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(Right Wing Watch)   It's all perfectly logical, see: coal was given to Alabama by God, thus any attempts to regulate it is a violation of God's will, say Alabama public officials   (rightwingwatch.org ) divider line
    More: Stupid  
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9840 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Jul 2014 at 4:12 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-29 01:31:00 PM  
God also gave us polio.  Therefore, Jonas Salk was a demon straight from the pit of Hell!
 
2014-07-29 01:33:43 PM  
"Who has the right to take what God's given a state?" he said.

Exactly.  You and President Twinkle should leave it where it lies, then.

Also.  I'm not sure it was given to a state.  I'm fairly certain it predates the state, unless God has been sneaking into the state late at night, depositing goal.

Should have linked to the original Onion article which, I hope, exists.
 
2014-07-29 01:41:01 PM  
And brains were not given to the people of Alabama.
 
2014-07-29 01:42:29 PM  
Didn't god also give the state its gay people?
 
2014-07-29 01:45:17 PM  
*Marijuana does cartwheel thru thread*
 
2014-07-29 01:46:56 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Didn't god also give the state its gay people?


No, there are no gay people in Alabama.  Just sinners who choose to live in the depths of depravity, and should therefore be punished.  It's God's will.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2014-07-29 01:51:23 PM  
They really do sound a lot like Muslim fundamentalists.
 
2014-07-29 01:52:56 PM  
god also gave them president obama.
 
2014-07-29 01:57:29 PM  
The Chickasaw and the Chocktaw are pissed that they didn't think of this first.
 
2014-07-29 02:09:40 PM  
The Lord has just informed me personally that rhetorical use of His holy name by any duly appointed officials of the State of Alabama is not merely tolerable but welcome.  Roll, tie-dyed.
 
2014-07-29 02:10:57 PM  
Isn't it against God's will to remove it from the ground?  There's where HE put it, after all.
 
2014-07-29 02:24:42 PM  
Good luck with that...
 
2014-07-29 02:41:30 PM  
God put a party in my pants.  You're all invited.
 
2014-07-29 02:50:07 PM  
God gave that little boy a nice tumor at the base of his brain.
 
2014-07-29 02:51:48 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: God put a party in my pants.  You're all invited.


Will there be cocktail weenies!?
 
2014-07-29 02:53:33 PM  

I_Am_Weasel: Three Crooked Squirrels: God put a party in my pants.  You're all invited.

Will there be cocktail weenies!?


Foot longs.

Ba dum, tssh.
 
2014-07-29 03:12:01 PM  
Why hasn't God revealed the secrets of clean, renewable energy to us?

Or room-temperature superconductors?
Or cold fusion?
Or molecular assemblers?

He hasn't, ergo He wants us to upturn the entire Earth and burn it.
 
2014-07-29 03:12:41 PM  
Sadly not an Onion article.
 
2014-07-29 03:16:43 PM  
God gave me fists that are clearly designed to punch people, therefore making assault a criminal offense is a violation of my religious freedoms.

/checkmate, libs!
 
2014-07-29 03:22:02 PM  
I dont understand "Christians" who quote from the Old Testament about how people should live their lives, and then obliviously eat cheeseburgers, shrimp and pork.
 
2014-07-29 03:55:26 PM  
I heard a Tea Party Republican refer to responsible environmental practices as the "war on coal", a re-branding I thought to be on par with the "death tax".
 
2014-07-29 03:56:58 PM  
I think we all know where God intended me to put my penis.
 
2014-07-29 03:57:25 PM  

djkutch: *Marijuana does cartwheel thru thread*


"To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake. You know what I mean? It's like God on the seventh day looked down on His creation and he said "There it is, My creation. Perfect and holy in all ways. Now I can rest - oh my Me! I left farking pot everywhere. I should never have smoked that joint on the third day. shiat! Now I have to create Republicans."' - Bill Hicks
 
2014-07-29 03:57:33 PM  

vpb: They really do sound a lot like Muslim fundamentalists.


Well, God gave those people oil, and we sure respect their right to pull it out of the ground, and we certainly don't interfere in that part of the world, oh no.
 
2014-07-29 03:59:17 PM  

scottydoesntknow: djkutch: *Marijuana does cartwheel thru thread*

"To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake. You know what I mean? It's like God on the seventh day looked down on His creation and he said "There it is, My creation. Perfect and holy in all ways. Now I can rest - oh my Me! I left farking pot everywhere. I should never have smoked that joint on the third day. shiat! Now I have to create Republicans."' - Bill Hicks


He also created nightshade and destroying angles (the mushroom). So he clearly didn't just want us to up and smoke everything.
 
2014-07-29 04:14:40 PM  
Asteroid.Hit.Earth.NOW!
 
2014-07-29 04:15:03 PM  
Living in that state must be like living in the middle ages, without the benefit of having even the handful of literate scribes and monastic scholars. Let's start burning witches, um... y'all!
 
2014-07-29 04:16:38 PM  

vernonFL: I dont understand "Christians" who quote from the Old Testament about how people should live their lives, and then obliviously eat cheeseburgers, shrimp and pork.


that's because christians quoting laws from the old testament aren't really christians
 
2014-07-29 04:17:32 PM  
Since hell is filled with fire and brimstone, it's more likely that coal is geological demon shiat or something.
 
2014-07-29 04:18:25 PM  

djkutch: *Marijuana does cartwheel thru thread*


Weed was created by teh DEBIL!!!!
 
2014-07-29 04:18:27 PM  
But on the other hand, God didn't put quite so much CO2in my air.  if you could keep it in Alabama, that would be great.  I suggest a big wall.
 
2014-07-29 04:18:39 PM  
God's rolllin' coal on all y'all nonbelievers.
 
2014-07-29 04:18:40 PM  

sprawl15: vernonFL: I dont understand "Christians" who quote from the Old Testament about how people should live their lives, and then obliviously eat cheeseburgers, shrimp and pork.

that's because christians quoting laws from the old testament aren't really christians


"Christain'ts"
 
2014-07-29 04:19:45 PM  
I guess this has to be said, but God always seems to agree with me!
 
2014-07-29 04:20:11 PM  

nmrsnr: scottydoesntknow: djkutch: *Marijuana does cartwheel thru thread*

"To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake. You know what I mean? It's like God on the seventh day looked down on His creation and he said "There it is, My creation. Perfect and holy in all ways. Now I can rest - oh my Me! I left farking pot everywhere. I should never have smoked that joint on the third day. shiat! Now I have to create Republicans."' - Bill Hicks

He also created nightshade and destroying angles (the mushroom). So he clearly didn't just want us to up and smoke everything.


5.9° is particularly dangerous, I'm told.
 
2014-07-29 04:20:28 PM  
So God gave it to the State yet its controlled by private enterprise?
 
2014-07-29 04:21:52 PM  

Fank: I guess this has to be said, but God always seems to agree with me!


"God, if you disagree with what i'm about to do, please let me know right now."

*crickets*

"Well, I guess God supports my actions."
 
2014-07-29 04:21:57 PM  
Big energy's problem with the War on Coal argument is that a majority of Americans are fine with coal going away as soon as possible.
 
Bf+
2014-07-29 04:22:12 PM  
R.I.P. Satire
 
2014-07-29 04:22:40 PM  

Um...Yo: So God gave it to the State yet its controlled by private enterprise?


You're so close....
 
2014-07-29 04:22:45 PM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Big energy's problem with the War on Coal argument is that a majority of Americans are fine with coal going away as soon as possible.


No kidding we are, but the coal industry is hell bent on exploiting the hell out of America's energy reserves and selling it off to the highest bidder.
 
2014-07-29 04:23:16 PM  

Fank: I guess this has to be said, but God always seems to agree with me!


and he tends to hate the same people you do too!
 
2014-07-29 04:23:43 PM  
Public officials mention God in a speech.  Everything else he says can be completely ignored. /eyeroll
 
2014-07-29 04:24:01 PM  
Those aren't your profits, those are God's profits.
 
2014-07-29 04:24:07 PM  

I_Am_Weasel: I'm fairly certain it predates the state, unless God has been sneaking into the state late at night, depositing goal.


i.chzbgr.com
 
2014-07-29 04:24:20 PM  
Twinkle? Your parents named you 'Twinkle?'
Okay, you get a pass. You never had a chance.
 
2014-07-29 04:25:43 PM  
i never heard about allah riding dinosaurs in the deep south. you can't spell alabama without allah or something like that.
 
2014-07-29 04:25:59 PM  
This would be a lot easier if God were a corporation.
 
2014-07-29 04:26:02 PM  
This is one of the ideas that the Dominionists are bringing into the mainstream, and why the religious right especially is so against doing anything about global warning.  After the flood, God gave man Dominion over the earth.  It is pleasing to God that we burn coal, dump sulfuric acid to waterways and leak oil into the Oceans.  If it weren't, he would just wipe us out again.  Duh.

It is displeasing to God to not use the resources he gives us, therefore you are actively disobeying him by not polluting.
 
2014-07-29 04:26:27 PM  
Conservatives are in the process of fetishizing fossil fuels in the way they did slavery in the runup to the Civil War.

http://www.thenation.com/article/179461/new-abolitionism
 
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