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(WCAX Vermont)   If you turned a futon into an onomatopoeia in the middle of the street last night, Burlington Police would like a word with you   (wcax.com) divider line 96
    More: Strange  
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9288 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2014 at 12:49 PM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-14 10:43:58 AM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-07-14 11:40:56 AM  
My favorite word! Sorry I missed that.

+1 subby
 
2014-07-14 12:04:14 PM  
The perpetrators of this crime are likely to find themselves...in the hot seat.
 
2014-07-14 12:50:45 PM  
This is probably the most heinous crime that will occur in Vermont this year
 
2014-07-14 12:50:53 PM  
onowhat-a-hoosie?
 
2014-07-14 12:51:11 PM  
Futons make the sound "futon" when they burn?
 
2014-07-14 12:51:28 PM  

I_Am_Weasel: The perpetrators of this crime are likely to find themselves...in the hot seat.


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh h hhh
 
2014-07-14 12:53:06 PM  
Arson? No
Bonfire? Yes
 
2014-07-14 12:53:41 PM  

PhiloeBedoe: Futons make the sound "futon" when they burn?


Yup. Why do you think they were named futons in the first place.
 
2014-07-14 12:54:27 PM  
i.qkme.me
 
2014-07-14 12:54:31 PM  
Article reads like it was written by a kid with Down's Syndrome 1500 years ago.  Also:

PhiloeBedoe: Futons make the sound "futon" when they burn?


Came here to ask this.  What's the deal, subby?
 
2014-07-14 12:55:35 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: Arson? No
Bonfire? Yes


arson is the intentional setting of a fire, even a bonfire.

So unless it was spontaneous combustion, it's arson.
 
2014-07-14 12:57:03 PM  
I'm so confused by this headline that I started thinking "palindrome."
 
2014-07-14 12:58:26 PM  

cretinbob: jehovahs witness protection: Arson? No
Bonfire? Yes

arson is the intentional setting of a fire, even a bonfire.

So unless it was spontaneous combustion, it's arson.


So.... every time I go camping I commit arson? When I start my fireplace I'm committing arson?

I think your definition may need some more details.
 
2014-07-14 12:58:48 PM  
North Winooski Avenue has always been a hotbed of Vermont unrest.

I can say this with some degree of knowledge. I grew up in Plattsburgh and ice skated to Burlington several times.
 
2014-07-14 12:58:56 PM  
i don't get it, subby.
 
2014-07-14 01:00:13 PM  
I don't like this headline, but I do like the fire
 
2014-07-14 01:00:47 PM  
*Drags futon into street. *
*Douses with gasoline*
*Sets up 8-track 1/4 inch TEAK recorder. *
*rolls tape*
*Tosses match*
*rewinds*
*Plays back through a Sansui amp with Wolverine EV speakers*


FOOOT! AHWN!

 
2014-07-14 01:03:06 PM  
Futon does actually sound a bit like the rush of oxygen when something ignites quickly.

That sort of fffffffft sound.
 
2014-07-14 01:03:19 PM  
This is not the onomatopoeia I was expecting. Or the alliteration, really.
 
2014-07-14 01:03:32 PM  
Well, of course it's arson. After all, a futon is just a place to put your arse-on.
 
2014-07-14 01:05:07 PM  

Private_Citizen: Well, of course it's arson. After all, a futon is just a place to put your arse-on.


Or to put your foot on with your arson a chair.
 
2014-07-14 01:05:39 PM  

That Guy Jeff: cretinbob: jehovahs witness protection: Arson? No
Bonfire? Yes

arson is the intentional setting of a fire, even a bonfire.

So unless it was spontaneous combustion, it's arson.

So.... every time I go camping I commit arson? When I start my fireplace I'm committing arson?

I think your definition may need some more details.


Yep.

and no, that's the legal definition. The difference is in how much it costs someone to deal with it. If you control your campfire, fine, no1curr. Leave it unattended and it burns down the forest, you'll have a penalty to pay.  A structure fire caused by a faulty fire place, which happens more often than you'd think, is generally considered an accidental fire unless someone does something really stupid like try to start it with gasoline.
 
2014-07-14 01:06:04 PM  

vudukungfu: *Drags futon into street. *
*Douses with gasoline*
*Sets up 8-track 1/4 inch TEAK recorder. *
*rolls tape*
*Tosses match*
*rewinds*
*Plays back through a Sansui amp with Wolverine EV speakers*


FOOOT! AHWN!


TEAC, bro
 
2014-07-14 01:06:12 PM  
The onomatopoeia of futon would be notlob.
 
2014-07-14 01:06:52 PM  
Was it defenestrated first?
 
2014-07-14 01:08:23 PM  

MooseBayou: TEAC, bro


Oh, you got a REAL one.
Mine's only reel.
 
2014-07-14 01:08:32 PM  

Delta1212: Futon does actually sound a bit like the rush of oxygen when something ignites quickly.

That sort of fffffffft sound.


Leave the empty gasoline container on top and you might get: FuuuuuTON!
 
2014-07-14 01:08:32 PM  

justanotherfarkinfarker: I don't like this headline, but I do like the fire


larryfire.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-14 01:09:13 PM  

Private_Citizen: Well, of course it's arson. After all, a futon is just a place to put your arse-on.


"Just"? I guess not everyone else knows them as "flip'n'fark"s. Admitedly, the vigorous stoking and blowing has been known to lead to a burning sensation.
 
2014-07-14 01:12:15 PM  

PhiloeBedoe: Futons make the sound "futon" when they burn?


Burning Fu man chu?
 
2014-07-14 01:13:24 PM  
A futon is something you should get when you order Chinese food.
 
2014-07-14 01:14:21 PM  

uncleacid: A futon is something you should get when you order Chinese food.


No, a futon is something you should never get.  Ever.
 
2014-07-14 01:14:33 PM  

uncleacid: A futon is something you should get when you order Chinese food.


The dog did it...
 
2014-07-14 01:14:42 PM  
what the hell--now i can't burn my trash on the side of the road anymore?

what's this world coming to
 
2014-07-14 01:17:06 PM  
That futon was a witch.
 
2014-07-14 01:20:30 PM  

PhiloeBedoe: Futons make the sound "futon" when they burn?


Subby doesn't know what onomatopoeia mea...

...cretinbob:

img.fark.net

Jebus fark, I am going to have nightmares tonight.

/what was I saying?
 
2014-07-14 01:20:56 PM  

Prof. Frink: Private_Citizen: Well, of course it's arson. After all, a futon is just a place to put your arse-on.

"Just"? I guess not everyone else knows them as "flip'n'fark"s. Admitedly, the vigorous stoking and blowing has been known to lead to a burning sensation.


To me, a "flip'n'fark" is one of those $20 thingies that is like 3 couch cushions sewn together such that, when folded, they're a flimsy chair, but you can grab it, flip it out, and it becomes a skinny mattress. A futon is a big metal frame that folds out from a mediocre couch into a mediocre bed.
 
2014-07-14 01:21:02 PM  

Mentalpatient87: I'm so confused by this headline that I started thinking "palindrome."


Hey!! You stop that right now!!

/ The Politics tab is over to the right!
 
2014-07-14 01:22:42 PM  

vudukungfu: *Drags futon into street. *
*Douses with gasoline*
*Sets up 8-track 1/4 inch TEAK recorder. *
*rolls tape*
*Tosses match*
*rewinds*
*Plays back through a Sansui amp with Wolverine EV speakers*


FOOOT! AHWN!


TEAC...

This is "teak":

www.island-teak.com

Of course, maybe is had a wooden cabinet?

www.hifiengine.com
 
2014-07-14 01:23:46 PM  
This is not far from the Skinny Pancake! I must roadtrip there now to investigate and get the Breakfast Monster.
 
2014-07-14 01:24:12 PM  
Pfft, some UVM kid got drunk at the O.P. and set his roommate's bed on fire.  That's far from the worst thing to ever happen in front of the O.P.
 
2014-07-14 01:26:33 PM  

cretinbob: That Guy Jeff: cretinbob: jehovahs witness protection: Arson? No
Bonfire? Yes

arson is the intentional setting of a fire, even a bonfire.

So unless it was spontaneous combustion, it's arson.

So.... every time I go camping I commit arson? When I start my fireplace I'm committing arson?

I think your definition may need some more details.

Yep.

and no, that's the legal definition. The difference is in how much it costs someone to deal with it. If you control your campfire, fine, no1curr. Leave it unattended and it burns down the forest, you'll have a penalty to pay.  A structure fire caused by a faulty fire place, which happens more often than you'd think, is generally considered an accidental fire unless someone does something really stupid like try to start it with gasoline.


No, I believe a requirement of arson is that is "malicious". The laws vary state to state, but malice is most certainly a requirement of arson. There are lesser charges like "reckless burning" available as well. I'm afraid you really shouldn't quit your day job to become a lawyer just yet.
 
2014-07-14 01:26:36 PM  

Greek: Prof. Frink: Private_Citizen: Well, of course it's arson. After all, a futon is just a place to put your arse-on.

"Just"? I guess not everyone else knows them as "flip'n'fark"s. Admitedly, the vigorous stoking and blowing has been known to lead to a burning sensation.

To me, a "flip'n'fark" is one of those $20 thingies that is like 3 couch cushions sewn together such that, when folded, they're a flimsy chair, but you can grab it, flip it out, and it becomes a skinny mattress. A futon is a big metal frame that folds out from a mediocre couch into a mediocre bed.


I guess some of us had lower standards for "mediocre couch" in college.
 
2014-07-14 01:30:38 PM  

Old_Chief_Scott: I can say this with some degree of knowledge. I grew up in Plattsburgh and ice skated to Burlington several times.


With the itty-bitty print I saw this as "I grew up in Pittsburgh..." and thought, "That's a farking long way to skate...."

/i r dum
 
2014-07-14 01:34:09 PM  
I don't get it either.

I looked up 'onomatopoeia' and all it says: 'Attribution of human motivation, characteristics, or behavior to inanimate objects, animals, or natural phenomena'.
 
2014-07-14 01:35:03 PM  
And how can we sleep when our beds are burning?
 
2014-07-14 01:37:22 PM  

OutsmartBullet: This is probably the most heinous crime that will occur in Vermont this year


For a second I thought it was New Jersey and I thought "Why would this even make the news?" But Vermont is a diferent story.
 
2014-07-14 01:38:34 PM  
Fut on!
Fut off!

Le feu futon is foutu.


But seriously, it looks more like a metaphor to me.  It certainly raises the metaphorical question:  how can you sleep when your bed's on fire?

Speaking of futty, I was listening to a podcast from England last night and one of the speakers turned the word footballer into something I've never heard in my life. It had about eight syllables and about one and a half consonants. WTF? Why can't the English teach their children to speak English?  I can't quite recall exactly what was said, but it was something like fut-bu-ah-la-wallah. I think he may have had a bit of Strine on his accent.

The English are becoming more and more incomprehensible every day it seems. Mind you, they tell me there is a second great vowel shift going on in upstate New York and something similar may be happening in Scotland. Yikes! Soon I won't be able to understand my native language. I've always wanted to learn a dead language but I figured that someday it would be French.

It could be English the way things are going in the UK.
 
2014-07-14 01:39:01 PM  
Bang went the pistol, crash went the window, ouch went the son of gun
 
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