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(KPTV Portland)   Man steals hammer from Walmart, uses it to steal 22 guns from Fred Meyer   (kptv.com ) divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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4311 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jul 2014 at 8:01 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



65 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2014-07-22 05:33:27 PM  
Clearly we need stricter hammer control legislation.
 
2014-07-22 05:34:45 PM  
Did he steal 22 guns, or did he steal a .22 gun?
 
2014-07-22 05:35:20 PM  
Wait, this went green. I should clarify that my above comment is not an earnest question, but rather a joke.
 
2014-07-22 05:37:02 PM  
This completely derails Rock, Paper, Scissors.
 
2014-07-22 05:49:49 PM  
Why didn't he just steal guns from Walmart?
 
2014-07-22 06:01:48 PM  
That's as many as two elevens. And that's indivisible.
 
2014-07-22 06:13:42 PM  
I did not know Fred Meyer sold guns.
 
2014-07-22 06:14:31 PM  

Snarfangel: That's as many as two elevens. And that's indivisible.


What are you talking about?  I can see them!
 
2014-07-22 06:26:14 PM  
While this story was odd enough (what kind of miserable security does FM have where someone can smash a display case, take 22 pistols, put them in a (also stolen) backpack & stroll out of the store?  Yes, I know - miserable...), what was with the 'related story' off to the side about two guys sexually abusing cows (from Feb).  How is a guy stealing pistols related to that?

/meth's a hell of a drug
//say goodbye to this idiot for at least 20 years after the DA is done piling on all the deserved charges
 
2014-07-22 06:30:10 PM  
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning.
 
2014-07-22 06:31:19 PM  
Clearly, hammers are gateway weapons.
 
2014-07-22 06:37:40 PM  
In the business world, this is what we call "vertical integration".
 
2014-07-22 06:38:29 PM  
What was this guy Fred doing with 22 guns anyway?
 
2014-07-22 06:46:30 PM  

FoonFlake: What was this guy Fred doing with 22 guns anyway?


Anything more than a double barrelled shotgun is overkill.  Not sure how Mr. Biden feels about claw hammers v. roofing hammers and tack hammers.
 
2014-07-22 06:51:22 PM  

Chris Ween: FoonFlake: What was this guy Fred doing with 22 guns anyway?

Anything more than a double barrelled shotgun is overkill.  Not sure how Mr. Biden feels about claw hammers v. roofing hammers and tack hammers.



The hammer was pretty scary. Here's a picture of the clown that did it:
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-07-22 06:57:41 PM  

Snarfangel: Chris Ween: FoonFlake: What was this guy Fred doing with 22 guns anyway?

Anything more than a double barrelled shotgun is overkill.  Not sure how Mr. Biden feels about claw hammers v. roofing hammers and tack hammers.


The hammer was pretty scary. Here's a picture of the clown that did it:
[i1.ytimg.com image 480x360]


Assault Hammer with an elongated shaft and large baffle head.
 
2014-07-22 07:05:03 PM  

Chris Ween: FoonFlake: What was this guy Fred doing with 22 guns anyway?

Anything more than a double barrelled shotgun is overkill.  Not sure how Mr. Biden feels about claw hammers v. roofing hammers and tack hammers.


theshelternetwork.com
 
2014-07-22 07:07:36 PM  

lindalouwho: This completely derails Rock, Paper, Scissors.


Hammer breaks rock. Hammer cuts paper. Hammer smashes scissors.

Hammer wins.

/hammer time
 
2014-07-22 07:15:13 PM  
no mention of the steely ball-peen?
 
2014-07-22 07:18:02 PM  

Recoil Therapy: While this story was odd enough (what kind of miserable security does FM have where someone can smash a display case, take 22 pistols, put them in a (also stolen) backpack & stroll out of the store?  Yes, I know - miserable...), what was with the 'related story' off to the side about two guys sexually abusing cows (from Feb).  How is a guy stealing pistols related to that?

/meth's a hell of a drug
//say goodbye to this idiot for at least 20 years after the DA is done piling on all the deserved charges


The cow was HIS woman, dammit.
 
2014-07-22 07:28:14 PM  

snuffy: no mention of the steely ball-peen?


Or the MC...the scariest hammer of all. In fact you might say 'you can't touch this' hammer
 
2014-07-22 07:44:21 PM  
mojoimage.com
 
2014-07-22 08:07:41 PM  
All you need is Meijer in there and the trifecta would have been complete.
 
2014-07-22 08:09:27 PM  
STOP!

i192.photobucket.com

... Hammer time!

/oblig
 
2014-07-22 08:11:10 PM  

phlegmmo: Clearly, hammers are gateway weapons.


Hah!!

Actually, I blame the store! How the hell can someone smash open a display case, stuff 2 dozen guns into a backpack and just walk out? At least in CA all the guns are behind counters, often locked up and are rarely unattended then.

Interesting how quickly they were spread to the criminal element, meaning they aquire them regardless of legality...
 
2014-07-22 08:12:21 PM  
Did anyone yell halt?
img1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-07-22 08:12:45 PM  
Cue Peter, Paul & Mary...
 
2014-07-22 08:16:42 PM  
"[...] stealing a hammer from Walmart in Woodburn and using it to steal guns from Fred Meyer [...]"

So who says that American Know-how and Ingenuity is dead?
 
2014-07-22 08:18:16 PM  
Sounds like he's on a roll.
 
2014-07-22 08:20:30 PM  

Percise1: phlegmmo: Clearly, hammers are gateway weapons.

Hah!!

Actually, I blame the store! How the hell can someone smash open a display case, stuff 2 dozen guns into a backpack and just walk out? At least in CA all the guns are behind counters, often locked up and are rarely unattended then.

Interesting how quickly they were spread to the criminal element, meaning they aquire them regardless of legality...


No need to bother with securing guns. Give everyone a gun, clearly the good guys will stop the bad guys and an armed society is a polite society anyway. Clearly we need to arrest the guy who stole the guns and make him reimburse the corporation that he took them from though, otherwise their insurance premiums might go up and they'll have to lower the store employees wages. Meh, nevermind the insurance rates will continue to go up for no clear reason and the store owners will continue to insist the employees wages need to go down because FREE MARKET!!!

/I'm done
 
2014-07-22 08:21:29 PM  

fusillade762: I did not know Fred Meyer sold guns.


This.  None near me sell guns.  BiMart and loads of others, but not at Freddies.
 
2014-07-22 08:22:10 PM  
Now he can parlay those guns into a howitzer, then work up to a Stealth Bomber!
 
2014-07-22 08:22:27 PM  
I don't remember the rest of this joke, but the gist of it is, the gorillas simply freeze in the winter.
 
2014-07-22 08:33:07 PM  
... what does he needs to steal for which he needs 22 guns?
 
2014-07-22 08:38:44 PM  

squirrelflavoredyogurt: Percise1: phlegmmo: Clearly, hammers are gateway weapons.

Hah!!

Actually, I blame the store! How the hell can someone smash open a display case, stuff 2 dozen guns into a backpack and just walk out? At least in CA all the guns are behind counters, often locked up and are rarely unattended then.

Interesting how quickly they were spread to the criminal element, meaning they aquire them regardless of legality...

No need to bother with securing guns. Give everyone a gun, clearly the good guys will stop the bad guys and an armed society is a polite society anyway. Clearly we need to arrest the guy who stole the guns and make him reimburse the corporation that he took them from though, otherwise their insurance premiums might go up and they'll have to lower the store employees wages. Meh, nevermind the insurance rates will continue to go up for no clear reason and the store owners will continue to insist the employees wages need to go down because FREE MARKET!!!

/I'm done


I'm glad. What idiotic drivel...
 
2014-07-22 08:43:26 PM  
22 guns and not 1  bullet
 
2014-07-22 08:55:11 PM  
If only there had been a good guy with a hammer to stop him!
 
2014-07-22 08:55:12 PM  
Wait. Was his name Maxwell?
 
2014-07-22 08:57:41 PM  

lindalouwho: Wait. Was his name Maxwell?


Silverhammeer
 
2014-07-22 09:00:39 PM  
i1.ytimg.com

For what reason am I the first?
 
2014-07-22 09:02:02 PM  

fusillade762: I did not know Fred Meyer sold guns.


I noticed that at the Fred Meyer in Newport, OR about a year ago, and now they're selling them at my local one....

/ this still seems a little odd to me
// i don't think of handguns as a "normal" commodity; something you buy along with your beer & groceries....
 
2014-07-22 09:05:58 PM  

Forbidden Doughnut: fusillade762: I did not know Fred Meyer sold guns.

I noticed that at the Fred Meyer in Newport, OR about a year ago, and now they're selling them at my local one....

/ this still seems a little odd to me
// i don't think of handguns as a "normal" commodity; something you buy along with your beer & groceries....


Really?!
*facepalm*
 
2014-07-22 09:07:10 PM  

Chris Ween: In the business world, this is what we call "vertical integration".


Yeah, you're not in the business world. Thanks for playing.
 
2014-07-22 09:08:17 PM  

syrynxx: Now he can parlay those guns into a howitzer, then work up to a Stealth Bomber!


Oneredpaperclip.com
 
2014-07-22 09:13:00 PM  

Dimensio: [i1.ytimg.com image 480x360]

For what reason am I the first?


Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
 
2014-07-22 09:13:26 PM  

DoctorCal: Chris Ween: In the business world, this is what we call "vertical integration".

Yeah, you're not in the business world. Thanks for playing.


I am too.  I am now a solo practitioner.  That means I'm a businessman first, lawyer second.
 
2014-07-22 09:15:07 PM  
He plans on stealing his way up to a Nuclear Sub.
 
2014-07-22 09:19:03 PM  
You would think the handguns under glass section would be the one section of a store where an employee is within a couple feet of the counter.
 
2014-07-22 09:19:29 PM  

syrynxx: Now he can parlay those guns into a howitzer, then work up to a Stealth Bomber!


brimed03: syrynxx: Now he can parlay those guns into a howitzer, then work up to a Stealth Bomber!

Oneredpaperclip.com


Beaten not once but twice,  oh well that's what I get for not checking beforehand.
 
2014-07-22 09:20:31 PM  

Boo_Guy: He plans on stealing his way up to a Nuclear Sub.


misternizz.files.wordpress.com
 
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