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(Slate)   Woman upset that a man at a family-friendly pool wears a speedo around as if it weren't a big deal   (slate.com) divider line 149
    More: Scary, Prudi, Emily Yoffe  
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10770 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jul 2014 at 9:33 AM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



149 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-07-15 07:53:45 AM  
....he doesn't seem to pay any attention to the kids in the pool. He swims a few laps and gets out.....  Perhaps he is, erm, just gifted. Also, as usual, I missed the section which says how many people died or were hurt.
 
2014-07-15 07:57:57 AM  

colinspooky: ....he doesn't seem to pay any attention to the kids in the pool. He swims a few laps and gets out.....  Perhaps he is, erm, just gifted. Also, as usual, I missed the section which says how many people died or were hurt.


Just a couple eye poked out.
 
2014-07-15 08:19:08 AM  
Too late, lady, the kids already know what a penis is.  But by all means you should approach him and comment on the size of his schlong.  Men never misinterpret that kind of attention.
 
2014-07-15 08:29:03 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: Too late, lady, the kids already know what a penis is.  But by all means you should approach him and comment on the size of his schlong.  Men never misinterpret that kind of attention.


Why is she checking out his package?
 
2014-07-15 08:45:20 AM  
Q. Re: Pool rules:I question the erection.

OK.  Which if you Farkers is trolling Prudie?
 
2014-07-15 08:55:28 AM  

JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: Too late, lady, the kids already know what a penis is.  But by all means you should approach him and comment on the size of his schlong.  Men never misinterpret that kind of attention.

Why is she checking out his package?


I believe it is her inability to NOT check out his package that is bothering her to begin with.
 
2014-07-15 09:03:09 AM  
Did he have a squirrel shoved down the front of it?
 
2014-07-15 09:09:17 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: Too late, lady, the kids already know what a penis is.  But by all means you should approach him and comment on the size of his schlong.  Men never misinterpret that kind of attention.

Why is she checking out his package?

I believe it is her inability to NOT check out his package that is bothering her to begin with.


We know she really craves some afternoon delight with that hot swimmer's body and ample tool.
 
2014-07-15 09:15:40 AM  

JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: Too late, lady, the kids already know what a penis is.  But by all means you should approach him and comment on the size of his schlong.  Men never misinterpret that kind of attention.

Why is she checking out his package?

I believe it is her inability to NOT check out his package that is bothering her to begin with.

We know she really craves some afternoon delight with that hot swimmer's body and ample tool.


missdemurerestraint.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-15 09:28:01 AM  

JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: Too late, lady, the kids already know what a penis is.  But by all means you should approach him and comment on the size of his schlong.  Men never misinterpret that kind of attention.

Why is she checking out his package?

I believe it is her inability to NOT check out his package that is bothering her to begin with.

We know she really craves some afternoon delight with that hot swimmer's body and ample tool.


THE RIPPIN' AND THE TEARIN'.
 
2014-07-15 09:28:24 AM  

JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: Too late, lady, the kids already know what a penis is.  But by all means you should approach him and comment on the size of his schlong.  Men never misinterpret that kind of attention.

Why is she checking out his package?

I believe it is her inability to NOT check out his package that is bothering her to begin with.

We know she really craves some afternoon delight with that hot swimmer's body and ample tool.


NOW you're channeling your inner Speedo.
 
2014-07-15 09:29:15 AM  
That lady needs to get over it.

Otherwise, what's next?  Banning erect nipples?

d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net


We MUST NOT allow such a thing to happen.
 
2014-07-15 09:37:37 AM  
Could be worse...

img.fark.net
 
2014-07-15 09:38:37 AM  
Her lady parts began to tingle and she realized that the last time this happened, she ended up pregnant.
 
2014-07-15 09:40:06 AM  
Guys in Speedos are clowns.
 
2014-07-15 09:40:55 AM  
If it's a family friendly pool, then why does she want to kick out the creepy uncle stereotype?
 
2014-07-15 09:42:27 AM  
Does he sing and dance as they glance at his glans on a bright sunshiney day ?
 
2014-07-15 09:44:14 AM  
FTFA: "The original letter writer didn't love the thong, but her big issue was the condition of the shlong."

lol
 
2014-07-15 09:45:42 AM  
Meantime, her kids are pissing in the pool.
 
2014-07-15 09:45:44 AM  
image.img-erento.com
once he finds a wetsuit to put under this  it will be fine for the children
 
2014-07-15 09:46:18 AM  

yakmans_dad: Guys in Speedos are clowns.


www.mendelsonarchives.com
 
2014-07-15 09:48:09 AM  
But breast-feeding moms are still good.
 
2014-07-15 09:48:13 AM  
img.fark.net

Wanted for questioning...
 
2014-07-15 09:51:33 AM  

Grumpy Cat: But breast-feeding moms are still good.


"Still"? When weren't they good?
 
2014-07-15 09:55:24 AM  
Speedon't
 
2014-07-15 09:57:47 AM  
If she's that concerned about it she can just offer to blow him before he goes swimming.
 
2014-07-15 09:58:08 AM  
I know this biatch.  All she had to do was ask.  I'll wear something more appropriate next time.
 
2014-07-15 09:58:13 AM  
Oh, great.  We're defending men in speedos now?  Who will we defend next?  Gum chewers who pop their gum?  Loud cell phone talkers?  People who cough into their sleeves because Obama said so?  For the sweet love of God, people: Think of the children!
 
2014-07-15 09:59:12 AM  
Pics or it didnt happen
 
2014-07-15 09:59:31 AM  
My problem is with one man who wears a thong-style bathing suit. I'm not the bathing suit police...

Please remember that!
 
2014-07-15 09:59:40 AM  
wearing a speedo is fine.

"My problem is with one man who wears a thong-style bathing suit. I'm not the bathing suit police, but now I've seen him walking around on several occasions with a very noticeable erection."

Wearing a thong style bathing suit with a huge erection is another.  Since this lady has two kids, I am assuming she knows the difference.  If this is true, then that is not appropriate.
 
2014-07-15 10:00:18 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-15 10:01:24 AM  
He's wearing a thong-speedo with an erection. He's a creepy farker.
 
2014-07-15 10:01:36 AM  
On the other hand...her cameltoe bikini is perfectly acceptable.
 
2014-07-15 10:02:24 AM  
I think it's less about the speedo than the erection.
 
2014-07-15 10:02:59 AM  
But is his real name Mister Earl?
 
2014-07-15 10:03:02 AM  

Diogenes: Q. Re: Pool rules:I question the erection.

OK.  Which if you Farkers is trolling Prudie?


I assume they continued to note that after much introspection, they feel there should be a rejection of the imperfection implied by his predilection for poor circumspection?  Or just that the pool should require genuflection to the affection of the section's misaffectons?

// I think I know too many words.
 
2014-07-15 10:03:09 AM  
Subbys headline: Man Wears a speedo

Article: with an erection.

Nice bait.
 
2014-07-15 10:06:05 AM  

NakedApe: My problem is with one man who wears a thong-style bathing suit. I'm not the bathing suit police...

Please remember that!


Bathing Suit Police:

www.kcet.org
 
2014-07-15 10:06:51 AM  
img.fark.net
Where's this guy when you need him?
 
2014-07-15 10:07:36 AM  
Men's thongs don't have pockets. I usually carry a banana when I swim for a quick blood sugar helper. That lady neglects to say what she's wearing. Not that Wicked Weasel needs to be mentioned.
 
2014-07-15 10:08:02 AM  
Just tell him its not polite to point.
 
2014-07-15 10:08:26 AM  
Knowledge is power.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcU7FaEEzNU
 
2014-07-15 10:08:29 AM  
The guy is a creepy douche, if nothing else. One reason why I don't frequent pubic pools.
 
2014-07-15 10:08:39 AM  

Schmerd1948: But is his real name Mister Earl?


The correct spelling is "Earle."

s3.amazonaws.com
 
2014-07-15 10:12:23 AM  
Oops. Vid is NSFW. Didn't realize when posting, apologies.
 
2014-07-15 10:12:53 AM  

rvesco: Oh, great.  We're defending men in speedos now?  Who will we defend next?  Gum chewers who pop their gum?  Loud cell phone talkers?  People who cough into their sleeves because Obama said so?  For the sweet love of God, people: Think of the children!


But every time I think of the children, my banana strains against its hammock.
 
2014-07-15 10:14:01 AM  
She said she recently moved into the neighborhood. Maybe this guy has been swimming there forever and his boner got grandfathered in somehow.
 
2014-07-15 10:15:53 AM  
He was in the pool! Isn't it supposed to get smaller?
 
2014-07-15 10:17:43 AM  
I'm not the biggest fan of the speedo, but if females can wear bikinis at public pools, males can wear the equivalent. Just because you don't think it suits them due to their body type, doesn't mean you get to play clothing police.
 
2014-07-15 10:17:59 AM  

Gunderson: If it's a family friendly pool, then why does she want to kick out the creepy uncle stereotype?


The "a little too friendly" pool?
 
2014-07-15 10:18:56 AM  
static.fjcdn.com

Janitor: Todd if you try and get in here with that, I'm going to wedgie you off the roof.

i3.bebo.com
 
2014-07-15 10:19:40 AM  

RoxtarRyan: I'm not the biggest fan of the speedo, but if females can wear bikinis at public pools, males can wear the equivalent. Just because you don't think it suits them due to their body type, doesn't mean you get to play clothing police.


You didn't RTFA, did you?
 
2014-07-15 10:19:46 AM  
Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.
 
2014-07-15 10:24:01 AM  

colinspooky: ....he doesn't seem to pay any attention to the kids in the pool. He swims a few laps and gets out.....  Perhaps he is, erm, just gifted. Also, as usual, I missed the section which says how many people died or were hurt.


She gagged.
 
2014-07-15 10:25:02 AM  
The guys problem isn't the thong or the boner it's:
1.bp.blogspot.com
He could have been buck necked if he was attractive enough and she wouldn't have had a problem with it.
 
2014-07-15 10:25:11 AM  

SlothB77: wearing a speedo is fine.

"My problem is with one man who wears a thong-style bathing suit. I'm not the bathing suit police, but now I've seen him walking around on several occasions with a very noticeable erection."

Wearing a thong style bathing suit with a huge erection is another.  Since this lady has two kids, I am assuming she knows the difference.  If this is true, then that is not appropriate.


Or she knows she isn't the bathing suit police so she needs the change the story a bit to get her way. What's a little white lie to "protect the children"?

Maybe her husband isn't as well endowed and thus a penis as large as Speedo-dude has just looks erect from lack of comparison.

Oh wait, Dear Prudence is fake, why are we debating this?
 
2014-07-15 10:25:49 AM  

fiddlehead: RoxtarRyan: I'm not the biggest fan of the speedo, but if females can wear bikinis at public pools, males can wear the equivalent. Just because you don't think it suits them due to their body type, doesn't mean you get to play clothing police.

You didn't RTFA, did you?


He gets an erection. BFD. It would noticeable in most bathing suits. Or, if it suits you,

jshine: Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.


This.
 
2014-07-15 10:26:42 AM  
Hope she never takes her little snowflakes to Europe. Speedos are common and some places they are optional...
 
2014-07-15 10:26:59 AM  

powhound: The guy is a creepy douche, if nothing else. One reason why I don't frequent pubic pools.


Whats the other reason why?  Speculate below.
 
2014-07-15 10:27:08 AM  
She was hypnotized by his size and she got a quivering in her thighs.

i.imgur.com
 
2014-07-15 10:27:41 AM  
Ermagerd, stop slut shaming men! Teach your daughters not to stare at our junk!
 
2014-07-15 10:28:09 AM  

rvesco: Think of the children!


I bet you do.
 
2014-07-15 10:28:32 AM  
Lady is a crotch gazer, and she's raising her girls to be crotch gazers. Yeah, Speedos are gross, but seriously. Reverse the roles. Father takes his two boys to the pool, hot neighbor lady swimming in a bikini. You think he'd complain? Nope, not even a chance.

If I can force myself not eyehump every hot women in a a bikini at the pool, she can do the same, in avoiding this guys junk.
 
2014-07-15 10:30:06 AM  

Herr Morgenstern: Ermagerd, stop slut shaming men! Teach your daughters not to stare at our junk!


Came here to post this.
 
2014-07-15 10:30:41 AM  
She could have chosen to ride the donkey instead, it is the same price.

But while we're on the subject, what's with hoggers and geriatrics wearing bikinis all the time now?  Cover up, for fark's sake.
 
2014-07-15 10:34:06 AM  
He's just appreciating what a fine job you're doing raining your daughters. Geez lady, just take the dammed complement.
 
2014-07-15 10:34:46 AM  

Diogenes: Q. Re: Pool rules:I question the erection.

OK.  Which if you Farkers is trolling Prudie?


Don't try to erection shame me!
 
2014-07-15 10:34:48 AM  
Dear Prude World,

Men have penises.

Thank you,

The Rest of the World
 
2014-07-15 10:35:37 AM  

monoski: Hope she never takes her little snowflakes to Europe. Speedos are common and some places they are optional...


I assume you meant "NOT optional?"

My sister went with her husband went to France several years ago for a business trip.  She told me that homeless people tend to jump into public pools to wash their clothes, so some pools require men to wear speedos instead of trunks.
 
2014-07-15 10:41:13 AM  
Think Cohen is one of the few men who CAN carry off the mankini look - I would clear the beach in seconds, or be mistaken for a novelty act and have money thrown towards me. Hang on, is this a new niche market?
 
2014-07-15 10:41:28 AM  
Banana Man, Banana Man
With the biggest banana in all the land
Every day,
be it day or night..
Wearing that speedo oh so tight
Watch out!
Watch out for Banana Man.
 
2014-07-15 10:41:59 AM  

LemSkroob: Subbys headline: Man Wears a speedo

Article: with an erection.

Nice bait.


Nah, he wouldn't have the hard-on if he'd already had a nice bait.
 
2014-07-15 10:42:25 AM  
Too bad she didn't post a pic. "Banana" sounds very ... interesting to me. If she wrote "baby carrot" not so much.
 
2014-07-15 10:42:51 AM  

Meecht: monoski: Hope she never takes her little snowflakes to Europe. Speedos are common and some places they are optional...

I assume you meant "NOT optional?"

My sister went with her husband went to France several years ago for a business trip.  She told me that homeless people tend to jump into public pools to wash their clothes, so some pools require men to wear speedos instead of trunks.


I meant optional as in the southern France and Greece beaches where dudes can let it all hang out.
 
2014-07-15 10:43:45 AM  
 
2014-07-15 10:44:08 AM  
Most men haven't got the wherewithal to wear speedos.
And by wherewithal I mean guts.
 
2014-07-15 10:46:49 AM  

Porous Horace: Most men haven't got the wherewithal to wear speedos.
And by wherewithal I mean guts.


I don't think you want men with big guts wearing speedos.
 
2014-07-15 10:46:57 AM  

thismomentinblackhistory: She said she recently moved into the neighborhood. Maybe this guy has been swimming there forever and his boner got grandfathered in somehow.


Grandad's boner....boy does THAT bring back memories!
 
2014-07-15 10:48:36 AM  
I'm sure bikinis are still fine. Because women can do whatever they want, but when men do exactly the same thing, it's creepy. That's equality. Soon there will be a rule governing what kind of bathing suits men are allowed to wear at that pool. Women, of course, will get a free pass. As usual. If you're not the bathing suit police, stop farking acting like them.
 
2014-07-15 10:56:43 AM  

untaken_name: I'm sure bikinis are still fine. Because women can do whatever they want, but when men do exactly the same thing, it's creepy. That's equality. Soon there will be a rule governing what kind of bathing suits men are allowed to wear at that pool. Women, of course, will get a free pass. As usual. If you're not the bathing suit police, stop farking acting like them.


Won't anyone think of the poor, poor persecuted men?

I don't know how they've gotten a reputation as pervs.  Men never, ever do anything the least bit misogynistic so I don't know how that idea got started.
 
2014-07-15 10:57:18 AM  

monoski: I meant optional as in the southern France and Greece beaches where dudes can let it all hang out.


Gotcha.  I've never heard of a place actively banning speedos, so stating "speedos are optional" seemed redundant because they are optional everywhere.
 
2014-07-15 10:57:36 AM  
I've got some trashy swimwear? What's the problem? /pic in profile
 
2014-07-15 10:58:47 AM  
Yet fat chicks in bikinis are "empowering".
 
2014-07-15 10:59:29 AM  
Who goes to a public pool anyway? Go to a private pool, or better yet a private beach.

#poorpeopleproblems
 
2014-07-15 11:01:38 AM  
I say we all start wearing Speedos! Take back the Speedo!
 
2014-07-15 11:02:47 AM  

Graffito: untaken_name: I'm sure bikinis are still fine. Because women can do whatever they want, but when men do exactly the same thing, it's creepy. That's equality. Soon there will be a rule governing what kind of bathing suits men are allowed to wear at that pool. Women, of course, will get a free pass. As usual. If you're not the bathing suit police, stop farking acting like them.

Won't anyone think of the poor, poor persecuted men?

I don't know how they've gotten a reputation as pervs.  Men never, ever do anything the least bit misogynistic so I don't know how that idea got started.


What does any of your incoherent screed have to do with equality in clothing restrictions? Are you asserting that only men are ever pervs? Or is there some point that actually has merit that you are attempting and failing to make?
 
2014-07-15 11:03:09 AM  

untaken_name: As usual. If you're not the bathing suit police, stop farking acting like them.


static.messynessychic.com
childrenareablessing.org

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

It seems that swimsuit police is actually a thing.
 
2014-07-15 11:03:59 AM  

untaken_name: Graffito: untaken_name: I'm sure bikinis are still fine. Because women can do whatever they want, but when men do exactly the same thing, it's creepy. That's equality. Soon there will be a rule governing what kind of bathing suits men are allowed to wear at that pool. Women, of course, will get a free pass. As usual. If you're not the bathing suit police, stop farking acting like them.

Won't anyone think of the poor, poor persecuted men?

I don't know how they've gotten a reputation as pervs.  Men never, ever do anything the least bit misogynistic so I don't know how that idea got started.

What does any of your incoherent screed have to do with equality in clothing restrictions? Are you asserting that only men are ever pervs? Or is there some point that actually has merit that you are attempting and failing to make?


Her point is clear: Because Patriarchy!
 
2014-07-15 11:06:44 AM  

jshine: Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.


Since when are boners uncontrollable? Every reasonably well adjusted male I know mastered that some time during puberty. If it is now socially acceptable to walk around with wood, I certain did not get that memo.

Not that I much care what other people do, mind you. I'm just pointing out that your premise is wrong.
 
2014-07-15 11:06:57 AM  
WEARING A SPEEDO WITH KNEE-HIGH STRIPED ATHLETIC SOCKS IS THE HEIGHT OF FASHION.

This is a truth that I want you all to embrace.
 
2014-07-15 11:08:48 AM  

untaken_name: I'm sure bikinis are still fine. Because women can do whatever they want, but when men do exactly the same thing, it's creepy. That's equality. Soon there will be a rule governing what kind of bathing suits men are allowed to wear at that pool. Women, of course, will get a free pass. As usual. If you're not the bathing suit police, stop farking acting like them.


Well, yeah.  A woman can wear a skimpy bikini, and if a guy notices her physical attributes, he's a perv.  But if a guy wears a speedo and a woman notices, he's a perv.

Though I, like many, assume Prudence is 50% made-up letters and 50% made-up letters for trolling.  This is obviously the later.

From the Q:
"Should I ask him to "lower the flag pole" before swimming with a bunch of kids? This does not seem like normal behavior, but I don't want to overreact."

By "lower the flag pole" do you mean wack it in the bathroom?  Or perhaps you're offering your services.  That's the best and quickest way to get rid of an erection. As for behavior, is your fat ass a behavior?  And the fact that you bleed like a stuck pig for a week every month, is that a behavior?  Penises get erections.  Sometimes at the request of the attached man, sometimes not.

Exercise, such as swimming laps, which gets the blood pumping is one of things that might lead to an erection.

From the A:
"this guy's attire and behavior is not appropriate for a community pool."

He's wearing a swimsuit and swimming in the pool.  What part of that is not appropriate for a pool?

Letter is either fake or those kids are adopted and the writer has never touched a penis.
 
2014-07-15 11:10:26 AM  

SewerSquirrels: jshine: Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.

Since when are boners uncontrollable? Every reasonably well adjusted male I know mastered that some time during puberty. If it is now socially acceptable to walk around with wood, I certain did not get that memo.

Not that I much care what other people do, mind you. I'm just pointing out that your premise is wrong.



If you have achieved conscious control over your erections and are able to manifest or banish them at will, then you have a truly impressive skill.  ...though you could be in considerable peril if the makers of Viagra ever learn of your unique ability.

/ yes, sometimes you can influence it mentally
// sometimes
 
2014-07-15 11:16:09 AM  
Many states have laws against visible erections.  This man is clearly a rapist because he has a penis.  Burn him at the stake!
 
2014-07-15 11:16:22 AM  
Around here people (of both genders) swim naked at the beach.  No one cares.

/Europe
 
2014-07-15 11:19:44 AM  

powhound: The guy is a creepy douche, if nothing else. One reason why I don't frequent pubic pools.


I see what you did there.
 
2014-07-15 11:20:11 AM  

BitwiseShift: Men's thongs don't have pockets. I usually carry a banana when I swim for a quick blood sugar helper. That lady neglects to say what she's wearing. Not that Wicked Weasel needs to be mentioned.


I am unaware of this euphemism.
 
2014-07-15 11:25:46 AM  

the_rev: JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: Too late, lady, the kids already know what a penis is.  But by all means you should approach him and comment on the size of his schlong.  Men never misinterpret that kind of attention.

Why is she checking out his package?

I believe it is her inability to NOT check out his package that is bothering her to begin with.

We know she really craves some afternoon delight with that hot swimmer's body and ample tool.

THE RIPPIN' AND THE TEARIN'.


Are huge guts involved?
 
2014-07-15 11:29:09 AM  

untaken_name: I'm sure bikinis are still fine. Because women can do whatever they want, but when men do exactly the same thing, it's creepy. That's equality. Soon there will be a rule governing what kind of bathing suits men are allowed to wear at that pool. Women, of course, will get a free pass. As usual. If you're not the bathing suit police, stop farking acting like them.


irldefender.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-15 11:36:30 AM  
Dear Prudence?   Yep.   Those letters are about as accurate as the one's that begin  "Dear Penthouse Forum, I never dreamed something like this would happen to me, but last week..."
 
2014-07-15 11:38:30 AM  
Graffito:

Won't anyone think of the poor, poor persecuted men?

I don't know how they've gotten a reputation as pervs.  Men never, ever do anything the least bit misogynistic so I don't know how that idea got started.



THAT'S SEXIST.gif
 
2014-07-15 11:41:05 AM  

SewerSquirrels: jshine: Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.

Since when are boners uncontrollable? Every reasonably well adjusted male I know mastered that some time during puberty. If it is now socially acceptable to walk around with wood, I certain did not get that memo.

Not that I much care what other people do, mind you. I'm just pointing out that your premise is wrong.


Erectile tissue is controlled by the autonomic nervous system... which, at its base fundamental meaning, means it is uncontrollable.  Science biatch!
 
2014-07-15 11:41:07 AM  

jshine: SewerSquirrels: jshine: Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.

Since when are boners uncontrollable? Every reasonably well adjusted male I know mastered that some time during puberty. If it is now socially acceptable to walk around with wood, I certain did not get that memo.

Not that I much care what other people do, mind you. I'm just pointing out that your premise is wrong.


If you have achieved conscious control over your erections and are able to manifest or banish them at will, then you have a truly impressive skill.  ...though you could be in considerable peril if the makers of Viagra ever learn of your unique ability.

/ yes, sometimes you can influence it mentally
// sometimes


You are either not male or have some physiological/psychological issue if you don't have this "impressive skill". I have spent nearly 50 years proving that I am in no way supernatural or even special, but I can influence it always. Not "sometimes". Arousal is a mental state; if you're getting wood without being turned on, something isn't working right somewhere: See your doctor. If you are unable to control being turned on, see the other kind of doctor.
 
2014-07-15 11:47:38 AM  
Article says thong, subby and Farkers refer to a speedo.  Is there something I'm missing or is there a massive failure in reading comprehension?
 
2014-07-15 11:49:28 AM  

SewerSquirrels: jshine: Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.

Since when are boners uncontrollable? Every reasonably well adjusted male I know mastered that some time during puberty. If it is now socially acceptable to walk around with wood, I certain did not get that memo.

Not that I much care what other people do, mind you. I'm just pointing out that your premise is wrong.


Maybe he saw Alice. Cialis?
 
2014-07-15 11:51:01 AM  

SewerSquirrels: Arousal is a mental state; if you're getting wood without being turned on, something isn't working right somewhere: See your doctor. If you are unable to control being turned on, see the other kind of doctor.


I'm getting a massive chub at the lack of knowledge you have at the basic biological sciences. Does that count for anything?
 
2014-07-15 11:53:10 AM  

Watubi: Article says thong, subby and Farkers refer to a speedo.  Is there something I'm missing or is there a massive failure in reading comprehension?


Doesn't matter either way now does it? In either situation, this lady's issue is with male bodies, not whether or not his butt is covered.
 
2014-07-15 11:56:11 AM  
I don't know what he's packing but if I get a boner in a speedo I'd no longer be "wearing" a speedo.
 
2014-07-15 12:04:14 PM  

SewerSquirrels: jshine: SewerSquirrels: jshine: Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.

Since when are boners uncontrollable? Every reasonably well adjusted male I know mastered that some time during puberty. If it is now socially acceptable to walk around with wood, I certain did not get that memo.

Not that I much care what other people do, mind you. I'm just pointing out that your premise is wrong.


If you have achieved conscious control over your erections and are able to manifest or banish them at will, then you have a truly impressive skill.  ...though you could be in considerable peril if the makers of Viagra ever learn of your unique ability.

/ yes, sometimes you can influence it mentally
// sometimes

You are either not male or have some physiological/psychological issue if you don't have this "impressive skill". I have spent nearly 50 years proving that I am in no way supernatural or even special, but I can influence it always. Not "sometimes". Arousal is a mental state; if you're getting wood without being turned on, something isn't working right somewhere: See your doctor. If you are unable to control being turned on, see the other kind of doctor.


Never woken up with wood?

/unlikely
 
2014-07-15 12:06:42 PM  

RoxtarRyan: SewerSquirrels: Arousal is a mental state; if you're getting wood without being turned on, something isn't working right somewhere: See your doctor. If you are unable to control being turned on, see the other kind of doctor.

I'm getting a massive chub at the lack of knowledge you have at the basic biological sciences. Does that count for anything?


No, actually weird boners are pretty much a dime a dozen on Fark.

I admit that I've never had a class in biology and that my personal experience is anecdotal, but I am also certain that I am nothing if not typical. If I can do it, nearly every other guy can do it (autonomic nervous system or not). Blinking is also autonomic, I guess staring contests are unpossible.
 
2014-07-15 12:10:05 PM  

SewerSquirrels: jshine: SewerSquirrels: jshine: Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.

Since when are boners uncontrollable? Every reasonably well adjusted male I know mastered that some time during puberty. If it is now socially acceptable to walk around with wood, I certain did not get that memo.

Not that I much care what other people do, mind you. I'm just pointing out that your premise is wrong.


If you have achieved conscious control over your erections and are able to manifest or banish them at will, then you have a truly impressive skill.  ...though you could be in considerable peril if the makers of Viagra ever learn of your unique ability.

/ yes, sometimes you can influence it mentally
// sometimes

You are either not male or have some physiological/psychological issue if you don't have this "impressive skill". I have spent nearly 50 years proving that I am in no way supernatural or even special, but I can influence it always. Not "sometimes". Arousal is a mental state; if you're getting wood without being turned on, something isn't working right somewhere: See your doctor. If you are unable to control being turned on, see the other kind of doctor.


Always?

So no morning wood.  No wood from exercise or other times of increased heart rate and blood flow.  And once hard, you can consciously deflate in a second if you decide, without anything other than willing it so.

I call bullshiat.  Either that or you never get hard and have convinced yourself it's you mental state and not a medical condition.  Or maybe you don't have a penis.
 
2014-07-15 12:11:00 PM  

Deja_VooDoo: Never woken up with wood?

/unlikely


You mean when my package is at the whimsy of my unconscious mind? Yeah. What's your point?
 
2014-07-15 12:12:44 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: Many states have laws against visible erections.


How do guys go to middle school?
 
2014-07-15 12:16:54 PM  
I bet the guy is wearing an old, worn-out speedo. When a suit has been washed too many times, the elastic starts to fail and the front gets bagged out. This can end up looking highly unfortunate.

Dude should suck it up and buy a modern competition suit, if he really isn't a creeper. There's really no excuse for wearing a speedo anymore now that they're not the favored type of competition or training suit, and having a new one that isn't baggy would probably fix the banana issue. He could also try the old competitive swimmer trick of stacking a new suit and an older one, which further reduces bulges.
 
2014-07-15 12:19:30 PM  

SewerSquirrels: RoxtarRyan: SewerSquirrels: Arousal is a mental state; if you're getting wood without being turned on, something isn't working right somewhere: See your doctor. If you are unable to control being turned on, see the other kind of doctor.

I'm getting a massive chub at the lack of knowledge you have at the basic biological sciences. Does that count for anything?

No, actually weird boners are pretty much a dime a dozen on Fark.

I admit that I've never had a class in biology and that my personal experience is anecdotal, but I am also certain that I am nothing if not typical. If I can do it, nearly every other guy can do it (autonomic nervous system or not). Blinking is also autonomic, I guess staring contests are unpossible.


You should take a course in biology and probably see a doctor as well.  Blinking is muscle.  Erections are blood flow.

Although your example is horrendous for other reasons.  You can control blinking, such as for a staring contest, but it is mostly automatic.  Likewise, most men can control when they have an erection, but there are also times when an erection comes unbidden.  Also, why a staring contest? If blinking is totally controlled, why would not blinking for a short period of time be considered a contest?

Perhaps blinking, like erections and breathing and many other functions, can be controlled consciously but at other times happens automatically.

But seriously, if you've never had a spontaneous erection, you may have a condition called--now, I'm not a doctor, so you may want to make an appointment for an official diagnosis--but you may have something called not-having-a-penis.
 
2014-07-15 12:20:30 PM  

NoGods: BitwiseShift: Men's thongs don't have pockets. I usually carry a banana when I swim for a quick blood sugar helper. That lady neglects to say what she's wearing. Not that Wicked Weasel needs to be mentioned.

I am unaware of this euphemism.


Wicked Weasel is a brand of Australian swimsuits and lingerie. They're very revealing.
 
2014-07-15 12:22:25 PM  

untaken_name: Graffito: untaken_name: I'm sure bikinis are still fine. Because women can do whatever they want, but when men do exactly the same thing, it's creepy. That's equality. Soon there will be a rule governing what kind of bathing suits men are allowed to wear at that pool. Women, of course, will get a free pass. As usual. If you're not the bathing suit police, stop farking acting like them.

Won't anyone think of the poor, poor persecuted men?

I don't know how they've gotten a reputation as pervs.  Men never, ever do anything the least bit misogynistic so I don't know how that idea got started.

What does any of your incoherent screed have to do with equality in clothing restrictions? Are you asserting that only men are ever pervs? Or is there some point that actually has merit that you are attempting and failing to make?


I never asserted that only men are pervs.  I did imply that the vast majority are men.  Crime statistics back me up.  Stereotypes suck, don't they?

A#1)  Women face far more dress codes / clothing restrictions than men.  Turn about once in while is fun.  If the old guy can't control his erections then he should wear something less revealing.  The fact that he doesn't suggests that he gets off on exposing himself around children.

B#2)  A screed is a long rambling piece.  My comment was three sentences.  I don't know how it qualifies as a screed.
/English - how does it work?
 
2014-07-15 12:22:51 PM  

SewerSquirrels: Deja_VooDoo: Never woken up with wood?

/unlikely

You mean when my package is at the whimsy of my unconscious mind? Yeah. What's your point?


What's this? Aren't you always in control?

But seriously, take a biology course.
 
2014-07-15 12:25:10 PM  
A dude in a Speedo walking around with an erection certainly seems obscene, but where do you draw the line? How about a guy in regular-fitting swim trunks with an erection? That happens to me quite often while swimming. I simply just stay under water until it goes away, but that can take awhile. Was just recently swimming in the lake with Mrs Hillbilly, and it led us to wonder about the legality of just having a boner. Like I'm supposed to float there for 15 minutes instead of taking a quick dash to the car? What if it starts raining or something? What if it lasts 4 hours and I need medical attention!?!?! Shiat aint fair, man.

Also being able to control it completely is BS, but I think most do have some element of mental control.
 
2014-07-15 12:30:39 PM  

Meecht: Gotcha. I've never heard of a place actively banning speedos, so stating "speedos are optional" seemed redundant because they are optio


In some swimming pools in France the speedo type bathing suits are the only ones allowed. I wouldn't go to the local pool down the road, as there was no way I was sticking my fat ass into a pair of speedos.
 
2014-07-15 12:37:58 PM  

mcmnky: Always?

So no morning wood. No wood from exercise or other times of increased heart rate and blood flow. And once hard, you can consciously deflate in a second if you decide, without anything other than willing it so.

I call bullshiat. Either that or you never get hard and have convinced yourself it's you mental state and not a medical condition. Or maybe you don't have a penis.


Yes I get morning wood when I'm dreaming about getting layed. So what? And no I don't get wood from exercising (nor does anyone else at the gym I go to as far as I know). And yes I can typically deflate in the time it takes to get from bed to bathroom (maybe 30 seconds).

I can assure you I do have a penis and it does, in fact, get hard (even at my age). The only aberrant thing about my wick is that it still functions when I'm passed out drunk; a function I discovered upon waking while being ridden by a woman large enough to have back boobs (so clearly I am not bragging...I wish it were not the case). Whiskey dick is a feature, not a curse. The state of bonefication still doesn't count when unconscious.
 
2014-07-15 12:40:17 PM  

SewerSquirrels: Whiskey dick is a feature, not a curse.


Ha. A self-defense mechanism.
 
2014-07-15 12:49:53 PM  

SewerSquirrels: mcmnky: Always?

So no morning wood. No wood from exercise or other times of increased heart rate and blood flow. And once hard, you can consciously deflate in a second if you decide, without anything other than willing it so.

I call bullshiat. Either that or you never get hard and have convinced yourself it's you mental state and not a medical condition. Or maybe you don't have a penis.

Yes I get morning wood when I'm dreaming about getting layed. So what? And no I don't get wood from exercising (nor does anyone else at the gym I go to as far as I know). And yes I can typically deflate in the time it takes to get from bed to bathroom (maybe 30 seconds).

I can assure you I do have a penis and it does, in fact, get hard (even at my age). The only aberrant thing about my wick is that it still functions when I'm passed out drunk; a function I discovered upon waking while being ridden by a woman large enough to have back boobs (so clearly I am not bragging...I wish it were not the case). Whiskey dick is a feature, not a curse. The state of bonefication still doesn't count when unconscious.


Look up nocturnal penile tumescence.

If you're an otherwise healthy male who can get an erection when in the mood, and you're not getting involuntary erections, I'm sure there are many doctors who would love to document your case.

I don't want to come off as overly hostile to you or your position, SS, and I'm sure this isn't your intent, but it sounds too close to other ignorance used to persecute victims of sexual violence.  If woman's nipples get erect or vagina lubricates, then it couldn't be rape, right?  Those things are voluntary.  It a man has an erection in public, he must be a pervert.  Or even, if he got an erection, it couldn't be rape.
 
2014-07-15 01:01:33 PM  
Just because the man likes speedos is no reason to label him a speedophile.
 
2014-07-15 01:33:25 PM  
Should I point out his erection to him?

Oh yes, yes you should.  Comment on it, even.  Make a polite remark about the girth or length, as though receiving a Japanese salaryman's business card for the first time.
 
2014-07-15 01:35:07 PM  
How did it take this long?


img.fark.net
 
2014-07-15 01:37:53 PM  

mcmnky: Or even, if he got an erection, it couldn't be rape.


By definition I'm pretty sure it was rape, it's just that I don't actually care that much. If there had been a paternity suit, I'm sure I would have cared much more. As it was, I just feigned death until she went away.

I don't mean to be dismissive of rape victims; I have friends who were molested as children, so I know the effect that has.

mcmnky: Look up nocturnal penile tumescence.


I get them, but they are always linked to sexual dreams as far as I can tell. I've heard that men think about sex frequently, so no surprise there really. I think we can admit that control requires consciousness, though, right?

mcmnky: If you're an otherwise healthy male who can get an erection when in the mood, and you're not getting involuntary erections, I'm sure there are many doctors who would love to document your case.


Depends: If we define involuntary as being that which wasn't inspired by a sexual thought, then maybe I'll add a paragraph in the Kinsey Report. I have on rare occasion been stuck in the up position. I believe the technical term is "piss rod", but that is easily fixed.
 
2014-07-15 02:34:33 PM  

Beta Tested: Around here people (of both genders) swim naked at the beach.  No one cares.

/Europe


You're right, we don't care, so why did you post it?

/US
 
2014-07-15 02:37:50 PM  

Deja_VooDoo: SewerSquirrels: jshine: SewerSquirrels: jshine: Uncontrollable physiological responses are shameful!  ...though, I bet this woman is a complete hypocrite -- she probably even gets goosebumps & shivers when she gets cold, the perv.

Since when are boners uncontrollable? Every reasonably well adjusted male I know mastered that some time during puberty. If it is now socially acceptable to walk around with wood, I certain did not get that memo.

Not that I much care what other people do, mind you. I'm just pointing out that your premise is wrong.


If you have achieved conscious control over your erections and are able to manifest or banish them at will, then you have a truly impressive skill.  ...though you could be in considerable peril if the makers of Viagra ever learn of your unique ability.

/ yes, sometimes you can influence it mentally
// sometimes

You are either not male or have some physiological/psychological issue if you don't have this "impressive skill". I have spent nearly 50 years proving that I am in no way supernatural or even special, but I can influence it always. Not "sometimes". Arousal is a mental state; if you're getting wood without being turned on, something isn't working right somewhere: See your doctor. If you are unable to control being turned on, see the other kind of doctor.

Never woken up with wood?

/unlikely


he jedi minds that shiat flaccid during the last 10 seconds of his lucid dreaming.
 
2014-07-15 02:40:28 PM  
Obvious: The only people who wear a speedo, are people who should never wear a speedo.
 
2014-07-15 02:45:54 PM  
OMG an erect penis! On a guy who is minding his own business! What a farking typical mommy blogger shiatbag.
 
2014-07-15 02:46:40 PM  
I'll just leave this here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hq2KXudEjkI
 
2014-07-15 03:11:07 PM  

rvesco: Oh, great.  We're defending men in speedos now?  Who will we defend next?  Gum chewers who pop their gum?  Loud cell phone talkers?  People who cough into their sleeves because Obama said so?  For the sweet love of God, people: Think of the children!


I'd forgive them all. Well, everyone except the damned gum poppers.
 
2014-07-15 03:28:45 PM  

Wasilla Hillbilly: Was just recently swimming in the lake with Mrs Hillbilly, and it led us to wonder about the legality of just having a boner. Like I'm supposed to float there for 15 minutes instead of taking a quick dash to the car? What if it starts raining or something? What if it lasts 4 hours and I need medical attention!?!?! Shiat aint fair, man.


i171.photobucket.com

Tuck it back. Use gaffers tape, if you have to.

www.musson.com
 
2014-07-15 03:36:58 PM  

powhound: The guy is a creepy douche, if nothing else. One reason why I don't frequent pubic pools.


The reason I don't frequent them is that the pool is mostly kid's urine.
 
2014-07-15 03:41:56 PM  

SlothB77: wearing a speedo is fine.

Wearing a thong style bathing suit with a huge erection is another.


The bigger question though:  what's appropriate attire?  It's skintight speedos that show off your bulging hard-on or loose trunks that show exactly how big a tent you can pitch, and possibly give small children the occasional glance up a leg to check out your huge nuts.

It's hard to hide a dick without 2 or 3 layers of clothing.  It's hard to hide tits without 14 layers of clothing.
 
2014-07-15 03:44:50 PM  

Tonto's Expanding Headband: powhound: The guy is a creepy douche, if nothing else. One reason why I don't frequent pubic pools.

The reason I don't frequent them is that the pool is mostly kid's urine.


What kind of urine do you prefer to swim in?
 
2014-07-15 03:48:59 PM  

SewerSquirrels: You are either not male or have some physiological/psychological issue if you don't have this "impressive skill". I have spent nearly 50 years proving that I am in no way supernatural or even special, but I can influence it always. Not "sometimes". Arousal is a mental state; if you're getting wood without being turned on, something isn't working right somewhere: See your doctor. If you are unable to control being turned on, see the other kind of doctor.


It's difficult to get a hard-on on purpose.  It's difficult to get rid of one on purposes.

Seriously.  If a girl smiles the right way, you get a boner.  If you look at a girl without a mind clouded with shiat, you get a boner.  I work well in professional environments because I don't see professional associates as human beings, so I don't find women in a professional environment attractive:  they are equivalent to a table or a hammer, and you cannot look at one and find desire.

The moment that veil's broken, it's gone forever.  If a coworker becomes flirty, she is... no longer viewed as a coworker.  It's bonerville whenever she's talking and smiling.  The hard-ons are just coming along.  It's not exactly comfortable.
 
2014-07-15 03:53:59 PM  

mcmnky: Exercise, such as swimming laps, which gets the blood pumping is one of things that might lead to an erection.


While it does get the blood pumping, I have swam very many (so, so many) interval laps in a pool and never  come even remotely close to erection due to it.
 
2014-07-15 04:13:55 PM  
To be fair to the original writer of the letter, we don't know if it's just there's a visible outline on the bathing suit of the penis underneath, or he he's walking around like he just won the world cup. (picture not safe for the blue haired old ladies at the public pool)

It's the former I'd defend.  Yeah, the later is an issue.
 
2014-07-15 04:18:26 PM  
bluefoxicy:  I work well in professional environments because I don't see professional associates as human beings, so I don't find women in a professional environment attractive: they are equivalent to a table or a hammer, and you cannot look at one and find desire.

I don't look at anyone as a human being, and that can be a very handy ability in business.  You're exactly right: coworkers are tools -- means to an end -- and nothing more.
 
2014-07-15 05:40:15 PM  

Tonto's Expanding Headband: powhound: The guy is a creepy douche, if nothing else. One reason why I don't frequent pubic pools.

The reason I don't frequent them is that the pool is mostly kid's urine.


img.fark.net

biggator5.net
 
2014-07-15 06:04:18 PM  

Graffito: Crime statistics back me up.


Only if you assume that both the definitions of the crimes and the reports thereof are not themselves gender-biased.

Until very recently "forced penetration" wasn't even an option in male sexual assault statistics -- but it would be ridiculous to claim that no man was assaulted in such a way before the statistics were revised. The claim you're making might be true, but the evidence you provide doesn't support it.
 
2014-07-15 06:05:44 PM  

monoski: Smeggy Smurf: Many states have laws against visible erections.

How do guys go to middle school?


It was hard

Junior high in '89 banned guys from wearing spandex shorts because as students we were dicks and our dicks were always hard.  What can I say, big hair and skin tight stonewashed jeans were hot back then
 
2014-07-15 06:11:48 PM  

Graffito: The fact that he doesn't suggests that he gets off on exposing himself around children.


Is what a pedo would assume.

Seriously, how do you know this isn't just some old dude who is completely oblivious to the situation? What's your evidence that there's even malice, let alone atypical sexual malice? If you're going to accuse someone of an act with such serious social implications you need better evidence than assumptions you make after reading a Dear Abby letter.
 
2014-07-15 07:57:15 PM  

yakmans_dad: Guys in Speedos are clowns.


What about clowns in Speedos?
 
2014-07-15 10:05:10 PM  
Sorry, but a guy walking around in public with a stiffy is not normal. That's just nasty and falls under the category of 'lewd and lascivious'. A grown man should be able to handle his shiat. Especially if he chooses to wear something so revealing.
 
2014-07-15 10:54:12 PM  
there was a dude wearing a speedo to swim his laps at my gym the other day. I only knew because he paused to tell me so. /csb
 
2014-07-16 03:27:37 PM  
I swam competitively through HS. It was rare to see a guy with a hard on after a work out. Sure, it gets your blood pumping....TO THE MUSCLES THAT NEED IT. (like arms, stomach, legs)

While some people may be able to exert some control over some of their autonomic system, it is largely autonomous. Think of the heart rate, digestion rate, etc. These are all controlled by the same autonomic system.

If you have a natural ability to just "stop your own heart" or even slow is drastically on demand, you are a rare bird. Same goes for boners.

With that said, I think the story seems fabricated (big surprise). It's unlikely a guy is gonna swim laps and emerge with a boner. Do you see many guys sporting a boner when they run 5 miles?
 
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