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(Jezebel)   If you are dissatisfied with the amount of ejaculate your partner produces, shooting him in the stomach will not improve the situation   (jezebel.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, Opposing Views, gay sex  
•       •       •

12864 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jul 2014 at 1:57 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



119 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-07-19 10:29:19 PM  
Funny, it's usually the other way around for me.
 
2014-07-19 10:37:10 PM  
Maybe she should have kept a spreadsheet and logged the details
 
2014-07-19 10:42:48 PM  

TheOnion: Maybe she should have kept a spreadsheet and logged the details


testing.gobanana.co.uk
well played sir, well played.
 
2014-07-19 10:56:16 PM  
This is why I'm aggressively marketing individual packets of Guygurt: The yogurt that spurts.  It's copious but not unbelievably so.

You can find it in the dairy section next to the whipped cream.
 
2014-07-19 11:22:02 PM  
Jizz thread?
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-07-19 11:36:24 PM  

fusillade762: Jizz thread?


Is there such a thing as a SFW jizz image?
 
2014-07-19 11:46:06 PM  

433: fusillade762: Jizz thread?

Is there such a thing as a SFW jizz image?

i2.photobucket.com
cdn.styleforum.net
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-07-19 11:59:50 PM  
depression-help-blog.feelbetter-counselling-eastlondon.com
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-07-20 12:01:47 AM  
image.shutterstock.com
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-07-20 12:02:27 AM  
thumb1.shutterstock.com
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-07-20 12:06:02 AM  
It's much easier to find pictures of kids getting a water hose to the face, but I just don't feel that rotten.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-07-20 12:27:06 AM  

www.peoplespharmacy.com

 
2014-07-20 12:31:36 AM  
A lot of people don't realize this but the modern facial is derived from the ancient Japanese tradition of "bukkake." According to this centuries old ritual, it is the first night privilege of a newly married man's friends to gather in a circle around their associate's bride and collectively.... well, you can guess.

There's been some stuff online alleging that this is not accurate and that the origins of bukkake are an urban legend that simplify and perhaps even insult Japanese culture-- but that's entirely untrue.

There was actually an entire episode of mythbusters about this. It's an ancient custom. Bukkake at a Japanese wedding is akin to trick or treating on Halloween in the USA, or eating a cod on Canada Day in Newfoundland. It's just what people do to celebrate.
 
2014-07-20 12:34:44 AM  
 
2014-07-20 01:59:28 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-20 02:00:10 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-20 02:01:23 AM  
Oh dear sweet jesus, that is the actual reason she gave...

Look lady, there are ways to fix that that do involve foreign objects where they typically don't go, but isn't quite so lethal.

least not usually...
 
2014-07-20 02:01:35 AM  
Walton also noted that in her explanation to the police, Bell included some "very graphic" details, including "she liked sex, she expected him to be able to do what he's promised; and she said, in essence, to quote her, she was pissed off, so she shot him."

Sounds kind of like my ex-girlfriend... she was 20 years older than me and knew exactly what she wanted.  I was a piece of meat, and when the piece of meat went on business travel it wasn't pretty.
 
2014-07-20 02:02:00 AM  
i758.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-20 02:09:19 AM  
Wow, not enough ejaculate from a man who's probably as old as she is. I'm 45, when I get to 58 I'll be more worried about getting hard, staying hard, and ejaculating. I won't be worried about whether I am ejaculating enough.

If my GF wants to shoot me over the amount of my ejaculation, I just hope she has good aim. Seriously, dying after sex in my late 50's early 60's is fine by me. Dying by a jealous lover's gun because she thinks I'm cheating just makes my death better.
 
2014-07-20 02:15:06 AM  
Not reading the article, but given the husband-beating thing a link was posted to yesterday, am I to presume that Jezebel is in favor of this?
 
2014-07-20 02:15:11 AM  
PeterNorth.JIZZ

/at work not looking him up.
 
2014-07-20 02:16:34 AM  
Had to do it...

www.stomptokyo.com
 
2014-07-20 02:22:05 AM  
Well, she's guaranteed he'll never come that poorly again, so I guess she made her point?
 
2014-07-20 02:23:12 AM  
https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=oF7LU9W2N9SiyASm64B 4&url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dra58oCnMaV8&cd=2&ved=0CCAQtwI wAQ&usg=AFQjCNFRwKJ4SmZ7j0eNwj32ULBtgZNQPQ
 
2014-07-20 02:30:21 AM  
Tonight , on a very special episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER
 
2014-07-20 02:30:22 AM  
A dearth of spooge.
 
2014-07-20 02:32:26 AM  
Anybody? Is  soosh playing tonight???
 
2014-07-20 02:32:52 AM  

inclemency: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=oF7LU9W2N9SiyASm64​B 4&url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dra58oCnMaV8&cd=2&ved=0CCAQtwI wAQ&usg=AFQjCNFRwKJ4SmZ7j0eNwj32ULBtgZNQPQ


Alpha betti spagetti
 
v15
2014-07-20 02:41:15 AM  
How come my balls smell like vinegar after not taking a shower for 24 hours?
 
2014-07-20 02:42:47 AM  

Lsherm: Funny, it's usually the other way around for me.


Yeah I read that and thought "uh-oh".

img.fark.net
 
2014-07-20 02:45:40 AM  

doofusgumby: inclemency: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=oF7LU9W2N9SiyASm64B 4&url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dra58oCnMaV8&cd=2&ved=0CCAQtwI wAQ&usg=AFQjCNFRwKJ4SmZ7j0eNwj32ULBtgZNQPQ

Alpha betti spagetti


Yeh, my apologies. I just posted a link, but I'm on mobile. I can't even check if it works.

It's a Louis CK clip about ejaculate.

/that's the joke.
 
2014-07-20 02:45:54 AM  
HairyNevus:

[img.fark.net image 512x465]

Oh, and I really should have posted Dethklok's "I ejaculate Fire"  (NSFW) with that.
 
2014-07-20 02:46:58 AM  
 
2014-07-20 02:49:55 AM  
 
2014-07-20 02:51:15 AM  

Dahnkster: What's up, Doc?


W.T.F.?!
 
2014-07-20 02:55:00 AM  
The Perp.   ( gack )

www.guns.com
 
2014-07-20 02:55:42 AM  

Dahnkster: What's up, Doc?


That's actually quite funny (and offensive). Well played.
 
2014-07-20 02:56:44 AM  

MellwoodDitworthy: The Perp.   ( gack )


This is why we don't RTFA.
 
2014-07-20 03:07:04 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-20 03:07:21 AM  

nickdaisy: A lot of people don't realize this but the modern facial is derived from the ancient Japanese tradition of "bukkake." According to this centuries old ritual, it is the first night privilege of a newly married man's friends to gather in a circle around their associate's bride and collectively.... well, you can guess.

There's been some stuff online alleging that this is not accurate and that the origins of bukkake are an urban legend that simplify and perhaps even insult Japanese culture-- but that's entirely untrue.

There was actually an entire episode of mythbusters about this. It's an ancient custom. Bukkake at a Japanese wedding is akin to trick or treating on Halloween in the USA, or eating a cod on Canada Day in Newfoundland. It's just what people do to celebrate.


What that might have looked like.

i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-20 03:11:15 AM  

MellwoodDitworthy: The Perp.   ( gack )

[www.guns.com image 633x695]


www.chud.com
What's up doc?
 
2014-07-20 03:11:16 AM  

nickdaisy: A lot of people don't realize this but the modern facial is derived from the ancient Japanese tradition of "bukkake." According to this centuries old ritual, it is the first night privilege of a newly married man's friends to gather in a circle around their associate's bride and collectively.... well, you can guess.

There's been some stuff online alleging that this is not accurate and that the origins of bukkake are an urban legend that simplify and perhaps even insult Japanese culture-- but that's entirely untrue.

There was actually an entire episode of mythbusters about this. It's an ancient custom. Bukkake at a Japanese wedding is akin to trick or treating on Halloween in the USA, or eating a cod on Canada Day in Newfoundland. It's just what people do to celebrate.


That right there is some goddamned world-class trolling right there. Pocket Ninja, when did you get a new screenname?
 
2014-07-20 03:15:26 AM  
Probably got a good coupla squirts out his stomach-hole before he died.
 
2014-07-20 03:20:12 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-20 03:20:33 AM  
So this is a Jezebel article about a man being shot because. DNRTFA, so was it his fault she shot him?
 
2014-07-20 03:22:21 AM  

Kittypie070: [i.imgur.com image 600x450]


Why would you do that to heavy cream?
Heavy cream is for making pastry.
And ice cream.
And coffee.
 
2014-07-20 03:24:43 AM  
www.fodrizzle.com
 
2014-07-20 03:29:42 AM  

demaL-demaL-yeH: Kittypie070: [i.imgur.com image 600x450]

Why would you do that to heavy cream?
Heavy cream is for making pastry.
And ice cream.
And coffee.


Uhm...because it's funny and the kitty was interested??

/not my kitten actually
//some kinda Scandinavian milk product
 
2014-07-20 03:32:23 AM  
sixgun.org
 
2014-07-20 03:37:33 AM  
www.wolfgnards.com
 
2014-07-20 03:42:03 AM  

blottoman: Anybody? Is  soosh playing tonight???


Nope. He's on a camping trip
 
Skr
2014-07-20 03:42:06 AM  
I wonder if she'll get her comeuppance now?
 
2014-07-20 03:43:44 AM  
if you cant fill at least two dixie cups, you are worthless.
 
2014-07-20 03:43:46 AM  
10cc and The Lovin' Spoonful look around, nervously.
 
2014-07-20 03:51:41 AM  

TheOnion: Maybe she should have kept a spreadsheet and logged the details


Enough Internet for me
 
2014-07-20 03:53:49 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-20 03:54:21 AM  

rzrwiresunrise: So this is a Jezebel article about a man being shot because. DNRTFA, so was it his fault she shot him?


Actually being Jezebel it's a how-to editorial.
 
2014-07-20 03:54:27 AM  

nickdaisy: A lot of people don't realize this but the modern facial is derived from the ancient Japanese tradition of "bukkake." According to this centuries old ritual, it is the first night privilege of a newly married man's friends to gather in a circle around their associate's bride and collectively.... well, you can guess.

There's been some stuff online alleging that this is not accurate and that the origins of bukkake are an urban legend that simplify and perhaps even insult Japanese culture-- but that's entirely untrue.

There was actually an entire episode of mythbusters about this. It's an ancient custom. Bukkake at a Japanese wedding is akin to trick or treating on Halloween in the USA, or eating a cod on Canada Day in Newfoundland. It's just what people do to celebrate.


WTF we got to know this
 
2014-07-20 03:56:16 AM  
I actually had my mega-crazy redhead ex complain when, after an earlier roll in the hay, I didn't fill her mouth up like she expected/wanted. "That's it??!! WTF!!?" She thought I had faked my orgasm. "Why don't you love me?"

/not kidding
//redheads are truly crazy
///the nightmares are returning... Oh god
 
2014-07-20 04:00:13 AM  

voodoomedic: I actually had my mega-crazy redhead ex complain when, after an earlier roll in the hay, I didn't fill her mouth up like she expected/wanted. "That's it??!! WTF!!?" She thought I had faked my orgasm. "Why don't you love me?"

/not kidding
//redheads are truly crazy
///the nightmares are returning... Oh god


Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love.
 
2014-07-20 04:02:33 AM  
voodoomedic: I actually had my mega-crazy redhead ex complain when, after an earlier roll in the hay, I didn't fill her mouth up like she expected/wanted. "That's it??!! WTF!!?" She thought I had faked my orgasm. "Why don't you love me?"

/not kidding
//redheads are truly crazy
///the nightmares are returning... Oh god


Okay I'm about to some Chicago style popcorn
 
2014-07-20 04:04:14 AM  
Eat?
 
2014-07-20 04:09:00 AM  
www.m3fever.com
 
v15
2014-07-20 04:30:23 AM  
Whoa my jeezus oh my jeezus whoa my jeezus whoa my jEEEEuuZUS! It's got to be it's got to beEEEEEeee whoa my jeeEEEEeezus!!
 
2014-07-20 04:35:53 AM  
Angela Lansbury's Merkin:

Came for this.

/not really
 
2014-07-20 04:39:57 AM  
therealcitizenwilliams.files.wordpress.com

"Bulletproof."
 
2014-07-20 04:41:31 AM  
i718.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-20 04:44:54 AM  
Wise up India!  This is what happens when your society becomes a big stinking c*nt!  Keep in mind that if you have 10 men and 10 women and get rid of 9 men at the end of a year you will end up with 10 kids, but if you get rid of 9 women and just pork the crap out the last on 100 times a day, you will only end up with 1 kid.  Time to lower the population guys.
 
2014-07-20 04:53:25 AM  

boinkingbill: Wise up India!  This is what happens when your society becomes a big stinking c*nt!  Keep in mind that if you have 10 men and 10 women and get rid of 9 men at the end of a year you will end up with 10 kids, but if you get rid of 9 women and just pork the crap out the last on 100 times a day, you will only end up with 1 kid.  Time to lower the population guys.


Time to post in the right tab, guy.
 
2014-07-20 05:03:58 AM  

MellwoodDitworthy: The Perp.   ( gack )

[www.guns.com image 633x695]


Man, that's some cold shiat...

Shooting a blind man in the stomach like that!
 
2014-07-20 05:22:39 AM  

MellwoodDitworthy: The Perp.   ( gack )

[www.guns.com image 633x695]


I think I found the problem.  Just seeing the picture reduced my output to zero.
 
2014-07-20 05:34:57 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-20 05:46:56 AM  
Came for the Testinol, left disappointed.

Fark, I been down with you since senior year in `01. I am dissapoint.
 
2014-07-20 06:28:03 AM  
Got a weird feeling, like I had to check this thread. So, what's going on in here?
 
2014-07-20 06:31:38 AM  

HairyNevus: HairyNevus:

[img.fark.net image 512x465]

Oh, and I really should have posted Dethklok's "I ejaculate Fire"  (NSFW) with that.


A shot of penicillin will clear that right up...
 
2014-07-20 06:32:13 AM  

Badgers: [i.imgur.com image 500x297]


that's farking disgusting...i am reporting you to the mods
 
2014-07-20 06:48:11 AM  
Maybe she's addicted to Hentai where the guys unload gallons of giz at a time?  She was just upset she was missing out on all the cream pies.
 
2014-07-20 07:22:42 AM  
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2014-07-20 07:24:00 AM  
I know it's astronomically slim, but maybe, just maybe, she unclogged something in shooting him.  Maybe he WILL shoot bigger loads now.  This could actually turn out to be the first day of the rest of their sex life together.
 
2014-07-20 07:43:58 AM  
If she was concerned that he was cheating on her, why didn't she just smell his dick first?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgWgEoaAYDY
 
2014-07-20 07:44:06 AM  
ktybear:

POW!
 
2014-07-20 07:45:29 AM  

Technoir: If she was concerned that he was cheating on her, why didn't she just smell his dick first?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgWgEoaAYDY


I bet she already did that, however she isn't dumb enough to think he didn't shower.
 
2014-07-20 08:04:47 AM  
Honest question, ladies:  Is this a thing? Do girls care about the volume for some reason?

This has never in my life been a thing or discussed in any way.
 
2014-07-20 08:17:15 AM  

itsaidwhat: ktybear:

POW!


Right in the kisser!
 
2014-07-20 08:18:29 AM  

BafflerMeal: Honest question, ladies:  Is this a thing? Do girls care about the volume for some reason?

This has never in my life been a thing or discussed in any way.


No volume equals wanking or another chick or something alien I guess
 
2014-07-20 08:18:40 AM  

BafflerMeal: Honest question, ladies:  Is this a thing? Do girls care about the volume for some reason?

This has never in my life been a thing or discussed in any way.


It is not. First of all it's rare (in most relationships) that the woman even sees the volume, because it's either ending up inside of her (well, I guess she could see some of it in a tissue,) or inside a condom.  It's not like most sex ends up like a porno does with you going on her boobs or face or ass.  I mean, I am sure some people DO do that, and that's cool, but I don't think 90 percent of people do.
 
2014-07-20 08:19:52 AM  

ktybear: BafflerMeal: Honest question, ladies:  Is this a thing? Do girls care about the volume for some reason?

This has never in my life been a thing or discussed in any way.

No volume equals wanking or another chick or something alien I guess


It's actually been proven that "holding out" does not increase sperm volume.  Most ejaculations are always the same volume, no matter if you haven't had an orgasm in 3 hours or 3 weeks.
 
2014-07-20 08:25:49 AM  

topcon: ktybear: BafflerMeal: Honest question, ladies:  Is this a thing? Do girls care about the volume for some reason?

This has never in my life been a thing or discussed in any way.

No volume equals wanking or another chick or something alien I guess

It's actually been proven that "holding out" does not increase sperm volume.  Most ejaculations are always the same volume, no matter if you haven't had an orgasm in 3 hours or 3 weeks.


I was only theorizing so cool, good to know ...i guess
 
2014-07-20 08:31:39 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-20 08:32:20 AM  

ktybear: topcon: ktybear: BafflerMeal: Honest question, ladies:  Is this a thing? Do girls care about the volume for some reason?

This has never in my life been a thing or discussed in any way.

No volume equals wanking or another chick or something alien I guess

It's actually been proven that "holding out" does not increase sperm volume.  Most ejaculations are always the same volume, no matter if you haven't had an orgasm in 3 hours or 3 weeks.

I was only theorizing so cool, good to know ...i guess


There was an actual study done on this by researchers that I just read recently, but I can't find it.
 
2014-07-20 08:58:04 AM  
Oh, cum on. That's a bit extreme.
 
2014-07-20 09:25:42 AM  
s17.postimg.org

I guess she wants

s27.postimg.org
 
2014-07-20 09:28:26 AM  

HairyNevus: Lsherm: Funny, it's usually the other way around for me.

Yeah I read that and thought "uh-oh".

[img.fark.net image 512x465]


http://youtu.be/7W35dyPTh6o
 
2014-07-20 09:30:45 AM  
Wait, only $10,000 bond?  That is in no way appropriate for a conviction involving an intentional shooting.  I wonder if a man who shot his wife would get that kind of deal.
 
2014-07-20 09:39:13 AM  
I REQUIRE NUTRIENTS!! -oblig

Very NSFW


Go on,  click it,  you know you want to.
 
2014-07-20 10:07:56 AM  
ajmotia.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-20 10:17:00 AM  
s3-ak.buzzfed.com
 
2014-07-20 10:17:03 AM  

MagSeven: boinkingbill: Wise up India!  This is what happens when your society becomes a big stinking c*nt!  Keep in mind that if you have 10 men and 10 women and get rid of 9 men at the end of a year you will end up with 10 kids, but if you get rid of 9 women and just pork the crap out the last on 100 times a day, you will only end up with 1 kid.  Time to lower the population guys.

Time to post in the right tab, guy.


There's a right tab for that shiat?
 
2014-07-20 10:52:25 AM  

v15: How come my balls smell like vinegar after not taking a shower for 24 hours?


diabetus
 
2014-07-20 10:58:13 AM  

topcon: ktybear: BafflerMeal: Honest question, ladies:  Is this a thing? Do girls care about the volume for some reason?

This has never in my life been a thing or discussed in any way.

No volume equals wanking or another chick or something alien I guess

It's actually been proven that "holding out" does not increase sperm volume.  Most ejaculations are always the same volume, no matter if you haven't had an orgasm in 3 hours or 3 weeks.


bullshiat
 
2014-07-20 10:59:48 AM  

Boo_Guy: I REQUIRE NUTRIENTS!! -oblig

Very NSFW


Go on,  click it,  you know you want to.


gotdamn!
 
2014-07-20 11:09:13 AM  

Lsherm: Funny, it's usually the other way around for me.


You really shouldn't shoot your wife
 
2014-07-20 11:14:09 AM  

BafflerMeal: Honest question, ladies:  Is this a thing? Do girls care about the volume for some reason?

This has never in my life been a thing or discussed in any way.


I've never considered it a thing or something that would earn my hubby a gunshot wound.

I might be sane though.
 
2014-07-20 11:28:10 AM  

spoontasic: BafflerMeal: Honest question, ladies:  Is this a thing? Do girls care about the volume for some reason?

This has never in my life been a thing or discussed in any way.

I've never considered it a thing or something that would earn my hubby a gunshot wound.

I might be sane though.


Gotta agree, the wife has had a complaint or two through the years but never that. Practically speaking, wouldn't less make up
Clean up easier?
 
2014-07-20 11:37:59 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-20 12:02:55 PM  
Perhaps his load reduction was due to the limburger-type smegma oozing from her vaginal orifice.
 
2014-07-20 12:47:40 PM  

lack of warmth: Technoir: If she was concerned that he was cheating on her, why didn't she just smell his dick first?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgWgEoaAYDY

I bet she already did that, however she isn't dumb enough to think he didn't shower.


You know how I know you didn't read the article?

/Or, see the mugshot, for that matter.
 
2014-07-20 01:02:09 PM  

Dahnkster: What's up, Doc?


Holy crap, that was funny! Thanks for that.
 
2014-07-20 01:03:21 PM  

Kittypie070: demaL-demaL-yeH: Kittypie070: [i.imgur.com image 600x450]

Why would you do that to heavy cream?
Heavy cream is for making pastry.
And ice cream.
And coffee.

Uhm...because it's funny and the kitty was interested??

/not my kitten actually
//some kinda Scandinavian milk product


Skyr, I'm betting. Man, that stuff is good. :)
 
2014-07-20 01:16:45 PM  
There a lesson to be learned here. Something about dicks and the advisability of sticking them into crazy chicks.
 
2014-07-20 01:58:34 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-20 02:16:30 PM  

peterthx: rzrwiresunrise: So this is a Jezebel article about a man being shot because. DNRTFA, so was it his fault she shot him?

Actually being Jezebel it's a how-to editorial.


I thought it was a link to a story from either Lifetime Movie Network or the Hallmark Channel, or as we call them in our house, "The 'It's His Fault' Channels."
 
2014-07-20 02:29:03 PM  

DjangoStonereaver: "Bulletproof."


upload.wikimedia.org

Also bulletproof.
 
2014-07-20 02:51:44 PM  

mr_crash_davis: [img.fark.net image 273x400]


You people find the strangest things on GIS, dontcha....
 
2014-07-20 04:06:37 PM  
i172.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-20 04:12:01 PM  
Holy crap the criminal is so ugly it looks like it belongs to some kind of intergalactic zoo! Are you sure this isn't a case of rape/murder? It's like the criminal monster raped the guy and then tried to kill him so as to not reveal the secret that evil aliens are raping humans!
 
2014-07-20 09:26:36 PM  
www.usageorge.com
 
2014-07-21 02:04:15 AM  
Would that be shooting in the stomach or on the stomach?
 
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