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(Newser)   Anyone want to go in with Jon Stewart and buy CNN?   (newser.com) divider line 58
    More: Spiffy  
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4837 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 23 Jul 2014 at 3:29 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-23 01:28:15 PM  
I'm in.  Put me down for $20.
 
2014-07-23 01:43:48 PM  
assets.diylol.com
 
2014-07-23 01:51:13 PM  
Can you imagine Jon taking it all Newsnight? Wouldn't that be freaking awesome? Calling people out on their BS and firing that jizz-over-anyone-in-pants wolf blitzer?
 
2014-07-23 01:52:49 PM  
For $25K, can do drugs with Fareed Zakaria?

Hellooooo, second mortgage! :P
 
2014-07-23 01:58:52 PM  

silo123j: Can you imagine Jon taking it all Newsnight? Wouldn't that be freaking awesome? Calling people out on their BS and firing that jizz-over-anyone-in-pants wolf blitzer?


For that alone, I'd put my $20 in.
 
2014-07-23 02:00:53 PM  
Hot damn.  If I had $100 to blow, I'd spend it on some good beer!

Wait.  That's not the question, was it?  Well, it's STILL my answer.
 
2014-07-23 02:06:14 PM  
Link is farked!
 
2014-07-23 02:20:34 PM  
A modern-day Will Rogers, this guy. Why does he shout so?
 
2014-07-23 02:41:14 PM  
Needs to be an actual Kickstarter.
 
2014-07-23 03:40:05 PM  
Buying CNN sounds a bit rich for my blood. How much to rent out Erin Burnett for a couple hours?
 
2014-07-23 03:40:34 PM  
Very funny.  Highly unlikely.
 
2014-07-23 03:41:38 PM  
For $10 billion we could probably find that plane and we wouldn't need CNN anyway.
 
2014-07-23 03:41:52 PM  
No
 
2014-07-23 03:47:34 PM  

EyeballKid: Buying CNN sounds a bit rich for my blood. How much to rent out Erin Burnett for a couple hours?


No can do, she's booked.  But for a fiver you can get Blitzer in a dutch oven.
 
2014-07-23 03:53:20 PM  
img.sharetv.com

Today, CNN. Tomorrow, die Welt.
 
2014-07-23 03:54:29 PM  

Myrdinn: Needs to be an actual Kickstarter.


This
 
2014-07-23 03:56:29 PM  
Dan Carlin is always asking for the keys to CNN.
 
2014-07-23 03:57:39 PM  
I don't get it.
 
2014-07-23 03:58:06 PM  

silo123j: Can you imagine Jon taking it all Newsnight? Wouldn't that be freaking awesome? Calling people out on their BS and firing that jizz-over-anyone-in-pants wolf blitzer?


Wolf Blitzer is a cardboard cutout of a newsman, so I won't argue he's useless; but what does that even mean? He fawns over every man he's ever interviewed (presumably meaning he's less kind to the women)?

Is this a thing I don't know about?
 
2014-07-23 04:00:06 PM  
I wonder how much could actually be raised if all his nightly viewers chipped in, say 20$. It'd be quite sad if a few million people couldn't hope to match the pocketbook of one corporation.
 
2014-07-23 04:00:25 PM  

Gunny Highway: Dan Carlin is always asking for the keys to CNN.


It's sad that this was my first thought too.

We should buy it for him.
 
2014-07-23 04:03:33 PM  

Jaden Smith First of His Name: Gunny Highway: Dan Carlin is always asking for the keys to CNN.

It's sad that this was my first thought too.

We should buy it for him.


If he can do what he says (half jokingly), I think it is worth a shot!

I am not sure I am the right guy to bank roll this operation though.
 
2014-07-23 04:05:41 PM  

imgod2u: I wonder how much could actually be raised if all his nightly viewers chipped in, say 20$. It'd be quite sad if a few million people couldn't hope to match the pocketbook of one corporation.


He'd get raise $15 and a half used box of chiclets.
 
2014-07-23 04:07:47 PM  
procrasti-nation.eu
 
2014-07-23 04:12:06 PM  
Only if this guarantees a Wrong-Off with McCain.
 
2014-07-23 04:21:23 PM  

imgod2u: I wonder how much could actually be raised if all his nightly viewers chipped in, say 20$. It'd be quite sad if a few million people couldn't hope to match the pocketbook of one corporation.


Colbert SuperPAC raised $1.23 million.  At best, that is what Stewart could hope for.
 
2014-07-23 04:24:07 PM  
I think it would be freakin' awesome if Rupert Murdoch owned it.  Level the playing field, so to speak.
 
2014-07-23 04:27:59 PM  

Prey4reign: Very funny.  Highly unlikely.


Yeah, this. It's a parody site not really Kickstarter.
Besides, Jon would lose too much comedy gold.
 
2014-07-23 04:30:19 PM  
If one million Daily Show viewers donated $20, that would put $20,000,000 in seed money on the table.

Now take that $20 million to Bain Capital and use it to borrow another $250 Million using the assets of the take-over target as collateral.

With that funding in place you then attract the usual group of VC types and hedge fund managers to pony up the rest of the cash and before you can say Stew-Beef, Jon Stewart is running CNN.

/If Jon Stewart doesn't follow that plan the you all know who will.

//It ain't Mitt Romney's dog Seamus

//It ain't Rafalca either.
 
2014-07-23 04:37:45 PM  
What would they do with the extra $9,999,999,996.50?
 
2014-07-23 04:43:37 PM  
Would this Kickstarter thing, if it were real, be buying CNN for Jon Stewart personally, or for Viacom, or would all contributors become shareholders? The latter would seem the best option, but that's not what Kickstarter is for, and could get that system in a lot of trouble if it were tried.
 
2014-07-23 04:45:32 PM  

karnal: I think it would be freakin' awesome if Rupert Murdoch owned it.  Level the playing field, so to speak.


I don't. How?
 
2014-07-23 04:46:33 PM  

acefox1: With that funding in place you then attract the usual group of VC types and hedge fund managers to pony up the rest of the cash and before you can say Stew-Beef, Jon Stewart is running doing whatever the actual investors tell him he has to with CNN.


FTFY. And the problem continues: "news" remains whatever makes profit. Scandals, celebrities, and fear.
 
2014-07-23 04:47:49 PM  

karnal: I think it would be freakin' awesome if Rupert Murdoch owned it.  Level the playing field, so to speak.


*pats head*
 
2014-07-23 04:49:11 PM  
It would become better news than anyone else has now...

jacmus.com
global3.memecdn.com
 
2014-07-23 04:51:09 PM  
Why would anyone buy CNN when they haven't solved missing Malaysia Flight 370 yet?
 
2014-07-23 04:57:02 PM  
How much do I have to kick in to get one night with her?
i889.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-23 04:59:56 PM  

Gunny Highway: Dan Carlin is always asking for the keys to CNN.


While the quality of product would certainly improve, I don't know if I could deal with waiting 3 weeks for breaking news and 4 months for a full program.
 
2014-07-23 05:05:34 PM  

rogue49: It would become better news than anyone else has now...

[jacmus.com image 300x300]
[global3.memecdn.com image 750x535]


The fools in Shakespeare were often the most honest characters.
 
2014-07-23 05:51:28 PM  
I don't know. Does it include James Earl Jones?
 
2014-07-23 05:54:41 PM  
Do we get HLN in the deal as well?  Does that mean we can fire Nancy Grace?
 
2014-07-23 05:55:51 PM  

extroverted_suicide: Gunny Highway: Dan Carlin is always asking for the keys to CNN.

While the quality of product would certainly improve, I don't know if I could deal with waiting 3 weeks for breaking news and 4 months for a full program.


Heh.

Speaking of which, tomorrow makes three months since Blueprint III was released.  Getting a bit antsy around here.
 
2014-07-23 05:57:32 PM  
I don't have cable, so why would I want a part of CNN?
 
2014-07-23 06:12:11 PM  

SBinRR: extroverted_suicide: Gunny Highway: Dan Carlin is always asking for the keys to CNN.

While the quality of product would certainly improve, I don't know if I could deal with waiting 3 weeks for breaking news and 4 months for a full program.

Heh.

Speaking of which, tomorrow makes three months since Blueprint III was released.  Getting a bit antsy around here.


I hate recommending his podcasts to people because it comes with the caveat that it's every two weeks maybe and anywhere between three months and never for Hardcore History. Dan Carlin may have died for all I know.
 
2014-07-23 06:17:26 PM  

EyeballKid: Buying CNN sounds a bit rich for my blood. How much to rent out Erin Burnett for a couple hours?


The things I would do to that woman would earn me a trial at The Hague.
 
2014-07-23 06:17:27 PM  

Jaden Smith First of His Name: SBinRR: extroverted_suicide: Gunny Highway: Dan Carlin is always asking for the keys to CNN.

While the quality of product would certainly improve, I don't know if I could deal with waiting 3 weeks for breaking news and 4 months for a full program.

Heh.

Speaking of which, tomorrow makes three months since Blueprint III was released.  Getting a bit antsy around here.

I hate recommending his podcasts to people because it comes with the caveat that it's every two weeks maybe and anywhere between three months and never for Hardcore History. Dan Carlin may have died for all I know.


I recommend the book "The War that Ended Peace" for the months in between.
 
2014-07-23 06:33:09 PM  

NateAsbestos: EyeballKid: Buying CNN sounds a bit rich for my blood. How much to rent out Erin Burnett for a couple hours?

The things I would do to that woman would earn me a trial at The Hague.


You can have her. I'll take Brooke Baldwin.
 
2014-07-23 06:58:50 PM  

CSM101: NateAsbestos: EyeballKid: Buying CNN sounds a bit rich for my blood. How much to rent out Erin Burnett for a couple hours?

The things I would do to that woman would earn me a trial at The Hague.

You can have her. I'll take Brooke Baldwin.


Deal.

I love it when a plan comes together.
 
2014-07-23 08:13:26 PM  

moothemagiccow: Myrdinn: Needs to be an actual Kickstarter.

This


That.
 
2014-07-23 08:49:52 PM  

silo123j: Can you imagine Jon taking it all Newsnight? Wouldn't that be freaking awesome? Calling people out on their BS and firing that jizz-over-anyone-in-pants wolf blitzer?


The problem with this scenario is the people in supposed power quit visiting your talking heads, so no more interviews for your reporters.
 
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