, etc.
 
2014-07-31 11:49:07 AM  
So, opinions...was it just the right kind of crazy like the first one? Or did they try too hard?
 
2014-07-31 11:54:24 AM  

jayhawk88: So, opinions...was it just the right kind of crazy like the first one? Or did they try too hard?


I think this one was trying to be funny when the first one was not. I laughed like a moron, but my teenage boys just rolled their eyes.
 
2014-07-31 11:57:05 AM  

bluorangefyre: Striker?  Striker Striker Striker Striker Striker STRIKER!


Surely you cant be serious
 
2014-07-31 12:02:23 PM  

mycathatesyou: jayhawk88: So, opinions...was it just the right kind of crazy like the first one? Or did they try too hard?

I think this one was trying to be funny when the first one was not. I laughed like a moron, but my teenage boys just rolled their eyes.


That's what I was afraid of. Eh, it'll still be fun to see coked-out Tara try to act.
 
2014-07-31 12:06:53 PM  

mycathatesyou: jayhawk88: So, opinions...was it just the right kind of crazy like the first one? Or did they try too hard?

I think this one was trying to be funny when the first one was not. I laughed like a moron, but my teenage boys just rolled their eyes.


It was a lot of things, but it wasn't boring.
 
2014-07-31 12:07:52 PM  
FTFA: 4. Watching sharks attack annoying celebrities isn't as much fun as you'd think.
5. Watching sharks attack actually pretty cool celebrities isn't that much fun either.


You shut your whore mouth!
 
2014-07-31 12:28:20 PM  

basscomm: Aah, good old RFC 1178. I tend to stick with Final Fantasy summons for my network: Diabolos, Doomtrain, Tonberry, Cactuar, etc.


Oh, hello, wrong thread.
 
2014-07-31 12:29:15 PM  

basscomm: basscomm: Aah, good old RFC 1178. I tend to stick with Final Fantasy summons for my network: Diabolos, Doomtrain, Tonberry, Cactuar, etc.

Oh, hello, wrong thread.


I was wondering.  "What reference did I miss?"
 
2014-07-31 12:47:57 PM  

basemetal: That was so bad that I couldn't turn away.


Same here. I kept thinking "I'll never get this time back", yet there I stayed.
 
2014-07-31 12:49:27 PM  

yves0010: bluorangefyre: Striker?  Striker Striker Striker Striker Striker STRIKER!

Surely you cant be serious


I am serious.  And don't call me Shirley.
 
2014-07-31 12:55:18 PM  

serial_crusher: basscomm: basscomm: Aah, good old RFC 1178. I tend to stick with Final Fantasy summons for my network: Diabolos, Doomtrain, Tonberry, Cactuar, etc.

Oh, hello, wrong thread.

I was wondering.  "What reference did I miss?"


Although Leviathan could have been the sharknado source.
 
2014-07-31 02:13:17 PM  
Aww, c'mon, I loved it in a "this is horrible and makes no sense and why are half the food places closed at Citi-Field for a July game" kinda way.
 
2014-07-31 02:14:54 PM  

serial_crusher: I never listened to rifftrax, but the mst3k model really only works with movies that tried to take themselves seriously. No point in making jokes about something that was already intended to be one big joke in and of itself.


Obviously you didn't go see Sharknado riffed live a couple of weeks back. It was second to none. And more!
 
2014-07-31 02:48:50 PM  

serial_crusher: 2 inches an hour?  what kind of threat is a shark that moves that slow?


SHARKLAVA!
 
2014-07-31 02:54:57 PM  

dittybopper: serial_crusher: 2 inches an hour?  what kind of threat is a shark that moves that slow?

SHARKLAVA!


From a SHARKANO!, obviously
 
2014-07-31 03:20:24 PM  
Wonder how long before a full list of cameos is made. I'm sure there were background ones that got overlooked.
 
2014-07-31 03:48:18 PM  

CyberKultist: Wonder how long before a full list of cameos is made. I'm sure there were background ones that got overlooked.


How D-listed to you have to be for your cameo to be unnoticed?
 
2014-07-31 04:08:38 PM  

Tricky Chicken: I may have peed a bit when I saw Wil Wheaton III.


For me it was Robert Hays as the Pilot.
 
2014-07-31 04:31:21 PM  
11. There is apparently no limit on how much product placement can be in a movie before it ceases bring a movie and becomes a commercial.
 
2014-07-31 04:37:33 PM  
A movie created solely for people to discuss on Twitter while watching. Kind of genius.
 
2014-07-31 06:30:57 PM  

dittybopper: CyberKultist: Wonder how long before a full list of cameos is made. I'm sure there were background ones that got overlooked.

How D-listed to you have to be for your cameo to be unnoticed?


I mean like 'face in the crowd' types. Sure there were more recognizable people in, say, the subway scene than could be noticed in just one go.

/missed NdgT myself until screencap in the thread
 
2014-07-31 07:16:24 PM  
Here's number 11: "Don't make Sharknado 3".
 
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