Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Deadspin)   Think fraternity hazings are bad? Well, they've got nothing on The Ohio State marching band. Just ask band members Squirt, Jizzy, and Tiggles (link may be not safe for work)   (deadspin.com) divider line 114
    More: Interesting, Porky, Ohio State, band, Ohio Attorney General  
•       •       •

14445 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jul 2014 at 9:52 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



114 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-07-24 05:03:30 PM  
Were flutes involved?
 
2014-07-24 05:10:10 PM  
Subby was never in a band, or knew anyone in one. Grats.

Subby- 1900 called. They want their story back.
 
2014-07-24 05:14:28 PM  
That... doesn't seem that unexpected.

And I laughed at "taint brush". But I think they must have run out of sexual innuendo when they named one girl "Tulsa".
 
2014-07-24 05:42:34 PM  
The lamer the group, the harsher the hazing.
 
2014-07-24 05:47:59 PM  
I'm so scandalized by this I may never recover.
 
2014-07-24 05:53:06 PM  
I just read the first part of that but it sounded hilarious to me.
 
2014-07-24 06:06:46 PM  

Barfmaker: I just read the first part of that but it sounded hilarious to me.


Yeah. None of it was that bad, certainly nothing warranting an investigation or someone losing his job.
 
2014-07-24 07:36:32 PM  

Blues_X: That... doesn't seem that unexpected.

And I laughed at "taint brush". But I think they must have run out of sexual innuendo when they named one girl "Tulsa".


You know what Tulsa is spelled backwards?
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-07-24 08:08:03 PM  
The hazing of new members of the Centenary Choir was allegedly worse than any of the greek organizations.  They were much more tight lipped about it, too.
 
2014-07-24 08:09:41 PM  

Barfmaker: I just read the first part of that but it sounded hilarious to me.


If we establish the vulgarity of the typical college band experience at a... Let's say five. This would probably be a six. Maybe 6.5.

Or, to put it differently, if college marching band were PG, this would be PG-13.
 
2014-07-24 08:24:09 PM  
I'd dot Jewoobs "i" any day of the week.

- The sad cycle of abuse continues.  For the love of all things holy just don't play "Tusk" that's the marching band equivalent of a war crime.
 
2014-07-24 08:47:03 PM  
As much as I'd like to take the time to bash OSU, all I can say is "Really?"  This is pretty tame stuff.

"ZOMG, students simulated sex and gave each other stupid nicknames!"
 
2014-07-24 08:53:43 PM  
Hey, wait. Didn't some band in Georgia f*cking kill a drum major? And these people are up in arms about "Pat Fenis?"
 
2014-07-24 09:00:40 PM  

Shostie: Hey, wait. Didn't some band in Georgia f*cking kill a drum major? And these people are up in arms about "Pat Fenis?"


It was in Florida, at FAMU.
 
2014-07-24 09:53:40 PM  
Non-story is a non-story.  New president is trying to make his mark and has only succeeded in pissing off all of Columbus
 
2014-07-24 09:54:42 PM  
Band depravity starts in high school.

makeameme.org
 
2014-07-24 09:54:45 PM  

slayer199: As much as I'd like to take the time to bash OSU, all I can say is "Really?"  This is pretty tame stuff.

"ZOMG, students simulated sex and gave each other stupid nicknames!"


It could be worse.  They could be hashers
 
2014-07-24 09:56:38 PM  
College marching bands are worse than any fraternity when it comes to this stuff. This is nothing.
 
2014-07-24 09:58:49 PM  
As a lifelong Wolverine, I take their version of Hail to the Victors as a badge of honor. Hell, I'd be offended if Suckeyes didn't cuss about us.
 
2014-07-24 09:59:21 PM  

Meesterjojo: Subby was never in a band, or knew anyone in one. Grats


Eee-yup. Most of that was pretty mild for band shenanigans.
 
2014-07-24 09:59:59 PM  

I BET THE

holidays.journalregister.com

WAIT, TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE JEWOOBS

 
2014-07-24 10:01:47 PM  
The one that got me was a girl sitting in her brother's lap faking an orgasm. How badly do you have to want to fit in to do that (either of them)?

"All I have to do is simulate incest and then everyone will be my true friend."
 
2014-07-24 10:05:10 PM  
I'm more offended that the lyrics don't work with the song meter.
 
2014-07-24 10:06:16 PM  

BigMax: The one that got me was a girl sitting in her brother's lap faking an orgasm. How badly do you have to want to fit in to do that (either of them)?

"All I have to do is simulate incest and then everyone will be my true friend."


It was just simulated. Although, her little brother is probably going to be jacking to some really inappropriate thoughts now.
 
2014-07-24 10:07:17 PM  
From the university's report:

Analysis

Each of the allegations about the Marching Band's culture discussed above implicates university policy and federal prohibitions on sexual harassment. While some of the students may have engaged in such behavior and gave no indication that they objected, the interviews highlighted multiple situations in which students did not welcome this misconduct. In a culture so sexualized for so long, students' acquiescence and failure to complain cannot be taken as evidence that the range of this misconduct was welcome.

As for the factors listed by OCR's 2001 guidance indicating the existence of a hostile environment:

 The misconduct described above affected many students' musical education through the Marching Band, some to a significant degree, as evidenced by feelings of regret and shame that were communicated in our interviews.

 The misconduct described is highly sexual, frequent, and longstanding as part of the Marching Band's culture.

 Much of the misconduct was directed by upperclassmen towards newer members of the Band. Some of this misconduct was directly witnessed and permitted by Band staff.

 The subjects of the sexual harassment were impressionable and developing students.

 The misconduct occurred in multiple locations involving the Marching Band, including practice at the stadium, bus trips, alumni events, and off-campus parties. Much of the misconduct occurred during official Marching Band activities when students were under the supervision of staff.
For these reasons, we find that the Marching Band's culture facilitated acts of sexual harassment under both university policy and Title IX, creating a hostile environment for students.
 
2014-07-24 10:08:27 PM  

BigMax: The one that got me was a girl sitting in her brother's lap faking an orgasm. How badly do you have to want to fit in to do that (either of them)?

"All I have to do is simulate incest and then everyone will be my true friend."


Yeah, I'm always amazed at the lack of resistance.  "Um, not doing that" isn't that hard to say.
 
2014-07-24 10:11:42 PM  
Wait, people in the marching band are porking each other?

Fetch the fainting couch.
 
2014-07-24 10:13:45 PM  

BigMax: The one that got me was a girl sitting in her brother's lap faking an orgasm. How badly do you have to want to fit in to do that (either of them)?

"All I have to do is simulate incest and then everyone will be my true friend."


That and their version of the MSU song was the stuff that really made me say "so that's another group of people from the Big Misnamed Conference in the Midwest I wouldn't want to give a job to."

/joining the initial members of the group, anyone from Penn State who protested Joe Paterno's firing
 
2014-07-24 10:14:57 PM  
Shoot, if only I knew.. There were several chicks in the band that I would have loved to share my Tuba with....

Damn...
 
2014-07-24 10:15:45 PM  

Shostie: Barfmaker: I just read the first part of that but it sounded hilarious to me.

If we establish the vulgarity of the typical college band experience at a... Let's say five. This would probably be a six. Maybe 6.5.

Or, to put it differently, if college marching band were PG, this would be PG-13.


Pretty much. I was in marching band in college, and while my experience with hazing wasn't quite so... sexually-oriented... they also made it pretty clear that if you didn't wanna, you didn't hafta. But we definitely had the "rookie adopted by the vet" system of master and apprentice, and while it did mean sometimes being told to do grunt work for someone else, it made the first-days-of-college social awkwardness much easier to take because you had someone that treated you like a younger sibling--"NO, only I get to pick on this kid, and if anyone else gives him any shiat, they answer to ME."
 
2014-07-24 10:17:50 PM  

bearded clamorer: Blues_X: That... doesn't seem that unexpected.

And I laughed at "taint brush". But I think they must have run out of sexual innuendo when they named one girl "Tulsa".

You know what Tulsa is spelled backwards?


He said innuendo, not odneunni.
 
2014-07-24 10:20:49 PM  
Taint Brush...comedy gold, Jerry.
 
2014-07-24 10:21:51 PM  
Band kids are the laughing stock of college. Cut them some slack.
 
2014-07-24 10:23:13 PM  
During the time I was pledging my fraternity I was, by virtue of university policy, compelled to stay in the dorms with the masses.  I had a roommate, also a freshman but other than that the total opposite of me, who was a member of the band.

This nerd explained to me one night that his pledging rituals were far more intense than the ones I was undergoing to enter into the university's most elite fraternity.  He was wrong, of course, it's just that nerds always exaggerate difficulty when any hint of physical activity is involved.  But what was most amusing about his little speech was how utterly uncool it was.  Even while describing what should be a cool activity--hazing-- he sounded like a complete nerd.  He wanted so bad to be cool, but all the tubas full of beer and snare drums soaked in semen in the world couldn't make it so.

Some things just are.

Last week I ran into an old fraternity brother who shared, only by chance, the same last name as my former roommate.  As a joke, I said "have you seen [former roommate] recently?" to which he replied "No, that guy's a total dork.  Even if I saw him, I'd ignore him."

And he meant it.  As he should.  My friend now runs a very lucrative shipping company that has been in his family for ages, and I make an excellent living working part time at home posting professional fark posts.  All those nerd rumors about how we'd be working for them one day just simply didn't come true.

The moral of the story here is that there are cool people, and there are nerds.  As much as you nerds (and Lord knows, there are plenty on fark) would like to be cool, you never can or will be.  There is us and there is you.  And you, no matter if you haze your flutemates or invent the latest app, will always be alone, unwanted, unloved, mocked, and pathetic.*

*Excluding every member of Weezer, that chick who is on Parks and Recreation who always acts sullen, and that dude who saved the USAirways flight that landed on the Hudson.  They've all received honorary doctorates in being cool, despite also being nerds.  But the rest of you are total dweebs.
 
2014-07-24 10:23:18 PM  

Bizzerk: Shostie: Barfmaker: I just read the first part of that but it sounded hilarious to me.

If we establish the vulgarity of the typical college band experience at a... Let's say five. This would probably be a six. Maybe 6.5.

Or, to put it differently, if college marching band were PG, this would be PG-13.

Pretty much. I was in marching band in college, and while my experience with hazing wasn't quite so... sexually-oriented... they also made it pretty clear that if you didn't wanna, you didn't hafta. But we definitely had the "rookie adopted by the vet" system of master and apprentice, and while it did mean sometimes being told to do grunt work for someone else, it made the first-days-of-college social awkwardness much easier to take because you had someone that treated you like a younger sibling--"NO, only I get to pick on this kid, and if anyone else gives him any shiat, they answer to ME."


Sounds like prison.
 
2014-07-24 10:24:10 PM  
Did any of them ever say "I bet Jewoobs did this?"
 
2014-07-24 10:24:15 PM  

Blues_X: That... doesn't seem that unexpected.

And I laughed at "taint brush". But I think they must have run out of sexual innuendo when they named one girl "Tulsa".


Read it backwards.
 
2014-07-24 10:29:02 PM  

Minus1Kelvin: bearded clamorer: Blues_X: That... doesn't seem that unexpected.

And I laughed at "taint brush". But I think they must have run out of sexual innuendo when they named one girl "Tulsa".

You know what Tulsa is spelled backwards?

He said innuendo, not odneunni.


img2.wikia.nocookie.net
Innuendo?  How about In YOUR Endo! Am I right? High five!
 
2014-07-24 10:29:32 PM  

desertgeek: BigMax: The one that got me was a girl sitting in her brother's lap faking an orgasm. How badly do you have to want to fit in to do that (either of them)?

"All I have to do is simulate incest and then everyone will be my true friend."

That and their version of the MSU song was the stuff that really made me say "so that's another group of people from the Big Misnamed Conference in the Midwest I wouldn't want to give a job to."

/joining the initial members of the group, anyone from Penn State who protested Joe Paterno's firing


Well, then, you should've heard their version of Penn State's fight song!
 
2014-07-24 10:30:24 PM  
snpp.zurds.com
 
2014-07-24 10:30:27 PM  

nickdaisy: During the time I was pledging my fraternity I was, by virtue of university policy, compelled to stay in the dorms with the masses.  I had a roommate, also a freshman but other than that the total opposite of me, who was a member of the band.

This nerd explained to me one night that his pledging rituals were far more intense than the ones I was undergoing to enter into the university's most elite fraternity.  He was wrong, of course, it's just that nerds always exaggerate difficulty when any hint of physical activity is involved.  But what was most amusing about his little speech was how utterly uncool it was.  Even while describing what should be a cool activity--hazing-- he sounded like a complete nerd.  He wanted so bad to be cool, but all the tubas full of beer and snare drums soaked in semen in the world couldn't make it so.

Some things just are.

Last week I ran into an old fraternity brother who shared, only by chance, the same last name as my former roommate.  As a joke, I said "have you seen [former roommate] recently?" to which he replied "No, that guy's a total dork.  Even if I saw him, I'd ignore him."

And he meant it.  As he should.  My friend now runs a very lucrative shipping company that has been in his family for ages, and I make an excellent living working part time at home posting professional fark posts.  All those nerd rumors about how we'd be working for them one day just simply didn't come true.

The moral of the story here is that there are cool people, and there are nerds.  As much as you nerds (and Lord knows, there are plenty on fark) would like to be cool, you never can or will be.  There is us and there is you.  And you, no matter if you haze your flutemates or invent the latest app, will always be alone, unwanted, unloved, mocked, and pathetic.*

*Excluding every member of Weezer, that chick who is on Parks and Recreation who always acts sullen, and that dude who saved the USAirways flight that landed on the Hudson.  They've all rece ...


So you were an Omega at Faber?
 
2014-07-24 10:31:40 PM  
Well I mean, OSU. You expect retarded, neanderthalistic behavior. They'll probably set a block of dumpsters on fire any minute now.
 
2014-07-24 10:34:35 PM  

neongoats: Well I mean, OSU. You expect retarded, neanderthalistic behavior. They'll probably set a block of dumpsters on fire any minute now.


Don't you mean THE neanderthals?
 
2014-07-24 10:35:31 PM  
In other words, band is the same as it ever was.

/the most fun you can have in high school with your pants on
//or off
///or drunk
 
2014-07-24 10:39:22 PM  
good heavens, i have the vapors.
 
2014-07-24 10:39:48 PM  
I have a serious question. Is this a story a farking joke? Is this satire? No way anyone lived such a sterile life they are surprised by this.
 
2014-07-24 10:40:49 PM  
i139.photobucket.com

Those *ARE* the correct lyrics to The Victors.

/ wipes his ass with Wolverine fur
 
2014-07-24 10:41:26 PM  
That brought nerd hazing to a new nerd level.

//nerds.
 
2014-07-24 10:42:48 PM  
(i) Bwaaahahahaha!
(ii) Yeah, looking through the complaint, there's harassment, retaliation, and a pretty comprehensive indictment of Waters and the program.
(iii) Bwahahahahaaa!
 
2014-07-24 10:48:52 PM  

August11: Sounds like prison.


With better alcohol. Oh, and no rape. That was one thing that was great about being in marching band. No prison rape.
 
Displayed 50 of 114 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report