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(Short List)   You won't believe what we found out about 13 things you didn't know that will shock and surprise you that you've been doing wrong your whole life, but is everything you ever need to know, right? What happened next will amaze you   (shortlist.com) divider line 48
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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-07-16 08:52:59 AM
And here's one weird trick THEY don't want you to know about.
 
2014-07-16 09:00:25 AM
SithLord: Well a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that headline and he said it was the perfect Fark headline. I wrote him back a letter and said it was not the perfect Fark headline because it hadn't said anything at all about Florida, or Wil Wheaton, or Obama, or dogs, or getting drunk. And he sent it to me and after reading it I realized That my friend had written the perfect Fark headline. And I felt obliged to include it in my post.

/from this thread
 
2014-07-16 09:10:14 AM
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

www.blackflagts.com
 
2014-07-16 10:02:14 AM
While it might annoy some, the truth is that a well-constructed headline will get people checking out your articles in no time; so what are the secrets?

No no.  Mispeled werds and shotty constrected sentissed will always get a Fark greenlight.
 
2014-07-16 11:18:54 AM
The asshole that wrote this should be left on a very small island with the person who came up with the 'One Weird Trick' ads, the person who invented slideshows, one bottle of water, one container of food, one gun, and two bullets.
 
2014-07-16 11:48:47 AM
Everything you ever wanted to know about the highly complex socioeconomic causes of sectarian violence in Iraq in 12 charts
 
2014-07-16 12:33:13 PM
How to Become a Click-baiter.
 
2014-07-16 12:37:16 PM
Somebody needs to send a copy of this to Yahoo.
 
2014-07-16 12:37:16 PM

JackieRabbit: How to Become a Click-baiter.


Better yet, how to master it.
 
2014-07-16 12:37:51 PM
http://youtu.be/ZwL4heIrgVA?list=UU1qC39KQoTG6LqgL_YnjSSQ

i1.ytimg.com

(By the way, is anyone else's text alignment and hyperlink buttons... reversed?)
 
2014-07-16 12:42:06 PM

Mentat: Everything you ever wanted to know about the highly complex socioeconomic causes of sectarian violence in Iraq in 12 charts


If you had said Syria/Jordan/Palestine/Israel/Iraq/Iran/Afghanistan, I might have clicked.
Seriously farked up area, mostly because, tribes;fake borders drawn by british/french/non-locals; religion; and never ending wars.

The idea that anyone could solve this, explain it, fix it ... well ... hubris comes to mind.
 
2014-07-16 12:45:28 PM
The title of this post hurt my brain to read.
 
2014-07-16 12:45:30 PM
"Nut Screws & Bolts!"

Austin, TX - An patient at the local insane asylum broke out of his cell, raped a nurse, and escaped the asylum this morning ...
 
2014-07-16 12:47:38 PM
I consciously don't click on any headline that has this structure, even if it is something I'm interested in or which intrigues me.
 
2014-07-16 12:49:02 PM
I don't know who came up with these rules, but I do know that the power companies hate this guy.
 
2014-07-16 12:49:04 PM
Hey. I do well on the weekly quiz only if there's been some good headlines. Otherwise, don't RTFA.
 
2014-07-16 12:55:05 PM
Subby, that headline was more than 6 words.
 
2014-07-16 12:58:09 PM
I liked NPRs test of that on April Fool's Day.  Or rather, it was a test of how many people only read the headline and commented anyway.  Hilarious.  Reminded me of the early part of many fark threads before someone comes in and tells everyone else that subby was trolling.
 
2014-07-16 12:59:51 PM
Headlines like that usually end up at clickfarms, redirects, summaries, or poorly written blog posts. I have learned not to click on them anymore.

/I never click on a "Cracked" link
//Other sites are slowly being added to that list
 
2014-07-16 01:02:10 PM
As a single dad in your area who makes $50,000 in his spare time while losing weight using only organic methods, I'm highly intrigued.
 
2014-07-16 01:04:31 PM
...by a Dad.
 
2014-07-16 01:08:14 PM
I immediately hated subby, then realization slowly dawned upon me and I learned to love him/her.
 
2014-07-16 01:08:45 PM

gweilo8888: I consciously don't click on any headline that has this structure, even if it is something I'm interested in or which intrigues me.


It's like that free candy the guy in the windowless van is giving out.
 
2014-07-16 01:09:55 PM

Deja_VooDoo: It's like that free candy the guy in the windowless van is giving out.


Except less fun.
 
2014-07-16 01:10:04 PM

mutterfark: SithLord: Well a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that headline and he said it was the perfect Fark headline. I wrote him back a letter and said it was not the perfect Fark headline because it hadn't said anything at all about Florida, or Wil Wheaton, or Obama, or dogs, or getting drunk. And he sent it to me and after reading it I realized That my friend had written the perfect Fark headline. And I felt obliged to include it in my post.

/from this thread


I knew this bullshiat looked familiar.
 
2014-07-16 01:10:13 PM
I am literally in tears right now.

I have no words.


/Why do my FB friends constantly click on this dreck.  Is it because we're over 40, and they just don't get it?
 
2014-07-16 01:10:57 PM
Dicks.  Dicks everywhere.
 
2014-07-16 01:13:59 PM
How did this turd ever get greenlighted?
 
2014-07-16 01:15:36 PM
Which soulless bitter employee at a struggling media outlet are you? The astonishing answer to #8 will make you want to kill yourself!
 
2014-07-16 01:20:41 PM

arjayct: How did this turd ever get greenlighted?


It was done special for you.
 
2014-07-16 01:26:02 PM
reminds me of the song:

seven words and just one riff.

(which is only six words, damn you pigface, you have blown my mind!)
 
2014-07-16 01:30:21 PM
Praise Obama no matter how shiatty of a President he is. At5 least that's how it works on FARK.
 
2014-07-16 01:33:16 PM

The Irresponsible Captain: Headlines like that usually end up at clickfarms, redirects, summaries, or poorly written blog posts. I have learned not to click on them anymore.
/I never click on a "Cracked" link
//Other sites are slowly being added to that list


There's a few sites I just won't click on, so that's part of the reason I don't read the article. Usually I at least look at it, though.
 
2014-07-16 01:36:28 PM

ferretman: Praise Obama no matter how shiatty of a President he is. At5 least that's how it works on FARK.


What? I thought I had all Fark trolls colour coded. Time to break out the chartreuse.
 
2014-07-16 01:41:46 PM
Someone complained that the best minds of this generation are not being used, to feed the world, make important discoveries or anything important. Instead they are being used to figure out how to get people to click on ads.

So behold the fruits of their labor

/maybe now they can figure out the impending water crisis,
 
2014-07-16 01:46:06 PM

ferretman: Praise Obama no matter how shiatty of a President he is. At5 least that's how it works on FARK.


So it only works that way on fark at 5?  AM or PM?  Both?  And is it for the entire hour, or just 5:00 and then 5:01 is back to normal?
 
2014-07-16 01:51:47 PM

whistleridge: The asshole that wrote this should be left on a very small island with the person who came up with the 'One Weird Trick' ads, the person who invented slideshows, one bottle of water, one container of food, one gun, and two bullets.


It'd be the most honest game of Survivor yet!
 
2014-07-16 01:56:45 PM

whistleridge: The asshole that wrote this should be left on a very small island with the person who came up with the 'One Weird Trick' ads, the person who invented slideshows, one bottle of water, one container of food, one gun, and two bullets.


Also the inventor of Onswipe, and the guy that decided to send phones and tablets to the 'mobile' main page instead of the clicked link.
 
2014-07-16 02:23:27 PM
Headline being greenlit reveals 1 weird trick Obama, your hairdresser, Bengazi, the power companies, The admins, Dumbledore, and the entire 1978 Dallas Cowboys championship team   don't want you to know about!
 
2014-07-16 02:30:56 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-16 02:34:25 PM

Decillion: ferretman: Praise Obama no matter how shiatty of a President he is. At5 least that's how it works on FARK.

What? I thought I had all Fark trolls colour coded. Time to break out the chartreuse.


Save yourself some time and put it on ignore.
 
2014-07-16 02:40:47 PM

Decillion: ferretman: Praise Obama no matter how shiatty of a President he is. At5 least that's how it works on FARK.

What? I thought I had all Fark trolls colour coded. Time to break out the chartreuse.


When you're done, pass the bottle
si.wsj.net
 
2014-07-16 02:58:46 PM
And we're redlit. Which is as it should be, and so should all clickwhoring links of this kind be.
 
2014-07-16 03:07:39 PM
Awww, now I need TF to post
 
2014-07-16 03:55:18 PM

vonmatrices: Awww, now I need TF to post


He said, without TF. Ermahgerd, how did theht hehrpen?

/you can post in a redlighted thread as a liter, so long as you'd already participated before it went red
 
2014-07-16 04:11:56 PM

John Buck 41: mutterfark: SithLord: Well a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that headline and he said it was the perfect Fark headline. I wrote him back a letter and said it was not the perfect Fark headline because it hadn't said anything at all about Florida, or Wil Wheaton, or Obama, or dogs, or getting drunk. And he sent it to me and after reading it I realized That my friend had written the perfect Fark headline. And I felt obliged to include it in my post.

/from this thread

I knew this bullshiat looked familiar.


Is there any chance that the original phrasing for this came from the live version of Corb Lund's  The Good Old Hockey Game?

"My friend from Calgary Alberta, Tim Hussou, said that he hadn't written the best song about hockey because he hadn't included anything about..."
 
2014-07-16 05:58:54 PM

gweilo8888: vonmatrices: Awww, now I need TF to post

He said, without TF. Ermahgerd, how did theht hehrpen?

/you can post in a redlighted thread as a liter, so long as you'd already participated before it went red


I don't know these things.  I thought it was funny.

/I thought I really DID know one weird trick!
 
2014-07-16 06:47:44 PM

vonmatrices: I don't know these things.  I thought it was funny.

/I thought I really DID know one weird trick!


You should totally write an article about this! I can suggest a headline structure...
 
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