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(Right Wing Watch)   Good news everybody: You can find out the exact day that Jesus will return by giving only $5 to World Net Daily   (rightwingwatch.org) divider line 148
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2056 clicks; posted to Politics » on 29 Jul 2014 at 7:39 PM (20 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-29 03:59:55 PM  
Why would I even want that information?

In case of Rapture, can I have your stuff?
 
2014-07-29 04:05:07 PM  
Just pretend I linked to the Baffler, The Long Con article. Again.
 
2014-07-29 04:05:28 PM  
Pastor Mark Biltz, an expert in the Hebrew roots of Christianity, believes he knows when Jesus will return - the exact day
if not the specific year.


FFS

Matthew 24:36
"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

So the Pastor feels he is equal to God AND Greater than the Son(Jesus)

BTW didn't America already do this back around 1844


/
//
///
Guess he is giving himself an out by saying he only knows the day, not the year.
Remember back in 1996 a Pastor preaching that Jesus would be coming back 'around' the year 2000, wonder if he is still preaching that the year 2000 is special in Biblical prophecy or if he has moved? Guess in  15 years or so he can say it is now almost 2000 years since Jesus redeemed the Earth.
 
2014-07-29 04:08:34 PM  

spongeboob: FFS

Matthew 24:36


Well there goes my original comment.

I guess all that's left for me to say is I hope Jesus gets here soon and puts the smackdown on his worshippers.  They've really gotten out of control.

"You farking did WHAT in my name?!?!"

*rumble of thunder*
 
2014-07-29 04:09:02 PM  
WTF do you think I'm paying for TF for?

/it'll be here first
//and a lot funnier
 
2014-07-29 04:14:41 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: WTF do you think I'm paying for TF for?


(Some Apocalyptic Guy) [Scary] Hey Emily! You remember when you said you wouldn't fark me unless the world was ending? Well, drop those granny panties, girl; it's time to do the nasty!
 
2014-07-29 04:21:27 PM  

Diogenes: spongeboob: FFS

Matthew 24:36

Well there goes my original comment.

I guess all that's left for me to say is I hope Jesus gets here soon and puts the smackdown on his worshippers.  They've really gotten out of control.

"You farking did WHAT in my name?!?!"

*rumble of thunder*


Worship maybe they do, follow not really.
 
2014-07-29 04:29:34 PM  
They'll make a mint.
 
2014-07-29 04:44:01 PM  

Diogenes: "You farking did WHAT in my name?!?!"

*rumble of thunder*


"You are all lucky that I forgive. But let me introduce you to my father's friend, Michael. Take it from here Mikey, the use of deadly force has been authorized."
 
2014-07-29 04:49:18 PM  
So a website that caters to the stupid advertises products for the stupid?

Solid business move, I think.
 
2014-07-29 04:54:29 PM  
I bet it's a Thursday. Could never get the hang of Thursdays.
 
2014-07-29 05:14:59 PM  
I remember when that sort of thing was relegated to the tiny ads in the back of alternative magazines. Now it's a feature story of conservative news.
 
2014-07-29 05:25:07 PM  

spongeboob: FFS

Matthew 24:36
"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.


Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been? The whole "son of God" thing when you're talking about a very abstract deity with no biological characteristics (at least if we believe the theologians and ignore all those bits in Exodus and the early testaments where he had things like buttocks) just makes my head hurt. What sort of familiar relationship can you have with an entity like that and what in the world does it mean to be such an entities "son"?

Okay, I'm done.
 
2014-07-29 05:31:54 PM  
I will tell you the date of the Second Coming for two fiddy.

Ok one fiddy and you let me have your pickle.
 
2014-07-29 05:38:46 PM  
Thieves in the night.
 
2014-07-29 05:45:17 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been?


Jesus was much like the Dragonborn: a corporeal manifestation of divine essence that, while mortal, carries with Him the magnitude of the divine.  Also, He was sent unto the world to right its wrongs and take unto himself the evil plaguing Creation.  Also, Jesus fought dragons.
 
2014-07-29 05:52:40 PM  

Gig103: Diogenes: "You farking did WHAT in my name?!?!"

*rumble of thunder*

"You are all lucky that I forgive. But let me introduce you to my father's friend, Michael. Take it from here Mikey, the use of deadly force has been authorized."


I thought Michael was the good guy?

/saw the movie, haven't watched the show
 
2014-07-29 05:55:53 PM  

Dusk-You-n-Me: Just pretend I linked to the Baffler, The Long Con article. Again.


This. And since I have it bookmarked already.

However if you click on that link you must promise to keep it quiet. You have to understand that the "elite" would not be at all happy with me if they knew what I was about to tell you...
 
2014-07-29 06:19:55 PM  

spongeboob: Pastor Mark Biltz, an expert in the Hebrew roots of Christianity, believes he knows when Jesus will return - the exact day
if not the specific year.

FFS

Matthew 24:36
"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

So the Pastor feels he is equal to God AND Greater than the Son(Jesus)


But ... wait. Isn't the Son ALSO the Father? How can He keep a secret from Himself? I mean, I know He is God and all that. It's like asking if Jesus can heat a burrito so hot, even He couldn't eat it. But that's more like asking if Jesus could heat a burrito so hot, even God couldn't eat it and look at that I've gone crosseyed ...
 
2014-07-29 06:52:25 PM  
What a scam. 5 whole dollars? Y'all just e-mail me, i'll tell ya for $4. But you must ACT NOW, he's comin' back soon.
 
2014-07-29 06:54:53 PM  

Cyrus the Mediocre: Some 'Splainin' To Do: Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been?

Jesus was much like the Dragonborn: a corporeal manifestation of divine essence that, while mortal, carries with Him the magnitude of the divine.  Also, He was sent unto the world to right its wrongs and take unto himself the evil plaguing Creation.  Also, Jesus fought dragons.


So, the divine essence isn't omnipotent, then? And I'm honestly not sure what people mean when they say things like "the magnitude of the divine". I mean that literally. I have no idea what that combination of words is supposed to mean when you put them together like that. I'm pretty sure that you don't mean that I can graph divinity on some kind of log scale, but the actual meaning is opaque to me.

And wasn't the dragon fighting in the apocrypha? Or is that a reference to The Revelation of St. John which, as I recall, characterized Satan as a dragon?

And how does The Holy Ghost fit into the set? I've got some vague idea that it's supposed to be the manifestation of God's power but, at the same time, it's not supposed to be some kind of vague, ethereal force, it's supposed to be a person co-equal with the other parts of the godhead, right? So... what does it  do?
 
2014-07-29 07:44:41 PM  
Is there a left wing watch warning leftists about Obamas fake impeachment mass mailings to raise revenue from the rubes?
 
2014-07-29 07:44:55 PM  
Seems like only one person would need to pay $5 for this info, really, then they could release it into the wild.

Or resell it to bargain-conscious suckers for $4 each.
 
2014-07-29 07:45:51 PM  

Giltric: Is there a left wing watch warning leftists about Obamas fake impeachment mass mailings to raise revenue from the rubes?


Boehner's got that covered.
 
2014-07-29 07:46:54 PM  
Jesus did return.

He had to finish up the hedges.
 
2014-07-29 07:48:19 PM  

fusillade762: I thought Michael was the good guy?


I dunno, my wife is the religious one. She said he's God's warrior
 
2014-07-29 07:50:31 PM  
WND, the home of the Birther movement, and those selling books to Birthers.
 
2014-07-29 07:51:30 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: Cyrus the Mediocre: Some 'Splainin' To Do: Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been?

Jesus was much like the Dragonborn: a corporeal manifestation of divine essence that, while mortal, carries with Him the magnitude of the divine.  Also, He was sent unto the world to right its wrongs and take unto himself the evil plaguing Creation.  Also, Jesus fought dragons.

So, the divine essence isn't omnipotent, then? And I'm honestly not sure what people mean when they say things like "the magnitude of the divine". I mean that literally. I have no idea what that combination of words is supposed to mean when you put them together like that. I'm pretty sure that you don't mean that I can graph divinity on some kind of log scale, but the actual meaning is opaque to me.

And wasn't the dragon fighting in the apocrypha? Or is that a reference to The Revelation of St. John which, as I recall, characterized Satan as a dragon?

And how does The Holy Ghost fit into the set? I've got some vague idea that it's supposed to be the manifestation of God's power but, at the same time, it's not supposed to be some kind of vague, ethereal force, it's supposed to be a person co-equal with the other parts of the godhead, right? So... what does it  do?


You're putting too much thought into it.  You just gotta have faith.  If you think too hard it all sounds ridiculous.
 
2014-07-29 07:52:07 PM  
Turns out Jesus returned back in 2003, raptured a vagrant who lived in the woods of the Pacific Northwest, and rolled out. That's it. It's been over for years.
 
2014-07-29 07:52:09 PM  
According to Dave Barry, it will happen on October 8th.

Just saved you five bucks. You're welcome, Internet.
 
2014-07-29 07:53:53 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: Cyrus the Mediocre: Some 'Splainin' To Do: Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been?

Jesus was much like the Dragonborn: a corporeal manifestation of divine essence that, while mortal, carries with Him the magnitude of the divine.  Also, He was sent unto the world to right its wrongs and take unto himself the evil plaguing Creation.  Also, Jesus fought dragons.

So, the divine essence isn't omnipotent, then? And I'm honestly not sure what people mean when they say things like "the magnitude of the divine". I mean that literally. I have no idea what that combination of words is supposed to mean when you put them together like that. I'm pretty sure that you don't mean that I can graph divinity on some kind of log scale, but the actual meaning is opaque to me.

And wasn't the dragon fighting in the apocrypha? Or is that a reference to The Revelation of St. John which, as I recall, characterized Satan as a dragon?

And how does The Holy Ghost fit into the set? I've got some vague idea that it's supposed to be the manifestation of God's power but, at the same time, it's not supposed to be some kind of vague, ethereal force, it's supposed to be a person co-equal with the other parts of the godhead, right? So... what does it  do?


The Holy Ghost? What does it do?!? I mean, what DOESN'T it do! Like...um...shiat I dunno...
 
2014-07-29 07:54:33 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: spongeboob: FFS

Matthew 24:36
"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been? The whole "son of God" thing when you're talking about a very abstract deity with no biological characteristics (at least if we believe the theologians and ignore all those bits in Exodus and the early testaments where he had things like buttocks) just makes my head hurt. What sort of familiar relationship can you have with an entity like that and what in the world does it mean to be such an entities "son"?

Okay, I'm done.


Any player of Exalted can figure out that God is a Primordial with three component souls.  In fact, the Son was probably the fetich soul, since the whole point of the exercise was to change God's nature to be one that could forgive Man's sins.
 
2014-07-29 07:54:36 PM  
So, Harold Camping all over again? I still remember those huge billboards his organization bought, with a man on his knees with his hands raised in front of him, as if he was calling a Holy Touchdown.
 
2014-07-29 07:55:18 PM  
looks at clock

checks calendar

scratches head

double checks calendar

what farking year is it again?

who in the fark actually still believes (honestly) in a being so powerful and absolute and in control of the cosmos yet as rare and as communicative as a jackalope? honestly, if you "believe" i'm just going to consider you tarded & let you be but here's the catch, you have to let everyone else be, none of this "the Lord says" bullshiat.
 
2014-07-29 07:57:36 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: spongeboob: FFS

Matthew 24:36
"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been? The whole "son of God" thing when you're talking about a very abstract deity with no biological characteristics (at least if we believe the theologians and ignore all those bits in Exodus and the early testaments where he had things like buttocks) just makes my head hurt. What sort of familiar relationship can you have with an entity like that and what in the world does it mean to be such an entities "son"?

Okay, I'm done.


If it helps, the idea of the Trinity didn't develop until well after Jesus' death, and not all Christians accept it (see Arius, Arianism, and Arians).  Trinitarianism is a theory superimposed on the text, not an intrinsic property of it - Trinitarianism is not Biblical, it is Biblicistic, or Bibliceque
 
2014-07-29 07:58:11 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: Cyrus the Mediocre: Some 'Splainin' To Do: Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been?

Jesus was much like the Dragonborn: a corporeal manifestation of divine essence that, while mortal, carries with Him the magnitude of the divine.  Also, He was sent unto the world to right its wrongs and take unto himself the evil plaguing Creation.  Also, Jesus fought dragons.

So, the divine essence isn't omnipotent, then? And I'm honestly not sure what people mean when they say things like "the magnitude of the divine". I mean that literally. I have no idea what that combination of words is supposed to mean when you put them together like that. I'm pretty sure that you don't mean that I can graph divinity on some kind of log scale, but the actual meaning is opaque to me.

And wasn't the dragon fighting in the apocrypha? Or is that a reference to The Revelation of St. John which, as I recall, characterized Satan as a dragon?

And how does The Holy Ghost fit into the set? I've got some vague idea that it's supposed to be the manifestation of God's power but, at the same time, it's not supposed to be some kind of vague, ethereal force, it's supposed to be a person co-equal with the other parts of the godhead, right? So... what does it  do?


The Catholic Church argued all this out centuries ago. It's one of those "mysteries" you're not supposed to worry about; just accept it when they tell you god is a trinity and tithe, Amen.
 
2014-07-29 07:58:32 PM  
Liberals confused by this after donating to Obama in 2008 and seeing the messiah sworn in January 2009.
 
2014-07-29 07:58:33 PM  

Gig103: fusillade762: I thought Michael was the good guy?

I dunno, my wife is the religious one. She said he's God's warrior


If I want quality Wrath of God, I'm going to spring for the two bears that mauled a bunch of children who made fun of Elijah for being bald.

Michael and the flaming sword is nice and all, but it doesn't have the impact of two bears viciously eating people. Even Stephen Colbert would balk and question his past regarding their label as 'Godless Killing Machines'.
 
2014-07-29 07:59:32 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: So, the divine essence isn't omnipotent, then? And I'm honestly not sure what people mean when they say things like "the magnitude of the divine". I mean that literally. I have no idea what that combination of words is supposed to mean when you put them together like that. I'm pretty sure that you don't mean that I can graph divinity on some kind of log scale, but the actual meaning is opaque to me.

And wasn't the dragon fighting in the apocrypha? Or is that a reference to The Revelation of St. John which, as I recall, characterized Satan as a dragon?

And how does The Holy Ghost fit into the set? I've got some vague idea that it's supposed to be the manifestation of God's power but, at the same time, it's not supposed to be some kind of vague, ethereal force, it's supposed to be a person co-equal with the other parts of the godhead, right? So... what does it  do?


Sorry, I gets wordsy when drunk.

First you have God, omnipotent and omniscient.  The Creator of  everything.

Then you have the Holy Spirit, which is the manifestation of God's power on Earth.  Not omnipotent, because it is separate from God, akin to His emissary.

Finally, there's Jesus.  He is considered the "Son", separate from God, because he was born of a human woman.  He is supposed to be the link between God and humanity.

If you consider God to have created everything, including these other two divinities, then consider that everything is still a part of God, but separate.  You, me, the Earth.  Everything.

That's basically the Holy Trinity
 
2014-07-29 08:00:19 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-29 08:01:06 PM  

Mithiwithi: Some 'Splainin' To Do: spongeboob: FFS

Matthew 24:36
"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been? The whole "son of God" thing when you're talking about a very abstract deity with no biological characteristics (at least if we believe the theologians and ignore all those bits in Exodus and the early testaments where he had things like buttocks) just makes my head hurt. What sort of familiar relationship can you have with an entity like that and what in the world does it mean to be such an entities "son"?

Okay, I'm done.

Any player of Exalted can figure out that God is a Primordial with three component souls.  In fact, the Son was probably the fetich soul, since the whole point of the exercise was to change God's nature to be one that could forgive Man's sins.


So what are Jesus' component Second Circle souls? Wine, Cracker, Toast, Dog Anus, Black Velvet, H, and On A Pogo-stick?
 
2014-07-29 08:05:06 PM  
Is the answer "give us more money you stupid shiatbag" in Hebrew?
 
2014-07-29 08:05:36 PM  

Ennuipoet: I will tell you the date of the Second Coming for two fiddy.

Ok one fiddy and you let me have your pickle.


I ain't givin' you no two-fitty, you goddamn Ogopogo! Get your own goddamn money!
 
2014-07-29 08:06:33 PM  

phalamir: Mithiwithi: Some 'Splainin' To Do: spongeboob: FFS

Matthew 24:36
"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been? The whole "son of God" thing when you're talking about a very abstract deity with no biological characteristics (at least if we believe the theologians and ignore all those bits in Exodus and the early testaments where he had things like buttocks) just makes my head hurt. What sort of familiar relationship can you have with an entity like that and what in the world does it mean to be such an entities "son"?

Okay, I'm done.

Any player of Exalted can figure out that God is a Primordial with three component souls.  In fact, the Son was probably the fetich soul, since the whole point of the exercise was to change God's nature to be one that could forgive Man's sins.

So what are Jesus' component Second Circle souls? Wine, Cracker, Toast, Dog Anus, Black Velvet, H, and On A Pogo-stick?


Beats the malfeas out of me. I'm still trying to figure out how a half-blood managed to get promoted to third circle in the first place.  I guess that's one of the perks of being the Primordial of Creation in the first place.
 
2014-07-29 08:11:50 PM  
FTFA: At the end of WorldNetDaily's email, we learn that Pastor Biltz is only able to predict the "specific day on the Hebrew calendar for the return of Jesus," but not "which year that return will occur," although he does predict that "it is very near."

Why would you to know what the date is, but not the year?  That's kind of part of "exact day" isn't it?  As long as he's predicting nonsense, why not go crazy and say "at 2:15 pm, right after Jesus has lunch and a little nap".  But 2:15 pm in what time zone?  He can't say, God is too mysterious.
 
2014-07-29 08:11:53 PM  
spongeboob: ...

BTW didn't America already do this back around 1844


Came here to make a Great Disappointment joke...

/you spoiled it for me.
// :P
 
2014-07-29 08:12:28 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: spongeboob: FFS

Matthew 24:36
"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been? The whole "son of God" thing when you're talking about a very abstract deity with no biological characteristics (at least if we believe the theologians and ignore all those bits in Exodus and the early testaments where he had things like buttocks) just makes my head hurt. What sort of familiar relationship can you have with an entity like that and what in the world does it mean to be such an entities "son"?

Okay, I'm done.


The holy trinity are each emanations from the spirit to the father to the son.
 
2014-07-29 08:16:50 PM  

Alphax: WND, the home of the Birther movement, and those selling books to Birthers.


And now they've moved on to the Rebirther movement. That's progress.
 
2014-07-29 08:20:55 PM  

Ennuipoet: I will tell you the date of the Second Coming for two fiddy.

Ok one fiddy and you let me have your pickle.


Are you the loch Ness monster?
 
2014-07-29 08:21:00 PM  

Cyrus the Mediocre: Some 'Splainin' To Do: Off on a tangent, but it's lines like this that make me feel confused when looking at Christianity. On the one hand, I'm told that Jesus is God (100% man and 100% God, whatever the hell  that's supposed to me), but lines like this seem to imply that, at the minimum, he's not omniscient, which makes it hard to make sense of the wholly God part of the formulation.

So I'm left wonder what the fark was Jesus supposed to have been?

Jesus was much like the Dragonborn: a corporeal manifestation of divine essence that, while mortal, carries with Him the magnitude of the divine.  Also, He was sent unto the world to right its wrongs and take unto himself the evil plaguing Creation.  Also, Jesus fought dragons.



Jesus was of the Ironborn; what is dead shall never die.
 
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