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(BBC-US)   Guy goes to a club wearing so much aftershave that he blows up like an Iraqi oil well when he gets too close to open flame, and someone else is going to jail   (bbc.com) divider line 12
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7767 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jul 2014 at 1:35 PM (8 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-15 10:44:46 AM
14 votes:
I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.
2014-07-15 01:41:44 PM
2 votes:
niketalk.com
2014-07-15 02:25:55 PM
1 votes:
The roomate has a friend that drowned himself in axe. Told her he wasnt allowed in if he was wearing that shiat after I made her get the stink off the couch. It was such a bad smell I could smell it in my room with the door closed.
Oak
2014-07-15 02:08:59 PM
1 votes:
How do you make a Sheffield man go "woof?"
2014-07-15 02:05:57 PM
1 votes:
This is why having "friends" is over rated.
2014-07-15 01:59:15 PM
1 votes:

Prof. Frink: Would you say that people who wear too much aftershave should...

get the Axe?


That comment stinks
2014-07-15 01:46:56 PM
1 votes:
Was he a dwarf?

2.bp.blogspot.com

/DRTFA
2014-07-15 01:45:48 PM
1 votes:
I usually start making a big deal when someone stinks like that. An audible choke/gag noise from back at the uvula, a slighty-too-loud-for-public announcement of "holy shiat, what is that stench?!"
2014-07-15 01:44:34 PM
1 votes:

ashinmytomatoes: Pocket Ninja: I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.


Best one in a while, if I don't stop reading halfway through to check if it's a pocket ninja post, it means it's really good.
2014-07-15 01:43:10 PM
1 votes:

Robert Marshall, 34, from Sheffield, was with friends at Long John's Bar in Great Yarmouth in April, when he flicked a lighter at his friend.

Unknown to Marshall, the 34-year-old victim, had been doused in aftershave. He caught fire and was taken to James Paget Hospital for treatment.


Bollocks. Unless he doused himself immediately before the light flick, the alcohol in the aftershave would have already evaporated.

This is garden-variety dumbassery. Not that fancy store-bought organic dumbassery.
2014-07-15 01:37:53 PM
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.


fbcdn-profile-a.akamaihd.net
2014-07-15 11:46:09 AM
1 votes:
I went to a New Years party with a ladyfriend of mine once.  She had put a ton of hairspray on (why yes,
we were both native New Jerseyans), especially on her bangs to make them stick out over her forhead
(she really looked quite good).

She was leaning over a table to get some hors d'oeuvres, and got a little too close to candle and her
bangs went up in flames.  Fortunately, I had was close enough that I was able to blow out the fire before
the rest of her head went up, but the sight of the front of her hair on fire stays with me to this day.
 
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