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(BBC-US)   Guy goes to a club wearing so much aftershave that he blows up like an Iraqi oil well when he gets too close to open flame, and someone else is going to jail   (bbc.com) divider line 48
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7777 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jul 2014 at 1:35 PM (13 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-15 10:44:46 AM  
I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.
 
2014-07-15 11:05:01 AM  
Robert Marshall, 34, from Sheffield, was with friends at Long John's Bar in Great Yarmouth in April, when he flicked a lighter at his friend.
 
2014-07-15 11:46:09 AM  
I went to a New Years party with a ladyfriend of mine once.  She had put a ton of hairspray on (why yes,
we were both native New Jerseyans), especially on her bangs to make them stick out over her forhead
(she really looked quite good).

She was leaning over a table to get some hors d'oeuvres, and got a little too close to candle and her
bangs went up in flames.  Fortunately, I had was close enough that I was able to blow out the fire before
the rest of her head went up, but the sight of the front of her hair on fire stays with me to this day.
 
2014-07-15 01:37:02 PM  

Pocket Ninja: I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.


It's dusty in here...
 
2014-07-15 01:37:53 PM  

Pocket Ninja: I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.


fbcdn-profile-a.akamaihd.net
 
2014-07-15 01:40:02 PM  
RIP Robert Kirk
 
2014-07-15 01:40:53 PM  

Pocket Ninja: I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.


I couldn't help but read this hearing Harvey Korman -

God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore. .....
 
2014-07-15 01:41:16 PM  
Okay so I didn't read the article but just felt like sharing my own two cents about people who wear/put on WAY too much perfume (or cologne).

There are at least 2 people that I can think of in the place where I work that do the above.  I try not to stand next to them for too long because I can barely breathe with them next to me.  Gives me headaches!  :(


/back to work
 
2014-07-15 01:41:44 PM  
niketalk.com
 
2014-07-15 01:42:22 PM  
 
2014-07-15 01:42:42 PM  

Pocket Ninja: I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.


Wow. I wasn't expecting that to end the way it did.
 
2014-07-15 01:43:10 PM  

Robert Marshall, 34, from Sheffield, was with friends at Long John's Bar in Great Yarmouth in April, when he flicked a lighter at his friend.

Unknown to Marshall, the 34-year-old victim, had been doused in aftershave. He caught fire and was taken to James Paget Hospital for treatment.


Bollocks. Unless he doused himself immediately before the light flick, the alcohol in the aftershave would have already evaporated.

This is garden-variety dumbassery. Not that fancy store-bought organic dumbassery.
 
2014-07-15 01:43:28 PM  
Pocket Ninja

Thank you for the demonstration on how a Excellent Fark comment is done.
 
2014-07-15 01:43:28 PM  
He was fined, not jailed, dumbmitter.

But people who wear too much fragrance should be jailed. They can be released when you can no longer smell them from 15 feet away.
 
2014-07-15 01:44:02 PM  

GungFu: Another one?

This happened when a student homemade a sheep costume:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1221899/Three-students-dress ed -sheep-injured-man-set-cotton-wool-costume.html

[tab.co.uk image 358x625]


damn, that was another one. This is the one I wanted to link to:
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/horrifying-moment-bouncer-sets- fi re-3843067
 
2014-07-15 01:44:34 PM  

ashinmytomatoes: Pocket Ninja: I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.


Best one in a while, if I don't stop reading halfway through to check if it's a pocket ninja post, it means it's really good.
 
2014-07-15 01:44:36 PM  

Pocket Ninja: I encountered one of these people yesterday in the supermarket. I'm on the pasta aisle and I start smelling, faintly, this odor that's a strange cross of locker room, skunk musk, and forest clearing (early spring). Maybe with a small bit of Autumnal breeze/burnt leaves blended in, and a faint whiff of river carp. And it just keeps getting stronger and stronger but I can't see where it's coming from. And what I'm thinking right then is that I've heard about how people sometimes experience strange smells right before they have a stroke or something, and so my hands are gripping the shopping cart and I'm wondering, is this it? Am I about to die? And then, suddenly, a 20-something guy with one of those chin strap goatees and a muscle shirt with armholes that go down to his waist turns onto the far end of the aisle. And as the scent cloud wafted ahead of him and engulfed me, I was so grateful to see that it was coming from him, that I wasn't about to collapse from a stroke. And right then, in that moment, standing there with my shopping cart on the cold, white tiles, as the life I'd thought I was about to lose was handed back to me, like some tiny, perfectly wrapped gift, it was almost as if I was smelling the most beautiful scent in the world. Like the castaway who'd long given up hope and then awoke one morning from a bright fever dream, washed up on some white-sand shore. I wondered, on the drive home, smelling that man's lingering presence in my clothes, whether that's the basic strategy of the man who bathes in cologne. For nothing is more beautiful that what you first see after escaping death's door.


O_O My God, It's Beautiful.
 
2014-07-15 01:45:00 PM  
The alcohol in aftershave evaporates in seconds. It must have been something else, like hairspray, that caught fire.
 
2014-07-15 01:45:48 PM  
I usually start making a big deal when someone stinks like that. An audible choke/gag noise from back at the uvula, a slighty-too-loud-for-public announcement of "holy shiat, what is that stench?!"
 
2014-07-15 01:46:10 PM  
jesus. another one of these threads, huh?
 
2014-07-15 01:46:56 PM  
Was he a dwarf?

2.bp.blogspot.com

/DRTFA
 
2014-07-15 01:48:34 PM  
That's what friends are foooorrrrrr......
 
2014-07-15 01:49:04 PM  
I swear, Pocket Ninja is probably one of Drew's bar pals, a secret Lawrence Ferlinghetti who appears to be hammered at the end of the bar with a lap top, just keeping to his or herself, just eating peanuts and occasionally saying Yeah, to something Drew says.
Somewhere in Kentucky, there is this James Dalton of the keyboard just leaning over in a bar stool, quietly nodding and then going to the next only just greenlit thread.
 
2014-07-15 01:50:33 PM  
A lot of people seem to think if a little is good (which is debatable) a lot is better.

I've shredded several resumes because I could smell the person's perfume/cologne from across the room.
 
2014-07-15 01:52:26 PM  
For the ones that get past the interview:

If the men at work overdo it, I tell them about it.

If it's a woman, I have another woman tell her about it.
 
2014-07-15 01:52:54 PM  

doglover: Robert Marshall, 34, from Sheffield, was with friends at Long John's Bar in Great Yarmouth in April, when he flicked a lighter at his friend.


Plus:
Smelly Pirate Hooker: He was fined, not jailed, dumbmitter.

Also:
FTFA: Unknown to Marshall, the 34-year-old victim, had been doused in aftershave.
So tfa doesn't say the guy "went to a club wearing too much cologne." It sounds more like one of his buddies poured a bunch of Eau de Stank from the bathroom vending machine over him.

So bottom line: we need a Failed Headline of the Year category. Subby effed literally every point on this one.

And is there even a point anymore in trying to shame the mods who approved this? Or the admins who let it happen again and again and again?
 
2014-07-15 01:53:16 PM  
www.cf-network.com

Rammstein approves!
 
2014-07-15 01:53:18 PM  
Would you say that people who wear too much aftershave should...

get the Axe?
 
2014-07-15 01:58:46 PM  

DjangoStonereaver: She was leaning over a table to get some hors d'oeuvres, and got a little too close to candle and her
bangs went up in flames.


That's hot.
 
2014-07-15 01:58:57 PM  

doubled99: jesus. another one of these threads, huh?


Unfortunately
 
2014-07-15 01:59:15 PM  

Prof. Frink: Would you say that people who wear too much aftershave should...

get the Axe?


That comment stinks
 
2014-07-15 02:00:12 PM  

brimed03: And is there even a point anymore in trying to shame the mods who approved this? Or the admins who let it happen again and again and again?


As long as the check clears the bank they could really give a fark anymore. This site is going to the advertisers more and more every day.
 
2014-07-15 02:00:45 PM  
My boss used to wear so much cologne (Canoe I believe it was) to cover his smoking, you could literally smell his wake from walking through the office...  And god forbid he use your desk phone and you forget to wipe it down... I've had more than one ear smell like him all day.  *shudder*
 
2014-07-15 02:04:03 PM  

spickus: DjangoStonereaver: She was leaning over a table to get some hors d'oeuvres, and got a little too close to candle and her
bangs went up in flames.

That's hot.


It kinda was actually.

She was (and still is) a good looking woman, and cleans up real purdy.
 
2014-07-15 02:05:57 PM  
This is why having "friends" is over rated.
 
2014-07-15 02:06:50 PM  
If he was using AXE it was a public service.
 
Oak
2014-07-15 02:08:59 PM  
How do you make a Sheffield man go "woof?"
 
2014-07-15 02:14:29 PM  
I'm going to call BS on this one.  Somebody call Mythbusters!

The flamable component of cologne is the alcohol and it would evaporate quite quickly.  The guy would almost have to be putting the stuff on at the time.
 
2014-07-15 02:25:55 PM  
The roomate has a friend that drowned himself in axe. Told her he wasnt allowed in if he was wearing that shiat after I made her get the stink off the couch. It was such a bad smell I could smell it in my room with the door closed.
 
2014-07-15 02:26:42 PM  
Cologne is best worn so that only someone you are getting intimate with can detect it.
 
2014-07-15 02:28:53 PM  
How is that even possible? The alcohol in aftershave has a high enough vapor pressure that it's only volatile for ~30 seconds after applying.
 
2014-07-15 02:32:02 PM  
Let's not forget the king of deadly aftershaves, and lighters.
www.screeninsults.com
www.bondcollection.com.ar
doubleonothing.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-15 02:37:00 PM  

groppet: The roomate has a friend that drowned himself in axe. Told her he wasnt allowed in if he was wearing that shiat after I made her get the stink off the couch. It was such a bad smell I could smell it in my room with the door closed.


Your roommate has middle school friends that she invites over?
 
2014-07-15 02:37:33 PM  

dustygrimp: Cologne is best worn so that only someone you are getting intimate with can detect it.


Yeah, it's "close enough for a whisper" not "within earshot."
 
2014-07-15 02:38:27 PM  

dustygrimp: Cologne is best worn so that only someone you are getting intimate with can detect it.


So apply directly to your pubes?
 
2014-07-15 02:51:41 PM  

ongbok: groppet: The roomate has a friend that drowned himself in axe. Told her he wasnt allowed in if he was wearing that shiat after I made her get the stink off the couch. It was such a bad smell I could smell it in my room with the door closed.

Your roommate has middle school friends that she invites over?


They may as well be in middle school the way they act. The guys more than the girls
 
2014-07-15 02:52:24 PM  
files.gamebanana.com

"BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN!!"
 
2014-07-15 03:56:22 PM  

GungFu: Another one?

This happened when a student homemade a sheep costume:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1221899/Three-students-dress ed -sheep-injured-man-set-cotton-wool-costume.html

[tab.co.uk image 358x625]


Don't wear that in Scotland, sonny boy. You might be in for a surprise.
 
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