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(Some Guy)   OK, let me mansplain to you wimmins why you need to stay away from that 50 Shades of Grey movie   (themattwalshblog.com) divider line 177
    More: Stupid, amen, Gigli  
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9697 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jul 2014 at 5:21 PM (12 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-25 04:56:21 PM  
Not mansplain but toolsplain: "I confess that I haven't read the book."


Okay, so? You don't like something you haven't read because, because... that's why.
 
2014-07-25 04:57:55 PM  
What I learned from this is that there's someone named Matt Walsh in the world who has a blog where he expresses his opinions. And he likes to express his opinions in long, generally fluid paragraphs that incorporate a fairly sophisticated but somewhat predictable blend of short and long sentences that create an alternating pattern in the lines' cadence which makes his reading more engaging and approaching. In theory. Using this general methodology, he employs another tried-and-true web strategy for bringing in readers, which is to offer a non-supporting opinion of something that is generally popular.

In this case, the novel Fifty Shades of Gray.

That last line only had one sentence in it, which is another technique Matt Walsh is fond of employing in his writing. He likes to throw in single-sentence lines every now and then, likes to lull you into this pattern where he's got these long sentences and paragraphs full of cadence and direct appeals to his readers that are intended to make it seem as though he is speaking directly to them. And then, out of the blue, BAM:

Single line paragraph.

Sometimes, two in a row.

Or three, even. Or four. Although he doesn't ever get to four, at least on this particular page. He might on the next page, but I'm not sure, because he wanted me to click a next link. He wanted me to do that to give his blog another hit.

But fark that.
 
2014-07-25 05:14:11 PM  
I've seen a lot of people on Facebook share something this Matt Walsh guy has written, and I STILL have no idea who he is or why he's so goddamn popular. Anybody have any ideas?
 
2014-07-25 05:20:18 PM  
Ha! What a pussy. I wonder who is dominating his wife behind his back.
 
2014-07-25 05:23:37 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Not mansplain but toolsplain: "I confess that I haven't read the book."


Okay, so? You don't like something you haven't read because, because... that's why.



Which is why I insist that people read 50 Shrugs of Grey before they ask "Who is Chris Grey?"

/Does he ever give those naughty moochers what they are begging for.
 
2014-07-25 05:24:06 PM  
/oblig

"It was bliss having his cumtree probed inside me again; stuffing my enchilada of love with 10 inch purple battery-operated monster just didn't get my gammon alley splurging like it used to. After having my gashtray slammed, he then proceeded to hammer my turd cutter. The unrelenting orgasms from his cervix cigar pounding my wizards sleeve made me come so hard, I began sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop. My ladytown was trembling like Micheal J. Fox licking a car battery. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his disco stick made my spaff seep like a George Foreman grill."
 
2014-07-25 05:26:43 PM  

Pocket Ninja: What I learned from this is that there's someone named Matt Walsh in the world who has a blog where he expresses his opinions. And he likes to express his opinions in long, generally fluid paragraphs that incorporate a fairly sophisticated but somewhat predictable blend of short and long sentences that create an alternating pattern in the lines' cadence which makes his reading more engaging and approaching. In theory. Using this general methodology, he employs another tried-and-true web strategy for bringing in readers, which is to offer a non-supporting opinion of something that is generally popular.

In this case, the novel Fifty Shades of Gray.

That last line only had one sentence in it, which is another technique Matt Walsh is fond of employing in his writing. He likes to throw in single-sentence lines every now and then, likes to lull you into this pattern where he's got these long sentences and paragraphs full of cadence and direct appeals to his readers that are intended to make it seem as though he is speaking directly to them. And then, out of the blue, BAM:

Single line paragraph.

Sometimes, two in a row.

Or three, even. Or four. Although he doesn't ever get to four, at least on this particular page. He might on the next page, but I'm not sure, because he wanted me to click a next link. He wanted me to do that to give his blog another hit.

But fark that.


I wanted to read more of your post, but I couldn't find a next link. What is your problem with pagination?
 
2014-07-25 05:26:59 PM  

Charlie Chingas: /oblig

"It was bliss having his cumtree probed inside me again; stuffing my enchilada of love with 10 inch purple battery-operated monster just didn't get my gammon alley splurging like it used to. After having my gashtray slammed, he then proceeded to hammer my turd cutter. The unrelenting orgasms from his cervix cigar pounding my wizards sleeve made me come so hard, I began sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop. My ladytown was trembling like Micheal J. Fox licking a car battery. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his disco stick made my spaff seep like a George Foreman grill."


...Mom?
 
2014-07-25 05:27:27 PM  
No
 
2014-07-25 05:27:49 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Words


Bravo. I was getting worried this summer when things had been a little "phoned-in" from you, but well done.
 
2014-07-25 05:27:51 PM  

Serious Black: I've seen a lot of people on Facebook share something this Matt Walsh guy has written, and I STILL have no idea who he is or why he's so goddamn popular. Anybody have any ideas?


Conservative religious folks, in my experience, are big fans of moralists. And even bigger fans of absolutist, moralist assholes.
And of sharing sucky blogs on facebook.
 
2014-07-25 05:28:42 PM  
So I have seen other articles by this guy via Fark.

At least HE addresses my bit:

a startling and unsurprising twist, I've noticed that some of the women who give me a hearty 'AMEN' every time I write a post condemning pornography, are the same ones gushing frantically about this film. They don't want their husbands watching porn, but they'll not only watch and read porn themselves - they'll advertise that fact to the entire world.  As if the hypocrisy isn't bad enough, they had to add in a touch of public emasculation.
 
Classy move.


Darn tootin. I saw women reading that shiat at work.

If *I* was reading smut openly my ass would be fired toot-sweet.
 
2014-07-25 05:28:48 PM  

Serious Black: I've seen a lot of people on Facebook share something this Matt Walsh guy has written, and I STILL have no idea who he is or why he's so goddamn popular. Anybody have any ideas?


The blog post under this one is titled "If you want to prove you don't hate gays, all you have to do is worship at their feet." So apparently being a dumbshiat tool bag is his whole shtick.
 
2014-07-25 05:29:58 PM  
This guy is blogging when he should be chasing his cock & balls down the street.
 
2014-07-25 05:32:09 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-25 05:32:19 PM  
My daughter-in-law read the book. We share a kindle account. She told me it was there for me to read. I simply told her that I have no interest in the book and even less in the movie. I would rather go see XMEN. If other want to see it, good for them.
 
2014-07-25 05:32:47 PM  
Why should I avoid this movie? A better question is why does the article's author have their panties in a twist over it. Alas, TL;DR.
 
2014-07-25 05:33:50 PM  

tallguywithglasseson: Serious Black: I've seen a lot of people on Facebook share something this Matt Walsh guy has written, and I STILL have no idea who he is or why he's so goddamn popular. Anybody have any ideas?

Conservative religious folks, in my experience, are big fans of moralists. And even bigger fans of absolutist, moralist assholes.
And of sharing sucky blogs on facebook.


odinsposse: The blog post under this one is titled "If you want to prove you don't hate gays, all you have to do is worship at their feet." So apparently being a dumbshiat tool bag is his whole shtick.


Okay, that makes a little more sense now. I'm still puzzled how he got to be big enough that attention flooded his way, but whatever. Idjits are gonna do what they want I suppose.
 
2014-07-25 05:34:31 PM  
From the sidebar: In order to help Matt keep writing, and to join the community in the battle for the traditional family...

img.fark.net
 
2014-07-25 05:35:04 PM  
50 Greys With Shades
files.abovetopsecret.com
Next on Syfy.
 
2014-07-25 05:35:57 PM  
"Matt Walsh is a blogger, writer, and professional sayer of truths."

Translation: Matt Walsh is insufferable, pretentious and unemployed.

/Come to think of it, that's 2 out of three....
//I wonder if he wants to be friends on Facebook?
 
2014-07-25 05:36:04 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Not mansplain but toolsplain: "I confess that I haven't read the book."


Okay, so? You don't like something you haven't read because, because... that's why.


I haven't read the book, but let me mansplain why women should read the book...
 
2014-07-25 05:36:28 PM  

Charlie Chingas: /oblig

"It was bliss having his cumtree probed inside me again; stuffing my enchilada of love with 10 inch purple battery-operated monster just didn't get my gammon alley splurging like it used to. After having my gashtray slammed, he then proceeded to hammer my turd cutter. The unrelenting orgasms from his cervix cigar pounding my wizards sleeve made me come so hard, I began sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop. My ladytown was trembling like Micheal J. Fox licking a car battery. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his disco stick made my spaff seep like a George Foreman grill."


That whole thing would be a sweet band name.
 
2014-07-25 05:36:56 PM  
Kinda making my brain hurt to see a conservative object to the domination of a woman.  Is the problem that she likes it?
 
2014-07-25 05:37:34 PM  
I'm going to see the movie, because if it's anything like the book... after we are done, my wife is going to be down for some seriously kinky stuff.

/you know, butt stuff
//the book is horrible twilight fanfic but damn if it doesn't give her ideas
 
2014-07-25 05:37:47 PM  

spidermann: [meanwhile.gif]


I watched and waited for longer than I should have. I'm an idiot!
 
2014-07-25 05:38:59 PM  
l.yimg.com
 
2014-07-25 05:39:17 PM  

Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: "Matt Walsh is a blogger, writer, and professional sayer of truths."

Translation: Matt Walsh is insufferable, pretentious and unemployed.

/Come to think of it, that's 2 out of three....
//I wonder if he wants to be friends on Facebook?


Well, just look at him.  He probably makes actual hipsters inexplicably bleed out of their eyes just by standing among them.
 
2014-07-25 05:40:15 PM  
If you weren't going to see it before, you should totally do so now to show this blogger that he can't boss you around.  It's based off of a best selling novel so chances are it's probably pretty good.
 
2014-07-25 05:40:41 PM  
Who is this and why does Fark keep linking to him?

/the grammar and writing was too bad to actually read that book
 
2014-07-25 05:41:14 PM  
Some of us live life.
Some of us read about it in books.


heh, heh, heh.....
 
2014-07-25 05:41:24 PM  

Serious Black: I've seen a lot of people on Facebook share something this Matt Walsh guy has written, and I STILL have no idea who he is or why he's so goddamn popular. Anybody have any ideas?


He promotes "Traditional American Values" i.e. American prudishness, and is a standard right-wing Christian (And a radio show host), but isn't one of the regular talking heads, and from what I've read of his, he honestly seems like a decent human being (even if I rarely if ever agree with him), and isn't obviously full of shiat or completely repulsive.

At least, that's what I gather from the couple of posts that come across my FB feed, always linked to by a specific serper-derper right wing fundie
 
2014-07-25 05:41:33 PM  
Matt Walsh? Is this the Upright Citizens Brigade guy?
 
2014-07-25 05:41:35 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Not mansplain but toolsplain: "I confess that I haven't read the book."


Okay, so? You don't like something you haven't read because, because... that's why.


I could read the book and create my own well-informed opinion, but the drawback of that strategy is that I would have to read 50 Shades of Grey.

I've heard from plenty of people whose opinions I trust that it's horrid. I've read excerpts illustrating its laughable prose and descriptions of its ridiculous plot. That's enough for me.
 
2014-07-25 05:41:52 PM  
If you are interested in bondage or D/s culture, look at the web comic SunStone.

Lovely graphic novel that actually goes into the rules and regs of BDSM, and the occasional very, VERY bad things that happen if you fark it up.

i1285.photobucket.com

And THIS is my concern about 50 Shades. By neglecting SSC, it's going to get people hurt.
 
2014-07-25 05:42:05 PM  
Your blog sucks.
 
2014-07-25 05:43:29 PM  
I prefer a whiter shade of pale.
 
2014-07-25 05:43:36 PM  
Oh noes, people are entertained by a movie I don't like!
 
2014-07-25 05:45:07 PM  

JNowe: Kinda making my brain hurt to see a conservative object to the domination of a woman.  Is the problem that she likes it?


That's part of it.  This blogger's angle is the age old "overdo the 'feminism' to impress women through disingenuous pandering."  It's an even more obviously desperate ploy than the "I'm too much of a pussy to make a move, so I'm gonna annoyingly poke you in the ribs" move.  It's depressing to see anyone over 16 do it.
 
2014-07-25 05:45:27 PM  

MechaPyx: Why should I avoid this movie? A better question is why does the article's author have their panties in a twist over it. Alas, TL;DR.


I didn't read the article either.
 
2014-07-25 05:48:34 PM  
5. no anal
 
2014-07-25 05:48:50 PM  

Burning_Monk: I'm going to see the movie, because if it's anything like the book... after we are done, my wife is going to be down for some seriously kinky stuff.


That was my experience with wifey also.  So I'm all for us seeing the movie...
 
2014-07-25 05:49:07 PM  
This whole thread is so grey.
 
2014-07-25 05:50:18 PM  
From the comments:

I think women gravitate to 50 Shades of Grey (and other similar erotica) because they haven't embraced the proper roles in sex and marriage. Feminism has taught them that they can never, ever, in any fashion submit to a man...unless it's during sex, if that sort of thing is their cup of tea. Anything goes in the bedroom. Feminism told them that it's degrading to be a stay-at-home mom or to submit to a husband or to want a lot of children
...
One doesn't have to actually eat manure to know that it stinks and isn't healthy for consumption! There are plenty of signs that point to it without actually indulging. That whole argument of "you have to read/see it" to have an opinion is ridiculous. Sin is sin is sin!
...
We ARE minding our own houses to speak out about the very things that are contributing erosion of the moral fiber of our country and family & marriages are under attack! So I guess you are ok with incest, pedophilia, animal sacrifice, etc. as long as people keep it behind closed doors and don't bother anyone else with it? These people eventually have to come outside and engage with the world around them and these practices have an affect on all of us eventually. Wise up!

It's easy to laugh at people like this, but don't kid yourselves. These are real people. If these moralists got enough people on their side, they would absolutely ban this movie, the book, pornography, birth control, you name it.

And with the margins in Congress so thin, groups like this can be (and have been) catered to with just a little organization and effort around primaries. And if a Republican POTUS is elected, he's pressured to but a couple more Alito/Scalias on the bench...

That said, I won't see the movie, but I really don't give a fark if anyone else sees it.
It's a movie.
 
2014-07-25 05:52:38 PM  

Burning_Monk: I'm going to see the movie, because if it's anything like the book... after we are done, my wife is going to be down for some seriously kinky stuff.

/you know, butt stuff
//the book is horrible twilight fanfic but damn if it doesn't give her ideas


Roofies. Trust me, she'll thank you later.

Unless she finds the video.
 
2014-07-25 05:53:42 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-25 05:54:33 PM  
1. The writing is awful
2. The premise is terrible
3. The acting is laughable
4. There's better porn out there

Those are the reasons I need.
 
2014-07-25 05:54:39 PM  

drumhellar: He promotes "Traditional American Values" i.e. American prudishness, and is a standard right-wing Christian (And a radio show host), but isn't one of the regular talking heads, and from what I've read of his, he honestly seems like a decent human being (even if I rarely if ever agree with him), and isn't obviously full of shiat or completely repulsive.


I guess you haven't been here that long.  You can't simply like  a person you disagree with.  You need to call him a teabagger or disregard him completely.  None of this "reasonable minds can differ" nonsense.
 
2014-07-25 05:55:03 PM  

tallguywithglasseson: From the comments:

I think women gravitate to 50 Shades of Grey (and other similar erotica) because they haven't embraced the proper roles in sex and marriage. Feminism has taught them that they can never, ever, in any fashion submit to a man...unless it's during sex, if that sort of thing is their cup of tea. Anything goes in the bedroom. Feminism told them that it's degrading to be a stay-at-home mom or to submit to a husband or to want a lot of children
...
One doesn't have to actually eat manure to know that it stinks and isn't healthy for consumption! There are plenty of signs that point to it without actually indulging. That whole argument of "you have to read/see it" to have an opinion is ridiculous. Sin is sin is sin!
...
We ARE minding our own houses to speak out about the very things that are contributing erosion of the moral fiber of our country and family & marriages are under attack! So I guess you are ok with incest, pedophilia, animal sacrifice, etc. as long as people keep it behind closed doors and don't bother anyone else with it? These people eventually have to come outside and engage with the world around them and these practices have an affect on all of us eventually. Wise up!

It's easy to laugh at people like this, but don't kid yourselves. These are real people. If these moralists got enough people on their side, they would absolutely ban this movie, the book, pornography, birth control, you name it.

And with the margins in Congress so thin, groups like this can be (and have been) catered to with just a little organization and effort around primaries. And if a Republican POTUS is elected, he's pressured to but a couple more Alito/Scalias on the bench...

That said, I won't see the movie, but I really don't give a fark if anyone else sees it.
It's a movie.


But the book was just schlocky.... what are these people talking about?
 
2014-07-25 05:55:33 PM  
I went to see The Last Temptation of Christ because of calls to boycott it such as this.
 
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