Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Gizmodo)   German government goes back to doing its work on typewriters, because the Americans can't bug a Smith-Corona   (gizmodo.com ) divider line 50
    More: Followup, German TV, internal communications, German parliament, Germany, NSA  
•       •       •

1017 clicks; posted to Politics » on 15 Jul 2014 at 11:22 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2014-07-15 08:22:39 AM  
ha. yes we can.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-07-15 08:31:09 AM  
the Americans can't bug a Smith-Corona

I read an article a year or two ago about translating the sound of keystrokes into characters. Not all keys sound the same.
 
2014-07-15 08:38:35 AM  

ZAZ: I read an article a year or two ago about translating the sound of keystrokes into characters. Not all keys sound the same.


A million years ago when I worked for a defense company all of our typewriters had special motors because with normal ones you could plug in a device on the same electric circuit and figure out what was being typed due to tiny variations the electrical draw of each key.
 
2014-07-15 08:44:31 AM  

ZAZ: the Americans can't bug a Smith-Corona

I read an article a year or two ago about translating the sound of keystrokes into characters. Not all keys sound the same.


If you use the same typewriter for a while, even a human can learn to differentiate the sounds of some of the keystrokes, especially the ones that have a high deflection angle.
 
2014-07-15 09:27:26 AM  

flucto: ha. yes we can.


This. It's not as easy as sitting back at home and hoovering up the internets, but yes, we most certainly can bug a Smith-Corona. Especially an electric one. And even if they've got a secret corps of ancient strong-fingered secretaries capable of using all mechanical ones, they'd better make sure they're disposing of their ribbons properly...
 
2014-07-15 10:21:47 AM  
Well, at least somebody was watching Marvel's Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D.
 
2014-07-15 11:15:17 AM  
Okay - back to pens and carbon paper!
 
2014-07-15 11:26:04 AM  
Why? What could the Germans possibly have to hide?
 
2014-07-15 11:26:44 AM  
Next up, Enigma machines.
 
2014-07-15 11:29:17 AM  
Why not just unplug the ethernet cord and disable the wireless?
 
2014-07-15 11:29:19 AM  
Wow, Merkel is super pissed still.

Can't really blame her.
 
2014-07-15 11:30:27 AM  

flucto: ha. yes we can.


I was going to say, there's a few ways to do that, if it's mechanical you can record the sounds of the keys, you can have video of the actual typing, or if it's electric you could record the actual keystrokes
 
2014-07-15 11:31:03 AM  
Isn't it going to slow things down if they have to translate all those web pages into IRL ASCII and then mail them out? I thought Europe was so proud of their internet-speed capabilities...

// schiesse porn is going to take a huge hit
// I should tell my friends to cancel their subscriptions...
 
2014-07-15 11:31:26 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Well, at least somebody was watching Marvel's Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D.


'Big file transfer coming.'  'How big?'  Coulson shoves a filing cabinet out a 5th story window.
 
2014-07-15 11:33:46 AM  

quatchi: Wow, Merkel is super pissed still.

Can't really blame her.


I can understand the grudge if I had confirmation that the NSA was listening in on my sexting and snapchat account.
 
2014-07-15 11:34:54 AM  

Alphax: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Well, at least somebody was watching Marvel's Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D.

'Big file transfer coming.'  'How big?'  Coulson shoves a filing cabinet out a 5th story window.


That was an awesome moment.
 
2014-07-15 11:38:51 AM  

quatchi: Wow, Merkel is super pissed still.

Can't really blame her.


Maybe it is a politically popular position to be against the invasion of privacy and stick it to America. Everybody does it (both spying and stick it to the big bad superpower for politcial points). We still lead the world in communication/telcomm. We do it best.

I wonder if German owned T-mobile is doing any spying?
 
2014-07-15 11:43:35 AM  

incendi: flucto: ha. yes we can.

This. It's not as easy as sitting back at home and hoovering up the internets, but yes, we most certainly can bug a Smith-Corona. Especially an electric one. And even if they've got a secret corps of ancient strong-fingered secretaries capable of using all mechanical ones, they'd better make sure they're disposing of their ribbons properly...


Or using their old documents for toilet paper. Which the Soviets did in post-war East Berlin. It's amazing what you can find floating in Berlin sewers.
 
2014-07-15 11:44:54 AM  

quatchi: Wow, Merkel is super pissed still.

Can't really blame her.


As Stephen Colbert said, she should be flattered, it's probably the first time anyone has ever wanted to "tap that"
 
2014-07-15 11:50:15 AM  
wherepoliticsstops.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-15 11:52:26 AM  
This will last about 2 weeks or until someone needs 50 copies of a 20-page document. Whichever comes first.
 
2014-07-15 11:53:49 AM  
I wish I still had the typewriter my grandparents gave me, it was a sleek 70's model that kinda folded up into its own carrying case.

I feel like it would make for a great throwback love note machine. In the digital age, hand-writing something or typing it out on a typewriter could be appreciated for its effort, for the right girl of course.
 
2014-07-15 11:56:22 AM  
I don't know why the Germans are so bent out of shape.  If they have nothing to hide, who cares if the U.S. sees what they are doing.
 
2014-07-15 11:57:36 AM  
LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN

I suppose this is the best thing to do considering there are no alternatives.

LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN LAN
 
2014-07-15 12:01:16 PM  

incendi: flucto: ha. yes we can.

This. It's not as easy as sitting back at home and hoovering up the internets, but yes, we most certainly can bug a Smith-Corona. Especially an electric one. And even if they've got a secret corps of ancient strong-fingered secretaries capable of using all mechanical ones, they'd better make sure they're disposing of their ribbons properly...


Every member of the Helga Handrick Typewriter corps is taught to consume their ribbons upon exhaustion. They used to chew barbed wire for the Nazis. A typewriter ribbon is easy pickings.
 
2014-07-15 12:07:59 PM  
On the other hand, a clarke-nova has mythic resonance....
 
2014-07-15 12:08:09 PM  
Americans can't bug a Smith-Corona

NSA: Challenge accepted
 
2014-07-15 12:08:55 PM  

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: Or using their old documents for toilet paper. Which the Soviets did in post-war East Berlin. It's amazing what you can find floating in Berlin sewers.


Also known as "the shiattiest job in the CIA"...
 
2014-07-15 12:10:29 PM  
What an Enigma!
 
2014-07-15 12:10:44 PM  
I thought Corona was for being unbugged.

m.mediapost.com
 
2014-07-15 12:24:44 PM  

quatchi: Wow, Merkel is super pissed still.


Beware. The Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
 
2014-07-15 12:31:26 PM  

HighOnCraic: quatchi: Wow, Merkel is super pissed still.

Beware. The Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.


An English couple adopt a little German boy. After two years the child doesn't speak and the parents are worried about him. After three years he has not spoken and by his fourth birthday he still has not uttered a word. The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is a lovely child and on his fourth birthday they throw him a party and make him a chocolate cake with orange icing.

The parents are in the kitchen when the little German boy comes in and says, "Mother, Father, I do not like the orange icing on the chocolate cake."

My god," his mother says, "you can speak?"

To which the German boy replies, "Of course."

How come you have never spoken before? "his father asks.

"Well," the boy says, "up till now everything has been satisfactory."
 
2014-07-15 12:31:41 PM  
Clark Nova disagrees

img.fark.net
 
2014-07-15 12:36:52 PM  

quatchi: Alphax: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Well, at least somebody was watching Marvel's Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D.

'Big file transfer coming.'  'How big?'  Coulson shoves a filing cabinet out a 5th story window.

That was an awesome moment.


Anyone have a YouTube link?
 
2014-07-15 12:36:57 PM  

Roof Pig: Clark Nova disagrees

[img.fark.net image 500x279]


Came for this. Well done.
 
2014-07-15 12:39:48 PM  

Duke Phillips' Singing Bears: incendi: flucto: ha. yes we can.

This. It's not as easy as sitting back at home and hoovering up the internets, but yes, we most certainly can bug a Smith-Corona. Especially an electric one. And even if they've got a secret corps of ancient strong-fingered secretaries capable of using all mechanical ones, they'd better make sure they're disposing of their ribbons properly...

Every member of the Helga Handrick Typewriter corps is taught to consume their ribbons upon exhaustion. They used to chew barbed wire for the Nazis. A typewriter ribbon is easy pickings.


Just be sure to NEVER accept a handjob from a member.
 
2014-07-15 12:42:09 PM  

flucto: ha. yes we can.


Their typewriter is using the Enigma engine with a 5th wheel. So you'd have to decrypt it to make sense of the keystrokes.

And when you do that it'll just be:

"All work and no play make Jack a dull boy".
 
Bf+
2014-07-15 12:42:20 PM  
assets-s3.usmagazine.com
The hell I can't.
 
2014-07-15 12:44:30 PM  

Devo: quatchi: Wow, Merkel is super pissed still.

Can't really blame her.

Maybe it is a politically popular position to be against the invasion of privacy and stick it to America. Everybody does it (both spying and stick it to the big bad superpower for politcial points). We still lead the world in communication/telcomm. We do it best.

I wonder if German owned T-mobile is doing any spying?


That's your basic problem. You validate yourself by telling yourself that your allies are spying on you.

Sad, delusional, and your own downfall.
 
2014-07-15 12:57:38 PM  
BTW the whole "If you have nothing to hide" argument is stupid. Regardless of whether or not you do, your information is not in your control and can be used against you.
 
2014-07-15 01:05:50 PM  

Karac: Why not just unplug the ethernet cord and disable the wireless?


1 - Wireless drivers may be hacked to power up and transmit even when supposedly disabled.

2 - Malware can be loaded and data offloaded by removable storage devices -- USB / optical / firewire / eSATA / thunderbolt and whatever they think of next. (This is how Stuxnet made it onto the machines controlling the Iranian centrifuges.)

3 - Hard drives can easily be stolen, or quickly cloned in-place.

4 - Keyboard signals can be trivially captured and retransmitted by a dongle that plugs inline. https://www.google.com/search?tbm=shop&q=usb+keyboard+logger

5 - Circuitry can be added to the hardware itself -- keyboard, motherboard, monitor -- to transmit keystrokes / screenshots.

6 - Even unmodified, many keyboards and monitors transmit some RF that can be picked up by a sensitive receiver.

To be truly safe you'd need to use whole-disc encryption, remove all optical drives, glue all cables into place, glue all unused ports shut, install tamper-proof case alarms, put Faraday cages around workstations, do constant sweeps for unknown RF, and regular audits of all hardware to make sure that no extra circuitry is present in computers, keyboards, and monitors.

And then some moron will still ruin it by taking a selfie in front of the screen.
 
2014-07-15 01:11:22 PM  
the russians did this almost a year ago.
When a former head of the NSA tells you the plan of the NSA is to turn the USA  into a police state and manipulate the world as an American you have to stop and ask yourself what is really up.
 
2014-07-15 01:14:37 PM  

bromah: the russians did this almost a year ago.
When a former head of the NSA tells you the plan of the NSA is to turn the USA  into a police state and manipulate the world as an American you have to stop and ask yourself what is really up.


Link?
 
2014-07-15 01:20:28 PM  

Fast Thick Pants: To be truly safe you'd need to use whole-disc encryption, remove all optical drives, glue all cables into place, glue all unused ports shut, install tamper-proof case alarms, put Faraday cages around workstations, do constant sweeps for unknown RF, and regular audits of all hardware to make sure that no extra circuitry is present in computers, keyboards, and monitors.

And then some moron will still ruin it by taking a selfie in front of the screen.


I spent a year working in the computer shop of a USMC base in Africa.  There was some secret squirrel shop on that base: to get in you needed a security clearance, a second ID, an escort, and the armed guard had to pat you down before letting you in the door.  Some moron officer working in that shop decided they needed new computers, so he ordered a dozen brand new, top of the line, Alienware laptops.  Something like six grand each.

We get this shipment into my shop and wondered what they hell they were for.  He eventually shows up and says they're for his shop - but first we're going to need to crack them open, cut out the webcam, remove the CD drive, cut out the wireless cards, epoxy an ethernet cable into the network port, epoxy a wired mouse and keyboard into two USB ports, and fill every other port on the thing with more epoxy.

I suggested to my staff sergeant that he give the officer a suggestion to put each of these $6,500 laptops up for sale on base for $7,000, thinking that he'd get his money back and could buy some Dells that wouldn't need the warranty burned to a crisp and make a some beer & steak money for his unit.  I'm told it was not well received.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-07-15 01:57:20 PM  
Karac

When I was in college one of the computers on campus was the "VAXstation II/RC". The RC stood for restricted configuration. The RC variant was cheaper because it was less expandable. It was less expandable because some expansion slots were filled with epoxy. DEC also sold, for a low price, a replacement backplane for the regular VS II... (internet mention)

In the 1990s I worked briefly at a job making software for CMW workstations. I was surprised to learn that people just trusted what came over the network because the network hardware had to be secure. Because previously in an open academic environment we had taken the attitude that everything over the network was insecure and you had to use cryptography for authentication and privacy.
 
2014-07-15 09:53:14 PM  

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: HighOnCraic: quatchi: Wow, Merkel is super pissed still.

Beware. The Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.

An English couple adopt a little German boy. After two years the child doesn't speak and the parents are worried about him. After three years he has not spoken and by his fourth birthday he still has not uttered a word. The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is a lovely child and on his fourth birthday they throw him a party and make him a chocolate cake with orange icing.

The parents are in the kitchen when the little German boy comes in and says, "Mother, Father, I do not like the orange icing on the chocolate cake."

My god," his mother says, "you can speak?"

To which the German boy replies, "Of course."

How come you have never spoken before? "his father asks.

"Well," the boy says, "up till now everything has been satisfactory."


Ha!

Sorry but I am going to steal that and use as my own joke.
 
2014-07-15 11:49:28 PM  

bromah: the russians did this almost a year ago.
When a former head of the NSA tells you the plan of the NSA is to turn the USA  into a police state and manipulate the world as an American you have to stop and ask yourself what is really up.

This may explain Putin's latest escapades. He's behind 7 11 proxies.
 
2014-07-16 02:21:36 AM  

Karac: Why not just unplug the ethernet cord and disable the wireless?


That would mean not being able to use email, you savage!
 
2014-07-16 03:09:37 AM  
"Young man in boots. He sits in this chair and he talks of two people. Smith and Corona?"
 
2014-07-16 05:02:54 AM  

Riche: quatchi: Alphax: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Well, at least somebody was watching Marvel's Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D.

'Big file transfer coming.'  'How big?'  Coulson shoves a filing cabinet out a 5th story window.

That was an awesome moment.

Anyone have a YouTube link?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRnvtW_Ktd4
 
Displayed 50 of 50 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report