Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Edmonton Sun)   Whilst the death penalty for serial killers is of debatable morality, I think we can all agree that thieves who steal the ashes of dead children pretty much deserve a hangin'   (edmontonsun.com) divider line 63
    More: Sick  
•       •       •

3286 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jul 2014 at 9:05 AM (35 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



63 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-07-26 05:14:38 AM  
People who kill other people can live, but people who steal a bunch of ashes should die?  WTF is wrong with you? Troll.
 
2014-07-26 09:04:59 AM  
Oooh. 'Whilst'. That makes you sound smrt.
 
2014-07-26 09:07:22 AM  
Eh, what does a kid need with ashes, anyway?
 
2014-07-26 09:11:03 AM  
Crushed by the loss of their child, the Pentecosts had Dawson's remains cremated and placed in specially made necklaces that each family member wears around their neck.
Subby you had got me all up in arms
/Off to shop for beer and a some single man meals before it gets hot as cremation outside
 
2014-07-26 09:11:25 AM  
Whilst the death penalty for thieves of dead children's ashes is of debatable morality, I think we can all agree that submitters who troll pretty much deserve a hangin'.

FTFY
 
2014-07-26 09:11:38 AM  
Yeah that makes sense, subtard.
 
2014-07-26 09:12:30 AM  
1. The thief obviously didn't know that he stealing ashes. He was grabbing anything he thought he could pawn.
2. If you wear the ashes of your dead kid around your neck, you're not really in a position to question the decisions or sanity of others.
 
2014-07-26 09:13:27 AM  
Ashes of live children, however, are up for grabs.

Subby, you didn't urn that greenlight.
 
2014-07-26 09:14:46 AM  

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: 1. The thief obviously didn't know that he stealing ashes. He was grabbing anything he thought he could pawn.
2. If you wear the ashes of your dead kid around your neck, you're not really in a position to question the decisions or sanity of others.


Correction: If you hang the ashes of your dead kid from your farking rearview mirror (missed that part on the first read), you deserve all the scorn and ridicule you will ever receive in life.
 
2014-07-26 09:17:18 AM  
I got you a shirt subby. Enjoy, you earned it.
i1280.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-26 09:18:39 AM  
"He thought it would be appropriate to be in dad's truck and he could come for all the rides he wants," she said.

While it does suck for that family and the thief should face justice (for theft, not hangin'), why would you keep anything that looks valuable and easily removable in a vehicle? That's just asking for trouble.

/plus, since the kid died in a plane crash, I wouldn't think he would want any more rides, thank you
 
2014-07-26 09:20:13 AM  
Did we not learn from Carl Sagan that we are all starstuff?

And isn't it part of the ecological cycle that bodies become compost.

/don't make me go all "ashes to ashes" and wake up the athesists
 
2014-07-26 09:20:30 AM  
Well then, sling me up!

Also, subby... "whilst"? Really?
 
2014-07-26 09:20:30 AM  

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: Correction: If you hang the ashes of your dead kid from your farking rearview mirror (missed that part on the first read), you deserve all the scorn and ridicule you will ever receive in life.


Ahhh, so I was supposed to cremate him first. Good to know. I get right on that.
 
2014-07-26 09:26:06 AM  

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: 1. The thief obviously didn't know that he stealing ashes. He was grabbing anything he thought he could pawn.
2. If you wear the ashes of your dead kid around your neck, you're not really in a position to question the decisions or sanity of others.

Correction: If you hang the ashes of your dead kid from your farking rearview mirror (missed that part on the first read), you deserve all the scorn and ridicule you will ever receive in life.


This.  It wasn't like they were in an urn stolen from your home, or even that the necklace was stolen in a mugging or something.  It was hanging from the rearview mirror, where chicks hang the beads they got by showing their tits at Mardi Gras, or a tassel from high school graduation.  These people should take better care of their valuables.
 
2014-07-26 09:26:16 AM  
Yeah subbs, the asshole thief knew those were ashes of their dead kid.  Get a grip.
 
2014-07-26 09:32:44 AM  

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: 1. The thief obviously didn't know that he stealing ashes. He was grabbing anything he thought he could pawn.
2. If you wear the ashes of your dead kid around your neck, you're not really in a position to question the decisions or sanity of others.

Correction: If you hang the ashes of your dead kid from your farking rearview mirror (missed that part on the first read), you deserve all the scorn and ridicule you will ever receive in life.


Exactly! A thief is a thief, but little johny's ashes could't mean all that much to you if you leave them hanging from the rear view mirror of your pickup truck. Ignorant red neck!
 
2014-07-26 09:32:57 AM  
Who turns the corpses of loved ones into jewelry?!  Batman supervillains?
 
2014-07-26 09:33:52 AM  
Grief has strange bedfellows and makes even stranger headlines.
 
2014-07-26 09:34:46 AM  
Yeah, how about no. The thief didn't know he was stealing a kid's ashes, because what kind of idiot makes jewelry out of their dead kid's ashes (not the idiot part) and then leaves the jewelry hanging from the rear view mirror of a pickup truck (that's the idiot part)?
 
2014-07-26 09:38:17 AM  

danielscissorhands: Well then, sling me up!

Also, subby... "whilst"? Really?


Subby sounds European or possibly Canadian. I have a couple British friends who use that word as well.

Common over there.
 
2014-07-26 09:39:31 AM  
Megga bummer!  I'm sure his parents were looking forward to a nice dinner of ash coated bar-b-que and a case of Budweiser.
 
2014-07-26 09:39:53 AM  

dajoro: Who turns the corpses of loved ones into jewelry?!  Batman supervillains?


But did the jewelry give them the powers of a dead nine year old boy, that's the big question.
 
2014-07-26 09:49:24 AM  

dajoro: Who turns the corpses of loved ones into jewelry?!  Batman supervillains?


www.lifegem.com

LifeGem Memorial Diamonds

The LifeGem® is...
• A certified, high-quality diamond created from a lock of hair or the cremated ashes of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.
Over 5,000... The number of people who have their very own LifeGem diamond to date.
• A way to embrace your loved one's memory day by day.
• The most beautiful cremation jewelry keepsake available for honoring their unique life.
• Comfort and support when and where you need it.
Your LifeGem memorial will provide a lasting memory that endures just as a diamond does. Forever.
Request your Free Information Kit here!
 
2014-07-26 09:49:44 AM  
C'mon everybody! Let's have a hoedown!

Oh, Lord loves a hangin'.
That's why He gave us necks.
It tightens up our vocal cords
And loosens up our pecs.

So if you are a horse thief
And guilty to the bone,
Go ahead and blame a friend
And you won't hang alone.
 
2014-07-26 09:52:18 AM  
it's really not cool to steal from a ghoul.
 
2014-07-26 09:55:11 AM  
If it was that important to you, don't hang it on the rearview mirror.
 
2014-07-26 10:03:26 AM  
Was this greenlit just for the opportunity to mock subby?
 
2014-07-26 10:05:07 AM  
I've really got no problem with hangin' being the penalty for all thieves.

Seriously.
 
2014-07-26 10:08:01 AM  

cryinoutloud: dajoro: Who turns the corpses of loved ones into jewelry?!  Batman supervillains?

[www.lifegem.com image 400x253]

LifeGem Memorial Diamonds

The LifeGem® is...
• A certified, high-quality diamond created from a lock of hair or the cremated ashes of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.
Over 5,000... The number of people who have their very own LifeGem diamond to date.
• A way to embrace your loved one's memory day by day.
• The most beautiful cremation jewelry keepsake available for honoring their unique life.
• Comfort and support when and where you need it.
Your LifeGem memorial will provide a lasting memory that endures just as a diamond does. Forever.
Request your Free Information Kit here!


www.loe.org
 
2014-07-26 10:11:31 AM  
Oh come on.  Who among us hasn't mistaken the ashes of loved ones for coffee grounds?
 
2014-07-26 10:15:13 AM  

Gonz: I've really got no problem with hangin' being the penalty for all thieves.

Seriously.


Or long-term prison sentences for people who steal things like bicycles, cars and tools.  Added benefit: replace marijuana "criminals" in the body-snatchers' for-profit prisons.
 
2014-07-26 10:23:20 AM  
Honestly, if your family of creepy assholes divides up the corpse of your dead family member and puts the bits into super-tacky jewelry... I think my reaction when someone steals it is more on the order of "GOOD", subby.

I mean, strictly speaking there's nothing morally wrong with desecration of corpses form a moral standpoint, so long as you do it in a legal and sanitary manner... it's just really crass and stupid.  This is sort of like if some band of criminals ran around lasering off frat boys' barbed wire armbands without consent.  Yes, technically the criminals are still in the wrong, but in a way they're doing us all a public service and classing up the place.
 
2014-07-26 10:33:30 AM  
My father recently passed away and per his wishes he was cremated and placed in the columbarium at the Veteran's Cemetery. After seeing the place I've wondered why it hasn't been hit by methheads for all the bronze urns.

Maybe there's a line even methheads won't cross?
 
2014-07-26 10:34:28 AM  

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: 1. The thief obviously didn't know that he stealing ashes. He was grabbing anything he thought he could pawn.
2. If you wear the ashes of your dead kid around your neck, you're not really in a position to question the decisions or sanity of others.


I will have to agree to this, coghlins law burry the dead
 
2014-07-26 10:36:23 AM  
Disagreed.
 
2014-07-26 10:39:13 AM  
Crushed by the loss of their child, the Pentecosts had Dawson's remains cremated and placed in specially made necklaces that each family member wears around their neck

Ok, that's a little creepy.

And then they left it hanging from their rearview mirror.
 
2014-07-26 10:40:04 AM  
What is this obsession with people's ashes? It's just burnt carbon, the same exact substance as if you burned anything else. I've known some morticians, half the time it isn't even the person, they just scrape the oven and put it in a vase or whatever. People are weird.
 
2014-07-26 10:51:47 AM  

Mugato: What is this obsession with people's ashes? It's just burnt carbon, the same exact substance as if you burned anything else. I've known some morticians, half the time it isn't even the person, they just scrape the oven and put it in a vase or whatever. People are weird.


Sort-of-funny story, bra: when my father was killed in a plane crash, my mother took his ashes and kept them on the shelf in her closet for years. People kept telling her that she needed to bury them, it was sacrilegious or something to just keep the urn there in the closet. She said, "What's the big deal? It's not even him--the cockpit burned for six hours! They just went out and scooped up some sand from the desert and put it in a vase!"

Anyway, she finally had him buried in the veterans' plot at Andersonville, that infamous Civil War prison camp. Because that's a peaceful place with no unpleasant memories or anything.
 
2014-07-26 10:59:20 AM  

Mugato: What is this obsession with people's ashes? It's just burnt carbon, the same exact substance as if you burned anything else. I've known some morticians, half the time it isn't even the person, they just scrape the oven and put it in a vase or whatever. People are weird.


The Monty Python Undertaker sketch had the line "then we can give you a handful of the ashes, which you can pretend were hers" when the undertaker is explaining the options (burn her, bury her, or dump her... in the Thames).
 
2014-07-26 11:02:57 AM  
Oh noes...!

Now how will that poor Dodge Truck remember the little boy?

pages.teamintraining.org
 
2014-07-26 11:04:49 AM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: C'mon everybody! Let's have a hoedown!

Oh, Lord loves a hangin'.
That's why He gave us necks.
It tightens up our vocal cords
And loosens up our pecs.

So if you are a horse thief
And guilty to the bone,
Go ahead and blame a friend
And you won't hang alone.


That needs Joe Perry and an anthem
 
2014-07-26 11:09:11 AM  
cdn.static.ovimg.com

/having no neck is the farker's defense against hanging
 
2014-07-26 11:12:10 AM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: C'mon everybody! Let's have a hoedown!

Oh, Lord loves a hangin'.
That's why He gave us necks.
It tightens up our vocal cords
And loosens up our pecs.

So if you are a horse thief
And guilty to the bone,
Go ahead and blame a friend
And you won't hang alone.


Ah.  I just scanned for pictures before posting.  Well played.
 
2014-07-26 11:14:20 AM  
We have far too much regard for the remains of our dead compatriots.

Meat's just meat, and it's all born dying.
~Drive-By Truckers
 
2014-07-26 11:15:12 AM  

dajoro: Who turns sets aside huge sections of otherwise usable land specifically to bury the corpses of loved ones into jewelry  in rows marked with ornate rocks and rotting flowers?!  Batman supervillains?



I thought it sounded like a sweet idea, although I'd probably keep something like that on my person if I chose to memorialize a loved one that way.
 
2014-07-26 11:21:33 AM  
img2-3.timeinc.net
/agrees
 
2014-07-26 11:27:55 AM  
That's the most redneck thing I've heard all day.
 
2014-07-26 11:38:24 AM  
Subby sounds like an asshole.
 
2014-07-26 11:40:33 AM  

BumpInTheNight: That's the most redneck thing I've heard all day.


No.  Redneck would have been given the necklace to his sister before humping her to Billy Ray Cyrus songs.
 
Displayed 50 of 63 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report