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(Delaware Online)   Failed robber sues the pizzeria workers he tried to stick up, claiming that he is the real victim   (delawareonline.com ) divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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9503 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jul 2014 at 3:32 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-23 12:01:56 AM  
In his motion, Sykes also wrote that he should be allowed to take back his plea because, "I'm not good at making good choices."

Well at least there's one thing we can all agree on.
 
2014-07-23 02:15:56 AM  
Sykes means "shiathead" in the Newcomer language.
 
2014-07-23 02:33:11 AM  
FTFA: in Sykes first 2011 complaint, which is significantly different than the most recent one, he claimed an unknown person robbed him at gunpoint "and then forced me, after giving me a gun, to [rob] a nearby Seasons Pizza."

Beyond the fact that this was clearly made up, is that really the best story you could possibly come up with for robbing the place?  Some guy pulled a gun on me and then he handed me a gun telling me to rob some people so I did?  There is more plot holes in that then the latest transformers movie.
 
2014-07-23 02:39:59 AM  
He admits he "displayed" a handgun...

Shove a gun in someone's face and they are justified to kill you.

Dumbass is lucky to be alive.

That noted, cops who taze too much and then deny due medical care are dangerous unprofessional assholes who should get kicked off the force and maybe do some jail time.
 
2014-07-23 03:35:14 AM  
This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.
 
2014-07-23 03:44:31 AM  
All of the Season's Pizza employees participated in punching, kicking and pouring hot soup over my body.

I would have enjoyed watching that. I also probably would have faked a Soup Nazi accent and said, "Soup for you!"
 
2014-07-23 03:46:25 AM  

Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.


Doughn't go there.
 
2014-07-23 03:51:17 AM  
There are retarded lawsuits then there is this one which may set a new Simple Jack bar.
 
2014-07-23 03:59:46 AM  

akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.


You two knead to stop!
 
2014-07-23 03:59:54 AM  
"That is when the assault began," according to Sykes' suit.

Funny, I would have said the assault began when he brandished the gun. Or does this doofus not know what "assault" means? (I already know the answer to that.)
 
2014-07-23 04:01:51 AM  

quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!


I'm willing to give pizza chance.
 
2014-07-23 04:06:42 AM  
What I want to know is, is anyone actually desperate enough for work to represent this moron?
 
2014-07-23 04:14:52 AM  

NickBush24: What I want to know is, is anyone actually desperate enough for work to represent this moron?


FTA:  Sykes also claims in his suit, filed without an attorney,

My guess would be no as there would be no money to be made off this.
 
2014-07-23 04:15:53 AM  

NickBush24: What I want to know is, is anyone actually desperate enough for work to represent this moron?


1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com
 
2014-07-23 04:32:48 AM  
Wall Street steals trillions from citizens, homeowners with mortgages, Occupy Wall Street gets arrested because the bankers are the real victims.
 
2014-07-23 04:36:13 AM  

NickBush24: What I want to know is, is anyone actually desperate enough for work to represent this moron?


On that same note, I've always thought that it should customary that the lawyer representing him in his suit should also have his picture in the article

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-07-23 04:46:38 AM  

Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.


Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?
 
2014-07-23 05:08:21 AM  

Lafiel: Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.

Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?


What kind of cheesy question is that?
 
2014-07-23 05:12:05 AM  
Time for the employees to counter-sue for the mental trauma that his robbery caused them.

The judge must be bored if she didn't toss this.
 
2014-07-23 05:19:31 AM  
Wasn't this done on Married With Children? I think the guy sad "I can no longer rob people", or something like that. I would be nice if this dope would learn from this, It's not nice to point a gun at people and demand money!
 
2014-07-23 05:49:36 AM  

cantsleep: Lafiel: Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.

Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?

What kind of cheesy question is that?


I never sausage nonsense
 
2014-07-23 06:08:36 AM  
Shortly after entering his plea, Sykes attempted to withdraw it claiming in a motion that he had not taken his medication that day.

i.walmartimages.com
http://www.walmart.com/ip/Only-Natural-Smart-Pill-30-Tablets/2750725 6
 
2014-07-23 06:18:10 AM  
Thing is that in a couple decades he'll be in front of a parole board going: "I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone, and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshiat word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shiat."
 
2014-07-23 06:27:17 AM  
Should have shot hm with his own gun and saved everybody the expense and hassle.
 
2014-07-23 06:37:37 AM  
I think U.S. District Judge Sue L. Robinson should have her gavel shoved up her arse for this. There might be a point to police officers who should be held to a professional standard tazing a person who is already subdued, but the pizzeria employees are not professionals and were protecting themselves. It is to be expected that they might go overboard in the excitement of the moment. The pizzeria in the future will have to cover itself by immediately firing the employees involved in any future robbery who try to protect themselves.

Now we have to rely on a random jury to sort all this out, and juries are like mobs in some respects -- they are unpredictable and easily led.
 
2014-07-23 06:54:25 AM  

Mirandized: I think U.S. District Judge Sue L. Robinson should have her gavel shoved up her arse for this. There might be a point to police officers who should be held to a professional standard tazing a person who is already subdued, but the pizzeria employees are not professionals and were protecting themselves. It is to be expected that they might go overboard in the excitement of the moment. The pizzeria in the future will have to cover itself by immediately firing the employees involved in any future robbery who try to protect themselves.

Now we have to rely on a random jury to sort all this out, and juries are like mobs in some respects -- they are unpredictable and easily led.


It likely won't go that far.  It's not going to trial on a this point, just moving forward.  But yes, the defendants will likely have to waste some money on lawyers due to this shiat.
 
2014-07-23 07:17:02 AM  

DigitalCoffee: Thing is that in a couple decades he'll be in front of a parole board going: "I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone, and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshiat word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shiat."


Don't make me read the lawsuit in Morgan Freeman's voice.  This jackass is not worthy of it.

/titty sprinkles
 
2014-07-23 07:18:03 AM  

jehovahs witness protection: Should have shot hm with his own gun and saved everybody the expense and hassle.


I figure most criminals have a missing cog, the one that tells you that if you attempt to rob someone at gunpoint, a whole host of possible escalations might take place, including hot soup.
 
2014-07-23 07:40:58 AM  
Where's Jackson and Sharpton in all of this? Oh that's right, no money to be made off this one.
 
2014-07-23 07:52:29 AM  
Can we get Judge Judy to officiate this suit? I'd bring popcorn.
 
2014-07-23 08:00:48 AM  

Klivian: cantsleep: Lafiel: Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.

Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?

What kind of cheesy question is that?

I never sausage nonsense


He's a saucy fellow.
 
2014-07-23 08:02:18 AM  

Mirandized: I think U.S. District Judge Sue L. Robinson should have her gavel shoved up her arse for this. There might be a point to police officers who should be held to a professional standard tazing a person who is already subdued, but the pizzeria employees are not professionals and were protecting themselves. It is to be expected that they might go overboard in the excitement of the moment. The pizzeria in the future will have to cover itself by immediately firing the employees involved in any future robbery who try to protect themselves.

Now we have to rely on a random jury to sort all this out, and juries are like mobs in some respects -- they are unpredictable and easily led.


Nope, it'll be dismissed at half-time.
 
2014-07-23 08:08:22 AM  

stan unusual: Klivian: cantsleep: Lafiel: Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.

Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?

What kind of cheesy question is that?

I never sausage nonsense

He's a saucy fellow.


I see I have no chance of topping that.
 
2014-07-23 08:11:13 AM  

Warchild: Sykes means "shiathead" in the Newcomer language.


Thanks for making sour milk squirt out my nose.
 
2014-07-23 08:12:57 AM  

Klivian: cantsleep: Lafiel: Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.

Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?

What kind of cheesy question is that?

I never sausage nonsense


You guys are far too saucy for this thread.
 
2014-07-23 08:13:44 AM  

stan unusual: Klivian: cantsleep: Lafiel: Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.

Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?

What kind of cheesy question is that?

I never sausage nonsense

He's a saucy fellow.


::shakes tiny, impotent fist of rage::
 
2014-07-23 08:17:21 AM  

Road Rash: stan unusual: Klivian: cantsleep: Lafiel: Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.

Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?

What kind of cheesy question is that?

I never sausage nonsense

He's a saucy fellow.

I see I have no chance of topping that.


Come now, you seem the crusty sort
 
2014-07-23 08:20:25 AM  
Local pizzeria was robbed at gunpoint. The owner had a gun in the safe but held off using it (and would have let the robber leave with the cash) until the perp threatened a woman and her son. Then he shot the dumbass robber dead.

Zero farks were given about the robber, not even the "he was a good, church-going boy who loved life and was going to college on a scholarship" crap we usually hear from the deceased's mother.
 
2014-07-23 08:21:30 AM  
You'd have to be pretty baked to hold up that pizza shop.
 
2014-07-23 08:21:53 AM  

fat boy: Where's Jackson and Sharpton in all of this? Oh that's right, no money to be made off this one.


i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-23 08:32:06 AM  
quatchi:
That noted, cops who taze too much and then deny due medical care are dangerous unprofessional assholes who should get kicked off the force and maybe do some jail time.

Um, you do get that they denied releasing him on his own accord is how he is viewing denying medical care?  Because they have medical staff on hand at the jail to determine if he needs a bandaid or ER visit.  And I'm sure he was tazed for not allowing his arms to be handcuffed behind his back.  I really hope you don't end up on the jury, or this will be another McD fiasco.

/Saw a video of a guy resisting arrest and an officer punching him.  The crowd finally stopped yelling at the officer and told the young guy to stop resisting so the officer would stop punching.  I think people are starting to learn.
 
2014-07-23 08:45:03 AM  
*reads headline*

gonna guess black....

*reads article*

yep.
 
2014-07-23 08:48:31 AM  
FTFA: "All of the Season's Pizza employees participated in punching, kicking and pouring hot soup over my body. I was unarmed and defenseless and had to suffer a brutal beating by all of the employees of Seasons Pizza,"

Well, as long as he realized that he *had* to suffer...
 
2014-07-23 08:49:06 AM  
Lesson learned.  If I'm going to resist a robbery, make sure I kill the bastard(s).
 
2014-07-23 08:57:05 AM  

suziequzie: FTFA: "All of the Season's Pizza employees participated in punching, kicking and pouring hot soup over my body. I was unarmed and defenseless and had to suffer a brutal beating by all of the employees of Seasons Pizza,"

Well, as long as he realized that he *had* to suffer...


Serves him right to suffer, serves him right to be alone....
 
2014-07-23 09:03:06 AM  
"That is when the assault began," according to Sykes' suit. "All of the Season's Pizza employees participated in punching, kicking and pouring hot soup over my body. I was unarmed and defenseless and had to suffer a brutal beating by all of the employees of Seasons Pizza," he wrote, adding the beating knocked him unconscious.

And then your shoes fell off?
 
2014-07-23 09:03:40 AM  

Danger Avoid Death: give pizza a


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-07-23 09:12:00 AM  

Klivian: Road Rash: stan unusual: Klivian: cantsleep: Lafiel: Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.

Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?

What kind of cheesy question is that?

I never sausage nonsense

He's a saucy fellow.

I see I have no chance of topping that.

Come now, you seem the crusty sort


I don't think olive the people here enjoy this type of humor.
 
2014-07-23 09:22:48 AM  
Why is a pizzeria serving soup? I needs to know!
 
2014-07-23 09:30:41 AM  

Plissken: Klivian: Road Rash: stan unusual: Klivian: cantsleep: Lafiel: Danger Avoid Death: quatchi: akede: Danger Avoid Death: This is just ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

Doughn't go there.

You two knead to stop!

I'm willing to give pizza chance.

Were all of you bread this way to make these puns?

What kind of cheesy question is that?

I never sausage nonsense

He's a saucy fellow.

I see I have no chance of topping that.

Come now, you seem the crusty sort

I don't think olive the people here enjoy this type of humor.


Comments like these do tend to pepper the thread
 
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