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(Elite Daily)   Sharp knees are still ok with this guy   (elitedaily.com) divider line 96
    More: Amusing  
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8354 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jul 2014 at 11:32 AM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



96 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-07-26 09:14:45 AM  
Meh, sounds more like a group of guys got together to make a profile to piss of all women.
 
2014-07-26 09:25:10 AM  
I couldn't imagine anyone thinking highly enough of themselves that any would bother with that list.
 
2014-07-26 09:47:07 AM  
That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.
 
2014-07-26 10:18:10 AM  
I saw a similar list from a woman on OKCupid, who indicated she read a book on relationships that recommended specifying everything you want in a potential mate because there's someone out there for everyone and you won't find what you're looking for if you don't spell it out.

Her list included:

1. Must be a hard-core tea party activist.
2. Must be independently wealthy.
3. Must be a competition-level ballroom dancer.
4. Must have spare time to fly her all over the world to compete at international ballroom dancing competitions.
5. Must not have children.
6. Must not be bald or balding.

I consider these types of personals to be a gift warning everyone to stay away.  And its honest.  You know they're a class-A narcissist right from the beginning.

The real assholes are the singles who hide all of their secret wishes and then become resentful later when you don't live up to them.
 
2014-07-26 11:36:08 AM  
I gave up reading 1/2 way in, too off the wall to be real.
 
2014-07-26 11:36:52 AM  

John Buck 41: That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.


At least 1 tit and a vagina?
 
2014-07-26 11:38:14 AM  
Can't say I disagree with the last 5 items in his criteria.
 
2014-07-26 11:38:19 AM  
It sure has got this profile a lot of attention. If you scatter it around enough, any weirdness will eventually get a nibble.
 
2014-07-26 11:41:08 AM  
-you consider yourself bi-sexual but have no interest in a longterm relationship with someone of the same sex

So he copied his 'can't have' list from my 'must have' list?
 
2014-07-26 11:41:20 AM  
I'm sure there's a woman out there who feels she can "fix" all these issues he has.  Well... depending on what he looks like and/or how much money he has.
 
2014-07-26 11:42:01 AM  
Did anyone else have a brief fear that it would be your profile even though you know it's not bad?
 
2014-07-26 11:43:06 AM  

DerAppie: John Buck 41: That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.

At least 1 tit and a vagina?


Living, of age of consent.

Penis or vagina, either acceptable.

/any port in a storm
 
2014-07-26 11:43:17 AM  
Is MaryRomantic still around?
 
2014-07-26 11:44:04 AM  

DerAppie: John Buck 41: That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.

At least 1 tit and a vagina?


I'm going to guess a hole and a heartbeat.
 
2014-07-26 11:45:15 AM  
It would have been nice if my wife had stayed the same woman she was before I married her, but maintaining that act for the rest of her life was clearly beyond her.
 
2014-07-26 11:45:43 AM  
I started getting numb to the absurdity of the list about halfway through, but then I read the article author's bio (Alexia Lafata) at the bottom and was reunited with absurdity again.

/"article" "author's" "bio"
 
2014-07-26 11:46:05 AM  
About 3/4 of those are valid criteria.  Don't know that I'd call those deal breakers.
The other 1/4 are odd.
 
2014-07-26 11:46:58 AM  
Well, that was tedious.
 
2014-07-26 11:47:41 AM  
My list is far less restrictive, but just as likely to attract women.

"The only two things you need to date me are a vagina and a pulse."
 
2014-07-26 11:49:07 AM  

basemetal: Meh, sounds more like a group of guys got together to make a profile to piss of all women.


memeorama.com
 
2014-07-26 11:49:54 AM  
100.  Must never say the word "ear."
 
2014-07-26 11:50:16 AM  

Banned on the Run: About 3/4 of those are valid criteria.  Don't know that I'd call those deal breakers.
The other 1/4 are odd.


Yeah, I felt the same way. Sure he is overly picky, but he seems to have very similar tastes and distastes to my own.

But what the hell is wrong with Shawshank Redemption? Is it hip not to like it now?
 
2014-07-26 11:51:45 AM  

ingrown: DerAppie: John Buck 41: That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.

At least 1 tit and a vagina?

I'm going to guess a hole and a heartbeat.


... or you could exchange that heartbeat for a second hole
 
2014-07-26 11:52:36 AM  
you think a person who has forceful paedophilic thoughts is evil, rather than ill

And there's the rub.
 
2014-07-26 11:56:13 AM  
That is one farked-up gay dude.
 
2014-07-26 11:57:49 AM  

Banned on the Run: About 3/4 of those are valid criteria.  Don't know that I'd call those deal breakers.
The other 1/4 are odd.


Yeah.

But he's missing an absolutely vital piece of information: Over or under for the TP roll?

Another notable omission: how does he feel about people who drink straight from the carton and put it back?
 
2014-07-26 11:57:59 AM  

IlGreven: My list is far less restrictive, but just as likely to attract women.

"The only two things you need to date me are a vagina and a pulse."


But the pulse is negotiable.
 
2014-07-26 11:58:03 AM  

farkstorm: ... or you could exchange that heartbeat for a second hole


What's her number?
 
2014-07-26 11:58:05 AM  

DerAppie: John Buck 41: That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.

At least 1 tit and a vagina?


You're close. 2 large tits and an eager mouth.
 
2014-07-26 12:01:44 PM  

IlGreven: My list is far less restrictive, but just as likely to attract women.

"The only two things you need to date me are a vagina and a pulse."


that is quite large population...

lemme run a query'

SELECT population
FROM female
WHERE username = IlGreven
AND vagina = 1
AND pulse = 1

the result says you may want to have a seat over there... or that you fave weird fetish.
 
2014-07-26 12:02:17 PM  

Lochsteppe: I started getting numb to the absurdity of the list about halfway through, but then I read the article author's bio (Alexia Lafata) at the bottom and was reunited with absurdity again.

/"article" "author's" "bio"


Her unbridled enthusiasm will be her downfall.
 
2014-07-26 12:03:59 PM  
Dragonflew:

But what the hell is wrong with Shawshank Redemption? Is it hip not to like it now?

It's the most overrated movie in history.

Sure, it's entertaining. But so many people think it's the pinnacle of cinematic achievement, it's laughable. It's a fine film to watch on a dull Saturday evening, but it doesn't deserve accolades at all.


What's interesting to me, though, is this guy is getting excoriated for having a list, but earlier this week there was a supposedly romantic story floating around about a guy who'd lost his legs getting engaged to a woman who had made a 160 point list her future mate had to meet. He met all of them except being taller.
 
2014-07-26 12:10:00 PM  
What bothers me most is the woman claiming to be the "author" of this article.

A 3-page list written by someone else, prefaced by 2 short paragraphs of "look at this annoying list I found! Ugh! Isn't it annoying?" does not a writer make.
 
2014-07-26 12:11:45 PM  

Lochsteppe: I started getting numb to the absurdity of the list about halfway through, but then I read the article author's bio (Alexia Lafata) at the bottom and was reunited with absurdity again.

/"article" "author's" "bio"


But it looks like she has a nice rack, so there's that.

/the John Lennon is a "Bono Level" douche requirement made me giggle.
 
2014-07-26 12:15:03 PM  

Slackfumasta: DerAppie: John Buck 41: That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.

At least 1 tit and a vagina?

Living, of age of consent.

Penis or vagina, either acceptable.

/any port in a storm


Only one of those is a port.
 
2014-07-26 12:21:49 PM  

unlikely: It sure has got this profile a lot of attention. If you scatter it around enough, any weirdness will eventually get a nibble.


This. I use to do that all the time on dating websites. You would get more page views that way.
 
2014-07-26 12:22:34 PM  
Sad thing is the guy sounds like he might be pretty cool if he wasn't such a complete and utter tool who thinks he's the most evolved person of all time.  He could have saved himself a lot of time if he just wrote, "Only message me if you're the 2nd best person of all time (to me).  Ok, I'll go as low as fourth."

I bet it's Keith Olbermann.
 
2014-07-26 12:22:52 PM  

MechaPyx: Banned on the Run: About 3/4 of those are valid criteria.  Don't know that I'd call those deal breakers.
The other 1/4 are odd.

Yeah.

But he's missing an absolutely vital piece of information: Over or under for the TP roll?

Another notable omission: how does he feel about people who drink straight from the carton and put it back?


Or people who don't refill ice cube trays.
 
2014-07-26 12:23:08 PM  
There's a woman out there with a stick equally the size up her ass too....somewhere.
 
2014-07-26 12:23:10 PM  
interestingly, he did not mention smoking. Or I missed that.
 
2014-07-26 12:26:23 PM  
- you needlessly kill spiders

yup, that will get you the boot
 
2014-07-26 12:27:03 PM  

LeroyBourne: There's a woman out there with a stick equally the size up her ass too....somewhere.


I know where she is.  I'd post pics, but NSFW.
 
2014-07-26 12:29:30 PM  

Mundar: interestingly, he did not mention smoking. Or I missed that.


Yeah he did.  But he's so meta he's beyond disdain for smokers and instead has no patience with anyone who has disdain for smokers but does anything else unhealthy, ever.  On second thought, he's probably just a smoker.
 
2014-07-26 12:31:52 PM  

ultraholland: - you needlessly kill spiders

yup, that will get you the boot


I never needlessly kill spiders.  Every one I kill needed to go.

But we know the profile must be a joke because "Don't message me if...bacon is important to you".

Looking for a woman who doesn't like bacon is like saying you'll only date women who hate giving BJs.
 
2014-07-26 12:31:57 PM  
In other words, don't message me.
 
2014-07-26 12:32:57 PM  

Bondith: Slackfumasta: DerAppie: John Buck 41: That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.

At least 1 tit and a vagina?

Living, of age of consent.

Penis or vagina, either acceptable.

/any port in a storm

Only one of those is a port.


The other is a jetty.
 
2014-07-26 12:35:44 PM  

John Buck 41: DerAppie: John Buck 41: That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.

At least 1 tit and a vagina?

You're close. 2 large tits and an eager mouth.


That is 3 things.
 
2014-07-26 12:37:58 PM  

John Buck 41: That was amazing. When I was single I had only 2 requirements.


Me too.  Ugly troll feet was a dealbreaker (I can't help it, they skeeve me out), and he couldn't be more than 2 inches shorter than me, preferably taller (at 5'11 I really needed someone to make me feel like a delicate flower).  I don't care if he snores, farts or eats crackers in bed.  Those two were it.
 
2014-07-26 12:45:34 PM  

mcmnky: LeroyBourne: There's a woman out there with a stick equally the size up her ass too....somewhere.

I know where she is.  I'd post pics, but NSFW.


External link them. We're happy to work with you.
 
2014-07-26 12:48:50 PM  
There's some reasonable ones, but it's mostly crazy-asshole-syndrome.

Protip: don't use the word "toxoplasmosis" on a dating site.
 
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