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(Politicus USA)   Sarah Palin: "God wants to impeach Obama." Well, that settles it. Subby will never vote for Obama again if it means avoiding eternal damnation   (politicususa.com ) divider line 234
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2446 clicks; posted to Politics » on 22 Jul 2014 at 5:07 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-21 08:58:33 PM  
When YHWH wanted to kill every human on the face of the Earth except a handful aboard a boat full of dung, he didn't have to put it to a vote in the US Senate.  You'd think that if the Creator of the Universe didn't like Obama, he'd just smite him. Even one of God's prophets could summon a she-bear to fatally maul children who mocked his baldness.  God himself disapproves of Obama and the best he can muster is a desire for impeachment?

The Creator of the Universe must be having a very slow day if he needed to chit-chat with Sarah Palin.  Usually when people claim they've been talking with God, we Taser them and incarcerate them.
 
2014-07-21 09:00:21 PM  
God also apparently told Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin to run for office, so what the fark does he know?
 
2014-07-21 09:12:35 PM  
Apparently divine message delivery has degraded from burning bush to babbling b*tch
 
2014-07-21 09:18:52 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Apparently divine message delivery has degraded from burning bush to babbling b*tch


I was going to make a similar comment. Well done!

/dick
 
2014-07-21 09:24:46 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Apparently divine message delivery has degraded from burning bush to babbling b*tch


I want this thread to go green just so you can get the funnies that this post deserves.
 
2014-07-21 09:26:44 PM  

SilentStrider: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Apparently divine message delivery has degraded from burning bush to babbling b*tch

I want this thread to go green just so you can get the funnies that this post deserves.


Scruffy seconds this sentiment.
 
2014-07-21 10:19:33 PM  
Yahweh seems to have a lot of spokespeople. Maybe he should centralize his messaging. Just a thought, because apparently a lot of folks are missing important memos about changes in the agenda...

Then again, Yahweh maybe DID want Sarah to run.  Not win, obviously, but perhaps she missed the point of the lesson in humility...
 
2014-07-21 10:32:35 PM  
Sarah Palin is proof that god is punitive. She makes the plagues of Egypt look like a day at Disneyworld.
 
2014-07-21 10:40:49 PM  
This Abrahamic god doesn't sound so omnipotent as his fan club claims him to be.
 
2014-07-21 10:51:39 PM  
 
2014-07-21 10:55:15 PM  

HawgWild: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Apparently divine message delivery has degraded from burning bush to babbling b*tch

I was going to make a similar comment. Well done!

/dick


I would have, too, but I'm just not that funny.
 
2014-07-21 10:55:19 PM  

cameroncrazy1984: God also apparently told Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin to run for office, so what the fark does he know?


so much for "intelligent" design.
 
2014-07-21 10:58:31 PM  
Not BORK LESTER!?
 
2014-07-21 10:59:19 PM  

ManateeGag: Not BORK LESTER!?


damn it.  wrong thread.
 
2014-07-21 11:12:33 PM  
Which part of the bible is that from?
 
2014-07-21 11:16:37 PM  

fusillade762: Which part of the bible is that from?


I think it's from the Book of Moron
 
2014-07-21 11:22:54 PM  

fusillade762: Which part of the bible is that from?


The blacked out parts.
 
2014-07-21 11:54:56 PM  
It's going to take God. Jesus is busy at the border.
 
2014-07-21 11:58:26 PM  
The thought that there are actually people who believe that God speaks through Sarah Palin is both very, very funny and very, very sad.
 
2014-07-22 12:35:00 AM  
Well, if God has the votes, tell him to put up or shut up.
 
2014-07-22 01:04:47 AM  
Just another example of someone in power invoking God's name to the mouth breathing rubes of the Earth for personal gain. For other examples, see: Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, Oral Roberts, Joseph Smith, L. Ron Hubbard, Pope Benedict IX, Grigori Rasputin, Jesse Jackson, Jim Jones, Sun Myung Moon, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Robert Tilton, Ted Haggard, Joyce Meyers, Marvin Gorman, Kenneth Copeland, Mike Murdock, Paula White, David Koresh, Benny Hinn, Jack Van Impe, Leroy Jenkins, Peter Popoff, Paul Crouch, Al Sharpton, Creflo Dollar, Joseph Di Mambro, Marshall Applewhite, Louis Farrakhan, Gerald Gardner, Harold Camping, Herbert Armstrong, James Gordon Lindsay, Jeane Dixon, Joel Osteen and a few thousand more I can't remember off hand.

Of all of them, NONE have been able to conjure up the stolen data tapes or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Rebels' hidden fort. They're all frauds and false prophets/preachers that are only in it for themselves. They are actually worse than Amway and AIDS combined.
 
2014-07-22 01:15:44 AM  
Well, he clearly didn't want her to be Vice President, either.
 
2014-07-22 01:20:00 AM  

HST's Dead Carcass: They are actually worse than Amway and AIDS combined.


I went door-to-door selling AIDS for a few days. How anyone makes a living doing that is beyond me.
 
2014-07-22 01:32:03 AM  

fusillade762: I went door-to-door selling AIDS for a few days. How anyone makes a living doing that is beyond me.


You're talking about what.You're talking about... biatching about that sale you shot, some sonofabiatch who don't wanna buy AIDS, some broad you're trying to screw, so forth. Let's talk about something important. Put. That. Coffee. Down. Coffee's for closers only. You think I'm farking with you? I am not farking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a mission of mercy.

Your name's fusillade762? You call yourself a salesman, you son of a biatch? You certainly don't pal, 'cause the good news is - you're fired. The bad news is - you've got, all of you've got just one week to regain your jobs starting with tonight. Starting with tonight's sit. Oh? Have I got your attention now? Good. "Cause we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. Get the picture? You laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money, get their names to sell them. you can't close the leads you're given you can't close shiat. You ARE shiat. Hit the bricks pal, and beat it 'cause you are going OUT.

You used AOL dialup to get to Fark. I used an eighty-megabit T1 Backbone. THAT'S my name. And your name is you're wanting. You can't play in the man's game, you can't close them - go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life: Get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You hear me you farking farkers? A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing. Always be closing. ALWAYS BE CLOSING. A-I-D-S. Attention, Interest, Decision, Sell. Attention - Do I have you attention? Interest - Are you interested? I know you are, because it's fark or walk. You close or you hit the bricks. Decision - Have you made your decision, for Christ? And Sell. A-I-D-S. Get out there - you got the prospects coming in. You think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy don't suck a cock lest he wants to get AIDS. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their money. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? What's the problem, pal?
 
2014-07-22 01:52:31 AM  
It's setting a wicked dangerous precedent.

I totally read that in Valley girl voice.

With his pen and his phone, hes abrogating his presidential authority. Making himself a ruler not a President."

Hmmm, Sarah Palin apparently doesn't know what abrogate means.

1:  to abolish by authoritative action.

2:  to treat as nonexistent <abrogating their responsibilities>

She means to say he's exceeding his authority not abrogating it. She's wrong twice there.

We're not going to dethrone God and substitute him with someone who wants to play God.

Republican projection at it's finest.

They want to enthrone their twisted version of God on everyone else so they can claim to speak for him and play God.
 
2014-07-22 01:54:03 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Apparently divine message delivery has degraded from burning bush to babbling b*tch


^__^

*makes mental note to stick around till this goes green and mark that one as funny*
 
2014-07-22 04:57:07 AM  
So he said he wants Biden to be President?
 
2014-07-22 05:29:07 AM  
God always wants what YOU want, amazing how it manages to work out that way?
 
2014-07-22 05:29:13 AM  
So this is going to be the new 16 year cycle for american politics? 8 years of a Democratic president (consisting of 6 years of back-to-back non-scandals followed by 2 years of screeching about employment) followed by the voters giving the presidency back to the republicans even if just to shut them up for a while about "SCANDALS!!1!11!!121$#25$@#twosevenfour" for 8 years (and seeing the economy get ruined yet again by morons).

I wonder how many times the US can go through this and still be a world power.
 
2014-07-22 05:35:07 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Apparently divine message delivery has degraded from burning bush to babbling b*tch


Beautiful!
 
2014-07-22 05:38:19 AM  

randomjsa: God always wants what YOU want, amazing how it manages to work out that way?


Well, God and I have a very close relationship. He takes my counsel seriously.
 
2014-07-22 05:38:28 AM  
Once someone asked Mother Theresa what she thought when she prayed to God.
She said "Nothing".
Then she was asked, "What does God reply?"
Her answer?: "Nothing".

If you are trying to communicate with God, I would say Mother Theresa's take on communing with God is as good as it gets. Judge only by the results.

Sarah Palin's brand of arrogance and taking herself in vain is both contrary to the Old Testament, and what Jesus preached.
 
2014-07-22 05:47:19 AM  
Is there ANY way I can legally slap her in the face?

Please? Please?
 
2014-07-22 05:49:52 AM  

Smoking GNU: So this is going to be the new 16 year cycle for american politics? 8 years of a Democratic president (consisting of 6 years of back-to-back non-scandals followed by 2 years of screeching about employment) followed by the voters giving the presidency back to the republicans even if just to shut them up for a while about "SCANDALS!!1!11!!121$#25$@#twosevenfour" for 8 years (and seeing the economy get ruined yet again by morons).

I wonder how many times the US can go through this and still be a world power.


I'd say once. If the GOP gets its way, we'll be a third world banana republic by 2024, with no influence left on the world stage. China will have supplanted us.
 
2014-07-22 05:51:33 AM  
No Sarah, God wants to make sure that the Republicans will never be in the the White House again unless they get out of the 1800's and into the 2000's
 
2014-07-22 05:52:16 AM  
I think God wants to fark us and it has nothing to do with Obama or gay marriage or any of that other shiat. He wants to fark us cause we deserve it. Put an end to all our shiat.
 
2014-07-22 05:56:36 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Apparently divine message delivery has degraded from burning bush to babbling b*tch


Flawless victory.
 
2014-07-22 05:57:05 AM  

twat_waffle: Smoking GNU: So this is going to be the new 16 year cycle for american politics? 8 years of a Democratic president (consisting of 6 years of back-to-back non-scandals followed by 2 years of screeching about employment) followed by the voters giving the presidency back to the republicans even if just to shut them up for a while about "SCANDALS!!1!11!!121$#25$@#twosevenfour" for 8 years (and seeing the economy get ruined yet again by morons).

I wonder how many times the US can go through this and still be a world power.

I'd say once. If the GOP gets its way, we'll be a third world banana republic by 2024, with no influence left on the world stage. China will have supplanted us.


Aaargh, only now saw i put that instead of "impeachment" which makes a lot more sense in context.
 
2014-07-22 05:57:58 AM  

jmr61: Is there ANY way I can legally slap her in the face?

Please? Please?


If there are no cameras around, it's your word against hers. Just saying.
 
2014-07-22 06:00:58 AM  

Kevin72: Once someone asked Mother Theresa what she thought when she prayed to God.
She said "Nothing".
Then she was asked, "What does God reply?"
Her answer?: "Nothing".

If you are trying to communicate with God, I would say Mother Theresa's take on communing with God is as good as it gets. Judge only by the results.

Sarah Palin's brand of arrogance and taking herself in vain is both contrary to the Old Testament, and what Jesus preached.


I have never understood how these people feel qualified to appoint themselves as God's spokesperson.
Curiously enough, these people are always hateful and judgmental.
 
2014-07-22 06:03:44 AM  
If you want to live by the Bible, Sarah, get back into the kitchen and shut your mouth...


1 Corinthians 11:5 But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying, disgraces her [husband].
1 Corinthians 14:34-35 Let the women keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but let them subject themselves, just as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church.
1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

Sorry, I forgot... It's do as Sarah says, not as she does...
 
2014-07-22 06:09:10 AM  
This is why Hillary and Bill get $150,000 a speech and Sarah gets a complimentary sandwich.
 
2014-07-22 06:11:57 AM  
I love how these super religious people missed the whole thing about it being blasphemous to claim to speak for the Lord. It's actually a pretty big deal in the Bible, and something that is entirely not okay for any good Christian to do.

Of course, the Bible also says those who pray quietly and don't put on a big show of it will be rewarded, but they missed that, too.

They seem to miss all the good things in the Bible and focus on tiny things or single lines that they can interpret as they wish.
 
2014-07-22 06:12:16 AM  
Can God derp a derp so farkin' derpy that even He cannot derp it?

/derp
 
2014-07-22 06:13:46 AM  

jmr61: Is there ANY way I can legally slap her in the face?

Please? Please?


Damn, that mosquito got away.
 
2014-07-22 06:16:03 AM  
So why doesn't God give these spineless Republicans the balls to go ahead and IMPEACH.

DO IT!  BLOW YOUR NOSES AND DO IT
 
2014-07-22 06:17:44 AM  
Ozzy sums it up well:

You call me a sinner, well I have news for you.  I spoke to God this morning and he don't like you. - Ozzy Osbourne.

Anybody can claim to speak for God.  It means nothing.

As an aside, the thing these "fundies" do not understand that as Americans it is our right to be heathens and go to Hell if we want to.
 
2014-07-22 06:20:56 AM  
If god is listening at all to this shiat, I bet he just mumbled Jesus Farking Christ!
 
2014-07-22 06:24:36 AM  
She's hearing voices in her head, can we lock her up now?
 
2014-07-22 06:25:32 AM  

hammettman: If god is listening at all to this shiat, I bet he just mumbled Jesus Farking Christ!


It is truly frustrating that in every case, any group in this country appears to be represented by the biggest idiots.  I know plenty of sane Christians who maybe wear a cross, go to church quietly, and act like normal human beings. Hell, they even have diverse opinions and actual compassion for others.  Unfortunately, Sarah Palin and her ilk (someone composed a nice list earlier) are out there making all people of the religion (the vast majority who just live their lives) look like giant douches.
 
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