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(Huffington Post)   The good news is that you probably don't have celiac disease. The bad news is you're a hypochondriac   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 30
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6232 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jul 2014 at 1:06 PM (7 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-07-27 01:09:32 PM
7 votes:
So we're allowed to be intolerant towards gluten, but not gay marriage?

I see how it is, libs.
2014-07-27 02:43:57 PM
3 votes:
I'll put it this way: I'm a stutterer, and we also comprise 1 percent of the population. I bet you probably know many people who claim they're celiac, but how many stutterers do you know?

It would really suck to be a celiac stutterer--it's virtually impossible to order a single tuna sandwich.
2014-07-27 02:06:43 PM
2 votes:

Felgraf: ... Uh?
Preettyyy sure my mom has it, given they did A) A blood test, and then B) a *Gut biopsy*.

Not really sure how being a hypochondriac could alter those tests.


"Gut biopsy" is just what we call it when I put it in her pooper.

/Hey, Farkers, you're slipping, that was way too obvious to let it go that long.
2014-07-27 01:43:29 PM
2 votes:
In related news, fibromyalgia isn't real.  I know this because I don't have it.  Everyone who claims to have it is just making it up.
2014-07-27 01:42:31 PM
2 votes:

cwolf20: TanHamster: Celiac: The Trendy Disease For Rich White People

I'll tell that to the full blooded Italian daughter of an Italian couple. After she finishes giving me injuries painful enough to duplicate her 3 day stint in the ER last week from accidentally ingesting something with gluten in it, maybe we'll have a chat about what is white and what isn't.


Please, Italians have been White since Hispanics became the new Blacks.
2014-07-27 01:25:31 PM
2 votes:
Related story about how weird the human body is. (Or how weird I am)

I smoked for around 10 years. I finally decided to quit and was able to do it cold turkey. I had a persistent cough afterwords for years.
One day I Googled "Cough and Smoking" to see if I could figure out why I still had it. I got nothing but Lung cancer hits.

The next week I started to get pains in my chest, like really nasty pains. I manged to convince myself I had cancer. They were so sever they
keep me awake at night. I was scared to go to the doctor because I didn't want to hear the Big C. Finally my wife got sick of it and dragged me down
to an insta-care and they took a chest xray. I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for my death sentence when the doctor came in and told me nothing
was wrong.

The pain in my chest dissipated within 20 minutes. It was so bizarre. It was all in my head.


Morals to the story:
Don't diagnose yourself on Google.
Don't Smoke.
Be excellent to each other.

CSB!
2014-07-27 01:20:36 PM
2 votes:

Jaden Smith First of His Name: So we're allowed to be intolerant towards gluten, but not gay marriage?

I see how it is, libs.


I'm on a trip to a funeral and needed a good laugh. I'd give you two funnies, if this cheap phone would let me.
2014-07-27 09:53:58 PM
1 votes:
"Gut Biopsy" is the name of my Cindy Lauper cover band.
2014-07-27 05:05:47 PM
1 votes:

addy2: I May Be Crazy But...: Felgraf: ... Uh?
Preettyyy sure my mom has it, given they did A) A blood test, and then B) a *Gut biopsy*.

Not really sure how being a hypochondriac could alter those tests.

That's a good way to be certain, but it's not so good after the fact. The trick is that the gut biopsy is how you conclusively show it. The blood test says maybe you COULD have it. But, and here's the fun part, for the gut biopsy to work, you have to be eating gluten for a couple months before it. If you were feeling bad, you heard about the gluten nonsense, stopped eating gluten and felt a lot better, now the biopsy won't show anything. I know one person in that situation. She's had the blood test, and she'd love for the doctor to be able to tell her that she has Celiac so she doesn't feel like she's lying to everyone, but as bad as it was, she's not willing to eat gluten for another couple months.

That's a very creative twist on "why I know I'm sick but they can't prove it." if it's so important, suck it up and eat gluten for a couple of months.


Go back to feeling like absolute shiat for three months so you can get a doctor to tell you to stop eating the stuff you'd already stopped eating before you started eating it again just so you could get the doctor to tell you to stop eating it?

On what planet does that make sense?
2014-07-27 03:15:08 PM
1 votes:
The whole business with allergies is ripe with bullshiat and precious little snowflake millennial douchebags trying to be hip and unique and force the world around them to bend and cave in to their demands because the world and everybody in it owes them something. Peanuts, shrimp, fish, tomatoes, gluten, cigarettes, sunlight, etc, exist in such a very small percentage of people but you would think everybody has it now and it's killing people like atomic bombs going off.

We used to fly in planes during daylight and could smoke a cigarette while eating our bag of honey roasted peanuts and drinking a beer without half the population of the planet dropping dead. If your flight had a meal and it consisted of seafood you could simply not order that and life would go on.True story, kiddos.

STFU and DIAF with your so called alleged allergies you hypochondriac attention whores.

To the very small and tiny 1% of the population with actual real allergies, my apologies and thank you for those of you old enough to just avoid the things you were allergic to instead of making a big stink of it like the millennial vermin do these days.
img.fark.net
2014-07-27 02:49:12 PM
1 votes:

HalfOffOffer: yes lots of people have a wheat intolerance due to the GMO frankenwheat that is in everything.


I can't help but be curious.  How would your answer change if there were no GMO wheat in commercial production anywhere in the world?
2014-07-27 02:46:18 PM
1 votes:
Fat boy on a diet. Don't try it. I'll check yo ass like a looter in a riot.
2014-07-27 02:15:43 PM
1 votes:

cwolf20: Mein Fuhrer I Can Walk: cwolf20: TanHamster: Celiac: The Trendy Disease For Rich White People

I'll tell that to the full blooded Italian daughter of an Italian couple. After she finishes giving me injuries painful enough to duplicate her 3 day stint in the ER last week from accidentally ingesting something with gluten in it, maybe we'll have a chat about what is white and what isn't.

Please, Italians have been White since Hispanics became the new Blacks.

On another note. A friend of mine was born with the recessive Italian gene that makes him pasty white. He's the only white Italian at periodic holiday vacations and family reunions with rooms full of Italians.  In his words, he's the token white man. Also as he put it  "Italian skin, italian skin, oh look it's James, Italian skin, italian skin.."


A recessive Italian gene you say?
s28.postimg.org
2014-07-27 02:15:03 PM
1 votes:
FART!
2014-07-27 02:14:19 PM
1 votes:

BATMANATEE: mongbiohazard: Felgraf: ... Uh?
Preettyyy sure my mom has it, given they did A) A blood test, and then B) a *Gut biopsy*.

Not really sure how being a hypochondriac could alter those tests.

It wouldn't and the article isn't about that. You COULD read it before just creating a whole fictional narrative in your head about what it says, you know.

Why are you complaining about not reading articles when you didn't even read the headline?


I read it just fine, but maybe you should take a second run at it. It didn't make a your mom joke. The headline didn't say "no one" has Celibacy disease, you know.

Beam from your own eye, and somesuch...
2014-07-27 02:07:57 PM
1 votes:

Jaden Smith First of His Name: So we're allowed to be intolerant towards gluten, but not gay marriage?

I see how it is, libs.


Nicely done.
2014-07-27 02:05:00 PM
1 votes:
I caught hypochondria once from a carnie. Worst year of my life.
2014-07-27 01:58:34 PM
1 votes:
Yeah, the University of Chicago has a Celiac Disease Center, but, who are you going to believe Chef Boy-Ar-Dee or the University of Chicago.
2014-07-27 01:56:47 PM
1 votes:

jaytkay: PanicMan: Right until you see someone doubled over in pain because of one beer that they thought was gluten-free but was actually gluten-removed.

And they've been to a doctor and are clear for celiacs.

It absolutely must be the gluten. Cuz gluten is absolutely the sole thing on Earth that might cause pain.

And a sip of beer is pretty much 450% gluten.


One example of many.  But thank you for your concern.
2014-07-27 01:52:34 PM
1 votes:
I have a friend who recently "became holistic." Since then everyone she knows suffer from some syndrome, allergy, ailment, or disease. It Is annoying.
2014-07-27 01:48:09 PM
1 votes:

Mein Fuhrer I Can Walk: cwolf20: TanHamster: Celiac: The Trendy Disease For Rich White People

I'll tell that to the full blooded Italian daughter of an Italian couple. After she finishes giving me injuries painful enough to duplicate her 3 day stint in the ER last week from accidentally ingesting something with gluten in it, maybe we'll have a chat about what is white and what isn't.

Please, Italians have been White since Hispanics became the new Blacks.


Tell that to the rednecks in Tennessee who confused her uncle with a "damn farking muslim farker. get the fark back to your farking shiat country"
2014-07-27 01:45:27 PM
1 votes:
My wife's best friend is "gluten intolerant" and refuses to eat wheat claiming it makes her sick. She also works for Univera and daily consumes their 20 dollar orange juice because it sooo much healthier.

A few months ago she got drunk on Coors at our house and ate half a medium pizza that was left over in the fridge.
2014-07-27 01:43:36 PM
1 votes:

ReverendJynxed: Felgraf: ... Uh?
Preettyyy sure my mom has it, given they did A) A blood test, and then B) a *Gut biopsy*.

Not really sure how being a hypochondriac could alter those tests.

Subby said you, not your mom.


That's unusual for Fark.
2014-07-27 01:32:22 PM
1 votes:
Great. More comments from people who do not have a condition claiming the condition is fake. AKA dicks.
2014-07-27 01:31:38 PM
1 votes:
It's probably lupus.
2014-07-27 01:27:52 PM
1 votes:
I probably don't, because I literally do.
2014-07-27 01:26:28 PM
1 votes:

unfarkingbelievable: Ha. I am actually in the midst of writing a feature article about gluten-free beverages.


That's unfarkingbelievable.
2014-07-27 01:22:48 PM
1 votes:
People just want to belong to groups, and to be special.  Gluten intolerance lets these snowflakes be special and unique...together!  They can form support groups and bemoan how that nasty Monsanto wheat made their tummys rumble most dis-harmoniously.  It certainly wasn't because they ate an entire box of cookies in one sitting.

Then there's the group of people who will just fleece the above group and charge them money, so that they can affirm their specialness.  These people have five billion reasons to continue the charade.

Then there are the poor folks who actually have Celiac disease, who happily now have more food choices, but unhappily have to deal with the snarky people like me who like to mock the hypochondriacs.
2014-07-27 01:21:14 PM
1 votes:
Ha. I am actually in the midst of writing a feature article about gluten-free beverages.
2014-07-27 01:18:34 PM
1 votes:
I'm sick and tired of this shiat
 
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