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(Fox News)   Snake expert on escaped anaconda: "I was sworn to keep my mouth shut by local officials to avoid causing a panic. Now that there's a panic, I'm going on the record"   (foxnews.com) divider line 93
    More: Scary, New Jersey  
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10321 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jul 2014 at 9:54 PM (22 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-19 07:25:01 PM  
Voices in your body climbing  through on the radioooo
 
2014-07-19 08:07:52 PM  
Anacondas can grow up to 29 feet in length, the report said. Their biggest threat is humans.

Or, in New Jersey, just wait a couple of months when cold weather will take care of it. Until then no need to worry unless you've got buns, hun.
 
2014-07-19 08:20:05 PM  
 Anacondas can grow up to 29 feet in length, the report said. Their biggest threat is humans.

Jesus, that's bigger than Jaws.
 
2014-07-19 08:23:44 PM  
 
2014-07-19 08:30:08 PM  

Mugato: Anacondas can grow up to 29 feet in length, the report said. Their biggest threat is humans.

Jesus, that's bigger than Jaws.


I don't think you appreciate the gut reaction people have to these things, Mugato. It's all psychological. You yell "Boa" everybody says "Huh? What?"  You yell "Anaconda", we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.
 
2014-07-19 08:32:56 PM  

Ryker's Peninsula: Mugato: Anacondas can grow up to 29 feet in length, the report said. Their biggest threat is humans.

Jesus, that's bigger than Jaws.

I don't think you appreciate the gut reaction people have to these things, Mugato. It's all psychological. You yell "Boa" everybody says "Huh? What?"  You yell "Anaconda", we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.


If we make an effort maybe we can save August.
 
2014-07-19 08:35:56 PM  

Mugato: If we make an effort maybe we can save August.


What we have here is a squeezing machine.
 
2014-07-19 09:00:35 PM  

Ryker's Peninsula: Mugato: Anacondas can grow up to 29 feet in length, the report said. Their biggest threat is humans.

Jesus, that's bigger than Jaws.

I don't think you appreciate the gut reaction people have to these things, Mugato. It's all psychological. You yell "Boa" everybody says "Huh? What?"  You yell "Anaconda", we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.


Mugato: Ryker's Peninsula: Mugato: Anacondas can grow up to 29 feet in length, the report said. Their biggest threat is humans.

Jesus, that's bigger than Jaws.

I don't think you appreciate the gut reaction people have to these things, Mugato. It's all psychological. You yell "Boa" everybody says "Huh? What?"  You yell "Anaconda", we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.

If we make an effort maybe we can save August.


Somacandra: Mugato: If we make an effort maybe we can save August.

What we have here is a squeezing machine.


Bravo sirs.  Now transition the dialog from Jaws to Anaconda.
 
2014-07-19 09:03:07 PM  

Nefarious: Bravo sirs.  Now transition the dialog from Jaws to Anaconda.


"This was not a boat accident "

"Dee reever can kill joo in a tousand weys."

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-07-19 09:18:12 PM  

Mugato: Nefarious: Bravo sirs.  Now transition the dialog from Jaws to Anaconda.

"This was not a boat accident "

"Dee reever can kill joo in a tousand weys."

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 318x288]


All this machine does is crawl and squeeze and make little snakes.
 
2014-07-19 09:24:44 PM  
mayoglobe.ie
 
2014-07-19 09:27:13 PM  
preview.images.memegenerator.net
 
2014-07-19 09:43:26 PM  

Mugato: Nefarious: Bravo sirs.  Now transition the dialog from Jaws to Anaconda.

"This was not a boat accident "

"Dee reever can kill joo in a tousand weys."

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 318x288]


Dey strike, wrap aroun' joo. Hole joo tighter dan yar true love. An' joo get da priv-ige of hearing yar bones break bufere da power of embrace causes yar veins ti' explode.
 
2014-07-19 09:58:59 PM  

Mugato:  Anacondas can grow up to 29 feet in length, the report said. Their biggest threat is humans.

Jesus, that's bigger than Jaws.


There snakes out there dis BIG?
 
2014-07-19 10:02:05 PM  
A 16 foot suprise!
 
2014-07-19 10:02:48 PM  
FTFA: However, anacondas, made famous by the 1997 Jennifer Lopez movie

Were they?

Wikipedia: Despite receiving mostly negative reviews from critics, the film was a box office hit and was followed by three sequels.

Oh, alright I guess...*kicks can*
 
2014-07-19 10:03:03 PM  

Lsherm: Mugato: Nefarious: Bravo sirs.  Now transition the dialog from Jaws to Anaconda.

"This was not a boat accident "

"Dee reever can kill joo in a tousand weys."

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 318x288]

Dey strike, wrap aroun' joo. Hole joo tighter dan yar true love. An' joo get da priv-ige of hearing yar bones break bufere da power of embrace causes yar veins ti' explode.



I hope John Voight was shiatfaced when they shot that film and not just senile.

/used to own his car
 
2014-07-19 10:03:06 PM  
worst.movie.ever
 
2014-07-19 10:04:01 PM  

HairyNevus: FTFA: However, anacondas, made famous by the 1997 Jennifer Lopez movie

Were they?

Wikipedia: Despite receiving mostly negative reviews from critics, the film was a box office hit and was followed by three sequels.

Oh, alright I guess...*kicks can*


Since 1997 you haven't been able to walk by the tabloid weeklies at the grocery store without seeing what anacondas are up to.
 
2014-07-19 10:04:53 PM  
images.tvrage.com
 
2014-07-19 10:06:29 PM  

HairyNevus: FTFA: However, anacondas, made famous by the 1997 Jennifer Lopez movie

Were they?

Wikipedia: Despite receiving mostly negative reviews from critics, the film was a box office hit and was followed by three sequels.

Oh, alright I guess...*kicks can*


J. Lo's booty = my anaconda wants some

Makes sense.
 
2014-07-19 10:07:10 PM  
I actually caught it again on cable last month. The anaconda was straight up windows 98 screen saver quality. And I forgot how David Caruso the Eric Stolz character was.
 
2014-07-19 10:08:48 PM  

mr lawson: worst.movie.ever


Oh it wasn't that bad. Jon Voight chewing the scenery, Owen Wilson gets eaten and the CGI was so cheesy that it didn't even bother me despite my crippling phobia of snakes. Better than any SyFy movie anyway.
 
2014-07-19 10:09:23 PM  

reported: Anacondas can grow up to 29 feet in length, the report said. Their biggest threat is humans.

Or, in New Jersey, just wait a couple of months when cold weather will take care of it. Until then no need to worry unless you've got buns, hun.


It'll die over winter.  I guess it might get some cats or dogs in the meanwhile.
 
2014-07-19 10:09:30 PM  
AIEEE! A HUGE SNAKE THAT LIES IN THE MUD AND WAITS TILL YOU STEP ON IT BEFORE Sluggishly turning and wrapping its ponderous coils slowly around you...and then gradually constricting  you over a period of 5-10 minutes....which gives your companions plenty of time to shoot it in the head plus its cold-blooded so it's unlikely to still be alive in new jersey i'll just go sit over here.
 
2014-07-19 10:10:41 PM  
i.ytimg.com
 
2014-07-19 10:11:12 PM  
Green Anaconda, meet Colt Python.
 
2014-07-19 10:11:44 PM  

Jaden Smith First of His Name: HairyNevus: FTFA: However, anacondas, made famous by the 1997 Jennifer Lopez movie

Were they?

Wikipedia: Despite receiving mostly negative reviews from critics, the film was a box office hit and was followed by three sequels.

Oh, alright I guess...*kicks can*

Since 1997 you haven't been able to walk by the tabloid weeklies at the grocery store without seeing what anacondas are up to.


?
The Kim Kardashian sex tape didn't come out until 2003.


/& John Holmes died in '88
 
2014-07-19 10:13:49 PM  

AeAe: reported: Anacondas can grow up to 29 feet in length, the report said. Their biggest threat is humans.

Or, in New Jersey, just wait a couple of months when cold weather will take care of it. Until then no need to worry unless you've got buns, hun.

It'll die over winter.


You're thinking of the gorillas.
 
2014-07-19 10:15:40 PM  

Gyrfalcon: AIEEE! A HUGE SNAKE THAT LIES IN THE MUD AND WAITS TILL YOU STEP ON IT BEFORE Sluggishly turning and wrapping its ponderous coils slowly around you...and then gradually constricting  you over a period of 5-10 minutes....which gives your companions plenty of time to shoot it in the head plus its cold-blooded so it's unlikely to still be alive in new jersey i'll just go sit over here.

 
It's 16 feet.. so it could probably take small children I suppose. Like toddlers.
 
2014-07-19 10:16:47 PM  
They better catch it anaconda the fact that it could be dangerous.
 
2014-07-19 10:21:13 PM  
Those comments, wow.

Only the Fox News site can have a story about an anaconda loose in a local lake and have  the comments section filled with racist, bigoted, anti Obama and anti government rants.

Oh yeah, snake will be dead with the first frost. So until then keep your ass away from the lake. This is what the local officials were thinking.
 
2014-07-19 10:21:33 PM  
img.fark.net
When they gets knotted up on you like that, they gets real crazy! Especially on a day like today... when it's real... hot.

You want one for your boy?
 
2014-07-19 10:22:46 PM  
oi59.tinypic.com

Japanese airplane slammed two missiles into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the jungle. Plane went down in twelve seconds. Didn't see the first snake for about a half an hour. Anaconda. Thirteen footer. You know how you know that when you're in the jungle, Chief? You tell by lookin' from the head to the tail. Well, we didn't know. 'Cause our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent, huh. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, chief. The snakes come cruisin'. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know it's... kinda like 'ol squares in battle like uh, you see on a calendar, like the battle of Waterloo. And the idea was, the snake goes to the nearest man and then he'd start poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the snake would go away. Sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that snake, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a snake, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he squeezes ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the jungle turns red and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and rip you to pieces. Y'know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men! I don't know how many snakes, maybe a thousand! I don't know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin' chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player, Aviation Bosun's Mate. I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Rolled over in the jungle, just like a kinda top. Up ended. Well... he'd been squeezed in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. He's a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper, anyway he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a parachute again. So, eleven hundred men went in the jungle, three hundred and sixteen men come out, the snakes took the rest, June the 29, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.
 
2014-07-19 10:22:54 PM  
We had a thread about this when the boa story came out and everyone's first reaction was that boa constrictors don't live in water and don't get that big.  Anaconda makes sense.  Pretty cool actually.

It would definitely freak me out, but logically it's not as dangerous as some other things.  Wouldn't want it around my pets and kids though.

btw, anacondas were famous before 1997.
 
2014-07-19 10:29:53 PM  
FYI. Anaconda's are fast. They look slow and ponderous, but when on the hunt, they are fast, especially when striking.

How do you think they survive in the jungle where everything has to look out for everything else? Creep up on a sleeping wild boar? Once they bite, while not venomous, their teeth grip like a vice and they coil around their prey.

Then, they squeeze, using the typical methods of a constrictor, but one 29 feet long and over 12 inches across has the power to break bones easily.

These snakes can easily make a meal of a kid. The same with an unwary adult. They'll also attack while in the water, making it even more difficult for their prey.

I think we need to start applying the death penalty to those smugglers who bring them in and stiff prison sentences to those who buy them.

However, people have been yelling about the ownership and importation of these and other foreign large snakes for decades -- and were mostly ignored until morons started letting them go in the wilds and they started breeding.

I mean, look at the increasing problems Florida has thanks to imported and released species.
 
2014-07-19 10:30:41 PM  

Snarfangel:


I don't get it. How could a pencil-dicked Oklahoman mistake his shriveled manhood for a snake?
 
2014-07-19 10:35:03 PM  

Rik01: I mean, look at the increasing problems Florida has thanks to imported and released species.


Yeah in that case it's pythons but they are farking things up down there. And it's all because of assholes who buy them as pets and for whatever reason just dump them in the Everglades. They've made a half assed attempt at addressing it but they're not putting a dent in the growing population.

Who the fark would have a farking snake as a pet in the first place?
 
2014-07-19 10:38:10 PM  

Mugato: Rik01: I mean, look at the increasing problems Florida has thanks to imported and released species.

Yeah in that case it's pythons but they are farking things up down there. And it's all because of assholes who buy them as pets and for whatever reason just dump them in the Everglades. They've made a half assed attempt at addressing it but they're not putting a dent in the growing population.

Who the fark would have a farking snake as a pet in the first place?


I know you didn't go there. You are about to get pounced on.
 
2014-07-19 10:43:27 PM  

ongbok: Who the fark would have a farking snake as a pet in the first place?


I know you didn't go there. You are about to get pounced on.


Well really, it can't show affection, you can't pet it, it doesn't greet you when you come home. I don't want to talk about it's eating habits. I mean it's none of my business but at least keep indigenous animals that aren't going to fark up the ecosystem when you set it loose after getting tired of it.
 
2014-07-19 10:45:11 PM  

Mugato: ongbok: Who the fark would have a farking snake as a pet in the first place?


I know you didn't go there. You are about to get pounced on.

Well really, it can't show affection, you can't pet it, it doesn't greet you when you come home. I don't want to talk about it's eating habits. I mean it's none of my business but at least keep indigenous animals that aren't going to fark up the ecosystem when you set it loose after getting tired of it.


You should know by now, in every snake thread that somebody denounces snake ownership the snake lovers attack them.
 
2014-07-19 10:45:55 PM  

Mugato: ongbok: Who the fark would have a farking snake as a pet in the first place?


I know you didn't go there. You are about to get pounced on.

Well really, it can't show affection, you can't pet it, it doesn't greet you when you come home. I don't want to talk about it's eating habits. I mean it's none of my business but at least keep indigenous animals that aren't going to fark up the ecosystem when you set it loose after getting tired of it.


You're very mammal centric, you cock.
 
2014-07-19 10:46:40 PM  

ongbok: Mugato: Rik01: I mean, look at the increasing problems Florida has thanks to imported and released species.

Yeah in that case it's pythons but they are farking things up down there. And it's all because of assholes who buy them as pets and for whatever reason just dump them in the Everglades. They've made a half assed attempt at addressing it but they're not putting a dent in the growing population.

Who the fark would have a farking snake as a pet in the first place?

I know you didn't go there. You are about to get pounced on.


Anacondas don't pounce. They mostly lie under water, about half submerged in mud and ooze, until some poor unwary capybara steps on it, and then they whip around, sink their short curved teeth into whatever part of the capybara they can find, wrap their coils around it, and settle in to squeeze. Unless they miss the first strike, because anacondas are too slow and heavy to chase a mammal down.

So I guess he's about to get...struck at?
 
2014-07-19 10:48:17 PM  
i1182.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-19 10:50:51 PM  

Somacandra: [i.imgur.com image 223x226]

R.I.P ANACONDA


What the what?

I would have thought that would have been somewhat obscure, even on Fark!

Alas that I have only +1 Funny and +1 Smart to give.  Where's the +1 "Goddamn right" button?
 
2014-07-19 10:53:04 PM  
You're going to need a bigger poodle.
 
2014-07-19 10:54:03 PM  

Mugato: mr lawson: worst.movie.ever

Oh it wasn't that bad. Jon Voight chewing the scenery, Owen Wilson gets eaten and the CGI was so cheesy that it didn't even bother me despite my crippling phobia of snakes. Better than any SyFy movie anyway.


It is bolt action rifle
http://youtu.be/ijXLPE7SB3c?t=1m50s
 
2014-07-19 10:56:09 PM  

moviedweeb.files.wordpress.com

I weel keel eet wit my bad Spanish accent!

 
2014-07-19 10:57:06 PM  

mr lawson: Mugato: mr lawson: worst.movie.ever

Oh it wasn't that bad. Jon Voight chewing the scenery, Owen Wilson gets eaten and the CGI was so cheesy that it didn't even bother me despite my crippling phobia of snakes. Better than any SyFy movie anyway.

It is bolt action rifle
http://youtu.be/ijXLPE7SB3c?t=1m50s


She's just fast.
 
2014-07-19 10:58:25 PM  

Mugato: Who the fark would have a farking snake as a pet in the first place?


I used to know someone who had a couple of dozen venomous snakes in his basement apartment. Black mambas, cobras, rattlesnakes, kraits. There is a big subculture of avid reptile keepers.
 
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