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(Mirror.co.uk)   Don't you just hate it when you're so drunk you confuse the cabin door on your flight with the restroom?   (mirror.co.uk) divider line 71
    More: Scary, Dublin, Ryanair, Dublin Airport, Ryanair flight  
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4620 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jul 2014 at 9:13 AM (13 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-24 09:05:15 AM  
The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?
 
2014-07-24 09:16:06 AM  

Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?


He's British. It's a rule.
 
2014-07-24 09:16:46 AM  

ChipNASA: Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?

He's British. It's a rule.


What the hell would he need toothpaste for???


/if the joke went over your head
 
2014-07-24 09:18:15 AM  
Ryanair? With the pay toilets?
 
2014-07-24 09:18:25 AM  
RyanAir? I bet the passengers were charged a "protection against guy opening airlock door fee" upon landing.
 
2014-07-24 09:19:33 AM  

ChipNASA: ChipNASA: Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?

He's British. It's a rule.

What the hell would he need toothpaste for???


/if the joke went over your head


Yeah, I lost my head there for a minute.
 
2014-07-24 09:20:08 AM  
ib4 not possible psi
 
2014-07-24 09:22:01 AM  
(Back in the cockpit of the airliner. The two pilots sit there. Atmospheric noise of a big airliner in flight. Suddenly there is a banging on the door at the back of the cockpit.)
Zanie: (off-screen) Are you going to be in there all day? (the two pilots exchange a puzzled look, then shrug and go back to flying; suddenly another series of bangs on door) Other people want to go you know! (they exchange another look; pause; a heavier bang on the door) The door's jammed, if you ask me. (a crash as he attempts to force it; another crash and the door flies open; Mr Zanie enters) Ah. (suddenly realizing where he is) Oh my God. Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I thought this was the bally toilet.
Second Pilot: This is the control cabin.
Zanie: Oh I know that. I'm a flying man, you know... oh yes... Bally stupid mistake...
(A pause. Zanie remains sanding at the back of cockpit. The pilots go on as if he is not there.)
Second Pilot: Cloud's heavy ... What's the reading?
Mr Chigger: 4.8... Steady.
Zanie: If they had all those dials in the toilet... there wouldn't be room for anything else, would there. (another nervous laugh; not the slightest reaction from the pilots)
Mr Chigger: (into intercom) Hello, Geneva this is Roger Five-O ... What is your cloud reading? Hello, Geneva...
Zanie: I wouldn't fancy flying one of those sitting on the toilet... I mean it'd take the glamour out of being a pilot, wouldn't it, ha ha, flying around the world sitting on a toilet.
Radio Voice: Geneva here. 4.9 ... Heavy... Over.
Mr Chigger: Serious?
Second Pilot: No, not if it keeps at that level, no.
Zanie: Mind you, if you did fly it from the toilet it would leave a lot more space up here, wouldn't it. (finally he realizes his attempt at small talk is not working) Well, I'd better get back to the cabin, then. Sorry about the silly intrusion. Bally stupid. (he pushes lever down on the door which opens directly out of the plane) Door's jammed. (he gives it a shoulder charge and flies straight out of the plane) Aaaaaaaaaarrrggghhhhhh!
(Plane noise overhead Continue scream. Outside of a gent's lavatory, there is a big pile of straw. Pause, then Zanie drops onto the straw. He looks up at gent's sign.)
Zanie: Bally piece of luck...
(He brushes himself down and goes into gents. Cut back to cockpit. A hostess enters from the passenger cabin.)
 
2014-07-24 09:22:37 AM  
Pretty ironic. He's scared because it's his first flight.. so he drinks alcohol to calm his nerves.. almost opens a door and flies of the plane because of it.

Those doors should really have a lock based on an altimeter so they can't be opened at 30,000 feet.
 
2014-07-24 09:22:56 AM  
"Do you realise how serious it could have been"

If that was me, i'd have said "Yes, in no way serious at all..i am a man, and as such incapable of exerting the best part of 3 tons of force on a door"
 
2014-07-24 09:23:50 AM  
trevzie:Those doors should really have a lock based on an altimeter so they can't be opened at 30,000 feet.

Not sure if serious....
 
2014-07-24 09:24:23 AM  
The judge is a little bit of a drama queen here. The door can't open in flight, it's designed that way.
 
2014-07-24 09:31:37 AM  

moel: trevzie:Those doors should really have a lock based on an altimeter so they can't be opened at 30,000 feet.

Not sure if serious....


Haven't you ever seen an action movie? Happens all the time.
 
2014-07-24 09:32:37 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-24 09:32:49 AM  

trevzie: Pretty ironic. He's scared because it's his first flight.. so he drinks alcohol to calm his nerves.. almost opens a door and flies of the plane because of it.

Those doors should really have a lock based on an altimeter so they can't be opened at 30,000 feet.


You know there's this thing called a pressurized cabin, and they mention it in TFA.
 
2014-07-24 09:33:48 AM  
Frankly, I'm jealous.  I've flown any number of airlines and all of them expressed chagrin and disgust, not to mention pressed charges, when I deposited a Cleveland Steamer in the flight cabin.
 
2014-07-24 09:35:20 AM  

moel: "...i am a man, and as such incapable of exerting the best part of 3 tons of force on a door"


so a woman could?

4.bp.blogspot.com

/ok, maybe
 
2014-07-24 09:35:52 AM  

trevzie: moel: trevzie:Those doors should really have a lock based on an altimeter so they can't be opened at 30,000 feet.

Not sure if serious....

Haven't you ever seen an action movie? Happens all the time.


I saw one once...but they were dicking about with some sort of 'unix system'
 
2014-07-24 09:39:44 AM  

johnny_vegas: moel: "...i am a man, and as such incapable of exerting the best part of 3 tons of force on a door"

so a woman could?

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x368]

/ok, maybe


That's a woman? I thought Dr Evil escaped the 60's in that thing..
 
2014-07-24 09:40:28 AM  
Why didn't one of the passengers deck this guy when he started dicking around with the door?
 
2014-07-24 09:41:12 AM  
I was on an overnight international flight where a guy was so drunk he peed on the outside of the bathroom door. Just stumbled back, whipped it out, and pissed right there in the aisle.
 
2014-07-24 09:52:59 AM  
Despite its name, passengers are not allowed to put their cocks in the cockpit.
 
2014-07-24 09:53:19 AM  
"The only thing that stopped him from opening the door at the rear of the plane was the air pressure"

As in, "he never stood a chance of opening it."
 
2014-07-24 09:54:19 AM  

cgraves67: Despite its name, passengers are not allowed to put their cocks in the cockpit.


What if they just want to *be* a complete cock in the cockpit?
 
2014-07-24 10:01:11 AM  
He was in a D. B. stupor.
 
2014-07-24 10:02:14 AM  

cgraves67: Despite its name, passengers are not allowed to put their cocks in the cockpit.


If you want that sort of thing, you need to hit on the stewardess really hard.
 
2014-07-24 10:05:50 AM  

johnny_vegas: moel: "...i am a man, and as such incapable of exerting the best part of 3 tons of force on a door"

so a woman could?

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x368]

/ok, maybe


fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net
 
2014-07-24 10:06:48 AM  

ChipNASA: Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?

He's British. It's a rule.


Since when is a Polish guy flying to Ireland British?
 
2014-07-24 10:07:35 AM  
Don't you have to pay like four dollars to get in the bathroom on a RyanAir flight? That should have tipped him off.
 
2014-07-24 10:09:30 AM  

trevzie: Pretty ironic. He's scared because it's his first flight.. so he drinks alcohol to calm his nerves.. almost opens a door and flies of the plane because of it.

Those doors should really have a lock based on an altimeter so they can't be opened at 30,000 feet.


Good thing they didn't tell him about the "wings fall off" switch.
 
2014-07-24 10:12:20 AM  

Spiralmonkey: ChipNASA: Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?

He's British. It's a rule.

Since when is a Polish guy flying to Ireland British?


Finally!  A Polish joke I haven't yet heard!
 
2014-07-24 10:12:49 AM  

Fista-Phobia: ib4 not possible psi


Too bad.  It was in the farking article.
 
2014-07-24 10:14:40 AM  

trevzie: Those doors should really have a lock based on an altimeter so they can't be opened at 30,000 feet.


They don't open at 30,000.  The guy moved the handle, that's all.  Even an elephant couldn't actually open the door in flight, there's no need for a lock.

Fubini: The judge is a little bit of a drama queen here. The door can't open in flight, it's designed that way.


Actually, it's designed so that in case of failure it can't open.  Keeping a passenger from opening it is an extra benefit.
 
2014-07-24 10:16:16 AM  

Spiralmonkey: ChipNASA: Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?

He's British. It's a rule.

Since when is a Polish guy flying to Ireland British?


If you fly a British Airways flight, you turn British.

I think I had a similar experience on a JAL flight.
 
2014-07-24 10:16:56 AM  
I know I should Google it, but I'm hung over. Does Ryanair really charge you to pee?
 
2014-07-24 10:22:53 AM  

ransack.: Spiralmonkey: ChipNASA: Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?

He's British. It's a rule.

Since when is a Polish guy flying to Ireland British?

If you fly a British Airways flight, you turn British.

I think I had a similar experience on a JAL flight.


You really think so?
 
2014-07-24 10:24:17 AM  
I thought Ryanair got rid of the toilets because no one was paying for them.
 
2014-07-24 10:26:37 AM  

BigNumber12: "he never stood a chance of opening it."


Glad somebody understands atmospheric pressure and how powerful it is.
 
2014-07-24 10:27:29 AM  

johnny_vegas: moel: "...i am a man, and as such incapable of exerting the best part of 3 tons of force on a door"

so a woman could?

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x368]

/ok, maybe


WTF is wrong with you posting that.
i1.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-07-24 10:28:18 AM  
Bubbles in my urine, oh yea.
 
2014-07-24 10:31:43 AM  

bobothemagnificent: johnny_vegas: moel: "...i am a man, and as such incapable of exerting the best part of 3 tons of force on a door"

so a woman could?

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x368]

/ok, maybe

WTF is wrong with you posting that.
[i1.kym-cdn.com image 500x350]


I tried to help with the eye bleach above.
 
2014-07-24 10:34:13 AM  

ransack.: Spiralmonkey: ChipNASA: Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?

He's British. It's a rule.

Since when is a Polish guy flying to Ireland British?

If you fly a British Airways flight, you turn British.

I think I had a similar experience on a JAL flight.


Ryanair are Irish so that would make him a plastic Paddy.

/last flight I took was KLM so now I'm culturally bound to smoke weed and comically mispronounce the letter S.
 
2014-07-24 10:36:20 AM  

Schmerd1948: I know I should Google it, but I'm hung over. Does Ryanair really charge you to pee?


Only if you want to do it in the toilet
 
2014-07-24 10:39:19 AM  

Spiralmonkey: ransack.: Spiralmonkey: ChipNASA: Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?

He's British. It's a rule.

Since when is a Polish guy flying to Ireland British?

If you fly a British Airways flight, you turn British.

I think I had a similar experience on a JAL flight.

Ryanair are Irish so that would make him a plastic Paddy.

/last flight I took was KLM so now I'm culturally bound to smoke weed and comically mispronounce the letter S.


thedirtyturban.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-24 10:39:37 AM  
I hate it when I'm getting good and drunk and well on my way to blackout island and the stewardess is all "sir, you need to wake up and land the plane."  Isn't that what she's there for?  I've seen movies.
 
2014-07-24 10:40:31 AM  

ChipNASA: ransack.: Spiralmonkey: ChipNASA: Diogenes: The court was told that the 26-year-old was drinking his own beer on the flight and moved towards the door to open it at 7.45pm.

I can't bring toothpaste on a flight but this guy slips a 6 pack on?

He's British. It's a rule.

Since when is a Polish guy flying to Ireland British?

If you fly a British Airways flight, you turn British.

I think I had a similar experience on a JAL flight.

You really think so?


He leally think so.
 
2014-07-24 10:47:00 AM  
Sounds like the door was...

*puts on sunglasses*

air locked.
 
2014-07-24 10:50:15 AM  

dascott: I hate it when I'm getting good and drunk and well on my way to blackout island and the stewardess is all "sir, you need to wake up and land the plane."  Isn't that what she's there for?  I've seen movies.


i.stack.imgur.com
 
2014-07-24 10:52:00 AM  
All of these drunk idiots doing stupid and/or violent acts are going to get in-flight liquor banned altogether.
 
2014-07-24 11:01:22 AM  

ransack.: Don't you have to pay like four dollars to get in the bathroom on a RyanAir flight? That should have tipped him off.


That's the thing, the exit door costs $10.
 
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