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(Yahoo)   If your wife is a "messy" housekeeper, you should a) volunteer to help share cleaning tasks, b) hire a maid to help clean the house, or c) stab her 84 times and put a pig mask on her face   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 74
    More: Sick, New Jersey, possession of a weapon  
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4991 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jul 2014 at 12:35 PM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



74 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-07-25 09:05:55 AM  
C then B?
 
2014-07-25 09:45:40 AM  
I like how the defense pointed out a note she had written where she was "angry" at her ex-husband to "prove" it wasn't his fault.
 
2014-07-25 09:59:31 AM  
Great. Now who's gonna clean up the mess, smart guy?
 
2014-07-25 12:37:59 PM  
Try each in that order?
 
2014-07-25 12:38:43 PM  
Use the Pink Floyd's "Animals" defense. "It was that damn rock & roll!"
 
2014-07-25 12:39:27 PM  

quatchi: Great. Now who's gonna clean up the mess, smart guy?


Cunning plan etc...
 
2014-07-25 12:40:06 PM  
I don't get the pig mask.
 
2014-07-25 12:40:50 PM  
On November 13th, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife.
 
2014-07-25 12:41:12 PM  
84 times sounds like more work than just cleaning the damn house.
 
2014-07-25 12:42:45 PM  
Clearly, we live in a post-feminist world, where all is well and women enjoy perfect equality with men
 
2014-07-25 12:44:06 PM  
Someone has some rage issues.

Either this guy was a violent headcase or she was a piece of work.
 
2014-07-25 12:44:09 PM  

August11: I don't get the pig mask.


media-cache-cd0.pinimg.com
 
2014-07-25 12:44:23 PM  

August11: I don't get the pig mask.



25.media.tumblr.com


A pig is a filthy animal.
 
2014-07-25 12:47:30 PM  
Now you got her brother mad...

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2014-07-25 12:47:36 PM  
Not gonna click the article...

Just gonna sit here and think about "messy housewives"

Sigh...
 
2014-07-25 12:48:48 PM  
media.tumblr.com
How about crushing the piggy with a rock? Rock beats scissors.
 
2014-07-25 12:49:00 PM  
Judith Novellino was killed in her former home in Denville, New Jersey, when she came back to retrieve some of her belongings soon after they divorced.

Ladies (and men)--NEVER DO THIS. If you left it behind during a terrible divorce, and he wants you to come back over and "pick up the rest of your stuff" some day, NEVER DO THIS. It's a trap.
Just let it go, because it's totally worth it, anyway.
 
2014-07-25 12:49:04 PM  
Yeah, it gets messy.
weekendtrips.com
 
2014-07-25 12:49:29 PM  
the pig mask was really a bridge too far....
 
2014-07-25 12:51:05 PM  
My wife has tidiness issues. For some reason, she is incapable of putting anything away until the entirety of a given task is done.

Me: get cereal from cupboard, pout into a bowl and return cereal box; get milk from fridge, pour over cereal, return milk to fridge; eat cereal, rinse out bowl so it doesn't get crusty.

Her. Get cereal and milk from fridge; add cereal to bowl; add milk to bowl; sit down and eat; move bowl to the sink (no rinsing, because what good would it do?); maybe put away the milk and cereal if she doesn't get distracted by something else.

I find myself more and more cleaning up after her. Kind of annoying.

/csb
 
2014-07-25 12:51:24 PM  
Who here *hasn't* woken up to a cryptic voicemail message?
 
2014-07-25 12:54:02 PM  

August11: I don't get the pig mask.


Maybe he's a big Nine Inch Nails fan
 
2014-07-25 12:55:09 PM  

HaywoodJablonski: My wife has tidiness issues. For some reason, she is incapable of putting anything away until the entirety of a given task is done.

Me: get cereal from cupboard, pout into a bowl and return cereal box; get milk from fridge, pour over cereal, return milk to fridge; eat cereal, rinse out bowl so it doesn't get crusty.

Her. Get cereal and milk from fridge; add cereal to bowl; add milk to bowl; sit down and eat; move bowl to the sink (no rinsing, because what good would it do?); maybe put away the milk and cereal if she doesn't get distracted by something else.

I find myself more and more cleaning up after her. Kind of annoying.

/csb


Maybe she has ADD?
 
2014-07-25 12:55:25 PM  

HaywoodJablonski: My wife has tidiness issues. For some reason, she is incapable of putting anything away until the entirety of a given task is done.

Me: get cereal from cupboard, pout into a bowl and return cereal box; get milk from fridge, pour over cereal, return milk to fridge; eat cereal, rinse out bowl so it doesn't get crusty.

Her. Get cereal and milk from fridge; add cereal to bowl; add milk to bowl; sit down and eat; move bowl to the sink (no rinsing, because what good would it do?); maybe put away the milk and cereal if she doesn't get distracted by something else.

I find myself more and more cleaning up after her. Kind of annoying.

/csb


The answer is always c).
 
2014-07-25 12:56:58 PM  
The Dark Descent was far better.
 
2014-07-25 12:57:05 PM  

August11: I don't get the pig mask.


data3.whicdn.com

He wanted to play a game
 
2014-07-25 01:00:21 PM  
Yes, I'm quite sure that the messy housekeeping is the reason he killed her.  Couldn't have been for some other reason.
 
2014-07-25 01:04:40 PM  

August11: I don't get the pig mask.


Wearing the mask of the pig is recommended ...on Pig Day.

i.ytimg.com

One must always be prepared for Pig Day.

/praise Pig Day
//praise Pig Day
///praise Pig Day
 
2014-07-25 01:04:58 PM  

willfullyobscure: Clearly, we live in a post-feminist world, where all is well and women enjoy perfect equality with men


That's just lazy trolling.
 
2014-07-25 01:05:39 PM  

HaywoodJablonski: My wife has tidiness issues. For some reason, she is incapable of putting anything away until the entirety of a given task is done.

Me: get cereal from cupboard, pout into a bowl and return cereal box; get milk from fridge, pour over cereal, return milk to fridge; eat cereal, rinse out bowl so it doesn't get crusty.

Her. Get cereal and milk from fridge; add cereal to bowl; add milk to bowl; sit down and eat; move bowl to the sink (no rinsing, because what good would it do?); maybe put away the milk and cereal if she doesn't get distracted by something else.

I find myself more and more cleaning up after her. Kind of annoying.

/csb


Have you tried stabbing her?
 
2014-07-25 01:06:14 PM  

2chris2: Yes, I'm quite sure that the messy housekeeping is the reason he killed her.  Couldn't have been for some other reason.


He actually had been emailing pics of the messy house to people, complaining about it. But in the trial, his lawyer claimed it was self defense. He claimed he stabbed her 80+ times in the head, neck, and back of the hands, in self defense. And then put a pig mask on her dead body. So, yeah, that "other reason" was probably that he was a murderous jackass.
 
2014-07-25 01:07:34 PM  

Debeo Summa Credo: HaywoodJablonski: My wife has tidiness issues. For some reason, she is incapable of putting anything away until the entirety of a given task is done.

Me: get cereal from cupboard, pout into a bowl and return cereal box; get milk from fridge, pour over cereal, return milk to fridge; eat cereal, rinse out bowl so it doesn't get crusty.

Her. Get cereal and milk from fridge; add cereal to bowl; add milk to bowl; sit down and eat; move bowl to the sink (no rinsing, because what good would it do?); maybe put away the milk and cereal if she doesn't get distracted by something else.

I find myself more and more cleaning up after her. Kind of annoying.

/csb

Have you tried stabbing her?


He'd just end up cleaning up after her. Again.
 
2014-07-25 01:07:50 PM  

Debeo Summa Credo: HaywoodJablonski: My wife has tidiness issues. For some reason, she is incapable of putting anything away until the entirety of a given task is done.

Me: get cereal from cupboard, pout into a bowl and return cereal box; get milk from fridge, pour over cereal, return milk to fridge; eat cereal, rinse out bowl so it doesn't get crusty.

Her. Get cereal and milk from fridge; add cereal to bowl; add milk to bowl; sit down and eat; move bowl to the sink (no rinsing, because what good would it do?); maybe put away the milk and cereal if she doesn't get distracted by something else.

I find myself more and more cleaning up after her. Kind of annoying.

/csb

Have you tried stabbing her?


No but I clearly do my share of the cleaning and we have a maid come out weekly. I'm out of options so I guess stabbing is next.

On an entirely unrelated note, where would one go to buy a pig mask?
 
2014-07-25 01:08:48 PM  
The wife and I do that every Thursday. What's the big deal?

*RTFA*

Oh stab with a KNIFE. Nevermind. Carry on.
 
2014-07-25 01:09:11 PM  

August11: I don't get the pig mask.


i293.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-25 01:10:01 PM  

HaywoodJablonski: My wife has tidiness issues. For some reason, she is incapable of putting anything away until the entirety of a given task is done.

Me: get cereal from cupboard, pout into a bowl and return cereal box; get milk from fridge, pour over cereal, return milk to fridge; eat cereal, rinse out bowl so it doesn't get crusty.

Her. Get cereal and milk from fridge; add cereal to bowl; add milk to bowl; sit down and eat; move bowl to the sink (no rinsing, because what good would it do?); maybe put away the milk and cereal if she doesn't get distracted by something else.

I find myself more and more cleaning up after her. Kind of annoying.

/csb


Mine cites "affluenza" and doesn't like to do dishes or housework in general (she grew up in a household with I think 3 or 4 maids). I do it on my own as I work from home though (really does work out). She works a 9-5 at an office an hour away so it actually is easier for me to do those chores.  Her parents taught her a lot of financial sense, so she dedicates to her job (and one of these days soon will be a exec director) however, if you happen to have 20 dirty dishes right on top of an empty dishwasher, she still wouldn't put them in.

She has slowly acclimated to doing some chores here and there when she is at home, that in itself took 5 years. Love her to death though.
 
2014-07-25 01:11:24 PM  
media.giphy.com
 
2014-07-25 01:11:53 PM  
That's a fargin trick question!
cdn.akamai.steamstatic.com
 
2014-07-25 01:14:09 PM  

willfullyobscure: Clearly, we live in a post-feminist world, where all is well and women enjoy perfect equality with men


There was a case just two years ago about a woman stabbing her boyfriend to death. What the fark does gender equality have to do with this thread.
 
2014-07-25 01:16:59 PM  
static.guim.co.uk
you want to stab moi?
 
2014-07-25 01:18:57 PM  
Hey. She was MESSY! It says so right in the headline. MESSY! She got what she deserved. Messy! Very messy. Prolly bled all over the place, too.
 
2014-07-25 01:25:00 PM  
He should have used a Jaccard and saved some time.
 
2014-07-25 01:27:07 PM  
Why would you stop at 84?  If you are going that far you might as well go for 100 to make a perfect score.
 
2014-07-25 01:27:58 PM  
He murdered a woman and then put a mask on her face? Who does he think he is, BTK?
worldonline.media.clients.ellingtoncms.com
 
2014-07-25 01:29:20 PM  

Schmerd1948: Hey. She was MESSY! It says so right in the headline. MESSY! She got what she deserved. Messy! Very messy. Prolly bled all over the place, too.


Like a stuck pig.
 
2014-07-25 01:31:32 PM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.comB is good until your wife comes home and shoot both of you in the head.
 
2014-07-25 01:32:13 PM  

Schmerd1948: Hey. She was MESSY! It says so right in the headline. MESSY! She got what she deserved. Messy! Very messy. Prolly bled all over the place, too.


img.fark.net

Messy, messy, messy!
 
2014-07-25 01:35:05 PM  

Walker: C then B?


always works for me.
 
2014-07-25 01:35:27 PM  
Ugh. Should have been 80 or 85.
 
2014-07-25 01:36:59 PM  
FTA:  He was found guilty of all charges, including murder, possession of a weapon for unlawful purposes, unlawful possession of a weapon, hindering his own apprehension and tampering with evidence.

While I can understand the distinction, seems like easy double penalties for prosecutors to inflict.
 
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