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(Yahoo)   Do you eat fruit? Much like everything else you do, you're doing it wrong   ( divider line
    More: Unlikely, dietary fiber, vitamin A, serotonin, smoothies  
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8290 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2014 at 11:39 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-07-14 09:29:32 PM  
4 votes:
Fiber is an important part of the body's process when it comes to cleansing toxins from the body.

First clue you're talking to somebody who doesn't know jackshiat about nutrition: they mention "cleansing toxins from your body."
2014-07-14 11:47:30 PM  
3 votes:

dj_bigbird: Kimberly Snyder, celebrity nutritionist

Stopped reading right there Full Size

"Here's my favorite little fact. If anyone is ever described to you as a nutritionist, just be slightly wary, right? What they're saying may be perfectly true, but "nutritionist" isn't a protected term. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist. "Dietician" is the legally protected term. "Dietician" is like "dentist", and "nutritionist" is like "tooth-i-ologist."
2014-07-14 07:51:31 PM  
2 votes:
"Not only are organic foods generally more nutritious since they are usually grown in better quality soil, but they also do not contain pesticides,"

Well that is absolutely not true.
2014-07-14 06:50:51 PM  
2 votes:
Kimberly Snyder, celebrity nutritionist

Stopped reading right there
2014-07-15 01:20:09 PM  
1 vote:
'"The peel can contain up to three to four times higher a concentration of fiber as the fruit inside," says Snyder.... By the way, they're also very low in calories, fats, and sugars.'

No foolin'!  Maybe because it's like, ya know, the inedible part that, ya know, ya peel off and throw away?
2014-07-15 06:32:34 AM  
1 vote:

mamoru: Marcus Aurelius: Cake Hunter: I was behind a guy at an airport salad bar and he kept asking the woman behind the counter if the lettuce was organic. Every time she said that it was, he would say "are you suuuure it is?" and would get even more condescending. He did this four or five times. He finally told her he was allergic to non organic lettuce.

I farted near his luggage.

Point: me.

I was at the deli counter and the woman ahead of me wanted organic ham.  I shiat you not.

Well, to be fair, the last time she didn't specify, and they served her a slice of rusty iron covered in salt.  Of course, this time they could have easily served her a ham-shaped piece of plastic. ;)

Sorry, what's wrong with organic ham? You can get organic meat as well as fruit and veg. Doesn't cost much more either. Over here (England) I can get a tasteless, battery, pumped-full-of-water whole chicken for £4, a tasty, free-range, corn-fed one for £7 or a (slightly less tasty) free-range, organic one for £9.
2014-07-15 05:33:07 AM  
1 vote:
Most of us toss pizza boxes in the trash, because what else are you going to do with them? Eat them! It turns out they're not just edible, but the cardboard and glue of some boxes is actually healthier for you than Botox treatments and collagen injections. Kimberly Snyder, celebrity nutritionist and author of Never Spit, Always Swallow, says there are many great ways to incorporate these nutrient-rich boxes into your diet.

"The box can contain up to three to four times higher a concentration of fiber as the pizza inside," says Snyder. "Fiber is an important part of the body's process when it comes to cleansing toxins, like icky feelings and sad memories and bad hair days, from the body. Pizza boxes also contain a bevy of anti-aging natural oils, excreted from the delivery boy's sweaty palms and fingertips, and possibly also his thighs and crotch area if he rode with the pizza in his lap." By the way, they're also very low in calories, fats, and sugars, and some of the inks used on the boxes may give you a mood-boosting euphoric effect that's only suspected but not confirmed to cause permanent brain damage.

"For most major franchises like Dominos and Pizza Hut, it's never been a secret that their boxes have higher levels of taste and nutrition than their pizza," says Snyder. But how are you supposed to eat them? Snyder suggests zesting pizza boxes with a grater into your salad dressing or tossing a piece of the lid into smoothies. "I was recently in Thailand doing some illicit substances, and one night while I was seriously tripping balls, I wadded up an entire pizza box and crammed it up my rectum. Not only did I get the full nutritive benefits of the box in suppository form, but it also proved to be a more natural and less expensive way to get a really perky butt implant."
2014-07-15 05:21:14 AM  
1 vote:

nickdaisy: Are eggs fruit?

Thank you. I just realised I felt like bacon and eggs.

I'll eat the bacon peel.
2014-07-15 03:48:14 AM  
1 vote:

Bonzo_1116: Duane Dibbley: Barfmaker: "Not only are organic foods generally more nutritious since they are usually grown in better quality soil, but they also do not contain pesticides,"

Well that is absolutely not true.

That's where I stopped reading. Because not only does "organic" have precisely fark all to do with soil quality, neither does nutrient level. That's determined by the plant's DNA. The most nutritious produce, therefore, must be GMO crops modified for that purpose. Why won't nutritionists, with all the expertise of their made up qualifications, tell us this?

Crops aren't GMO'd for more nutrition...they get modded for higher yield, pesticide/herbicide resistance, drought tolerance, longer storage for shipping...just about everything but nutrition or flavor.

Golden Rice would like a word.

/but but
2014-07-15 01:40:59 AM  
1 vote:

Dahnkster: When I want advice, I ALWAYS turn to YAHOO...[ image 613x226]

[ image 180x191] [ image 250x208][ image 300x166] [ image 300x200]  [ image 300x209]  [ image 240x180] [ image 300x221] [ image 250x186] [ image 320x181] [ image 267x200] [ image 296x199] [ image 250x188] [ image 250x188]

Every single one of those gifs should have a "Thanks, Obama!" caption.
2014-07-15 12:48:23 AM  
1 vote:

Gyrfalcon: sjcousins: Goddammit. Why do people believe that a) their body is full of 'toxins' and b) that your body needs your specific help in the form of magical fruits and elixirs?
I swear to god the average human still lives in the dark ages.

/I eat the skin of many fruits
//who can be farked peeling a grape?

Because it SOUNDS so good and so right. They feel "bad" and their doctor says there's nothing wrong with them (i.e. they're not sick with a disease and they don't have cancer), so they listen to some dipsh*t on TV or read a supermarket takeout magazine and it tells them they feel tired and irritable because of "toxins" or "liver imbalance" or whatever, and if they take this or drink that or peel their fruit or drink 96 ounces of water a day they'll "purge the toxins" and feel better.

And strangely enough, they do! because whatever was intermittently wrong was self-limiting, or genuinely due to a temporary bowel interruption, and they think Aha! I was "toxic" like TV Guru said! and they follow along until the next time they feel "bad" and its on to the next fad fix.

Those of us who eat and exercise in moderation and are aware that sometimes you just feel like crap or have a little diarrhea once in a while don't have these issues; but just try to tell Toxic Tillie at work that. She'll look at you with sympathy and try and convert you to the acai berry colon cleanse.

True, but what annoys me is people who are actually sick not getting treatment because of this crap. I even get naturopath advice from my damn chemist now.
My wife had gallstones a while back and had her gallbladder removed. An acquaintance told me how surgery was just an unnecessary, moneymaking scam and that gallstones can be cleansed naturally with vinegar (organic apple cider of course) and olive oil! Needless to say my wife had the surgery to remove her gall bladder and was no longer doubled over in pain and vomiting. Still, I googled the oil remedy out of interest. Turns out drinking a bottle of olive oil and apple cider causes the fats in the oil to clump and start to saponify. They also absorb bile as your body tries to deal with the amount of fat you've dumped in your stomach which turns these soapy, fatty lumps green and they do look remarkably like gall stones. When you crap these lumps out, voila! You've just cleansed your gall bladder naturally! I can't imagine the pain and possibly death this remedy has caused someone who actually has a blocked bile duct.
2014-07-15 12:36:26 AM  
1 vote:

little big man: "Your produce alone has been worth the trip."

[ image 480x360]

Excellent underrated movie reference!

i291.photobucket.comView Full Size

/gud jorb
2014-07-15 12:35:03 AM  
1 vote:
"Your produce alone has been worth the trip."

img.corcholat.comView Full Size
2014-07-15 12:19:36 AM  
1 vote:
You know how I know you're not supposed to eat the peel?

2014-07-14 11:59:49 PM  
1 vote:
avengers.itView Full Size
2014-07-14 11:53:06 PM  
1 vote:
the only things I don't skin are grapes and taters otherwise skins taste farking gross, knock yourself out.

I don't want to prepare them right either, I don't prepare an orange other than taking off the yucky skin.
2014-07-14 11:48:06 PM  
1 vote:
Do you like eating meat?  Of course you do.  So why not take a bunch of animal bones and crush them up in a blender and eat them?  They're low in calories, since they're not farking food at all, and they're full of fiber, since they're not food at all, much as sawdust and bark are high in fiber and low in calories.

Or, why not go out in your backyard and stuff handfulls of dirt in your mouth and eat them, you stupid farking animal?
2014-07-14 09:58:10 PM  
1 vote:
You might not like bananas but you must admit it has a peel.
2014-07-14 09:46:00 PM  
1 vote:
Drink up, Socrates. It's all-natural.
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