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(Courthouse News Service)   According to the CIA, the phrases "conch fritters" and "tropical breeze" are classified inf+++CARRIER LOST+++   (courthousenews.com) divider line 44
    More: Unlikely  
•       •       •

3727 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jul 2014 at 8:46 AM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-07-15 03:34:14 AM  
Okay I laughed at this.  What in the hell is a conch fritter?  Do I even want to know?
 
2014-07-15 03:54:44 AM  
I have two conch shells on one of my book shelves. A friend asked me why I have them, and so I said they lead me down the right path in life. My friend looked at my like I was losing my mind and asked what the hell was wrong with me.

I replied "Hasn't anyone ever told you? You should always let your conches be your guide."
 
2014-07-15 04:33:49 AM  

Czechzican: I have two conch shells on one of my book shelves. A friend asked me why I have them, and so I said they lead me down the right path in life. My friend looked at my like I was losing my mind and asked what the hell was wrong with me.

I replied "Hasn't anyone ever told you? You should always let your conches be your guide."


Ugh you need to be sent to Guantanamo for that one.
 
2014-07-15 04:38:31 AM  
Hmmm. Portray managers in your organisation as idiots and suddenly they start interfering in your carreer track,and find ways to scuttle your book. HOW CURIOUS...
 
2014-07-15 04:44:59 AM  

sithon: Czechzican: I have two conch shells on one of my book shelves. A friend asked me why I have them, and so I said they lead me down the right path in life. My friend looked at my like I was losing my mind and asked what the hell was wrong with me.

I replied "Hasn't anyone ever told you? You should always let your conches be your guide."

Ugh you need to be sent to Guantanamo for that one.


No argument here
 
2014-07-15 08:23:32 AM  
I'm still half awake.  I thought that said "crotch fritters" at first.
 
2014-07-15 08:52:52 AM  

Ambivalence: Okay I laughed at this.  What in the hell is a conch fritter?  Do I even want to know?


I believe I had some as an appetizer at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville restaurant.  They were delicious, served with a surprisingly spicy remoulade sauce.

I've said too much.
 
2014-07-15 08:53:28 AM  
Also stating that he wanted to capitalize on the increased interest in terrorists after the boston marathon bombings is no way to garner support.
 
2014-07-15 08:54:18 AM  
i118.photobucket.com

Hmm....
 
2014-07-15 08:59:21 AM  
The one thing I've always appreciated about the CIA is their catchy operations naming.  They're usually so clever you completely overlook the tremendous abuse of power and resources.
 
2014-07-15 09:00:40 AM  

Ambivalence: Okay I laughed at this.  What in the hell is a conch fritter?  Do I even want to know?


Its corn dough mixed with conch and spices and deep fried. Think a hush puppy with diced conch. Where I live every local seafood resturant sells them and they are delicious. They usually are served with a remolaude type sauce.
 
2014-07-15 09:01:19 AM  

Czechzican: sithon: Czechzican: I have two conch shells on one of my book shelves. A friend asked me why I have them, and so I said they lead me down the right path in life. My friend looked at my like I was losing my mind and asked what the hell was wrong with me.

I replied "Hasn't anyone ever told you? You should always let your conches be your guide."

Ugh you need to be sent to Guantanamo for that one.

No argument here


Cuban conch season is probably like Florida, October to June.  Let that filter into your conches ness and your calendar.
 
2014-07-15 09:02:25 AM  
do kids nowadays get the +++CARRIER LOST+++  thing?
 
2014-07-15 09:02:56 AM  
Ivan has a long moustache.
The chair is against the door.
 
2014-07-15 09:07:38 AM  
Mmmm, conch fritters at BO's Fish Wagon. If you don't like conch, get the shrimp on a stick.
 
2014-07-15 09:09:55 AM  

Ambivalence: Okay I laughed at this.  What in the hell is a conch fritter?  Do I even want to know?


What they are is a remarkably tasty form of sea life, lightly battered and fried up.  They also leave large shells, making a small group of castaway British boys in possession of classified material :D

Next up: The US Military announces the immediate invasion of the Bahamas.  We CANNOT have the secret of Cracked Conch, much less Conch Salad potentially leaking to those Evil Cuban Commies, you know...  Permanent base of operations at Goldie's with occasional excursion to John Watling's for, ahem, Naval Material Support.  Matter of National Security, you know. ;3

/oh, I've said too much
//far too much
 
2014-07-15 09:10:21 AM  
I read that as crotch fitter... Is that bad?
 
2014-07-15 09:12:44 AM  
Secret Agent Man Studly Stalwarth fingered the conch fritter. Baked inside was as standard CIA memory stick, or memstick as some of the agents called it. The younger, hipster agents called it 'MS'. "You got MS?" they'd ask and then laugh. MS isn't something to laugh at. Wait until you have to spend a Saturday afternoon watching an Aunt with MS and you can't even watch TV because you have to listen for her feeble cries for help because she can't go to the bathroom by herself. And you have to help her.

Stalwarth's boss was a drunken, bloated oaf of a man who couldn't right an Annual Personnel Review without using the phrase "Failed to achieve numerous metrics" even though numerous metrics were achieved. He drank his breakfast of Tropical Breeze: a concoction of Vodak, Rum, rummy vodak and Russian MIG brake fluid. Years of drinking there Tropical Breezes had left him a blubbering oaf barely capable of holding his own bowels. He sat in his GS-15 slash 4 Point 9 Level Faux leather chair and barked orders.

"Take that conch fritter with the memstick to the geeks and have them upload the database word documents to the secret inter/intranet file server plextor" he drooled. Then he mumbled something about a previous gay relationship with Jeb Bush and moaned softly as the booze continued to eat away his syphilis infused brain.

Stalwarth took the memstick out to the lab but he got jumped by IslamoFascists in armored Mercedes on the interstate. Only by leaping from his car on to the roof of the armored Mercedes and then using an acid to cut through the roof. He had just previously concocted from wiper fluid, lighter fluid and some stuff he found in his agency car prior to jumping on to said Mercedes.

He made quick work of the terrorist who babbled and pleaded for their miserable lives before he shot them anyways. He then caught the next bus to CIA Central Processing where he delivered the conch fritter and memstick.

"Good work, super agent" said the beautiful geek agent. "You have achieved numerous metrics this day. While this is uploading the database word documents, let's have wonderful sex. You will make me orgasm a dozen times as I have already orgasmed several times just thinking about you orgasming me." And he did. And she did.

And the documents in the database made the world safer and many, many terrorist died because of Stalwarth and not the drunken boss who shouldn't get his annual bonus. Not this year or ever.

The End.
 
2014-07-15 09:17:29 AM  

Czechzican: I have two conch shells on one of my book shelves. A friend asked me why I have them, and so I said they lead me down the right path in life. My friend looked at my like I was losing my mind and asked what the hell was wrong with me.

I replied "Hasn't anyone ever told you? You should always let your conches be your guide."


it's pronounced "Conk"
 
2014-07-15 09:19:19 AM  

ManateeGag: I'm still half awake.  I thought that said "crotch fritters" at first.


WHEW! Me too. I was worried there for a minute.
 
2014-07-15 09:21:33 AM  
Operation Tropical Breeze has been compromised. ABORT! ABORT!
 
2014-07-15 09:23:19 AM  

KidneyStone: Czechzican: I have two conch shells on one of my book shelves. A friend asked me why I have them, and so I said they lead me down the right path in life. My friend looked at my like I was losing my mind and asked what the hell was wrong with me.

I replied "Hasn't anyone ever told you? You should always let your conches be your guide."

it's pronounced "Conk"


Just conch 'im on the 'ed.
 
2014-07-15 09:27:13 AM  

KidneyStone: Czechzican: I have two conch shells on one of my book shelves. A friend asked me why I have them, and so I said they lead me down the right path in life. My friend looked at my like I was losing my mind and asked what the hell was wrong with me.

I replied "Hasn't anyone ever told you? You should always let your conches be your guide."

it's pronounced "Conk"


I have a Donk.
www.wearysloth.com
 
2014-07-15 09:27:36 AM  

Ambivalence: Okay I laughed at this.  What in the hell is a conch fritter?  Do I even want to know?


I'm gonna take a wild guess here but probably conch meat.
 
2014-07-15 09:33:45 AM  
As someone who just ate conch fritters last week I'm getting a kick...hold on there's someone at the door...
 
2014-07-15 09:35:37 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: Secret Agent Man Studly Stalwarth fingered the conch fritter. Baked inside was as standard CIA memory stick, or memstick as some of the agents called it. The younger, hipster agents called it 'MS'. "You got MS?" they'd ask and then laugh. MS isn't something to laugh at. Wait until you have to spend a Saturday afternoon watching an Aunt with MS and you can't even watch TV because you have to listen for her feeble cries for help because she can't go to the bathroom by herself. And you have to help her.

Stalwarth's boss was a drunken, bloated oaf of a man who couldn't right an Annual Personnel Review without using the phrase "Failed to achieve numerous metrics" even though numerous metrics were achieved. He drank his breakfast of Tropical Breeze: a concoction of Vodak, Rum, rummy vodak and Russian MIG brake fluid. Years of drinking there Tropical Breezes had left him a blubbering oaf barely capable of holding his own bowels. He sat in his GS-15 slash 4 Point 9 Level Faux leather chair and barked orders.

"Take that conch fritter with the memstick to the geeks and have them upload the database word documents to the secret inter/intranet file server plextor" he drooled. Then he mumbled something about a previous gay relationship with Jeb Bush and moaned softly as the booze continued to eat away his syphilis infused brain.

Stalwarth took the memstick out to the lab but he got jumped by IslamoFascists in armored Mercedes on the interstate. Only by leaping from his car on to the roof of the armored Mercedes and then using an acid to cut through the roof. He had just previously concocted from wiper fluid, lighter fluid and some stuff he found in his agency car prior to jumping on to said Mercedes.

He made quick work of the terrorist who babbled and pleaded for their miserable lives before he shot them anyways. He then caught the next bus to CIA Central Processing where he delivered the conch fritter and memstick.

"Good work, super agent" said the beautiful ...


Still better than anything written by Brad Thor
 
2014-07-15 09:41:32 AM  

RaiderFanMikeP: do kids nowadays get the +++CARRIER LOST+++  thing?


It's a linux version of this, right?
www.chromestory.com

img.fark.net
 
2014-07-15 09:51:45 AM  

Slypork: Harry Freakstorm: Secret Agent Man Studly Stalwarth fingered the conch fritter. Baked inside was as standard CIA memory stick, or memstick as some of the agents called it. The younger, hipster agents called it 'MS'. "You got MS?" they'd ask and then laugh. MS isn't something to laugh at. Wait until you have to spend a Saturday afternoon watching an Aunt with MS and you can't even watch TV because you have to listen for her feeble cries for help because she can't go to the bathroom by herself. And you have to help her.

Stalwarth's boss was a drunken, bloated oaf of a man who couldn't right an Annual Personnel Review without using the phrase "Failed to achieve numerous metrics" even though numerous metrics were achieved. He drank his breakfast of Tropical Breeze: a concoction of Vodak, Rum, rummy vodak and Russian MIG brake fluid. Years of drinking there Tropical Breezes had left him a blubbering oaf barely capable of holding his own bowels. He sat in his GS-15 slash 4 Point 9 Level Faux leather chair and barked orders.

"Take that conch fritter with the memstick to the geeks and have them upload the database word documents to the secret inter/intranet file server plextor" he drooled. Then he mumbled something about a previous gay relationship with Jeb Bush and moaned softly as the booze continued to eat away his syphilis infused brain.

Stalwarth took the memstick out to the lab but he got jumped by IslamoFascists in armored Mercedes on the interstate. Only by leaping from his car on to the roof of the armored Mercedes and then using an acid to cut through the roof. He had just previously concocted from wiper fluid, lighter fluid and some stuff he found in his agency car prior to jumping on to said Mercedes.

He made quick work of the terrorist who babbled and pleaded for their miserable lives before he shot them anyways. He then caught the next bus to CIA Central Processing where he delivered the conch fritter and memstick.

"Good work, super agent" said the beautiful ...

Still better than anything written by Brad Thor


A true government writer would use more passive voice and nominalization though. "Numerous achievings were failed regarding metrics"
 
2014-07-15 09:54:19 AM  

Ambivalence: Okay I laughed at this.  What in the hell is a conch fritter?  Do I even want to know?


Depends...are you in Gitmo? Then switch a few letters around, and it's your sandwich alternative. If you are not in prison, it is like a cheeseburger in paradise from the sea.
 
2014-07-15 10:22:52 AM  

ManateeGag: I'm still half awake.  I thought that said "crotch fritters" at first.


Me, too. We must have had the same dream last night. Pervert!
 
2014-07-15 10:35:36 AM  
In other news, CIA is now hiring literate agents.
This should be interesting.
 
2014-07-15 10:41:51 AM  

RaiderFanMikeP: do kids nowadays get the +++CARRIER LOST+++  thing?


Only us old guys... I found that quite amusing..
 
2014-07-15 10:56:47 AM  
Knows a thing or two about conches:

bamfstyle.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-15 11:04:39 AM  

chickenfarmer: RaiderFanMikeP: do kids nowadays get the +++CARRIER LOST+++  thing?

Only us old guys... I found that quite amusing..


now if we can just combine the Rock  "you got the original of that?"  with +++CARRIER LOST+++
 
2014-07-15 11:09:41 AM  

snocone: In other news, CIA is now hiring literate agents.
This should be interesting.


He's probably an analyst from the article. They found out he was literate and made sure he never got into the field.
 
2014-07-15 11:36:45 AM  
Mmm, conch fritter. In the Bahamas there is a tiny, nameless gazebo with a cooler full of beer and a Commodores tape in the boom box. The guy sells only conch fritters and spiny lobster...heaven on a paper plate...with goat pepper sauce!
 
2014-07-15 11:41:18 AM  

hackalope: snocone: In other news, CIA is now hiring literate agents.
This should be interesting.

He's probably an analyst from the article. They found out he was literate and made sure he never got into the field.


Picture of the agent
www.magazin-z.ch
 
2014-07-15 12:10:11 PM  
I can't eat Hawaiian food, it gives me a bad case of crotch fritters and massive tropical breezes.
 
2014-07-15 12:15:50 PM  

Bertuccio: A true government writer would use more passive voice and nominalization though. "Numerous achievings were failed regarding metrics"


Replace "achievings" with either "objectives" or "milestones", and you've pretty much nailed it.
 
2014-07-15 12:20:53 PM  
I'm having conch fritters for lunch, so I'm getting a kick.

/Tastes like anemone giblets.
 
2014-07-15 01:08:10 PM  

RaiderFanMikeP: do kids nowadays get the +++CARRIER LOST+++  thing?


I doubt they'd even recognize the thing that produces it.
 
2014-07-15 06:43:15 PM  

Ambivalence: Okay I laughed at this. What in the hell is a conch fritter? Do I even want to know?


Conch are rather large 8"-10" seashells that lay on the bottom of the Caribbean sea, you can harvest them by snorkeling and they have a muscle-like organism in them that you can get them out of (by breaking a hole in a certain location up the spiral of the shell) that are good for conch stew, conch fritters, conch chowder, conch chops, bbq conch, conch-on-a-stick...

/gis it
 
2014-07-15 08:42:07 PM  

Mulchpuppy: Ambivalence: Okay I laughed at this.  What in the hell is a conch fritter?  Do I even want to know?

I believe I had some as an appetizer at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville restaurant.  They were delicious, served with a surprisingly spicy remoulade sauce.

I've said too much.


Pretty much. I had them fresh-caught in the Caymans, and I would beat a random person to death for a big platter of those right now.
 
2014-07-16 11:22:57 AM  

Vector R: Mulchpuppy: Ambivalence: Okay I laughed at this.  What in the hell is a conch fritter?  Do I even want to know?

I believe I had some as an appetizer at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville restaurant.  They were delicious, served with a surprisingly spicy remoulade sauce.

I've said too much.

Pretty much. I had them fresh-caught in the Caymans, and I would beat a random person to death for a big platter of those right now.


Do they still sell the t-shirts upstairs?
 
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