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(Optimal Human Modulation)   Tired of bullshiat, sparkling vampires that are excuses for showing softcore, and fueling teen angst? Prepare to be happy with Guillermo del Toro's latest TV series   (optimalhumanmodulation.com) divider line 91
    More: Cool, Cylons, Van Helsing, Sweet Caroline, New York airport, OpHuMod, elevator music, plot holes, Emmy Award-winning  
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3762 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 15 Jul 2014 at 4:32 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-15 01:15:50 PM  
Maybe the problem is that the only people who aren't tired of vampires, period, are the ones whose only interests are softcore porn and teen angst.
 
2014-07-15 01:31:47 PM  
Cool. o.o
 
2014-07-15 01:54:17 PM  
What's wrong with softcore porn?
 
2014-07-15 01:59:36 PM  

Two Dogs Farking: What's wrong with softcore porn?


It's not hardcore enough.
 
2014-07-15 02:19:38 PM  
I thought it was good. Sean Austin isn't a very good actor tho.
 
2014-07-15 02:56:38 PM  
The sparkly vampires did one good thing for us:

i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-15 03:01:23 PM  
It was ok.  You've got your Van Helsing, your Dracula, your Renfield, the whole pilot was basically the beginning of Dracula.

I'm wondering if they can take it somewhere else though than just Dracula in modern times.
 
2014-07-15 03:16:52 PM  
It is over the top goofy horror fun, is what I took away from the pilot episode. Definitely not a show to take seriously but just to enjoy for whatever crazy pulpiness they're going for.
 
2014-07-15 03:47:43 PM  

Confabulat: It is over the top goofy horror fun, is what I took away from the pilot episode. Definitely not a show to take seriously but just to enjoy for whatever crazy pulpiness they're going for.


I liked the part where the monster drank that guy's blood, broke his neck, then pounded his head into the ground for no reason other than to be a badass lol
 
2014-07-15 04:08:24 PM  

Roook: I liked the part where the monster drank that guy's blood, broke his neck, then pounded his head into the ground for no reason other than to be a badass lol


And then he ran off going whoop whoop whoop or whatever. Yeah I think that scene set a tone for the series.
 
wee
2014-07-15 04:50:03 PM  
I made it a half hour in before I turned it off.  Not enough belief could be suspended.

A plane lands and there's no communication? Send in... the CDC?!  WTF?  Oh, I know why the CDC was sent in, it's because they apparently have an unlimited budget and can have dozens of high tech guys with every gizmo imaginable on the tarmac in two hours.  And those gizmos include the decon room where the hot CDC doctors of course have to strip down to their undies and -- gosh! -- it just so happens that the two did have some affair or another in order to create artificial tension in future episodes.

Meh.  I know I shouldn't take it seriously, but I couldn't really get into it given all the ham-fisted eagerness.
 
2014-07-15 04:50:03 PM  
So it's 'Cronos' on a grand scale? I'm in!
 
2014-07-15 04:50:20 PM  
Yeah, Dracula right down to the ghost ship. I'll stick with it based on del Toro and FX' track record.
 
2014-07-15 04:50:53 PM  

Roook: Confabulat: It is over the top goofy horror fun, is what I took away from the pilot episode. Definitely not a show to take seriously but just to enjoy for whatever crazy pulpiness they're going for.

I liked the part where the monster drank that guy's blood, broke his neck, then pounded his head into the ground for no reason other than to be a badass lol


And that scene would've been 100 times more effective if they hadn't shown the reveal of the "vampire" in every single damn commercial

"Oooh, what is this big pile of blackness in the floor"

It's a big scary thing that will pop up and kill you

"Maybe I should get closer and lean in to figure out what it is"

It's a big scary thing that will pop up and kill you

"AAAAH! It's a big scary thing that popped up and is killing me! "

Yawn
 
2014-07-15 04:52:47 PM  

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: Yeah, Dracula right down to the ghost ship. I'll stick with it based on del Toro and FX' track record.


I've been binge-watching Penny Dreadful this week and I keep getting plot points confused between the two. Add The Wolf Among Us and I'm really lost on whatever convoluted literary-based narrative I'm following at any given hour.
 
2014-07-15 05:03:29 PM  

wee: I made it a half hour in before I turned it off.  Not enough belief could be suspended.

A plane lands and there's no communication? Send in... the CDC?!  WTF?  Oh, I know why the CDC was sent in, it's because they apparently have an unlimited budget and can have dozens of high tech guys with every gizmo imaginable on the tarmac in two hours.  And those gizmos include the decon room where the hot CDC doctors of course have to strip down to their undies and -- gosh! -- it just so happens that the two did have some affair or another in order to create artificial tension in future episodes.

Meh.  I know I shouldn't take it seriously, but I couldn't really get into it given all the ham-fisted eagerness.


A TV series about a vampire plague and the presence of the CDC is what overwhelmed your suspension of belief??
 
2014-07-15 05:05:48 PM  
A comparison to "Helix"? That's not a good sign.
 
2014-07-15 05:07:11 PM  

wee: I made it a half hour in before I turned it off.  Not enough belief could be suspended.

A plane lands and there's no communication? Send in... the CDC?!  WTF?  Oh, I know why the CDC was sent in, it's because they apparently have an unlimited budget and can have dozens of high tech guys with every gizmo imaginable on the tarmac in two hours.  And those gizmos include the decon room where the hot CDC doctors of course have to strip down to their undies and -- gosh! -- it just so happens that the two did have some affair or another in order to create artificial tension in future episodes.

Meh.  I know I shouldn't take it seriously, but I couldn't really get into it given all the ham-fisted eagerness.


The book made it a lot more plausible, I guess. It's been a while since I read it. Maybe they changed things up in the TV version.
 
2014-07-15 05:08:42 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: The sparkly vampires did one good thing for us:

[i.imgur.com image 400x644]


Also:

tribkswb.files.wordpress.com

So pretty. Sadly still not enough to keep me watching Under the Dome, though.
 
2014-07-15 05:13:23 PM  
As someone who read the books, I liked the opening. It doesn't take the typical Dracula approach and ramps up the dread pretty quickly. I don't think people will see where the show is going.
 
2014-07-15 05:20:54 PM  
Softcore Porn is underrated. Once in a while you get tired of SLAPHERINTHEFACEVAGINACAM.
 
2014-07-15 05:29:43 PM  

fusillade762: So pretty. Sadly still not enough to keep me watching Under the Dome, though.


I hate myself for watching that show.  It's so awful.  Yet here I am, watching it again, even though I swore I was done after the first season.
 
2014-07-15 05:30:33 PM  
What I want to know is when is Amazon going to start selling the episodes?
I watch the new season of the Bridge that way. (as I did with: The Walking Dead, Person of Interest and Continuum.)

Ditched cable and not going back as I only like paying for what I want to watch.
 
2014-07-15 05:31:29 PM  

Roook: It was ok.  You've got your Van Helsing, your Dracula, your Renfield, the whole pilot was basically the beginning of Dracula.

I'm wondering if they can take it somewhere else though than just Dracula in modern times.


Well, the vampire isn't exactly Mr Charming.... and we basically have zombie vampires. I realize vampires are undead, but these seem to be more symbiote-driven zombies than your grandmother's vampire.

It's like Walking Dead, Dracula, and Alien had a baby.
 
2014-07-15 05:32:02 PM  

Jim from Saint Paul: Softcore Porn is underrated. Once in a while you get tired of SLAPHERINTHEFACEVAGINACAM.


When, exactly, does this happen in one's life?
 
2014-07-15 05:33:36 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Maybe the problem is that the only people who aren't tired of vampires, period, are the ones whose only interests are softcore porn and teen angst.


i recommend:

anythinghorror.files.wordpress.com

/ although, soft core porn aside, i think this movie is one of the better vampire movies.  they made the movie with the intent of being a slightly cheesy 70's trash vampire movie, but, since they had decent actors, it's better than any other vampire movie other than "let the right one in"
// oh yeah, and that lady is pretty.
 
2014-07-15 05:46:30 PM  
After watching the premiere, I'm on the fence. There was a lot I liked about it and a few things that drove me crazy. The visual design is top notch (the baddie looks pretty awesome) and the big scenes were as entertaining as they were shocking. However, and I'm not totally sure if it's the writing, acting, or both, but some of the dialogue was  pretty bad. Exposition in an episode that long shouldn't have been that hamfisted.

Me and the lady are horror (and del Toro) fans, so we got a season pass. I'm pretty optimistic that it'll turn out to be a pretty enjoyable series.
 
2014-07-15 05:48:30 PM  

wee: I made it a half hour in before I turned it off.  Not enough belief could be suspended.

A plane lands and there's no communication? Send in... the CDC?!  WTF?  Oh, I know why the CDC was sent in, it's because they apparently have an unlimited budget and can have dozens of high tech guys with every gizmo imaginable on the tarmac in two hours.  And those gizmos include the decon room where the hot CDC doctors of course have to strip down to their undies and -- gosh! -- it just so happens that the two did have some affair or another in order to create artificial tension in future episodes.

Meh.  I know I shouldn't take it seriously, but I couldn't really get into it given all the ham-fisted eagerness.


You do realize that when they aren't dealing with an emergency, they sit and dream up all sorts of scenarios and stage a LOT of equipment for just about any sort of contingency (well, as does FEMA and several other federal agencies).

In today's world, the threat of a pandemic is all too real and has required action to be dealt with on several occasions. I can easily see the CDC getting priority in that situation.
 
2014-07-15 05:51:45 PM  

wee: where the hot CDC doctors of course have to strip down to their undies


damn it. now I have to watch it
 
2014-07-15 06:01:41 PM  

steppenwolf: After watching the premiere, I'm on the fence. There was a lot I liked about it and a few things that drove me crazy. The visual design is top notch (the baddie looks pretty awesome) and the big scenes were as entertaining as they were shocking. However, and I'm not totally sure if it's the writing, acting, or both, but some of the dialogue was  pretty bad. Exposition in an episode that long shouldn't have been that hamfisted.

Me and the lady are horror (and del Toro) fans, so we got a season pass. I'm pretty optimistic that it'll turn out to be a pretty enjoyable series.


The characters and dialogue were pretty much the weakest part of the books, made worse by the main CDC protagonist just being a terrible yet boring person. His main storyline is basically a terrible family court case with vampires mixed in. I was so hoping the show runners wold do something to tweak that part of the story to make it easier to sit though, but the pilot didn't change anything (although it covered half the first books, so they will be running out of plot soon if they don't change it up). Also, douchebag rock star seemed to have wandered out of the late 80s or something. His character is just laughable.

On top of that the most disturbing thing in the story is Corey Stoll's terrible hairpiece:

cdn3-www.shocktillyoudrop.com

If you've watched House of Cards, you spend the whole episode just staring at it wonder "what in the name of sanity do you have on your head?"
 
2014-07-15 06:02:20 PM  
I never realized that 'action epidemiologist' was a job title at the CDC. Who knew statistics could be so exciting!
 
2014-07-15 06:03:44 PM  
Also, I just had to laugh at the guy from the control tower talking about how big the plane is and how it was so cold. It is February and the metal plane was just at 30,000 feet a few minutes ago. Of course that shiat is cold!
 
2014-07-15 06:23:17 PM  
I blame Forever Knight

/obscure eh?
//mmm Deborah Duchene
 
2014-07-15 06:23:20 PM  

Jim from Saint Paul: Softcore Porn is underrated. Once in a while you get tired of SLAPHERINTHEFACEVAGINACAM.


That's an example of the use of a generic, non-specific "you" in English. Because I sure as Hell don't.
 
Boe [TotalFark]
2014-07-15 06:27:29 PM  

kling_klang_bed: So it's 'Cronos' on a grand scale? I'm in!


That's what I was wondering.  If so, I'll have to check it out.  Love that movie.
 
2014-07-15 06:31:09 PM  
The final morgue scene freaked me out.  Damn worms.
 
2014-07-15 06:36:13 PM  
ravnerdwars.info
/not amused
 
2014-07-15 06:45:04 PM  

Lando Lincoln: Jim from Saint Paul: Softcore Porn is underrated. Once in a while you get tired of SLAPHERINTHEFACEVAGINACAM.

When, exactly, does this happen in one's life?


As I recall it used to happen in N. Tampa quite frequently.
Good times. Gooood times
 
2014-07-15 07:00:51 PM  

Shrugging Atlas: wee: I made it a half hour in before I turned it off.  Not enough belief could be suspended.

A plane lands and there's no communication? Send in... the CDC?!  WTF?  Oh, I know why the CDC was sent in, it's because they apparently have an unlimited budget and can have dozens of high tech guys with every gizmo imaginable on the tarmac in two hours.  And those gizmos include the decon room where the hot CDC doctors of course have to strip down to their undies and -- gosh! -- it just so happens that the two did have some affair or another in order to create artificial tension in future episodes.

Meh.  I know I shouldn't take it seriously, but I couldn't really get into it given all the ham-fisted eagerness.

A TV series about a vampire plague and the presence of the CDC is what overwhelmed your suspension of belief??


If you're going to do a medical procedural theme you can't go f*cking up the procedural stuff right away.

In the book a SWAT team enters the plane (in full hazmat suits) but leaves when they see everyone is dead. The black light splooge everywhere isn't in the book.
 
2014-07-15 07:26:23 PM  
Meanwhile, still no Utopia thread.

FARK, I am disappoint.
 
2014-07-15 07:38:32 PM  
sharontate4ever.altervista.org
 
2014-07-15 07:50:21 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Sean Austin isn't a very good actor tho.


Sean Astin is actually a solid actor (see LOTR and Alphas). He just needs something to work with which he doesn't have here. His character is nothing more than utilitarian.
 
2014-07-15 07:58:34 PM  
I read the books a few weeks ago. I couldn't believe such bad writing could get past an editor. At one point, a character stabs a vampire repeatedly. A professional author wrote, and I swear I'm not making this up, "knifeknifeknifeknifeknife".

Still, I thought GDT had a few good ideas and it might be better on screen. So far? Not really. But the part of Vas (who hasn't appeared on the show yet) was written for Ron Perlman, and John Hurt played Setrakian in the original pilot. THAT show might have been worth watching. This one? Not so much.
 
2014-07-15 08:13:23 PM  

Deece: I read the books a few weeks ago. I couldn't believe such bad writing could get past an editor. At one point, a character stabs a vampire repeatedly. A professional author wrote, and I swear I'm not making this up, "knifeknifeknifeknifeknife".

Still, I thought GDT had a few good ideas and it might be better on screen. So far? Not really. But the part of Vas (who hasn't appeared on the show yet) was written for Ron Perlman, and John Hurt played Setrakian in the original pilot. THAT show might have been worth watching. This one? Not so much.


What boggled my mind was that the guy who did most of the writing for the book also wrote the book that The Town was based on. I apologize for anything I said about Ben Affleck if he was the guy who polished the turd of Chuck Hogan's prose and add it a great movie.
 
2014-07-15 08:14:38 PM  

whither_apophis: I blame Forever Knight

/obscure eh?
//mmm Deborah Duchene


Loved that show.

According to the repository of all human knowledge, Duchene quit acting to become a music teacher.  If I was a student, I'm pretty sure I'd be too distracted to pay any attention to John Philip Sousa.
 
2014-07-15 08:36:20 PM  
I nearly pissed myself laughing when they cut from the morgue scene with "Sweet Caroline" playing to a scene where a police car does three quick siren bursts IN RHYTHM with the song.  That had to be deliberate, and I kind of love whoever stuck it in there.
 
2014-07-15 08:48:54 PM  

the_end_is_rear: What I want to know is when is Amazon going to start selling the episodes?
I watch the new season of the Bridge that way. (as I did with: The Walking Dead, Person of Interest and Continuum.)

Ditched cable and not going back as I only like paying for what I want to watch.


I just watched it on Amazon, btw.
 
2014-07-15 08:53:45 PM  

Mad_Radhu: Also, I just had to laugh at the guy from the control tower talking about how big the plane is and how it was so cold. It is February and the metal plane was just at 30,000 feet a few minutes ago. Of course that shiat is cold!


Yeah, no kidding. The dialogue was pretty sad. There will be a different director in next week's episode. Hopefully episode two will be better.
 
2014-07-15 09:14:46 PM  

fusillade762: A comparison to "Helix"? That's not a good sign.


GIMME AN 'R'!
 
2014-07-15 09:14:49 PM  
a vampire falling in love with a human would be like a human falling in love with a cow.  Stop having sex with your food people!!!
 
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