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(Daily Mail)   Jessica Alba. Maxim. Bunk   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 94
    More: Interesting  
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12628 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 31 Jul 2014 at 5:35 AM (26 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



94 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-07-31 02:19:22 AM  
i62.tinypic.com
 
2014-07-31 02:50:59 AM  
I may be the contrarian here, but I've never found beach shoots sexy. The thought of getting sand all over my junk kills my boner.
 
2014-07-31 03:18:27 AM  
I would disappoint the hell outta that woman!
 
2014-07-31 04:19:57 AM  

fusillade762: The thought of getting sand all over my junk kills my boner.


That should have been what Anakin said to Amidala in Attack of the Clones
 
2014-07-31 05:46:09 AM  
hot pics are hot.

But, Subby, there are paparazzi pictures of her with her kids on that page which is pretty shiatty and not the kind of thing that should be rewarded with page views
 
2014-07-31 06:16:13 AM  
Jessica Alba.  Clothed.  Again.
 
2014-07-31 06:16:43 AM  
Who is it that has WAY too much influence in the world of photo shoots that thinks "sexy" means enough mascara to make it look like the model got punched in both eyes by Ivan Drago?

Oh and Jessie -- too little, too late, girl.  This doesn't undo your tragic betrayal of wearing clothes in a stripper role and that was almost ten years ago.  You're now in your mid-30s and still haven't shown your fans to goods.  A few more years and it's not gonna matter.  Yes, I'm a callous jackass, but I know I speak for straight males on the Internet.
 
2014-07-31 06:40:17 AM  
Perma-biatch face.
 
2014-07-31 06:50:13 AM  
It's funny that the Studmen brigade complain about her looks, yet they also complain that she hasn't gotten naked in a movie.

Studmen, I will do the honorable thing and take your place in line to disappoint her. Because I'm a giver. Not unlike Jesus.
 
2014-07-31 07:04:31 AM  

traxan: This Thread, Heats my balls.

That Guy What Stole the Bacon: I would disappoint the hell outta that woman!

Oobleck: hot pics are hot.

CarnySaur: Jessica Alba. Clothed. Again.

dragonchild: Jessie -- too little, too late, girl. This doesn't undo your tragic betrayal of wearing clothes in a stripper role and that was almost ten years ago. You're now in your mid-30s and still haven't shown your fans to goods.


stoli n coke: It's funny that the Studmen brigade complain about her looks

Uh. . . yeah, I. . . guess.
 
2014-07-31 07:04:52 AM  

stoli n coke: It's funny that the Studmen brigade complain about her looks, yet they also complain that she hasn't gotten naked in a movie.

Studmen, I will do the honorable thing and take your place in line to disappoint her. Because I'm a giver. Not unlike Jesus.


She's attractive but I still wouldn't hit it. She seems a major biatch.
 
2014-07-31 07:08:59 AM  

Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: stoli n coke: It's funny that the Studmen brigade complain about her looks, yet they also complain that she hasn't gotten naked in a movie.

Studmen, I will do the honorable thing and take your place in line to disappoint her. Because I'm a giver. Not unlike Jesus.

She's attractive but I still wouldn't hit it. She seems a major biatch.


dont forget the sharp knees....
 
2014-07-31 07:19:26 AM  

dwrash: Land_of_the_Magic_Dragon: stoli n coke: It's funny that the Studmen brigade complain about her looks, yet they also complain that she hasn't gotten naked in a movie.

Studmen, I will do the honorable thing and take your place in line to disappoint her. Because I'm a giver. Not unlike Jesus.

She's attractive but I still wouldn't hit it. She seems a major biatch.

dont forget the sharp knees....


I'm not really picky when it comes to looks. It's the attitude that turns me off.
 
2014-07-31 07:21:40 AM  
I can't believe I want to tongue swab a prudish middle aged mother of two, but the bone in my pants suggests that I do.
 
2014-07-31 07:21:46 AM  
Remember the sandwiches...

famousmonsters.com
 
2014-07-31 07:25:21 AM  

Oobleck: hot pics are hot.

But, Subby, there are paparazzi pictures of her with her kids on that page which is pretty shiatty and not the kind of thing that should be rewarded with page views


On the other hand her kids seem... normal, which is impressive on its own.
 
2014-07-31 07:30:51 AM  

GardenWeasel: Oobleck: hot pics are hot.

But, Subby, there are paparazzi pictures of her with her kids on that page which is pretty shiatty and not the kind of thing that should be rewarded with page views

On the other hand her kids seem... normal, which is impressive on its own.


They're called honor and haven, and their father is called cash. Give it some time.
 
2014-07-31 07:55:46 AM  
You guys are terrible. How is Jessica going to be taken seriously as an actress if she takes her clothes off? Look at what happened to Halle Barry. She only got one Oscar. She would doubtless have been the black Meryl Streep if she hadn't shown us the goods.
 
2014-07-31 07:55:50 AM  
img.fark.net

www.bjroom.cn
 
2014-07-31 07:57:19 AM  
That's a rough 33.

/amidoinitright?
//fap
 
2014-07-31 07:59:37 AM  

dragonchild: Who is it that has WAY too much influence in the world of photo shoots that thinks "sexy" means enough mascara to make it look like the model got punched in both eyes by Ivan Drago?

Oh and Jessie -- too little, too late, girl.  This doesn't undo your tragic betrayal of wearing clothes in a stripper role and that was almost ten years ago.  You're now in your mid-30s and still haven't shown your fans to goods.  A few more years and it's not gonna matter.  Yes, I'm a callous jackass, but I know I speak for straight males on the Internet.


I'd follow you to Hades and back with such a stirring call to arms!
 
2014-07-31 08:03:04 AM  

Cymbal: You guys are terrible. How is Jessica going to be taken seriously as an actress if she takes her clothes off? Look at what happened to Halle Barry. She only got one Oscar. She would doubtless have been the black Meryl Streep if she hadn't shown us the goods.


Let us not forget brave Kate Wins let, who showed us you can be in the running for the Oscars nearly every year while getting her kit off. Despite that fact she's been interviewed as "hating it." That's dedication. Never should we have a stripper that doesn't actually strip, that's what led to this crummy burlesque fad where nasty looking hogs don't take off their clothes for empowering purposes or something.
 
2014-07-31 08:07:51 AM  
I swear there was a movie where she was topless. Let me see if I can find it.
 
2014-07-31 08:10:38 AM  
Please allow me to provide a different perspective. I do agree she is a beatiful women and this is not meant as a sharp knees type criticism, but I think those pictures suck. I'm not blaming her, as she might possibly walk on water, but the 'photographer' should be slapped around for taking a great subject and failing at their job. Just doing a quick GIS resulted in a way better this:

img2.timeinc.net
 
2014-07-31 08:22:32 AM  
I don't just objectify her as a piece of eye candy, I appreciate her talent as an actress.

I'll never forget her signature, career defining role in ..... uhm ...... ugh .......
 
2014-07-31 08:24:50 AM  
I read the headline as "maximum bunk" .... which works as well.
 
2014-07-31 08:25:58 AM  

Cymbal: You guys are terrible. How is Jessica going to be taken seriously as an actress if she takes her clothes off? Look at what happened to Halle Barry. She only got one Oscar. She would doubtless have been the black Meryl Streep if she hadn't shown us the goods.


Yeah, but now Halle Berry is one of the executive producers on that crapfest Extant.
 
2014-07-31 08:33:39 AM  
Eh, nothing we haven't seen of her a million times before. Don't get me wrong though, I'd still eat scrambled eggs out of her butthole!
 
2014-07-31 08:38:00 AM  

soling714: Please allow me to provide a different perspective. I do agree she is a beatiful women and this is not meant as a sharp knees type criticism, but I think those pictures suck. I'm not blaming her, as she might possibly walk on water, but the 'photographer' should be slapped around for taking a great subject and failing at their job. Just doing a quick GIS resulted in a way better this:

[img2.timeinc.net image 240x320]



Yep, that little photo you posted is so much more attractive than the photoshoot photos.  And damn, that photoshoot picture with her "showing off her lean legs against a giant boulder" looks like the most unpleasant, uncomfortable pose that you could possibly take.

Why aren't models allowed to smile in these "sexy" photoshoots? "Stop smiling, you like like you are having to much fun and enjoying yourself! Look grumpy and downtrodden like you just watched 'Man of Steel'...that'll sell the sexiness!"
 
2014-07-31 08:41:04 AM  
Look, yes. Touch, no.

www.buzzle.com
 
2014-07-31 08:42:06 AM  

snowshovel: soling714: Please allow me to provide a different perspective. I do agree she is a beatiful women and this is not meant as a sharp knees type criticism, but I think those pictures suck. I'm not blaming her, as she might possibly walk on water, but the 'photographer' should be slapped around for taking a great subject and failing at their job. Just doing a quick GIS resulted in a way better this:

[img2.timeinc.net image 240x320]


Yep, that little photo you posted is so much more attractive than the photoshoot photos.  And damn, that photoshoot picture with her "showing off her lean legs against a giant boulder" looks like the most unpleasant, uncomfortable pose that you could possibly take.

Why aren't models allowed to smile in these "sexy" photoshoots? "Stop smiling, you like like you are having to much fun and enjoying yourself! Look grumpy and downtrodden like you just watched 'Man of Steel'...that'll sell the sexiness!"


Grumpy and downtrodden like you've just watched "Man of Steel," is like, genius, man.

Well played.
 
2014-07-31 08:43:35 AM  

dinch: I swear there was a movie where she was topless. Let me see if I can find it.


She was fully "nude" in Machete, but it was a CGI fake: NSFW

Kind of pointless, should have gotten real naked, anyway.
/JUST SAYIN'
 
2014-07-31 08:46:14 AM  

dinch: I swear there was a movie where she was topless. Let me see if I can find it.

If you're not trolling us, do realize that this is the most important calling of your life.
 
2014-07-31 08:52:12 AM  
She's pretty meh for me. I don't like the angle of her jawline. In certain pictures, her teeth look a little uneven. She looks like a hillbilly. Her belly button looks weird and I don't think I could handle looking at it while she's having sex with me. I also noticed that she's starting to look a little frumpy and is developing a bit of a double chin. Pretty sad.
 
2014-07-31 08:59:44 AM  
She's a pretty lady. And I would treat her to a nice dinner at a reasonably priced restaurant, if you know what I'm saying.
 
2014-07-31 09:19:30 AM  

INeedAName: She's a pretty lady. And I would treat her to a nice dinner at a reasonably priced restaurant, if you know what I'm saying.


You're cheap.
 
2014-07-31 09:28:18 AM  
Alba is just a Fark favorite. They could show pictures of her taking her tire pressure and some Farker would be fapping away over it and would feel compelled to say as much in the accompanying thread.

I appreciate and acknowledge that she's a good looking young lady with a nice body that is pleasing to look at, but I am not with the "OMG...TEH ALBA.....fapfapfapfapfapfap" crowd.

No accounting for taste, I guess.
 
2014-07-31 09:28:53 AM  

Prophet of Loss: Look, yes. Touch, no.

[www.buzzle.com image 300x199]


Sadly, this.

Damn you Derek Jeter.  Damn you to hell.
 
2014-07-31 09:30:05 AM  

dragonchild: dinch: I swear there was a movie where she was topless. Let me see if I can find it.
If you're not trolling us, do realize that this is the most important calling of your life.


In "The Killer Inside Me" you see her bare butt.
 
2014-07-31 09:31:06 AM  

zappaisfrank: her tire pressure

 
2014-07-31 09:32:40 AM  
I would definitely let her enjoy my 70 calorie low fat snack shake mix.
 
2014-07-31 09:41:33 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-31 09:41:51 AM  

zappaisfrank: Alba is just a Fark favorite. They could show pictures of her taking her tire pressure and some Farker would be fapping away over it

That's not really a Fark favorite.  It doesn't take much to get us fapping.  You'd think oxygen was an aphrodisiac around here.
 
2014-07-31 09:43:04 AM  
The most unsexy hot chick on the planet. Literally does nothing for me.
 
2014-07-31 09:44:44 AM  

DubyaHater: She's pretty meh for me. I don't like the angle of her jawline. In certain pictures, her teeth look a little uneven. She looks like a hillbilly. Her belly button looks weird and I don't think I could handle looking at it while she's having sex with me. I also noticed that she's starting to look a little frumpy and is developing a bit of a double chin. Pretty sad.


She looks like a hillbilly? If that was true I'd be farking my way through Appalachian truck stops instead of typing this.

And instead of just doing that on the weekends.
 
2014-07-31 09:49:15 AM  

kling_klang_bed: Eh, nothing we haven't seen of her a million times before. Don't get me wrong though, I'd still eat scrambled eggs out of her butthole!


I woulda' gone with hardboiled, but I like the way you think.
 
2014-07-31 09:54:19 AM  
GIS old pictures of "Anetta Keys". If necessary (it really isn't), photoshop Alba's head onto the nude body. Some have already done so, you can find those pictures instead if you want.

Then fap, or whatever it is one does to still images while there is a lifetime of free porn available.
 
2014-07-31 09:55:22 AM  

dragonchild: zappaisfrank: Alba is just a Fark favorite. They could show pictures of her taking her tire pressure and some Farker would be fapping away over it
That's not really a Fark favorite.  It doesn't take much to get us fapping.  You'd think oxygen was an aphrodisiac around here.


And cleanup is a breeze!
 
2014-07-31 09:57:32 AM  

darch: The most unsexy hot chick on the planet. Literally does nothing for me.


That statement is pretty accurate. She totally reminds me of a girl in my high school class that everyone thought was so beautiful and was our Homecoming queen, prom queen, etc, but there was just no..."sexiness" to her. She never swore, always acted like she was some sort of Princess, had this real "goody goody" prissy, prudish attitude about everything, never wore any clothing that was at all flattering to her figure (although she was built like a boy, so that was probably a good thing).

Oddly enough, her first husband left her for a guy and she now as a butt that looks like she's shoplifting a bean bag chair by stuffing it in her pants.
 
2014-07-31 09:58:39 AM  

laid back w/bud light: kling_klang_bed: Eh, nothing we haven't seen of her a million times before. Don't get me wrong though, I'd still eat scrambled eggs out of her butthole!

I woulda' gone with hardboiled, but I like the way you think.


Or how's about a nice Portuguese Breakfast?

i.ytimg.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_TxQEE7Z44
 
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