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(Slate)   Dear Prudence: I'm an advice columnist and need some letters to respond to so I stole yours. Was that wrong? -- Dear Debbie   ( divider line
    More: Silly, advice column, widowers, Ivana Trump, internet footprint  
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3122 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 24 Jul 2014 at 8:08 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

16 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2014-07-24 05:16:05 PM  
farm9.staticflickr.comView Full Size
2014-07-24 05:33:50 PM  
"It's ok, mine are totally fake so that Fark gets more Slate greenlights each week!"
2014-07-24 05:54:44 PM  

Dear Whining In Printville:

I am morbidly jolly but am the undisputed Queen of advice.  The last person that disagreed with me was found crushed by a roadside off of I-35.  I had nothing to do with it.  Everybody knows Debbie Reynolds is the Dane Cook of columnists but give her a break.

Rather than go on and on about how pathetic your whining about an octogenarian is, I had my friend little Billy Keane put my advice to you in a cartoon form.

Here it is Toots.  Maybe you can read between the lines and stop looking like you're sucking on lemons.

i253.photobucket.comView Full Size

Anyhew, what I'm saying get over yourself sister.  If you think you invented single mothers, deadbeat dads, and Bowserphobia you've got another thing coming.  You have a lot of nerve cribbing a Beatles tune and throwing around plagiarism accusations.  I've got an original problem for you you two bit hack. My doctor said my type XIII diabetes has made my chin folds produce a cheeselike substance.  I said great doc now give me the BAD news!  Nothing a dipped Nacho can't fix!

See you at the buffet!

Dear Flabby
2014-07-24 06:47:23 PM  
Dear Flabby,

I have a confession to make. I've been making up advice column letters based on old VHS tapes of Phil Donahue, Oprah, and dvds of the Cosby Show.

But now some other advice columnist is claiming I just rewrote advice letters in her column. In other words, she's running the same scam that I am, but ran it a few years before me.

Should I expose her scam, knowing that I will be exposed as a fraud as well? Or find old archives of Dr Marcus Welby episodes and rip those off instead.

Dear Dobbie

P.S. Gene Kelly's tongue felt like I was choking on a garlic press.
2014-07-24 07:41:49 PM  
So, Dear Prudence can't take a little competition.  I say let the readers vote on who gives the best advice.  To the dunking stool with the loser.
2014-07-24 08:12:32 PM  
Every Fark thread on advice columns needs these two things:

islandmix.comView Full Size Full Size
2014-07-24 08:14:02 PM  
Burt Reynolds' mom had a singing career?
2014-07-24 08:24:05 PM  
I got added into a closed group on FB and let me tell ya, I could steal some of those posts and start a Dear Stabby column. When the group is locked down to not be visible to the people around you, people open up.

Srsly. "My husband's daughter from his previous marriage has just had a baby at 18 and abandoned it with us. I'm 25 and we've been married 7 years and have three children together." Yada yada, it's in the archive. I wanted to go Lewis Black on her.  YOU ESTABLISHED A PATTERN TO AN 11 YEAR OLD!

Oh, and there's the person who posted their miscarriage. I'll never look at a red gummy bear the same way again.
2014-07-24 08:34:12 PM  

Candygram4Mongo: D

Dearest Candy,

While I'm sure your problems are fascinating (nods off for ten days).  I ate your original letter and cannot respond to it.  That said, you sound like you could deliver the goods.

Mail me something substantial you big lunk of manham.  I haven't been touched by a real beef-log since I drunkenly broke into a Hickory Farms in Guam afterhours.  I don't want to talk about it.

We need each other,

2014-07-24 09:01:17 PM  
I always just assumed they made up letters when they didn't have enough real material.
2014-07-24 09:27:25 PM  

brap: Candygram4Mongo: D


Dear Prudence,

A rival advice columnist is making propositions to me of a salacious nature. While I am attracted to older women, I am feeling pressured into satisfying her physical needs. I start feeling like I am cheap, a piece of meat, a plaything. After all, I'm not from Havana!

What do you do when you're in a relationship that is urging you to go "all the way" before you're ready? I'm sure you have never had to deal with dating problems in an advice column before, but there's a first time for everything, after all? How do I respond to these seductive advances?
2014-07-24 10:30:50 PM  
img.myconfinedspace.comView Full Size
2014-07-25 12:51:29 AM  
Pretty strong accusation for someone who stole the title of a Beatles song to get page clicks, isn't it, "Prudence"?
2014-07-25 01:39:30 AM  

Hoopy Frood: Pretty strong accusation for someone who stole the title of a Beatles song to get page clicks, isn't it, "Prudence"?

I actually prefer Siouxsie and the Banshee's version
2014-07-25 08:36:31 AM  
if there was something I could care less about I haven't found it this morning.
2014-07-25 02:58:10 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: Every Fark thread on advice columns needs these two things:

[ image 850x637]

[ image 735x529]

Don't drive like my brother?
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