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(Sun Sentinel)   Woman discovered sleeping in a car wearing only her lingerie tries to run over a cop in one of the most Florida stories ever   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line 39
    More: Florida  
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7989 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jul 2014 at 10:19 PM (22 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



39 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-07-22 08:13:13 PM  
Took one for the team:

DON'T LOOK, ETHEL!
 
2014-07-22 09:07:18 PM  
How did they know it was her lingerie?
 
2014-07-22 09:31:31 PM  
www.trbimg.com
You're welcome
 
2014-07-22 09:36:19 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: [www.trbimg.com image 393x525]
You're welcome


I feel like she should be eating a Baby Ruth and talking about how much she loves Chunk.
 
2014-07-22 10:23:44 PM  
If a nice looking woman is wearing it, it's "lingerie". If it's a pig-beast wearing it, it's "sleepwear".
 
2014-07-22 10:25:27 PM  
(picture the pic of that SUV in LA with 100 cop bullet holes in it)

She is lucky to be alive.
 
2014-07-22 10:33:12 PM  
I remember once i got a call of a guy sleeping in his car, in the middle of an intersection. When i got there, sure enough, there was a car spang dead center of the intersection. Flipped on the lights and walked up, saw the guy laying on the seat sawing wood. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... And despite my attempts to awaken him by banging on the window with my Mag light, he remained in a blissful drunken stupor, with the contents of his dinner displayed on his shirt and the seat, as well as the console. I thought perhaps he had drowned in his own vomit. Not able to hook up the tow truck or, move the car at all while it was in the middle of the road, I gave him one last warning, and bashed the window out, to gain entry to the a fore mentioned vomit speckled vehicle.

Upon my doing so, the drunk in the front seat decided it was a good time to wake up, and staggered out of the vehicle, mumbling and randomly attempting to wipe the vomit off his obvious salvation army bargain rack shirt. it was also apparent that this person had shat himself, and he was leaving little puddles of crap on the ground with every squelchy step. Reluctant to touch this suspect, i ordered him to the ground, and was gratified that he had enough common sense to comply.

About this time, a new officer pulled up to check that everything was ok, and i told him that i had another call, and that this guy needed arrested, (gave details) and that his car needed towed. And i would consider it a personal favor if he would do the honors. Glad to oblige, (as he was new and wanted to score points) he agreed.

As i pulled away, the new officer was putting the actor in the back of his car, while screaming epithets at me while shaking his fist in the air. (seen from rear view mirror as i pulled away) I couldn't stop laughing. That poor guy found barf bags and handi wipes in his squad for years after that.

/Good times.
 
2014-07-22 10:33:24 PM  
Go on....
 
2014-07-22 10:39:25 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: [www.trbimg.com image 393x525]
You're welcome


She was great as Varys the eunuch in Game of Thrones.
 
2014-07-22 10:40:24 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: I remember once i got a call of a guy sleeping in his car, in the middle of an intersection. When i got there, sure enough, there was a car spang dead center of the intersection. Flipped on the lights and walked up, saw the guy laying on the seat sawing wood. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... And despite my attempts to awaken him by banging on the window with my Mag light, he remained in a blissful drunken stupor, with the contents of his dinner displayed on his shirt and the seat, as well as the console. I thought perhaps he had drowned in his own vomit. Not able to hook up the tow truck or, move the car at all while it was in the middle of the road, I gave him one last warning, and bashed the window out, to gain entry to the a fore mentioned vomit speckled vehicle.

Upon my doing so, the drunk in the front seat decided it was a good time to wake up, and staggered out of the vehicle, mumbling and randomly attempting to wipe the vomit off his obvious salvation army bargain rack shirt. it was also apparent that this person had shat himself, and he was leaving little puddles of crap on the ground with every squelchy step. Reluctant to touch this suspect, i ordered him to the ground, and was gratified that he had enough common sense to comply.

About this time, a new officer pulled up to check that everything was ok, and i told him that i had another call, and that this guy needed arrested, (gave details) and that his car needed towed. And i would consider it a personal favor if he would do the honors. Glad to oblige, (as he was new and wanted to score points) he agreed.

As i pulled away, the new officer was putting the actor in the back of his car, while screaming epithets at me while shaking his fist in the air. (seen from rear view mirror as i pulled away) I couldn't stop laughing. That poor guy found barf bags and handi wipes in his squad for years after that.

/Good times.

Dude, you're not helping with the "Cops aren't all jerks assertion" but still...
That is effing hilarious.
 
2014-07-22 10:40:37 PM  
I would have let myself in for a drink and a feel.
 
2014-07-22 10:44:12 PM  

farkingismybusiness: MaudlinMutantMollusk: [www.trbimg.com image 393x525]
You're welcome

She was great as Varys the eunuch in Game of Thrones.


Personally, I was wondering ...

img.fark.net

... if she had ...

1000words1000days.com

... diplomatic immunity.
 
2014-07-22 10:44:20 PM  

Salmon: I would have let myself in for a drink and a feel.


You must didn't see her picture.
 
2014-07-22 10:45:45 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: farkingismybusiness: MaudlinMutantMollusk: [www.trbimg.com image 393x525]
You're welcome

She was great as Varys the eunuch in Game of Thrones.

Personally, I was wondering ...

[img.fark.net image 393x525]

... if she had ...

[1000words1000days.com image 575x370]

... diplomatic immunity.


That's the bad guy from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey right? I couldn't decide between the two.
 
2014-07-22 10:46:35 PM  
Subby, if it was the most Florida story ever, this woman would have had been wearing Mickey Mouse ears, eating a slimjim, and had citrus air fresheners hanging from her hair, with a sun bleached newspaper on the dashboard talking about hanging chads.

The cops would have then been surprised to find 13 baby alligators and assorted reptiles in her trunk, and by that time a sinkhole would have spontaneously appeared and began swallowing a nearby mailbox and then taking in parked cars.

Followed by a black teen in a hoodie screaming as he dropped his bag of skittles as he ran away from a local crackhead freaking out on bath salts who is biting chunks out of trees in the park.

/Am I missing anything?
 
2014-07-22 10:48:03 PM  
Well, at least it was a woman.

/article being from the Wang state, you can never be sure.
 
2014-07-22 10:48:20 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: Salmon: I would have let myself in for a drink and a feel.

You must didn't see her picture.


that's what the drink is for.
 
2014-07-22 10:55:08 PM  
incomefile.comwww.iamhiphopmagazine.comthenypost.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-22 11:08:39 PM  

strangeluck: Subby, if it was the most Florida story ever, this woman would have had been wearing Mickey Mouse ears, eating a slimjim, and had citrus air fresheners hanging from her hair, with a sun bleached newspaper on the dashboard talking about hanging chads.

The cops would have then been surprised to find 13 baby alligators and assorted reptiles in her trunk, and by that time a sinkhole would have spontaneously appeared and began swallowing a nearby mailbox and then taking in parked cars.

Followed by a black teen in a hoodie screaming as he dropped his bag of skittles as he ran away from a local crackhead freaking out on bath salts who is biting chunks out of trees in the park.

/Am I missing anything?


Yes, she was originally from Jersey, Rhode Island, Ohio, or upstate New York.
 
2014-07-22 11:11:30 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: farkingismybusiness: MaudlinMutantMollusk: [www.trbimg.com image 393x525]
You're welcome

She was great as Varys the eunuch in Game of Thrones.

Personally, I was wondering ...



... if she had ...



... diplomatic immunity.


Was just revoked...
 
2014-07-22 11:15:11 PM  

eas81: [incomefile.com image 740x556][www.iamhiphopmagazine.com image 528x711][thenypost.files.wordpress.com image 850x566]


I approve of your humanitarian efforts.  Please proceed.
 
2014-07-22 11:30:51 PM  

strangeluck: Subby, if it was the most Florida story ever, this woman would have had been wearing Mickey Mouse ears, eating a slimjim, and had citrus air fresheners hanging from her hair, with a sun bleached newspaper on the dashboard talking about hanging chads.

The cops would have then been surprised to find 13 baby alligators and assorted reptiles in her trunk, and by that time a sinkhole would have spontaneously appeared and began swallowing a nearby mailbox and then taking in parked cars.

Followed by a black teen in a hoodie screaming as he dropped his bag of skittles as he ran away from a local crackhead freaking out on bath salts who is biting chunks out of trees in the park.

/Am I missing anything?


you forgot a politician getting caught getting a blowjob by a Haitian transgender that had a butt implant consisting of spackle and crisco
OOO and I forgot- a hurricane comes up, forms a tornado that causes the meth lab in a trailer park to explode
 
2014-07-22 11:33:28 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: [www.trbimg.com image 393x525]
You're welcome


she is awful, but not surprised, was actually expecting worse like that gal that was caught banging her man friend in a dumpster.  if a cop found a hot chick drunk in her car in lingerie it wouldn't make the news or arrest records.
 
2014-07-22 11:38:12 PM  

RoyHobbs22: MaudlinMutantMollusk: [www.trbimg.com image 393x525]
You're welcome

she is awful, but not surprised, was actually expecting worse like that gal that was caught banging her man friend in a dumpster.  if a cop found a hot chick drunk in her car in lingerie it wouldn't make the news or arrest records.


I think it's the absolute absence of eyebrows that makes her more creepy to me

/FFS, lady... Sharpies are cheap
 
2014-07-22 11:43:27 PM  
I was wondering how the car had been wearing her lingerie...but seeing the pic answered that question admirably. Also why it tried to run over the cop in its frantic efforts to escape that hambeast inside.
 
2014-07-22 11:50:42 PM  
Bit 'o Grisle- your story was more entertaining than any of the responses and the article! Thanks!
 
2014-07-22 11:56:50 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: I remember once i got a call of a guy sleeping in his car, in the middle of an intersection. When i got there, sure enough, there was a car spang dead center of the intersection. Flipped on the lights and walked up, saw the guy laying on the seat sawing wood. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... And despite my attempts to awaken him by banging on the window with my Mag light, he remained in a blissful drunken stupor, with the contents of his dinner displayed on his shirt and the seat, as well as the console. I thought perhaps he had drowned in his own vomit. Not able to hook up the tow truck or, move the car at all while it was in the middle of the road, I gave him one last warning, and bashed the window out, to gain entry to the a fore mentioned vomit speckled vehicle.

Upon my doing so, the drunk in the front seat decided it was a good time to wake up, and staggered out of the vehicle, mumbling and randomly attempting to wipe the vomit off his obvious salvation army bargain rack shirt. it was also apparent that this person had shat himself, and he was leaving little puddles of crap on the ground with every squelchy step. Reluctant to touch this suspect, i ordered him to the ground, and was gratified that he had enough common sense to comply.

About this time, a new officer pulled up to check that everything was ok, and i told him that i had another call, and that this guy needed arrested, (gave details) and that his car needed towed. And i would consider it a personal favor if he would do the honors. Glad to oblige, (as he was new and wanted to score points) he agreed.

As i pulled away, the new officer was putting the actor in the back of his car, while screaming epithets at me while shaking his fist in the air. (seen from rear view mirror as i pulled away) I couldn't stop laughing. That poor guy found barf bags and handi wipes in his squad for years after that.

/Good times.


Whatever it was, you were not paid enough.
 
2014-07-22 11:57:31 PM  

biatchqueen: strangeluck: Subby, if it was the most Florida story ever, this woman would have had been wearing Mickey Mouse ears, eating a slimjim, and had citrus air fresheners hanging from her hair, with a sun bleached newspaper on the dashboard talking about hanging chads.

The cops would have then been surprised to find 13 baby alligators and assorted reptiles in her trunk, and by that time a sinkhole would have spontaneously appeared and began swallowing a nearby mailbox and then taking in parked cars.

Followed by a black teen in a hoodie screaming as he dropped his bag of skittles as he ran away from a local crackhead freaking out on bath salts who is biting chunks out of trees in the park.

/Am I missing anything?

you forgot a politician getting caught getting a blowjob by a Haitian transgender that had a butt implant consisting of spackle and crisco
OOO and I forgot- a hurricane comes up, forms a tornado that causes the meth lab in a trailer park to explode


Excellent addition!
 
2014-07-23 12:09:12 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: [www.trbimg.com image 393x525]
You're welcome


she appears to be either one of your brighter floridians, or the victim of some sort of brains sucking parasite slug.

img.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-23 02:18:48 AM  
YOU try being a few pounds overweight and trying to keep cool in this damn weather!
 
2014-07-23 03:16:42 AM  
Why was the car wearing her lingerie?
 
2014-07-23 03:33:23 AM  

JonnyBGoode: Why was the car wearing her lingerie?


img.xcitefun.net

It liked the fit.
 
2014-07-23 04:40:11 AM  

Bit'O'Gristle: I remember once i got a call of a guy sleeping in his car, in the middle of an intersection. When i got there, sure enough, there was a car spang dead center of the intersection. Flipped on the lights and walked up, saw the guy laying on the seat sawing wood. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... And despite my attempts to awaken him by banging on the window with my Mag light, he remained in a blissful drunken stupor, with the contents of his dinner displayed on his shirt and the seat, as well as the console. I thought perhaps he had drowned in his own vomit. Not able to hook up the tow truck or, move the car at all while it was in the middle of the road, I gave him one last warning, and bashed the window out, to gain entry to the a fore mentioned vomit speckled vehicle.

Upon my doing so, the drunk in the front seat decided it was a good time to wake up, and staggered out of the vehicle, mumbling and randomly attempting to wipe the vomit off his obvious salvation army bargain rack shirt. it was also apparent that this person had shat himself, and he was leaving little puddles of crap on the ground with every squelchy step. Reluctant to touch this suspect, i ordered him to the ground, and was gratified that he had enough common sense to comply.

About this time, a new officer pulled up to check that everything was ok, and i told him that i had another call, and that this guy needed arrested, (gave details) and that his car needed towed. And i would consider it a personal favor if he would do the honors. Glad to oblige, (as he was new and wanted to score points) he agreed.

As i pulled away, the new officer was putting the actor in the back of his car, while screaming epithets at me while shaking his fist in the air. (seen from rear view mirror as i pulled away) I couldn't stop laughing. That poor guy found barf bags and handi wipes in his squad for years after that.

/Good times.


That's why the FSM invented rookies.
 
2014-07-23 06:01:47 AM  
Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman sent me this story and told me it was the perfect Florida story...

I wrote him back and told him it was not the perfect Florida story because it didn't say anything about momma or trains or trucks or prison or getting drunk...

Well he sat down and added another chapter to his story...

And I realized he had in fact written the perfect Florida story.

And I feel proud to read it to you here tonight...

"It was. all that I could do, to keep from crying..."
 
2014-07-23 08:46:10 AM  

strangeluck: Subby, if it was the most Florida story ever, this woman would have had been wearing Mickey Mouse ears, eating a slimjim, and had citrus air fresheners hanging from her hair, with a sun bleached newspaper on the dashboard talking about hanging chads.

The cops would have then been surprised to find 13 baby alligators and assorted reptiles in her trunk, and by that time a sinkhole would have spontaneously appeared and began swallowing a nearby mailbox and then taking in parked cars.

Followed by a black teen in a hoodie screaming as he dropped his bag of skittles as he ran away from a local crackhead freaking out on bath salts who is biting chunks out of trees in the park.

/Am I missing anything?


My mom.
 
2014-07-23 09:15:15 AM  
This is because of the retarded DUI/DWI laws that say if you're drunk in a car sleeping and have the keys in your pocket that counts a drunk driving.

Someone sleeping in their car should not be just cause for police involvement. Due to the Constitutional protections against search and seizure, he case should be dismissed.
 
2014-07-23 09:57:00 AM  
Was it a pair of lingerie?
 
2014-07-23 11:44:36 AM  
GGGGGAAAAAHHHHH, I haven't even had coffee yet.
 
2014-07-23 03:57:47 PM  

The English Major: MaudlinMutantMollusk: [www.trbimg.com image 393x525]
You're welcome

I feel like she should be eating a baby Ruth and talking about how much she loves Chunk.


FTFY
 
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