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(Uproxx)   If you don't want to read Star Wars: Episode VII plot details and find out who John Boyega is playing, talk to the hand   (uproxx.com) divider line 101
    More: Cool, John Boyega, Episode VII, Star Wars, Attack the Block, desert planets, camera pans, storm troopers  
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3849 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 21 Jul 2014 at 12:49 PM (8 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-21 09:09:05 AM
How does it survive re-entry?

www.grainofsalt.com

Not saying there is nothing to it but some of the big details may be completely wrong.
 
2014-07-21 09:11:09 AM
I'm going to employ the same strategy for 7 as I did for 1. I didn't lay eyes on a single image, either video or still, from the 1st episode in the hopes that seeing it for the first time upon initial watching would add to the enjoyment. We'll see if it works this time with 7. Though, nothing could ever be worse than the train wreck of Clone Wars cartoons that we have been subjected to over the many years.
 
2014-07-21 09:11:29 AM
That is literally the most retarded thing I have ever read on the internet.
 
2014-07-21 09:20:26 AM

Mugato: That is literally the most retarded thing I have ever read on the internet.


It's early.
 
2014-07-21 09:44:18 AM
I would have gone with Star Wars 7: Cool Hand Luke
 
2014-07-21 10:00:07 AM
It is my understanding that in the expanded universe they stopped using clones once the empire had been set up and started recruiting regular folks.
 
2014-07-21 10:10:03 AM

Mugato: That is literally the most retarded thing I have ever read on the internet.


How much time do you spend on the politics tab?
 
2014-07-21 11:35:26 AM
img2.wikia.nocookie.net

You rang?
 
2014-07-21 12:41:16 PM
How did the hand get into space after falling on Bespin.  I mean...there was gravity on Bespin.  That's why Luke had to hang onto the bottom of the Cloud City.  I just don't even...
 
2014-07-21 12:45:16 PM
Somebody deserves to be Schwartz blasted for this!
files.i-mockerybrasil.webnode.com.br
 
2014-07-21 12:51:56 PM
HI, MISTER HAND!
 
2014-07-21 12:55:51 PM

Roook: How did the hand get into space after falling on Bespin.  I mean...there was gravity on Bespin.  That's why Luke had to hang onto the bottom of the Cloud City.  I just don't even...


Don't even try to reason with it, it's obviously a fake story and a very poor attempt at one, at that.
 
2014-07-21 12:56:10 PM

James!: It is my understanding that in the expanded universe they stopped using clones once the empire had been set up and started recruiting regular folks.


That's the way I understood it too.  The clones started getting to sketchy and they couldn't just keep using clones of clones, etc.  That was supposed to have happened in between 3 and 4
 
2014-07-21 12:58:25 PM
So, a Stormtrooper holding his blaster on it's side gangsta-style as he shoots? Still couldn't hit anything anyway I'll bet.

What is with all of these leaks? I doubt they are leaks as much as "deliberate buzz being generated from Disney". All this crap trickling out wouldn't be out there unless Disney WANTED it to.
 
2014-07-21 01:03:06 PM
Chewie and Han  haven't seen Luke in THIRTY YEARS!?!
 
2014-07-21 01:03:40 PM
How stupid that intro would be aside, what ship could Han pilot that would be a spoiler? Some major Republic ship? Slave 1? A new Deathstar?
 
2014-07-21 01:05:05 PM

TV's Vinnie: What is with all of these leaks? I doubt they are leaks as much as "deliberate buzz being generated from Disney". All this crap trickling out wouldn't be out there unless Disney WANTED it to.


This isn't a leak, it's just random people making shiat up.

Raug the Dwarf: James!: It is my understanding that in the expanded universe they stopped using clones once the empire had been set up and started recruiting regular folks.

That's the way I understood it too.  The clones started getting to sketchy and they couldn't just keep using clones of clones, etc.  That was supposed to have happened in between 3 and 4


I don't know anything about the expanded universe but to put on my geek hat that I never took off, the clones have the same voice as the guy who played Boba Fett's dad because he's the template for all the clones. For the special editions, they changed Boba Fett's voice to his dad's but they didn't bother changing the stormtroopers' voices. So yeah I think the stormtroopers are humans, not clones.
 
2014-07-21 01:05:31 PM

Jaden Smith First of His Name: How stupid that intro would be aside, what ship could Han pilot that would be a spoiler? Some major Republic ship? Slave 1? A new Deathstar?


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-07-21 01:13:14 PM

Roook: How did the hand get into space after falling on Bespin.  I mean...there was gravity on Bespin.  That's why Luke had to hang onto the bottom of the Cloud City.  I just don't even...


Landed on the back of a passing mynock.
 
2014-07-21 01:18:27 PM
Unconfirmed stuff is unconfirmed.
 
2014-07-21 01:18:44 PM
Okay, so if this is true (probably not, but still. Mental exercise.) then the rogue stormtrooper is 22 years old or so based on the actor who plays him. That means the Empire is still extant to a certain degree. This isn't an old, Endor-era stormie on the run. It's a young man.

Secondly, if Han and Chewie haven't seen Luke since Endor, then either Han didn't hook up with Leia or Luke took the hell off. If the latter is true, then Luke hasn't founded any kind of Jedi Academy, except perhaps in secret. Yet somehow the Imperial Stormtrooper kid is familiar with the weapons of a wiped out sect that haven't been seen in thirty years and have been extremely hard to find for nearly twenty years prior to that.

Also, Han is piloting something that isn't the MF. Has he retained his rebellion role as a General? Is he the captain of some new version of a Star Destroyer? Did he crash his life and pilot a garbage scow? Is he flying the Presidential Starship for Leia?

Personally, I think this is fake. The desert planet TotallynotTattooine and ice planet TotallynotHoth don't ring true to me.
 
2014-07-21 01:19:21 PM

Roook: How did the hand get into space after falling on Bespin.  I mean...there was gravity on Bespin.  That's why Luke had to hang onto the bottom of the Cloud City.  I just don't even...


Only one logical explanation:

Sebulba
 
2014-07-21 01:22:52 PM
I am not at all a Star Wars buff, but it seems to me that too many Star Wars stories involve a rag tag band of heroes that have to stop some sort of superweapon.
 
2014-07-21 01:25:46 PM

James!: Jaden Smith First of His Name: How stupid that intro would be aside, what ship could Han pilot that would be a spoiler? Some major Republic ship? Slave 1? A new Deathstar?

[upload.wikimedia.org image 486x253]


That would end the internet. There'd be nothing left.
 
2014-07-21 01:29:24 PM
ITT the reasons why I hate the end of RoTJ.

Stormtroopers AREN'T idiots with bad shots, they cleared Tantive IV quickly and precisely, took out the sandcrawler and Uncle Owen's place in such a military fashion that Ben didn't believe sand people had performed the attack (though why they tried to hide it who knows), and set up a perfect trap to catch the ground team on Endor.

Leia explains the poor shooting and shiatty piloting on the Death Star it was a ruse to get them to think they got away since they had installed a tracking device.

But the whole Ewok thing farks up the entire thing and people take away that Stormtroopers aren't elite.

/Okay I'll turn the geek off
 
2014-07-21 01:30:59 PM

Enlightened Liberal: I am not at all a Star Wars buff, but it seems to me that too many Star Wars stories involve a rag tag band of heroes that have to stop some sort of superweapon.


A lot of wars in real life are about that, too.


img.fark.net
 
2014-07-21 01:31:31 PM

Mugato: Roook: How did the hand get into space after falling on Bespin.  I mean...there was gravity on Bespin.  That's why Luke had to hang onto the bottom of the Cloud City.  I just don't even...

Don't even try to reason with it, it's obviously a fake story and a very poor attempt at one, at that.


Well, considering how easily basic physics was tossed to the solar wind in the JJ Trek movies, I wouldn't count it out just yet.
 
2014-07-21 01:31:34 PM
Han and Chewbacca haven't seen Luke since the events of  Return? If they really tried to sell that plot point I am afraid it would strain versimilitude.  I have a hard time beliving they would just be all "So, we killed the Emperor, destroyed the Death Star (again), and dealt a crippling blow to the Galactic Empire.  I guess I'll be seeing you then, have a nice life!"
 
2014-07-21 01:33:44 PM

metatronarchetype: Han and Chewbacca haven't seen Luke since the events of  Return? If they really tried to sell that plot point I am afraid it would strain versimilitude.  I have a hard time beliving they would just be all "So, we killed the Emperor, destroyed the Death Star (again), and dealt a crippling blow to the Galactic Empire.  I guess I'll be seeing you then, have a nice life!"


Also Han is plowing Luke's sister like a Monsanto backed farmer.  I'm sure they see each other from time to time.
 
2014-07-21 01:34:21 PM
If this is real, then maybe Harrison Ford's accident was no accident.
 
2014-07-21 01:35:43 PM

DoBeDoBeDo: metatronarchetype: Han and Chewbacca haven't seen Luke since the events of  Return? If they really tried to sell that plot point I am afraid it would strain versimilitude.  I have a hard time beliving they would just be all "So, we killed the Emperor, destroyed the Death Star (again), and dealt a crippling blow to the Galactic Empire.  I guess I'll be seeing you then, have a nice life!"

Also Han is plowing Luke's sister like a Monsanto backed farmer.  I'm sure they see each other from time to time.


Maybe he only plowed her until she started to turn into Jabba the Hutt?
 
2014-07-21 01:36:54 PM

MadCat221: Well, considering how easily basic physics was tossed to the solar wind in the JJ Trek movies, I wouldn't count it out just yet.


Well Lawrence Kasden (Empire) is writing it and although the physics of the cave with the big space worm are suspect, for the most part, aside from the sci-fi/fantasy elements, there is a baseline of physical laws that are somewhat adhered to. And if you don't buy that, even logistically it's just retarded. It's fake, I'll bet my middle nut on it.

DoBeDoBeDo: But the whole Ewok thing farks up the entire thing and people take away that Stormtroopers aren't elite.


Perhaps stormtroopers weren't trained or even told they'd be engaged in guerrilla warfare against an indigenous people defending their home. Not exactly unheard of in our own relatively recent history.
 
2014-07-21 01:37:24 PM
My thoughts (hopes?) on this...

i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-07-21 01:39:38 PM
Which character will Domhnall Gleeson play?
www1.evoke.ie
 
2014-07-21 01:41:59 PM
i hope this is the triumphant return of SuperShadow.
 
2014-07-21 01:46:59 PM
Sorry, this simply can't be the plot.
 
2014-07-21 01:48:58 PM

James!: Jaden Smith First of His Name: How stupid that intro would be aside, what ship could Han pilot that would be a spoiler? Some major Republic ship? Slave 1? A new Deathstar?


"THIS on goes THERE, THAT one goes THERE!"
 
2014-07-21 01:50:38 PM

Infernalist: Sorry, this simply can't be the plot.


obviously.  when the real plot comes out, it will seem brilliant by comparison.
 
2014-07-21 01:51:22 PM

emgamera: i hope this is the triumphant return of SuperShadow.


That is a name I haven't heard in a long time...

//Used to love his site.  Hilarity all around.  He did have the sequel trilogy nailed down (that it would happen), so give him that.
 
2014-07-21 01:51:29 PM
Actually it's not a hand floating in space, but an incredible amount of lens flare coming off of a lightsaber.
 
2014-07-21 01:57:15 PM

texdent: I would have gone with Star Wars 7: Cool Hand Luke


And we're done here.
 
2014-07-21 02:04:09 PM

Infernalist: Sorry, this simply can't be the plot.

ManateeGag: when the real plot comes out, it will seem brilliant by comparison.

Doubtful.
 
2014-07-21 02:04:50 PM

Infernalist: Sorry, this simply can't be the plot.


a hand floating in space as the opening shot, though an interesting idea, is simply too violent for the first movie with Disney as the financial backer. It doesn't even have to be Luke's hand. Not happening. Fake.
 
2014-07-21 02:08:24 PM
What I find funny is Peter Mayhew being at the read-through. As if he had lines to growl or something.

Don't get me wrong: I love his performance as Chewie, but it's not like Chewie will be spouting a soliloquy any time soon. Mayhew will be sitting there, listening to everyone reading their lines, and then just say "rowrrr!" every once in a while.

But it IS important that he knows what's going on, at least.
 
2014-07-21 02:09:37 PM

drewsclues: Infernalist: Sorry, this simply can't be the plot.

a hand floating in space as the opening shot, though an interesting idea, is simply too violent for the first movie with Disney as the financial backer. It doesn't even have to be Luke's hand. Not happening. Fake.


That's what I was thinking. This sounds like the kind of bullshiat "scoop" that Latino Review would announce. They have a habit of throwing shiat at the walls and claiming they totally called it when someone decides to paint the wall that color of brown.
 
2014-07-21 02:10:24 PM

drewsclues: Infernalist: Sorry, this simply can't be the plot.

a hand floating in space as the opening shot, though an interesting idea, is simply too violent for the first movie with Disney as the financial backer. It doesn't even have to be Luke's hand. Not happening. Fake.


That's putting it lightly.  Besides, I make a point of automatically dismissing 'plot leaks' from sites that I've never seen before.

'click' and 'bait', anyone?
 
2014-07-21 02:13:44 PM
First: Why link to Uproxx? Why not link directly to the quoted source, Badass Digest? Is it a Wampler thing (since he "writes" for them now)?

Second: This really feels like Devin Faraci trying to masturbate into his own mouth again. Maybe he did get the info from trusted sources, maybe he came up with it on his own, but it just sounds like the type of thing a fan would make up (the kind of fan that thinks Batman would be even cooler if he'd just kill everybody that looked at him sideways). I have a hard time believing that any Star Wars movie, under Disney or not, would open with a severed hand taking up the entire screen. If this ends up going sideways and is revealed as 100% bullshiat, expect an editorial from Faraci about how he knew it was bullshiat and it was all part of an experiment to show how desperate we are for Star Wars news that we'll buy into anything.
 
2014-07-21 02:14:36 PM
Who said it had to be Luke's hand?
If memory is correct there was another force user who had his hand cut off (holding a light-saber also) while aboard a space station in the originals.
 
2014-07-21 02:14:37 PM

Nefarious: How does it survive re-entry?

[www.grainofsalt.com image 580x275]

Not saying there is nothing to it but some of the big details may be completely wrong.


Could be legit, although there are a few problems.

I don't know how much a lightsabre is supposed to weigh, but a severed human hand--assuming it is a human hand--probably has a low enough terminal velocity that it wouldn't be able to burn up completely on reentry. The water frozen in the tissues would vaporize fairly rapidly and absorb most of the heat, and what was left would make it to the surface lightly barbequed. At least if it was falling from low orbit. If it somehow came from deep space, it might be moving fast enough that all bets are off. Though the lightsabre itself might be made of some material that could survive the heat even if the flesh burns away, since lightsabres are a completely fictitious technology in the first place.

The problem with that is the audience can't be expected to know much about the physics of aerobraking and is therefore going to expect anything not equipped with a heat shield to be incinerated. A case of "reality being too unrealistic."

Now as to the sabre being Luke's: It's possible, it just can't be the one that Vader cut off on Bespin. Or at least if it is, there needs to be a damn good explanation for how it didn't end up falling to the core of a gas giant and crushed into diamonds. Luke still has one natural hand and a lightsabre the last time we see him in ROTJ. Or it could be his robot hand, which might explain how it gets to the surface intact. Stranger possibility: it could somehow be Anakin's hand that he lost on Geonosis. I doubt after 30 years that Han would be able to tell Luke's design from his father's.

If Luke GTFO after Endor and founded a new Jedi temple in secret--or just became a hermit like Kenobi and Yoda then it's possible he could have lost another hand during the journey. Skywalkers seem especially prone to dismemberment.

Anyway if (and this is a big if) this leak is legit and not a hoax or a smokescreen meant to cast doubt on other leaks, then my prediction for a shiat-just-got-real moment in the new trilogy: someone finally flips the macguffin-sabre on in a moment of great peril, and the blade is red...
 
2014-07-21 02:17:08 PM

James!: It is my understanding that in the expanded universe they stopped using clones once the empire had been set up and started recruiting regular folks.


The Imperial Ranks were for a considerable amount of time made up largely of draftees and trainees. Most of them trained on the Planet Carida. When DS1 blew, it took over a million souls with it. After the Empire fell, it was discovered that there was a clone facility on the Planet Wayland that was protected by the mad clone Joruus C'baoth. Thrawn appeased the Mad Jedi for a time and some of the clone containers were moved to the Inner Core of the Empire and stationed on Byss.

There was a flux of clones for awhile in the EU basically.
 
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